#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

Ladies and gentlemen, esteemed members of the press, thank you for joining me today at this amazing venue in New Orleans. If you are curious why I've invited you all to have this Presser at the MOST esteemed Strip Club in New Orleans: She She's...Well let's just say it holds a special place in my heart and I wanted to let the girls know how much I appreciate them over the years so here we are. Try the wings, they are amazing and ALL Lap Dances in the VIP are are HALF OFF!


Before we dive into your questions, I'd like to take a moment to address the upcoming season and the exciting journey ahead for our team.

It was a season full of emotions last season but now we look ahead. We like the moves we've made and feel like we have some solid depth as well. We think another year with the guys being together in the locker room is all we need to get over the hump and win it all. That's definitely the goal.

Jen Hale: Hey Darth, last season was quite the rollercoaster with those risky trades. Can you walk us through the thought process behind those moves?

Darth: Absolutely, thank you for the question Jen. Last season, we felt it was the right time to make some bold moves. We knew it was a risk, but sometimes you have to take chances to achieve greatness. We saw an opportunity to strengthen our roster, and it paid off as we made it to the Conference Finals. How you liking those wings!? I told you they were great!

Jim Eichenhofer: Darth, you've made some significant roster changes during the offseason. Can you tell us about the new additions and how they will fit into your game plan?

Darth: Certainly. We've been working tirelessly during the offseason to reload our team with talent that complements our existing core. We brought in some exciting players with incredible potential, as well as experienced veterans who can provide leadership and stability. Our goal is to have a well-rounded squad that can excel in all aspects of the game, from offense to defense.

Will Guillory: DV, building team chemistry is crucial. How do you plan on fostering that cohesion among your players, especially given the challenges of the past year?

Darth: Great question. Building team chemistry is something we take very seriously. We believe in creating a positive and inclusive atmosphere within our locker room. We'll be conducting team-building activities, fostering open communication, and emphasizing the importance of trust and camaraderie. The experience from last year, both the ups and downs, has brought our players closer together, and we're confident that this cohesion will translate to success on the court.

Jake Madison: Darth, can you share your thoughts on the competition in the conference this season? Any teams you see as your biggest rivals? Also, should I get a dance from Destiny or Heaven?

Darth: The competition in our conference is always fierce, and that's what makes it so exciting. There are some incredibly talented teams out there, and we respect all of our opponents. It's hard to pinpoint one specific rival because every game is a battle in the playoffs. Our focus is on taking it one game at a time, executing our game plan, and giving our best effort every night. And you should definitely go with Destiny, she'll treat you right. Tell her to give you the "Darth Special treatment", she'll know what to do.

Thank you all for your questions today. We're looking forward to the season ahead, and we appreciate your support. Let's get ready for another thrilling year of basketball!

Now the rest of you scrubs can ask questions, but your Lap Dances are full price.

I’m appalled that this is not being held at the prestigious establishment of Cabaret NOLA (formerly known as Club Eden). This aside, if the season starts slow, is a blow up in the books?

Cole Onoscopi, FOX Sports: Colton Johnson averaged only 8 minutes per 64 games last season as a result of his ongoing bout with IBS (see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irritable_bowel_syndrome). Rumor has it that Colton developed a new technique to avoid soiling himself on the court by clogging his butthole with Christmas wrapping paper before each game. Coincidentally, this has also affected his agility and elusiveness. Will this change how you utilize him on the court from a tactical perspective?

IamQuailman wrote: Mon Oct 02, 2023 1:58 pm I’m appalled that this is not being held at the prestigious establishment of Cabaret NOLA (formerly known as Club Eden). This aside, if the season starts slow, is a blow up in the books?

I truly don't even want to go there. I think this team had a great Training Camp considering their....age. Another year of togetherness and camaraderie, they are primed to win this season. BUT, yes let's say for whatever reason it's just not happening, dropping a bomb is definitely on the table.

Sham Smith, Bulls.com: You're one of the few GMs who really goes all in to get win now pieces, which seems a lot rarer these days. Since your return, what changes have you observed in terms of how the trade market works compared to your previous times in the league?

Darth Vegito wrote: Mon Oct 02, 2023 2:11 pm

IamQuailman wrote: Mon Oct 02, 2023 1:58 pm I’m appalled that this is not being held at the prestigious establishment of Cabaret NOLA (formerly known as Club Eden). This aside, if the season starts slow, is a blow up in the books?

I truly don't even want to go there. I think this team had a great Training Camp considering their....age. Another year of togetherness and camaraderie, they are primed to win this season. BUT, yes let's say for whatever reason it's just not happening, dropping a bomb is definitely on the table.

You don’t want to go where? Club Eden?

digiskunk wrote: Mon Oct 02, 2023 2:11 pm Cole Onoscopi, FOX Sports: Colton Johnson averaged only 8 minutes per 64 games last season as a result of his ongoing bout with IBS (see: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irritable_bowel_syndrome). Rumor has it that Colton developed a new technique to avoid soiling himself on the court by clogging his butthole with Christmas wrapping paper before each game. Coincidentally, this has also affected his agility and elusiveness. Will this change how you utilize him on the court from a tactical perspective?

We basically just bought him a butt cushion so the wrapping paper doesn't irritate his asshole as much. He'll just have to suck up the rest of the pain. We have a type of "port-O-potty" right off of the court so he can sub out and shit when he needs to as well.

IamQuailman wrote: Mon Oct 02, 2023 2:16 pm

Darth Vegito wrote: Mon Oct 02, 2023 2:11 pm

IamQuailman wrote: Mon Oct 02, 2023 1:58 pm I’m appalled that this is not being held at the prestigious establishment of Cabaret NOLA (formerly known as Club Eden). This aside, if the season starts slow, is a blow up in the books?

I truly don't even want to go there. I think this team had a great Training Camp considering their....age. Another year of togetherness and camaraderie, they are primed to win this season. BUT, yes let's say for whatever reason it's just not happening, dropping a bomb is definitely on the table.

You don’t want to go where? Club Eden?

Club Eden...what a night

garbageman wrote: Mon Oct 02, 2023 2:16 pm Sham Smith, Bulls.com: You're one of the few GMs who really goes all in to get win now pieces, which seems a lot rarer these days. Since your return, what changes have you observed in terms of how the trade market works compared to your previous times in the league?

Honestly, there are some differences but some things never change. Still have GMs that hold on too long, and lose tons of value on their stars who ain't winning a chip anytime soon. You have to be able to read the tea leaves and never get too attached to these sim guys. Just 1s and 0s, strike while the iron is hot, and trade while they are at their highest value if you aren't contending. And stop offering shit offers, still lots of that as always. When a GM says "Player X is untouchable", I'll probably offer something that'll at least make them think twice about that plan. Offer what guys are worth and karma will take care of ya is my belief.