LIGHTS, CAMERA, ACTION...
As the lights flicker in the conference room, Digiskunk arises from the dark corridors of the hallway, prepared to answer any challenging question from the media. As per usual, he arrives with his signature 25oz Natty Daddy tall boy and a blazing blunt. As he sits down in his cozy chair, camera flashes blind him.
Digiskunk: Ahem. Thank you and welcome to yet another exciting Utah Jazz preseason press conference. Unlike seasons past, this upcoming season is poised to be a new and exciting experience. As you're all well aware, we decided to do a complete overhaul after last season. Prepared to rebuild this team, we decided to give it one more go before heading into the dark, unknown abyss that is otherwise known as the future, which we feel looks promising regardless of what the critics say.
During the offseason, we decided to trade away all of our biggest pieces in anticipation of a dramatic rebuild, very similar to the one that I first kick-started when I came here as the Utah Jazz general manager. Joseph Kight, James Gebhart, CJ McCollum—all of them were traded away for prospects and future picks, although I didn't realize how distant into the future they were given that I was intoxicated when I made the trade. Nevertheless, we have high hopes for these prospects: both Simon Pheonix and Glenn Irvine look like future studs, even if they are raw at the current moment.
When free agency arrived, we decided to bring in some big names, including former Jazz player Paul George, who had spent 7 years here before I shipped his ass off for some picks. We also brought in Rudy Gobert to replace big man Joel Embiid. Furthermore, we brought back Boyd Cox who was instrumental for us in the past. He's going to be seeing a lot of playing time this upcoming season.
There's probably a bunch of other stuff I didn't mention, but ah, I forget to be honest.
But overall, we're excited to see what happens this upcoming season.
And now, I'm ready for questions.
