We gave up everything for him. We went from Delmar to Alex Caruso / Gerry Folse then flipped Folse for Saddiq Bey then Saddiq Bey and Richie Cuevas for Danny Campbell and finally Caruso for Darius Garland.
And IamQuailman could not be more proud of us.
To. This. Day.
I remember thinking that, gee whiz, we had a talented group with Heard DC and Caruso...but only grandpa Blakemore at the offensive wheel? It seemed like the other guys were useless with grandpa Blake running offense, barely averaging 6 assists a game. So…
We staked everything on having an elite PG. Too much. And while he will be one of the best in the league, with the training camps that Garland has had, he’ll never be a Lu Dort. Or even a He Hor. Surely better than a y/y drafted Daniel Gamez, okay, but Darius doesn’t know how to steal a ball and never will.
We gave this fool 100+ pts and he’ll still never be as good as Caruso! But this is the reality in which we find ourselves, and we’re probably not done pumping points into him just yet - our fate be damned.
Choices were made and here we are with a core of RFAs who had middling to absolute dog poop training camps. ...but holy cow we also scored Myke Henry in UFA.
Sorry Myke, but you’re carrying this squad as the only offensive option besides Garland. DJ Khaled has something to say now, Myke:
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I played myself, too, though, Myke, but I can’t be the only SLOE GM with massive regrets. And I’m sure I’m only one slimy offer away from making a horrible trade again, but who cares? Some day we will be champs and we will pee on competition like they were Donald Trump in a sexy situation.
Fabian “The Grub” Hub had a fantastic TC and we’re very excited for his future in PBSL. Jordan Poole is continuing to grow and some day the rest of the league will know that, like the real Jordan Poole, they slept on a star. (Real ones already know about SLOE JP though.)
And I still have no clue what I’m going to do this season. I’ve already cried like a hungry baby with a dirty diaper, hypothetically. I’ve definitely chortled in disbelief. But at the end of the day, Darius Garland had yet another 40+ but not quite 50pt TC and may be the steady little engine that could.
...Just like your PBSL Los Angeles Lakers. Now who’s got the first question, I promise to yell at you