Utah Jazz Fyre Presser

[Darth Vegito]

WHAT IS UP LADIES AND GENTS!!!!!!!

WELCOME TO THE HOTTEST TEAM AND CITY IN THE COUNTRY!!!

Thank you all so much for joining us this week in the beautiful Salt Lake! You will NOT regret your stay. We have tons of events and activities planned for everyone. This is going to be one hell of a bash. It is the kick-off to the PBSL Opening Weekend and NO OTHER city can live up to this PARTAAAYYYYY!!! Especially not that shithole city of Los Angeles!! I kid. I kid. I'm not kidding at all.

Also I wanted to thank you all for preordering tickets for the activities, travel, and stay! We raised roughly $144 million dollars...give or take $180,216.50. Now I know that figure is pretty exact but never mind that. All of the proceeds from this week will be going to a very reputable charity. Trust me.

Here's just a bit of what you can expect during this week:






ISN'T THIS EXCITING!!! AND OF COURSE WITH EVERY PACKAGE YOU'VE PURCHASED YOU GET UTAH JAZZ SEASON TICKETS WHICH IS WORTH MORE THAN ANYTHING!!

This will be one of the most exciting seasons in Utah Jazz history! We are shooting for 70 wins and hope to be wearing those beautiful rings come the beginning of next year.

If any of you beautiful people have any questions......FYRE AWAY!!!!!

[false9]

We haven't seen something like this since 2019, when the Bobcats, under your management, broke the tax table. We already know this ends with you in debtors' prison. Having been a felon before, how many titles do you need from this group to make it worth prison time?

[garbageman]

Sham Smith, Bulls.com: Quintin Kidd came off the bench in preseason. Was that lineup experimental, or is that something you're likely to roll with through the regular season?

[jlmarines]

Kanye West, Vote2024.com: There's no doubt Salt Lake is the place to party. Only in Salt Lake City, people can mingle at the club, preach the good word, and enjoy a delicious orange punch. You could easily conclude the nation is using their stimulus check to travel to Salt Lake. However, let's face it. Not everyone is happy in Salt Lake. James "Shot Caller" Barton just took his frustration to social media. Shot Caller just announce Jazz GM spends more time with Chip and Joanna Fixer Upper show. Shot Caller continue to say he deserve a long term contract and he's the only player that can bring a "ring" to Salt Lake. Are you concern with the recent comments of Shot Caller? Thank you.

[AngryBanana]

Chet Youbetcha, Dimmadome News:
1. What do I get with the platinum package that makes it worth the extra $200mm?
2. Do you expect a MVP type year for Jordan Johnson this season?
3. With you being a former Thunder GM, with a winning % of .447 winning percentage during that time, do you think you did a better job of running that org than AB (.496 with 5 more seasons)?

[TheSyndicate]

Bookmarking to see Darth bitch about having to answer 3 questions from AB

[JNR]

GWR: What do you think of the unofficial motto of your team "Go Big AND Go Home"?

[greepleairport]

What’s preferable: pooping out all them contract dollars or pooping out all these L’s I’m gonna hand you in S51?


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[Eazy P]

I have to ask this question. Is it Championship or bust and if it's a bust will you retire or stay for the long haul?

[Darth Vegito]

We haven't seen something like this since 2019, when the Bobcats, under your management, broke the tax table. We already know this ends with you in debtors' prison. Having been a felon before, how many titles do you need from this group to make it worth prison time?

This is a one-year thing. There may be a year or two of prison but that's ok. One year, one title. It'll be worth it.

[Darth Vegito]

Sham Smith, Bulls.com: Quintin Kidd came off the bench in preseason. Was that lineup experimental, or is that something you're likely to roll with through the regular season?

It was definitely experimental. Pre-season for me is always an odd or fun lineup I'd love to try. I know pre-season is a complete cluster-f but I like to have fun with it.

Also. Kidd may come off of the bench. I saw some interesting things and some things I want to steer clear of so we'll see.

[IamQuailman]

What is your plan for your tax bill? Beg for relief again?

[Darth Vegito]

Kanye West, Vote2024.com: There's no doubt Salt Lake is the place to party. Only in Salt Lake City, people can mingle at the club, preach the good word, and enjoy a delicious orange punch. You could easily conclude the nation is using their stimulus check to travel to Salt Lake. However, let's face it. Not everyone is happy in Salt Lake. James "Shot Caller" Barton just took his frustration to social media. Shot Caller just announce Jazz GM spends more time with Chip and Joanna Fixer Upper show. Shot Caller continue to say he deserve a long term contract and he's the only player that can bring a "ring" to Salt Lake. Are you concern with the recent comments of Shot Caller? Thank you.

Well I can guarantee you that Mr. Barton is calling no shots in Utah. He was brought in to merely add to our depth and if were being honest, if he continues to run his mouth he'll see his way out of Utah real quick.

[Darth Vegito]

Chet Youbetcha, Dimmadome News:
1. What do I get with the platinum package that makes it worth the extra $200mm?
2. Do you expect a MVP type year for Jordan Johnson this season?
3. With you being a former Thunder GM, with a winning % of .447 winning percentage during that time, do you think you did a better job of running that org than AB (.496 with 5 more seasons)?

3 EFFING QUESTIONS REALLY??? UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH(Just for you Ryan

1. You get a personal visit from Jordan Johnson and Joshua Schumann. They will either give you a full body massage or play a full game of basketball with you.....your choice!

2. I'm not so sure about JJ, but maybe you will see one out of Joshua Schumann. It'll depend on how the two of them defer to one another. There's def enough shots to go around so we'll see how it goes.

3. I'm very glad I could lay such a phenomenal foundation for a GM like AB. Without that foundation, who knows where he would be. But that's what I do. I help the younger generations.

[Darth Vegito]

GWR: What do you think of the unofficial motto of your team "Go Big AND Go Home"?

You wish I would go home

[Darth Vegito]

What’s preferable: pooping out all them contract dollars or pooping out all these L’s I’m gonna hand you in S51?


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Dollars seems like an easier thing to poop out. L's are jagged and seem like they would hurt when they come out.

[Darth Vegito]

I have to ask this question. Is it Championship or bust and if it's a bust will you retire or stay for the long haul?

It's def championship or bust, but I won't retire again. I'll stick around for awhile.

[Darth Vegito]

What is your plan for your tax bill? Beg for relief again?

Nah your mom will help me out. She's my sugar momma.