Golden State Warriors 2023-2024 Pre-Season Press Conference

[Samsonian]

“In order to rise from its own ashes, a phoenix first, must, burn.”

And with that uplifting note, the 2023-2024 Golden State Warriors begin their first pre-season press conference under the stewardship of first time general manager, Justin “Samsonian” Samson. Thank you for welcoming me into the league.

While a superficially brief pursuing of the PBSL annals would paint the picture of a proud franchise with the 2nd most championships in league history, a closer look at these lowly Warriors revealed a more sinister truth from the moment I was hired for this job. Spending a staggering $132M to accomplish a mere 24-58 record, former management had clearly lost the ear of this team and a general idea of how the luxury tax works. Fans would routinely arrive in the middle of the first quarter, only to leave midway through the third after consuming countless $10 bud light tall boys. The burning of Jayson Tatum effigies in the parking lot remains a common occurrence outside of Oracle.

With the cupboard bare of draft picks and points, this new manager has set out on a quest to reclaim that Oakland spirit from back when the Warriors were cool in the 2010’s. Clearing out gifted but clearly disgruntled talents like Giannis and Trump supporter Paul O’ Neil, the Warriors plan to spend this season attempting to restock that cupboard, developing some young and athletic wings, balancing the budget, and maybe even winning a few games along the way.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step and a new Skype account. Kanter is for sale. See everyone out on the court.

[garbageman]

Sham Smith, Bulls.com: In your opinion, what has been the most successful part of the Warriors' offseason?

[WigNosy]

How soon will Ramsay Bolton be called upon to lead the team?

[Samsonian]

Sham Smith, Bulls.com: In your opinion, what has been the most successful part of the Warriors' offseason?

Trading Giannis to the Raptors. We think it was a good trade for both sides, as Giannis is a premier player in this league that unfortunately doesn't fit into the larger picture of where this Warriors team is heading over the next 5 seasons, whereas Bolton can develop as a plug and play forward and the points/picks will help the team's development long term.

The RFA/UFA signing period was a learning experience for management, but we think it went smoothly enough, and will only get more fine tuned with time.

[Samsonian]

How soon will Ramsay Bolton be called upon to lead the team?

As soon as Kanter and Bismack find new homes on the dusty trail of the trade block!

[false9]

You're starting from the ground up. How long do you think it will take to become a title contender?

[JNR]

GWR: How much have you looked into the history of the franchise you're taking over?

[Soundwave]

If you had to pick one, what is the most important single attribute or skill of any lone player on your team?

[Samsonian]

You're starting from the ground up. How long do you think it will take to become a title contender?

Don't we know it! We're optimistic though. Hoping in 4-5 seasons we're a scary young playoff team.

[Samsonian]

If you had to pick one, what is the most important single attribute or skill of any lone player on your team?

Probably Biyombo's 100 BLK ability, as our team really doesn't have any other solid rim protectors. Outside of that, stamina and rebounding will be the hallmark of this squad. Grind 'em down, irl late 00's Memphis Grizzlies style.

[Samsonian]

GWR: How much have you looked into the history of the franchise you're taking over?

A fair amount! I'm honestly not sure why a superstar like Paul George and various other all star wings like Tatum weren't enough to put this team in serious title contention. But, we're more in the business of looking to the future at this point.