It isn't often that Alton Towers gets out and about, but when he does, he almost always makes sure to visit his favorite theme park, coincidentally named Alton Towers Resorts, located in Staffordshire, England. The park operates seven major roller coasters: Galactica, Nemesis, Oblivion, Rita, Thirteen, The Smiler and Wicker Man; the first hotel accommodation opened in 1996; The Alton Towers Waterpark and a Caribbean-themed Splash Landings Hotel were added in 2003; the Enchanted Village opened in 2015; and a new hotel based on the CBeebies brand opened in July 2017 The complex also includes conference facilities, a crazy golf course and a high ropes course, which Alton admittedly loves. Golf has always been one of his biggest passions, and he used to always joke with his teammates in Utah that one day, he'd be golfing with the United States President. But this offseason, his bright aspirations had to be put to the side as he dealt with the possibility of playing in New Orleans. The Pelicans had offered him a contract during restricted free agency, but the Jazz matched it, ensuring he'd be a Jazz player for at least another year — keeping his dreams of golfing with the Prez alive and well.
Neverthelass, that didn't stop the press from pursuing him for potential interviews and comments. The Alton Towers Resorts is one of the few places where he can get away from the media, but today wasn't one of those days for Alton, who was touring the park. As the tall, gentle giant stepped aside for some drinks, an entourage of reporters quickly surrounded him, eager to hear from the player.
Equipped with phones, they quickly capitalized on the opportunity to speak with the star center, who had just signed a pretty new contract with the Jazz.
Sparky Lewis: Alton! I'm sorry to bother you on holiday like this, but I have to ask you: How do you feel about this new deal with the Jazz?
Alton takes a few sips from his rum & Coke before quickly setting it down, preparing an answer.
Alton Towers: Well, this offseason was really busy for me. I knew I was about to enter restricted free agency, and I must admit that I was quite nervous. I didn't know if I was going to remain on the team, or if I was going to play in New Orleans. When I heard that the Jazz matched my offer, I was elated — it's great knowing that a team has your back and wants you to play for them. I couldn't be any happier, to be honest.
Another reporter elbows his way to the front, then refers to his phone prior to asking his question.
Chuck Cobberson: Alton, how did you feel about possibly playing for the Pelicans, anyway?
Alton Towers takes a moment to prepare his response, then takes another sip from his rum & Coke.
Alton Towers: They have a fine team in New Orleans, don't get me wrong. But deep down inside, I hoped that the Jazz would match. You see, Utah is my home; Utah is life. There's no other place for me, to be honest. I would have fit in just fine in New Orleans — I'm sure — but deep down inside, in my heart, I knew I would always be a member of the Utah Jazz. GM Digiskunk called me on the phone moments after he matched their offer, and assured me that I'd be playing here for the time being. He told me, "you better play your ass off, or else I'll be having my way with your wife." Haha, I love it when he jokes like that.
Another reporter butts in on the conversation, eager to get his question in.
Tyrone Jennings: Hi, Alton. Tyrone Jennings, ESPN. Word on the streets is that the Jazz are actively pursuing a number of noteworthy free agents this offseason. What do you know, and how do you feel about the possibility of landing Anthony Davis?
Alton Towers takes this opportunity to finish off his rum & Coke and proceed to his shot of Grand Marnier, which is eagerly awaiting him on the table.
Alton Towers: Ah, well every team would love to have Anthony Davis. I think there are, what, 13 other teams capable of signing him? I think I would slot in just finely next to AD, and would compliment his skillset immensely. Of course, adding a player of Davis' caliber would forever change how this team operates, but I'm fine with that. Just fine with that, to be honest. Because my primary role is to play defense and grab rebounds. I know Utah loves defensive big men, so fans would be elated to have both me and "Big" Anthony Davis.
Tyrone Jennings: Do you feel that he'd take away from some of your numbers?
Alton Towers: Perhaps. But we play as a team here in Utah. We help each other out on the court and we help each other off the court as well. If he asked me to help him move — like Keith Hernandez asked Jerry in Seinfeld — I would, without a second a thought. That's just what teammates do.
One more reporter jumps to the front.
Ricky Hernandez: Ricky Hernandez, FOX Sports. How do you feel about the Jazz's chances of winning it all this year?
Alton Towers finishes off his final shot of Patrón before setting it on the table.
Alton Towers: Better than ever. We're coming for you, Phoenix! Now if you'll excuse me, I have some attractions to see...
Alton Towers lifts himself out of his chair, and proceeds to walk off into the sunset.
Alton Towers: Peace, y'all.
