SUPERFRIENDS
This is the category of teams that are great in either category and good in the other. They are very talented teams that also get along well. They know each other like the back of their hand, and this allows them to get results. This year, there was only one Superfriend team, a first in our reporting history.
Boston Celtics
TALENT: GREAT
COHESION: GOOD
It wasn’t a great offseason for the Eastern Conference Champs, as several of their guards had poor training camps. But the talent – and the leadership – is still strong in the frontcourt. “How can you not be motivated to work hard when you have Steven Hunter outworking everyone in practice every day?” said new signee Bernard Robinson. “He’s a great player and an even better teammate.”
STRONG AND SOLID
These are the teams that have good cohesion and good talent. They have a chance to be among the top teams in the league because of their talent and willingness to work together to win. Let's meet em!
New Orleans Hornets
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: GOOD
The New Orleans Hornets are featuring a solid, unbroken core for the first time in seemingly forever, and the result is great from a chemistry standpoint. Ever since coming to the team, Antawn Jamison has been a vocal leader, and adding Penny Hardaway has injected their youth with veteran presence. Andre Iguodala has been glued to Penny’s hip, asking for advice in his quest to become the next great point forward.
New York Knicks
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: GOOD
Is that…hope I smell in New York? It certainly seems to be. The new GM has brought his flavor – and his bad training camp luck – to the Big Apple, and the result is a unit that is talented and tight. Perhaps the biggest key to success was removing Yao Ming, who reportedly couldn’t stand playing with Carmelo Anthony. Replacing him is the veteran Chris Webber, still seeking his first ring and ready to give anything he can to do it.
New Jersey Nets
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: GOOD
The big man factory in East Rutherford keeps pumping them out. Timofey Mozgov looks like the newest great center, and if you ask him it’s because of Chris Kaman. “Great leader,” he said of Kaman. “Looks German, but speaks good English. Best mentor.” It’s a mostly young team, but they seem poised to win together.
Los Angeles Clippers
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: GOOD
The Pac is back! The Clippers have infused their team with so much youth and talent that they’re calling themselves New L.A. It seems that with so much youth, it would be hard to find an experienced leader, but that’s where Dirk Nowitzki comes in. “He’s 30, but he acts like a kid like me,” Durant said in a recent interview. “He plays pranks just like the rest of us. Recently Delonte West opened his locker to find a bunch of sauerkraut in it with a note that said “Welcome to the team, mother****er. It was hilarious.”
Los Angeles Lakers
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: GOOD
But the other team in L.A. deserves love too. The emergence of Andrew Bogut in training camp has been the big story, but an underlooked story is the way Shawn Marion and Kobe Bryant have taken O.J. Mayo under their wing. “I love this kid,” Kobe said. “He’s got that fearless ability to take every shot, even if others say it’s the wrong one.”
GOOD, BUT...
This category is filled with teams who are good or great in one category but average or worse in the other. There are some things to like about these teams, but there are questions in either talent or chemistry that could threaten their championship hopes.
Miami Heat
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: AVERAGE
It’s great to see this team continue to get more talented and build a team around LeBron James. Baron Davis is one of the best PGs in the league, if not the best, so the team should immediately be better than they were in previous years. Of course, there is still an issue with LeBron’s ego, and adding another talented and confident player in Davis may not help matters. “Who’s the king of the locker room? Well, it depends on who you talk to,” said an unnamed source.
Philadelphia 76ers
TALENT: BAD
COHESION: GOOD
After some unlucky breaks, the 76ers GM has decided it’s time to start over. He sent Baron Davis packing in favor of young Monta Ellis, who immediately brought this team closer. “Monta is the best,” Marcin Gortat said. “He’s smart, he’s funny, and he is gonna be great one day.” That day may not come soon enough for Philly, who is suffering from an overwhelming lack of talent.
Washington Wizards
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: GOOD
Last year the talent was good but the cohesion was average in DC. This year the talent is poor, but the cohesion is good. There’s no way it’s a coincidence that the major change was trading Rashard Lewis. “Shard is an impeccable talent, but he’s a me guy,” a former Wiz executive told us. “Without him, the Wizards aren’t going to win a lot of games, but they’ll have a much improved locker room relationship.”
Milwaukee Bucks
TALENT: GREAT
COHESION: AVERAGE
This is the second consecutive GREAT/AVERAGE rating for the Bucks, who have an amazing collection of talent, but something seems off. And it’s not hard to pinpoint exactly what is so off. “Ron Artest is ****ing crazy, man,” a former teammate told us. “Like, legit insane. He will fight you if a practice gets a little physical, and then he’ll talk about his bowie knife collection. Sometimes he’ll talk about his bowie knife collection during breakfast. You’ll be eating a croissant and suddenly he’s all like ‘I’ve got one that could gut an alligator in less than five minutes.’ He’s a nutjob.”
Atlanta Hawks
TALENT: GREAT
COHESION: AVERAGE
This team came out of nowhere last year, but they won’t surprise anyone this year: this team is talented and everyone knows it. The frontcourt duo of Tim Duncan and Pau Gasol became fast friends, but all is not rosy in the ATL. “Both of them want to be the 4, and someone’s got to play the 5,” a league source said. “My money is on Tim at the center just because he’s slower, but neither like taking the pounding down low, so there’s definitely a fit issue here.”
Indiana Pacers
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: GOOD
The Pacers don’t scream contender on paper, but part of that could be Derek Fisher’s corpse. He showed up to camp fat and uninterested. If you can get your eyes off of him, the team looks a little brighter, especially the way the team has flocked to young star Deron Williams. “He’s got one of the brightest minds I’ve seen in the game,” Damon Jones said. “It’s an honor when he comes to me for advice.”
Cleveland Cavaliers
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: AVERAGE
For the second straight year, the Cavs are rolling out a pretty talented team. And for the second straight year, they don’t have any leadership and are still owned by the league. No one has responded to the craigslist ads, so for now the Cavs fans have to be satisfied with Chris Paul, Marc Gasol, and Randy Foye looking like real contributors.
Toronto Raptors
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: GOOD
Another year for Tim Thomas leading an average team through the rough Central division. But ask the 11 year vet of his experience in Toronto and you won’t find frustration: “I’m honored to be a Raptor, and I think if you ask any other player here they’ll say the same thing. The fans, the city, the atmosphere: it’s all here. The wins will come.” We’ll see about that, Timmy.
Minnesota Timberwolves
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: GOOD
The Timberwolves didn’t even appear to try this offseason. They let Richardson and Magloire go for nothing, and they seem disinterested in putting a team together around the pairing of Bosh and Rip Hamilton. But if you ask the 24 year old star, he’s not worried. “I trust management. They’ve made this team into a winner before, and they’ll do it again. I’m young, I have time for a rebuild.” We asked Rip the same question. His response? Silence.
Denver Nuggets
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: GREAT
They’re the only team in the league with great cohesion, and are you surprised? The two time champs have a lot to be happy about. The poor talent is simply because they don’t have a full roster, but make no mistake: these Nuggets are still dangerous and a threat to threepeat.
San Antonio Spurs
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: GOOD
Surprise, surprise, something good is building in San Antonio. After having a few down years, the team is starting to get better with a tight locker room and an infusion of young talent. Rookie Russell Westbrook was immediately impressed by how friendly everyone was. “I hated everyone at UCLA, but these guys are cool.”
Sacramento Kings
TALENT: GREAT
COHESION: AVERAGE
The Kings, not Superfriends! It surprises me too, but it makes sense when you think about it. For two straight years, they’ve had the most talented team in the league. For two straight years, they’ve fallen short of their championship goal. Some of the players are starting to doubt their chances, and a few are even starting to doubt their leader, Tracy McGrady. “It may be unfair, but when you’re arguably the greatest player in the league, you get held to a higher standard. And for two straight years they’ve lost before the Finals. TMac is getting judged for that," said a source with internal knowledge of the organization.
Golden State Warriors
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: GOOD
Last year the talent was bad and the cohesion good, and this year the talent improved and the locker room hasn’t suffered. With young stud DeAndre Jordan getting better every day, this team could be better sooner than you think. Everyone in the locker room trusts the front office, and it causes the team to always outplay their talent on paper.
Seattle Supersonics
TALENT: GREAT
COHESION: AVERAGE
Both the talent and cohesion have improved considerably in Seattle. They now have one of the best players in the game, as well as a young core around him in Richard Jefferson, Rajon Rondo, and Omer Asik. But you won’t find these guys recording videos together and joking around. “It’s a businesslike atmosphere, and you get the impression that’s what the GM wants,” a front office source said. “They show up, they do their job, and they leave separately. There probably aren’t any best friends on this team.”
Phoenix Suns
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: GOOD
The Suns still aren’t the most talented team on paper. They have a few glaring holes. But things are bright in Phoenix HAHAHAHAHA GET IT? They’re bright because of the optimism that Kevin Love’s addition brings. “He’s going to be a stud,” an assistant coach said. “He’s already changed the way this team approaches practice. I’ve never seen a rookie get this much respect early on”
MEH
This category is for the teams that are average in both talent and cohesion. These teams could be good, or they could be bad. At this point, it depends on coaching, because the team builders haven't done them many favors.
VanMemphis Grizzlies
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: AVERAGE
I don’t trust the talent part of this ranking at all, to be honest. The Grizzlies were a great team last year and I think they’ll be great again in a diluted division. The cohesion part, though, I’d bet the house on. “If the front office just shrugs all the time, what do you expect the players to do?” an unnamed young player said.
NEEDS ATTENTION
The final category is for teams that have at least one category poor or bad, and have no good categories to make up for it. I'm not going to automatically disqualify these teams from making the playoffs, but I will say that if they want to make it, they'll need some vast improvement or teambuilding exercises. Because it ain't pretty.
Orlando Magic
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: AVERAGE
It’s to be expected that a team that was ravaged by the tax man and improperly managed has poor talent and not a great direction. And without a pick this year, there’s no telling when the Magic team will start to turn around.
Detroit Pistons
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: AVERAGE
Let’s get this out of the way: the Pistons are NOT a poor talent team. They have great players, but they just don’t have enough of them signed, like the Nuggets. A few more y/y players on the roster and the talent goes to average and probably even good. The cohesion rating is probably more concerning, though. Dwight Howard and LaMarcus Aldridge have clashing personalities, and it may impact the way they play together on the court.
Chicago Bulls
TALENT: BAD
COHESION: BAD
Reports are that the GM of the Bulls have one foot out the door, and the locker room atmosphere reflects that. “Plants need water, and so do basketball teams,” Manu Ginobli eloquently said while drinking a glass of wine. Considering Rasheed’s inability to accept his decline and Javaris Crittenton’s supposed gang affiliations, someone better be around to water these guys quick.
Houston Rockets
TALENT: BAD
COHESION: AVERAGE
Despite the great training camp from Horford and Young, the team is still a bit of a wreck. They won’t compete for a championship this year, and making matters worse? There are reports swirling around that Thaddeus Young is very unhappy in Houston. “He thought he was going to be the man to turn this team around,” a friend close to Young said. “And then the Rockets bring in Al Horford and start him in the preseason. They played Thad one minute. One. Minute. He’s pissed.”
Dallas Mavericks
TALENT: BAD
COHESION: AVERAGE
The Mavericks clearly have a plan to rebuild, as they’ve traded their best players away and are getting ready to build around Brook Lopez and his twin brother Robin. They don’t plan on winning this year, which makes sense to most of their players…except for Vince Carter. “I didn’t come here to babysit,” Carter said, looking at Jeff Green drool in a corner of the locker room. “I’m a winner, and I need to go somewhere I can win.”
Utah Jazz
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: POOR
Last year, the Jazz had Tim Duncan, Stephen Jackson, and reported chemistry issues. This year they have Jason Richardson, Shareef Abdur-Rahim, and…chemistry issues? The popular opinion was that Duncan was dragging the locker room down, but he’s gone and things haven’t improved. “If there’s a team direction, I don’t know what it is,” longtime guard Bonzi Wells said.
Portland Trailblazers
TALENT: BAD
COHESION: POOR
The Blazers GM recently came out and referred to himself as the worst GM in history, and while he may have a point, some are questioning his willingness to discuss it publicly. “What do you think the players feel when they see someone without confidence in his teambuilding ability?” a scout asked. The good news, though, is that they have young Derrick Rose, who had a great camp and could become the player to bring the Blazers back to prominence.
