2006 Wizards Open Practice

[Xist2Inspire]

It was a wonderful, sunny fall day in DC......so of course the Wizards were holding an open practice in a stuffy old gym. Despite the conditions, quite a few reporters and fans were in attendance, either watching the players, asking them questions, or just tossing the ball around. That is, if the players would let them...

Reporter: So, what are your personal goals for this season, Lamar?

Right now? To get one over on this stupid machine. Gimme my M&Ms, dammit! *kicks the vending machine repeatedly*

*****

TV Reporter: I'm here at the Wizards' practice camp with the Wizards' first round draft pick, 20-year-old Sergio Rodriguez. Sergio, were you excited to hear your name called fifteenth?

Si!

TV Reporter: Rumor has it that you could be starting come the season opener. Do you feel ready to come in and make an impact right away?

Si.

TV Reporter: ...Wait. All you can speak right now is Spanish, am I right?

*grins* ...Si.

TV Reporter: *sighs* ......cut. Thanks anyway, I guess.

Muy bien, gracias! Bueono, hasta luego!

As usual, Xist was in a corner fending off questions from reporters. The GM of the Wizards' eyes darted from left to right as question after question came at him, almost as if he was looking for someone.

...So after a rather surprising regular season where we ended up with the 5th seed and another 7-game series against the Sixers, we decided that for the offseason almost all trades were legal. This led to the purge of Troy Murphy, Josh Howard, and Chris Mihm. I'd like to say that they will be missed, but the point of a purge is to weed out the weak, as well as the expensive.

Reporter: ...So why is Vlad Rad still here...OW!

*a basketball flies through the air, hits the reporter in the back, and drops to the ground*

Whoops, sorry about that yo. Workin' on droppin' more dimes this season, my passes are a bit...weak, yo.

*leans over and whispers in the reporter's ear* I tried. Nobody wanted him.

*walks off* Hey, I heard that yo!

Hey guess what? I don't care, yo! ...Erm, as I was saying, we're dealing with a lot of new talent this year. To be blatantly honest, I have no idea what's in store for us this season, but rest assured, a plan is in place. Now before you open fire with questions again, I have a question of my own...has anybody seen Rashard?

[Pedro]

Pedro: Esta es una pregunta para Sergio. Hola Sergio! ¿Cómo se siente hoy? Estás entusiasmado con su temporada como novato en esta liga? Soy nuevo yo. Para ser honesto, esta liga no es muy agradable para la gente de habla española. Pero creo que si sigo enviando mi pics de modelado y alrededor de la liga que comenzará a aceptarme. ¿Alguna vez has hecho alguna modelación? Mi organismo podría utilizar un strapping joven modelo de ropa interior como tú. Hágamelo saber. Bienvenido a la liga.

[Xist2Inspire]

Saludos Pedro! Para ser honesto, estoy un poco preocupado, nuestro equipo no parece ser muy buena, y no he visto a nuestro jugador estrella todavía. Tal vez podría venir a jugar para usted? Hablo Inglés muy bien en realidad, sólo pretendo no entender cuando no quiero hablar . Usted debe haber visto la mirada en la cara de esa mujer cuando fingí no entenderla, ja, ja! Ya que tengo una mala sensación sobre mi futuro en este equipo, sin duda voy a considerar su oferta. Si me da su número, tal vez te llamaré de trabajar después de mi contrato termina? ¡Muchas gracias por su amabilidad!

[TrayWithAnA]

Any moves in particular that you wish you made or are happy you didn't?

[NickMalone77]

Nick Melon; The Advocate: Yes.... With the team moving from Charlotte to New Orleans, the Observer made a deal with this new upstart paper in New Orleans. Those scumbags got fleeced! Anyways, your window appears to be closing but you still have Rashard Lewis who is still a bonafide top 5 player in the game. With your debt and lack of interest to trade an expiring guy like Lamar Odom, are Rashards days in DC #d?

[Xist2Inspire]

Why yes, there's one move in particular that haunts me to this day......

*Xist takes a deep breath and turns towards a nearby cameraman*

...Are we live? Good. There's a certain someone in San Antonio I want to call out. Jamal Crawford? I hate you. I hate you so much. I hate your stupid headband and your stupid tattoos. You're a worthless chucking excuse for a combo guard who couldn't hit the broadside of a barn with a bullet. I don't know what drug I was on when I drafted you over Stephen Jackson, but it must've been stonger than anything a Mexican cartel could dream of. My hatred for you makes my hatred for Vlad Rad's contract seem like blissful matrimony. You're the biggest bust since Dikembe Mutombo, you're a no-good bum, and I'd erase your entire existence from the record books if I could. Screw you Jamal Crawford.

*Turns back towards the reporters*

Man, that felt good. Anyway Mr. Melon, despite our rather dire appearance, we still have a plan in place. Rashard is still the centerpiece of this franchise, and this city. There really aren't enough words to describe what he's meant to the DMV area. Heck, both Atlanta's #3 overall pick Rudy Gay and the consensus #1 pick next season, Kevin Durant grew up in this area, were teenagers when Shard first came here, and have continually stated that they've modeled their games after Shard. So yeah, unless we somehow forget to email or fax his contract next offseason, he's not going anywhere.

*Xist looks around*

...Speaking of "anywhere," it'd sure be nice to know exactly where he is right now...nobody's seen him yet? No?

[Xist2Inspire]

Interlude I

"Dammit, Xist is gonna kill me..."

Rashard Lewis (who was running very late) swerved and speeded through DC traffic, frantically trying to get to practice. Out of nowhere, a car cut in front of him, causing him to slam the brakes. "The hell...hey yo!" Lewis yelled out the window. "Watch where you're going and pick up the pace Slowbro! I got places to be!"

"Ain't my fault that you're late, youngblood!" the driver shouted back. "Just sit back and enjoy the smoke from my tailpipe, fool. Breathe it in! Bask in it!"

"This rotten sonuva..." Suddenly Rashard spotted an opportunity to switch lanes and pass the old blowhard. "Haha, screw you old ass sucka!" Shard yelled as he speeded by, flipping the bird on the way for good measure. "Give my regards to the Ninja Turtles, Chrome Dome!"

"Disrespectful little punk, didn't even recognize me. I'm a celebrity 'round these parts, dammit," David Wesley said, rubbing his shiny bald head as Rashard speeded off.

[42PhD]

Dr. Rocker, The Cleveland Rocker: It took great discipline to get under cap this season as you prepare for your next run. How successful can that run be with Radmanovic on the squad? Do you plan to deal him this offseason with an asset? A major one? Game plan so he's less of a burden?

[Xist2Inspire]

Pfft. How's this for a "plan:" He doesn't get to play a lick. He can count his money on the end of the bench with the ballboys.

Hey yo, I'm STILL HERE YA KNOW!

YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR IT TO MATTER! Anyway, a team can afford to have one major negative-asset contract. It's only when multiple ones are involved that problems come in. Vlad's our one bad financial apple, and we're prepared to to live with that. We just have to make sure we don't add any more unnecessary burdens.

A noise caused everyone to glance over towards the vending machine, where Jonathan Bender was frantically trying to talk Lamar out of using a crowbar (from where he found such an item in a gym, the world may never know) to bust open the machine.

Man, calm down! Ask yourself: Is it really worth it?

Hell yeah it is! I've stuffed five bucks in that damn machine and it still won't give me my M&Ms! I WANT MY PEANUT M&Ms, DAMMIT!

...Of course, not all burdens are purely financial...

[42PhD]

Lamar, for peanut M&M's, you do it. Don't listen to these pansies.

[fearthebrow]

Random Dallas reporter:

Is Lamar in your future plans, or are you looking to deal him by the trade deadline? Is there any concern that key years of Rashard Lewis' talent are going to waste?

[Xist2Inspire]

Truthfully, Candyman's future here is in the air at the moment. On one hand, having a 6'10" guy who can play any way we need him to is such a wonderful luxury. On the other hand, he's a crazed sugar addict. The trade market for him has been virtually nonexistent so far, so his future here may all come down to how much money he wants in Free Agency. As for Rashard, he's only 27, giving us a fair amount of time to construct a new team around him before he starts to decline. As we've seen with teams like the Hawks, Kings, and even Magic, it's quite possible to create a contender within a season or two. And thanks to the purge, the wheels have already been set in motion for improvement as soon as next season. So there is a bit of pressure and concern, but it motivates us rather than weighs us down.

[NOLa.]

What's the long-term plan to hopefully build around Rashard? You have a good team, but it's been noted that you feel your team can be better on the court. Rashard is the centerpiece, but do you have a #2?

Sent via Morse code

[Xist2Inspire]

We have no #2 at the moment. Lamar's more of a third option/utility player. It's unlikely that we'll acquire a second option this season, but we plan to have one by next season. If you look at this upcoming free agent class, there's a multitude of top talents both past and present hitting the market. Now that we have cap space available, we think we have a pretty good shot of landing somebody to play alongside Rashard.

[Conroy]

Bill Simmons Sports Guy here, Marvin Williams was acquired via trade and was a late first round pick a season ago. He appears to have some solid potential will he get a lot of run this season? What do you expect out of him moving forward?

[Xist2Inspire]

: We were actually quite pleased to pick him up, as we saw potential in him as an athletic scoring 4. We were then impressed by his work ethic in training camp. Preseason showed us that he's still learning the NBA game, and so he'll be coming off the bench for the time being, but we're real excited to see if he continues his growth.

[Xist2Inspire]

Interlude II

A smoking car limped into the parking lot, creaking and squeaking as it settled into a parking space. Lewis got out and slowly closed the door. He'd pushed the machine to - and probably past - its' limit, as well as picked up quite a few nicks and bruises along the way.

"I wonder if there's a back way in," he thought as he made his way towards the gym. Luckily there was, and he was able to slip into the gym undetected. He figured that the crowd of reporters near the bleachers were questioning Xist, so he purposefully steered clear of them. Spotting Lamar, he walked over to him, careful not to come across any nosy reporters.

"Oh $#¡Г! It's £μ(&¡¬' Rashard Lewis!"

Lewis froze as a skinny young dude wearing a Wiz practice jersey came out of nowhere and stared at him. "$#¡Г man, this is incredible. Growing up in the 713, never thought I'd get here and actually meet you."

Lewis' ears perked up. "The 713? You're from Houston?"

The young man grinned. "Yeah dawg, Gulf Shores Academy representin'. You're a damn legend back there bruh."

Come to think of it, he hadn't been home in a while..."So what man, you want my autograph or somethin'?"

"Huh? £μ(& naw man, I get to play with you, $#¡Г, that's better than any damn autograph."

"Hold on, play?" Lewis took a good look at the kid. He was kinda tall for some random fan, almost as tall as Lewis himself. "Uh, you know what? Lemme go talk to Lamar over there right quick," he said, leaving a slightly confused Gerald Green behind.

As he headed towards Lamar, Lewis took a good look at what was happening around him. Reaching Lamar, who was holding a crowbar and M&M's, he pulled him into a corner. "Hey, Shard, where ya been...hey! Watch the M&Ms man, I worked hard for these!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Look, I got a question."

Lamar's eyes dropped. "All right, all right. I smashed open the vending machine, that's why there's glass everywhere."

"No, that's not..." Lewis looked down. "...wait, you what!? You know what, never mind."

"Oh, so that wasn't it?"

"No!"

"So what was it?"

Lewis glanced back towards the court for a second. "Bro, who the hell are these guys?"