Inside the PBSL 2029
Inside the PBSL 2029
Now with higher production value! Coming soon...
Re: Inside the PBSL 2029
Ernie: Welcome to the 2029 PBSL playoffs and welcome to the award-winning Inside the PBSL. We'll be taking you through what is sure to be a wild ride sim by sim. I'm Ernie Johnson and I'll be your host. I'm joined by Kenny "The Jet" Smith, Sir Charles Barkley a.k.a. the round mound of rebound, and Shaquille O'Neal, better known as the the spokesman for The General auto insurance.
Kenny: Is that you on those commercials, Shaq? They drew that cartoon guy a little too short to be you in my opinion.
Charles: Too short? How about too white?
Shaq: You guys haven't seen the new commercials with me in them?
Kenny: Sorry, Shaq. Don't watch much daytime television these days.
Charles: I've seen your Goldbond commercials, though Shaq. You're good in those.
Ernie: Yes, excellent work, Shaq. Much better than those JC Penney ads. Well guys, here we are, the day of the first sim of the playoffs. Another batch of hopeful teams and this year the field is much more open, at least in the Alpha Conference, with the Spurs and Nuggets finally taking a step backwards. Let’s talk about who has a chance and who doesn’t. Let’s play contenders, pretenders, and first round fodder. Let’s start with you, Charles. Who is first round fodder?
Charles: Ern, I want to start with my contenders.
Ernie: That’s not how it works, Chuck. You have to build up suspense. You can’t start with the contenders, everyone will turn the channel and no one will stick around to hear about how the Thunder have no chance and then we get a bunch of angry tweets from people in OKC.
Charles: Okay, Ern. You better start with Shaq then.
Kenny: Are you not prepared for this segment, Chuck?
Charles: Nah, I’m prepared, I’m just not ready yet. You know?
Kenny: No, I don’t know.
Charles: Just start with Shaq!
Shaq: I’ll bail you out, Chuck. Look Ern. For fodder, I got the Raptors, Sixers, and Thunder. Ironside is a great player but he needs some help and RJ Barrett just isn’t there yet. The Sixers have been heading downhill for a while now. Udoka is a tremendous talent but the fouls and the lack of rebounds will kill him in the playoffs. KILL. Finally, I like what Banana Man has done with the Thunder but these guys are inexperienced and Foote is injured. I think it will be a quick series for OKC.
Kenny: Yeah, I got those same three teams on my list. I’ll add one caveat, though. If Coach/GM Balls reengages, they could cause some problems for the Magic and they are off my list. Never underestimate the power of a great coach in the playoffs.
Charles: I agree about the power of a coach, Kenny, but I disagree about the Sixers having a chance here. Look, Ben Simmons is an incredible player but I don’t like him at the point. Besides that, Fultz has taken a big step back this year.
Kenny: He was first team All-defense and scored 20 points a game!
Charles: Doesn’t pass the eye test.
Ernie: To Chuck’s point, Fultz had the least efficient offensive season of his career since his rookie year.
Kenny: So you’re talking now, Chuck. Who’s fodder for you?
Charles: I’m going to add one team to the list, the Minnesota Timberwolves. Their guys just aren’t ready yet and they do not have the defense on the perimeter to hang with the Bucks. They’re going to get stomped.
Kenny: That is a pretty good point. Did you come up with that on the spot?
Shaq: Yeah, except that Quailman’s too busy drinking Sake to care about the defending the Chip.
Charles: Of course I thought of that on my own! And Shaq, you make a good point about the Sake. You want to go get some sushi after the show.
Shaq: You know I’m always down for some sushi.
Ernie: Okay, before this devolves into Shaq and Chuck gushing about sushi, let’s talk pretenders. Kenny, let’s start with you.
Kenny: This is a much longer list. I got the Rockets, Heat, Blazers, Hawks, Nuggets, Spurs, Cats, Wolves, and Pistons.
Ernie: A longer but not very surprising list. Chuck, is your list any different?
Charles: Ask Shaq first!
Shaq: I’ll bail you out. AGAIN! I’m going to take the Heat off that list and move them into my contenders.
Charles: The Heat are pretenders but the Blazers are contenders.
Kenny: That was quick, Chuck. You’re getting pretty good and thinking on your feet.
Ernie: Okay. Let’s do it this way. We’ll start with the consensus pretenders. What’s wrong with the Rockets?
Kenny:The Rockets just don’t have the star power. They have a lot of good players but no great ones. You need a star or two to really be a contender.
Charles: Yeah, and the team they are playing in the first round has two big stars. Look out for a Spurs win in the first round. BDJ and Bower are the real deal. Eazy has done a phenomenal job with the rebuild. They aren’t contenders yet because they’re relying on some guys that aren’t ready yet but, man, look out over the next couple of seasons.
Shaq: Both those guys are only 27. They’re just getting started.
Ernie: What do you guys think about my Hawks. What’s keeping them from contending?
Charles: They don’t play no defense, Ern. You know that. Look, Ernie, it’s cliche but defense wins championships and the Atlanta Hawks don’t have that championship caliber defense.
Kenny: They got a whole lot of offense though so I think they have a real shot at winning in the first round.
Shaq: Yeah, me too. They’re going to give Portland all they can handle.
Ernie: What about the Nuggets.
Charles: The Nuggets are just too old. They still got Jerry West but look at the other guys on that team. Duren, Jokic, OPJ, Lecroix. A lot of guys that were really good 5 years ago.
Shaq: I wouldn’t be surprised if they beat the Heat though. Being a champion counts for something this time of year and the Nuggets are full of champs.
Ernie: Okay. Let’s talk about the Bobcats and Pistons.
Kenny: The Bobcats have some real studs on their team. Booker is fantastic. Briseno is obviously an All-league guy. I think they have a capable but lack luster point guard, though. That’s going to hurt them.
Charles: A lot of solid guys on that team. Not enough high-end power.
Ernie: Shaq, tell me about your boy AD. Why are his Pistons pretenders?
Shaq: Cause AD ain’t my boy no more. He’s my old man. His back is achin’ after so many years of carrying the city of Detroit.
Kenny: How many years have we seen Detroit run out the Keitt, AD, O’Connor trio? Every year they are pretenders. It is a great trio, don’t get me wrong. The Pistons just haven’t been able to find the right mix of guys around them.
Shaq: It’s all about the others.
Ernie: That leaves us with our contenders. Chuck, make a case for Portland.
Charles: This is a team that has high end talent and decent depth. I know Small has taken a step back this year but they added Wiggins, who is still solid, even at his age, and I really like Hartley. I could see him stepping up and playing that kind of Broomfield role that the Bucks used last year.
Kenny: I like what the Blazers have done this year, especially adding Victor Newman but I’ll tell you why you picked the Blazers, Chuck. Because you never played there. Shaq and I, we’ve been there. What can go wrong will go wrong in Portland.
Shaq: They have a tough first round match up and they got Chicago waiting even if they pull that off.
Ernie: Shaq: make your case for the Heat.
Shaq: Their starting lineup is rock solid. Not sure if there is a better one in the conference.
Kenny: But Shaq, the others. Where are the others for the Heat?
Shaq: Their bench has a positive plus/minus. They Have Chet Dooley, a champ, coming off the bench. I like their chances.
Charles: Let me tell you why they ain’t got a chance. Because if they make it to the conference championship, they’re gonna have to play either the Blazers or the Bulls. And they ain’t beatin’ the Bulls.
Kenny: I have to agree with Chuck. I’ll tell you who has a better starting lineup than the Heat, the Bulls. There are no holes in this lineup. They can beat you at any position. I think Silva might just be the playoff MVP.
Shaq: Oh so you’re picking the Bulls to win it all?
Kenny: I didn’t say that.
Shaq: Yeah you did. I’ll tell you who’s going to win it all, the Orlando Magic. Boban and JJ are the most lethal combination in the league. There is not a team in the league that is going to be able to stop both of those guys for seven games.
Charles: I agree about not being able to stop those guys. I think that is the downfall of the Bucks this year. They still have a great team but they are in trouble on defense in the post. They’re going to run into a big man buzzsaw at some point, whether it is Boban or someone else. But I think they are contenders. Gotta respect the defending champs.
Ernie: That just leaves the oft overlooked Wizards.
Kenny: This may be the year for the Wiz. They have zero holes in that team. They have elite defense inside and out. They have an elite scorer in Damion Williams but they have other guys like Brooks and Milburn that ain’t no joke.
Charles: Yeah, you know what? I’m going to change my pick. I think the Wizards win this one.
Kenny: Okay, there you have it. Kenny’s got the Bulls, Shaq’s got the Magic, Chuck’s got the Wiz, and I am going to pick the Atlanta Hawks. Thanks for joining us. We’ll meet up again after the game.
Re: Inside the PBSL 2029
Ernie: Well, guys, that was a much more interesting first playoff sim than last year. What stuck out to you guys the most.
Kenny: Obviously the performance of the 76ers in these first two games was unbelievable. I warned you guys about the power of a great coach and not to sleep on Markelle Fultz. Sure enough, Fultz put up 29 a game and the Sixers went up 2-0 in the road.
Charles: Obviously, the Sixers surprised us all but I want to talk about the Oklahoma City Thunder. No one expected them to win a game, especially not on the road, against the Bulls and they came out and got the win in game 2. You gotta hand it to these young guys.
Shaq: And you gotta hand it to Pistol Pete for hitting that clutch shot to get the win.
Ernie: Way to go, Pete. Now let’s make some predictions for these series. Last time we made playoff predictions, but now with a couple of games in the books, let’s predict who wins these series. Let’s start with the surprising Thunder against the Bully Bulls. Who you got, Chuck?
Charles: I admire the heart of the Thunder and I think the OKC fans are phenomenal so I think they are able to win another game at home. I say the talent and experience of the Bulls will overwhelm them in the end. I got Thunder in 6.
Kenny: You mean Bulls in 6. Not the Thunder.
Charles: That’s what I said.
Shaq: Nice cover up, Chuck. I think the Thunder have the momentum right now. I can’t see the Bulls regaining that momentum in OKC. I say the Thunder push the Bulls to 7 but lose in Chicago.
Kenny: I’m with you guys on this. Winkler is a problem here. The Bulls win in 6 or 7.
Erne: Okay, let’s go to the 2-7 match up in the Alpha division. The Rockets are up 2-0. Do the Spurs bounce back at home, Shaq?
Shaq: The Spurs are relying on a lot of young guys this year. The others always play better at home, especially in the playoffs, I say the Spurs come back and even the series at 2-2 and then lose in 6.
Charles: I disagree with Shaq. I don’t think the Spurs have it this year. They are just too young. I’m calling for the sweep. GET OUT THE BROOMS!
Kenny: I think Bower and BDJ will be able to win one for the Spurs in San Antonio but I think the series is over in 5. The Rockets are just too experienced.
Ernie: Okay. The Heat are knotted up at a game a piece. Who wins this one?
Kenny: I like the Nuggets. Their guard play is still outstanding. They have good depth on the wing. Jokic is still doing his thing. They are insanely good at home. I say the Nuggets take both in Denver and win in 6.
Shaq: I couldn’t disagree more. The Nuggets are old. The Heat have a shot at winning it all. They are going against some guys who’ve been here done this though so I think the Heat will win in 7. If you want to win a chip, you gotta show heart and I think they’re going to show that here in this series.
Charles: I’m with Kenny. Nuggets have control. They stole home court advantage and that is bad news for the Heat.
Ernie: Okay, final series in the Alpha. Blazers and Hawks are tied at 1 and headed back here to Atlanta for game three. Chuck, what’s going to happen.
Charles: I still don’t like the way the Hawks play. The Blazers absolutely fell apart in the fourth quarter in game 1 and blew a 12 point lead. The Blazers had some foul trouble there. I think the Blazers make some adjustments and win in 6.
Kenny: I agree. I think the Blazers have the upperhand here because of their defense but I think it will take them 7. Kyle Kuzma is just too much to handle right now.
Shaq: I’m going against the grain. The Hawks have home court advantage now and they are good at home. The Blazers have not been able to stop Kuzma. The Blazers showed a lack of heart. I smell trouble in Portland. Hawks in 6.
Ernie: Let’s turn to the Omega conference. The Wizards are up 2-0, Kenny. Do the Raptors have a chance.
Kenny: No, they don’t. These are just two teams on completely different levels.
Charles: GET OUT THE BROOMS! I’m guaranteeing a sweep in this series.
Kenny: Everyone in Toronto just started celebrating. Now they no they won’t get swept.
Shaq: The Wizards got em on the ropes. They look locked in. If they win game three it will be 1-2-3…
All together: CANCUN!
Ernie: Let’s move on to a more interesting series. Magic-Sixers. Can the Magic get back in this thing?
Kenny: Well, that depends on what you mean by get back in this series. Do I think they can steal a game on the road and force the series back to Orlando? Yeah. Do I think they can come back and win this series? It’s doubtful.
Charles: Yeah, I’m not sure what is going on with Orlando. They got Josh Jackson an elite defender, with a huge size and athleticism advantage over Fultz and he is just getting roasted. Just terrible. You gotta wonder if he is injured or sick or if he wants out of Orlando.
Shaq: Could be tired of being overshadowed by Boban.
Charles: I just know something ain’t right there and they don’t have much time to fix it.
Ernie: So what are you guys picking?
Kenny: Sixers in 6.
Charles: Sixers in 5.
Shaq: I’m going to stick by my championship pick and say the Magic pull this thing out. Orlando in 7.
Ernie: Pistons and Bobcats are tied at 1. Who you got, Shaq?
Shaq: This series has been fun. Two shooting guards just lighting up the scoreboard. Two close games. I say Bobcats in 7.
Charles: I agree with Shaq. This series is too much fun to end sooner than seven and I’ll take the home team in game 7.
Kenny: Put me down for Bobcats in 7 as well.
Ernie: Okay, finally we get down to the Bucks and Wolves. I think we’re all a little surprised the T-Wolves won one in Milwaukee. Can Quailman stop eating Ramen and running around shrines long enough to help his team to victory?
Chares: I’m going to say, no, Ernie, because I know I couldn’t stop eating Ramen if I was in his position. But I think the Bucks win anyway. Probably in 5.
Shaq: Yo, Chuck, you want to go get some Ramen?
Charles: Yeah, man, you know it.
Kenny: Obviously the performance of the 76ers in these first two games was unbelievable. I warned you guys about the power of a great coach and not to sleep on Markelle Fultz. Sure enough, Fultz put up 29 a game and the Sixers went up 2-0 in the road.
Charles: Obviously, the Sixers surprised us all but I want to talk about the Oklahoma City Thunder. No one expected them to win a game, especially not on the road, against the Bulls and they came out and got the win in game 2. You gotta hand it to these young guys.
Shaq: And you gotta hand it to Pistol Pete for hitting that clutch shot to get the win.
Ernie: Way to go, Pete. Now let’s make some predictions for these series. Last time we made playoff predictions, but now with a couple of games in the books, let’s predict who wins these series. Let’s start with the surprising Thunder against the Bully Bulls. Who you got, Chuck?
Charles: I admire the heart of the Thunder and I think the OKC fans are phenomenal so I think they are able to win another game at home. I say the talent and experience of the Bulls will overwhelm them in the end. I got Thunder in 6.
Kenny: You mean Bulls in 6. Not the Thunder.
Charles: That’s what I said.
Shaq: Nice cover up, Chuck. I think the Thunder have the momentum right now. I can’t see the Bulls regaining that momentum in OKC. I say the Thunder push the Bulls to 7 but lose in Chicago.
Kenny: I’m with you guys on this. Winkler is a problem here. The Bulls win in 6 or 7.
Erne: Okay, let’s go to the 2-7 match up in the Alpha division. The Rockets are up 2-0. Do the Spurs bounce back at home, Shaq?
Shaq: The Spurs are relying on a lot of young guys this year. The others always play better at home, especially in the playoffs, I say the Spurs come back and even the series at 2-2 and then lose in 6.
Charles: I disagree with Shaq. I don’t think the Spurs have it this year. They are just too young. I’m calling for the sweep. GET OUT THE BROOMS!
Kenny: I think Bower and BDJ will be able to win one for the Spurs in San Antonio but I think the series is over in 5. The Rockets are just too experienced.
Ernie: Okay. The Heat are knotted up at a game a piece. Who wins this one?
Kenny: I like the Nuggets. Their guard play is still outstanding. They have good depth on the wing. Jokic is still doing his thing. They are insanely good at home. I say the Nuggets take both in Denver and win in 6.
Shaq: I couldn’t disagree more. The Nuggets are old. The Heat have a shot at winning it all. They are going against some guys who’ve been here done this though so I think the Heat will win in 7. If you want to win a chip, you gotta show heart and I think they’re going to show that here in this series.
Charles: I’m with Kenny. Nuggets have control. They stole home court advantage and that is bad news for the Heat.
Ernie: Okay, final series in the Alpha. Blazers and Hawks are tied at 1 and headed back here to Atlanta for game three. Chuck, what’s going to happen.
Charles: I still don’t like the way the Hawks play. The Blazers absolutely fell apart in the fourth quarter in game 1 and blew a 12 point lead. The Blazers had some foul trouble there. I think the Blazers make some adjustments and win in 6.
Kenny: I agree. I think the Blazers have the upperhand here because of their defense but I think it will take them 7. Kyle Kuzma is just too much to handle right now.
Shaq: I’m going against the grain. The Hawks have home court advantage now and they are good at home. The Blazers have not been able to stop Kuzma. The Blazers showed a lack of heart. I smell trouble in Portland. Hawks in 6.
Ernie: Let’s turn to the Omega conference. The Wizards are up 2-0, Kenny. Do the Raptors have a chance.
Kenny: No, they don’t. These are just two teams on completely different levels.
Charles: GET OUT THE BROOMS! I’m guaranteeing a sweep in this series.
Kenny: Everyone in Toronto just started celebrating. Now they no they won’t get swept.
Shaq: The Wizards got em on the ropes. They look locked in. If they win game three it will be 1-2-3…
All together: CANCUN!
Ernie: Let’s move on to a more interesting series. Magic-Sixers. Can the Magic get back in this thing?
Kenny: Well, that depends on what you mean by get back in this series. Do I think they can steal a game on the road and force the series back to Orlando? Yeah. Do I think they can come back and win this series? It’s doubtful.
Charles: Yeah, I’m not sure what is going on with Orlando. They got Josh Jackson an elite defender, with a huge size and athleticism advantage over Fultz and he is just getting roasted. Just terrible. You gotta wonder if he is injured or sick or if he wants out of Orlando.
Shaq: Could be tired of being overshadowed by Boban.
Charles: I just know something ain’t right there and they don’t have much time to fix it.
Ernie: So what are you guys picking?
Kenny: Sixers in 6.
Charles: Sixers in 5.
Shaq: I’m going to stick by my championship pick and say the Magic pull this thing out. Orlando in 7.
Ernie: Pistons and Bobcats are tied at 1. Who you got, Shaq?
Shaq: This series has been fun. Two shooting guards just lighting up the scoreboard. Two close games. I say Bobcats in 7.
Charles: I agree with Shaq. This series is too much fun to end sooner than seven and I’ll take the home team in game 7.
Kenny: Put me down for Bobcats in 7 as well.
Ernie: Okay, finally we get down to the Bucks and Wolves. I think we’re all a little surprised the T-Wolves won one in Milwaukee. Can Quailman stop eating Ramen and running around shrines long enough to help his team to victory?
Chares: I’m going to say, no, Ernie, because I know I couldn’t stop eating Ramen if I was in his position. But I think the Bucks win anyway. Probably in 5.
Shaq: Yo, Chuck, you want to go get some Ramen?
Charles: Yeah, man, you know it.
Re: Inside the PBSL 2029
2800 words = 9 points