Miami Heat vs Phoenix Suns Tale of Tape

[logpmess]

Introducing your Phoenix Suns!! Finishing last year with a record of 32-50. This team is lead by general manager Messi_2.0 (G_Messi). Let's take a look at the leader of this team



Name: Messi_2.0
Height: 5'6"
Weight: 235-ish
Hobbies: Handing out candy to the neighborhood children from his all white van, throwing the plastic rings from a six pack towards ducks, punting dogs , wrecking the dreams of everyone around
Nicknames: The Husky Hound dog, The Saber Toothed Twat, baby back bitch (family nickname)






Prior to taking over for the suns, Messi was an elementary school teacher.
He worked there for many years before he started his candy distribution hobby. After that incident, he really lost himself. He let himself go.
Luckily the Phoenix organization found the shell of a man that Messi had become and hope that he can transform the franchise as much as they transformed his life.

What a great story! Now lets take a look at some of the key players for this Phoenix Suns team. Introducing first. At Center. Shawn Bradley.


Shawn Bradley
Height: 7'6"
Weight: 303 lbs
College: Brigham Young University

Introducing next. At Small Forward. Joe Johnson.


Joe Johnson
Height:6'7"
Weight: 236 lbs
College: University of Arkansas

And Finally. At point guard. Damon Stoudamire.


Damon Stoudamire
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 176 lbs
College: University of Arizona

What a great cast of characters. And the excitement from Johnson is unbearable. Speaking of Johnsons, we were able to get a live look at a Phoenix practice earlier this week.



Nothing like practicing for the anal plowing that the Suns are expecting to get this year. What a great stategy from Gm Messi.

[LoCo89]

God I forgot how much I missed this

[MESSI_2.0]

The Miami Heat owner, logpmess, was a boy growing up in a LEGEND'S shadow. Although he was always taller in stature than his shorter, much more attractive brother, he could never live up to the high expectations that his brother set.

Let's meet this guy:
Name: Logpmess
Height: 5'10"
Weight: 180 pounds of muscle disguised as a beer belly
Hobbies: Playing D&D in his mother's house, wrestling his dog in his underwear, lip singing to Backstreet Boys, and Banging 2s.



Motto: "Why bang one 10 when I can have five 2s?"

Nicknames: Brokeback, Nagatha Christie, and Real Mister Marmalade

As a teenager, you could find him on his computer practicing the latest boy band dance.


Other jobs that he has had include a Chippendale (this is where he earned the nickname Brokeback),
and social justice warrior
.

Here are some of his key contributors that will try to break the record of least wins in a season:

First, Gary Payton

He was recently seen at this food expo because he is still waiting on his paychecks from the last two years from the Miami Heat organization.

Second, Joel Przybilla
He told his elderly grandmother that he wanted to stay with the Miami Heat, so she bitch slapped him. The picture shows the damage caused by the harmless, little, old lady

Finally, Alvin Williams in the background trying to live up to the GMs nickname of brokeback


Good luck this season logpmess. You'll need a lot of it.

PS: Dan Dickau is your future? Dumbass!

[MESSI_2.0]

Bradley will have more blocks than Joel has rebounds. Book it!

[logpmess]

Some of that isn't far off. Except for the banging twos of course. But you got my motto wrong. "Willing beats pretty any day of the week."


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[IamQuailman]

Lost it at "Banging 2s"

[logpmess]

Lost it at "Banging 2s"

Come on man. She was at least a 4!


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[MESSI_2.0]

Lost it at "Banging 2s"

Come on man. She was at least a 4!


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TWINS!!!! (2 +2)

[logpmess]

TMZ REPORT:

As fans in Phoenix start to worry about the pathetic output by Calvin Booth on the court, an image of the 6'11" player emerges. Instead of practicing putting the ball in the hoop, Calvin is out practicing putting his wand inside of Merlin's cauldron. Archimedes does not approve.

[IamQuailman]

Logpmess & GMessi: AWARDED 2 POINTS EACH! THANKS FOR YOUR CONTRIBUTIONS!