1981 GSW Presser

[greepleairport]

Y’all are bums. ‘81 is the year of the Bay. I will kill all of you. Allahu Akbar. You don’t even know what hit you. You don’t wanna know. The grace of Allah is upon you, and you don’t know it. I will kill everyone!!!

My division first. You are all already dead. I kill everyone. You are died. None of you are alive anymore. Nothing exists besides the Golden State Warriors. Allahu Akbar.

When you wake up in the middle of the night, the only thing you think you can see (you can’t see anything because you are already dead) is Moses Malone. Moses raises a chalice of your blood, after murdering you, and cheers to the highest of spirits that only mere mortals can never meet nor understand.

When the NPBSL started, it was merely a breeding ground for Moses Malone to kill everyone and everything. Nothing lives after S2 of the NPBSL, besides the Golden State Warriors. We wish the memories of the Pacific Division well. The Los Angeles Lakers died a horrible death even though we loved them like brothers. No one remembered the Phoenix Suns (or Magic Johnson). The remainder of the Pacific diminished into dust. Moses brushed his shoulders and the dirt parted seas to glory and victory. Moses made the world die and then live.

The Ultimate Clitster does not eat children, except yours. Alton is growing his strength in player training for the sole purpose of eating children.

…

SO whatever that was above, i just decided to start typing the absolute craziest things that could come to mind. I hope it was partially funny. I wasn’t digiskunk drunk or anything…but i wasn’t NOT digiskunk drunk either.

Do you have any questions?? Thank you for coming to the Golden State Warriors presser...dead.

[WigNosy]

Steve Duin, Blazers beatwriter, the Oregonian...

First of all, why was my luggage in particular searched when I came to your press conference and what happened to the batch of brownies I had in there?

Second of all, are there any concerns of overconfidence in Golden State? I mean, your team *did* finish in the middle of the pack in most categories, and except for Lister you're running back the same squad. Some of your team's biggest weaknesses (low steals, few threes) aren't things Alton is good at... how do you see your team shoring up, for example, your three-point defense this season?

[tbone963]

Gary Ghoulman, Ghastly Gossip: As a conqueror of men and death himself, how many rebounds would you estimate Mr Clister will average each night?

[greepleairport]

Steve Duin, Blazers beatwriter, the Oregonian...

First of all, why was my luggage in particular searched when I came to your press conference and what happened to the batch of brownies I had in there?

Brownies? What brownies? I don't see any brownies...anymore. *smacks lips*

Second of all, are there any concerns of overconfidence in Golden State? I mean, your team *did* finish in the middle of the pack in most categories, and except for Lister you're running back the same squad. Some of your team's biggest weaknesses (low steals, few threes) aren't things Alton is good at... how do you see your team shoring up, for example, your three-point defense this season?

Overconfidence? Nah, we're not concerned about any of that. If we go out there and have another average season, that's fine. Every team will have some weaknesses, and we're okay with ours. Low steals? Eh, we won't play much defense forcing them, then. Defending and shooting threes? We couldn't be concerned less there. The league-leading Jazz are sinking 2 of them thangs per game, so if we have a weakness there, shoot away. We'll eat the 2 extra points.

But, if we lose the season to a team with high steals and beaucoup threes? And that's the reason we lose? Moses has already promised he'll kill me, too.

[greepleairport]

Gary Ghoulman, Ghastly Gossip: As a conqueror of men and death himself, how many rebounds would you estimate Mr Clister will average each night?

Ya know, there was one downside to bringing in a big to run with Moses, and that was taking some of Moses's rebounds away. He should be grabbing approximately 10 of them thangs per game. So far it hasn't eaten into Moses ability to grab boards just yet, but we'll be keeping a close eye on that situation. We want to be a dominant rebounding team, and after one fairly good sim, we're not happy with how many offensive rebounds we gave up, so we'll be looking at ways to uhhh STOP that moving forward. Thanks for the question, Mr. Ghoulman!!