One Player From Every Team

[garbageman]

You know, good articles take a long time to write. First you have to come up with an idea. Then you’ve got to come up with evidence to support that idea or do some research to present information in a clear, cohesive way. It’s all a terribly inefficient way to earn points.

So strap the heck in because this article is all about turning up the pace. Without further ado, here’s an article about one random player on every team. What will I write about each player? No idea. I’m flying by the seat of my pants here. It’s 10:24 PM Central Time as I write this, and I’ve got my list of randomly selected players, so you can learn about 26 mostly uninteresting players for no good reason whatsoever.

1. Tony Papa - Indiana Pacers

Tony Papa is a min salary player listed as a scoring guard for the Indiana Pacers. He played 30 games with the Phoenix Suns in 2051, but spent the interim either on IR, on the bench too deep to play, or in the free agent pool. He’s 6’9 with decent athletic stats and phenomenal free throw capabilities, but he barely cracked the Pacers rotation in preseason (even though he made all 3 shots he took from the field and all 3 free throws he took.


2. Markus Conover - Atlanta Hawks

Jesus Christ, I’m already tired of writing this article, but I can’t just leave it at Tony Papa. Then you’d think I was playing favorites with the Pacers, so on with the other teams. Markus Conniver is entering his second year in the league. He was the 20th pick in last year’s draft, and he played all 82 games, though he only scored 4.5 points per game on .394 shooting. His INS is the only attribute that projects to be stellar, but at 6’5, his 91 quickness gives him an edge there.


3. Cade Cunningham - Phoenix Suns

Cade Cunningham has a storied career, winning multiple championships with the pre-Doug Detroit Pistons dynasty before being traded to the Boston Celtics to help win one with Antonio Blakeney and Gerry Folse. Now, he’s back together with AB, and the Suns are gunning for another championship. Cade might get the starting PG nod due to his handling and passing skills, and he still has solid scoring ability and plays good defense. He has an insanely high basketball IQ, but at 50 QKN and 35 age, will his IQ be able to compensate against much spryer competition?

4. Gary Millard - Dallas Mavericks

Not that there are a lot of reputable names to choose from on the only team that didn’t notch a preseason win, but I at least heard of Gary Millard. The first random draw was Jed Parish, who appears to no longer be with the team. More like Jed DISAPPEARish. Am I right? Anyway, I’m not sure what it was about Millard that had the Mavs go after him with a one and one contract. He’s a 6’1 PG who only has B’s in free throws and perimeter defense, and his athleticism isn’t anything to write home about. Hope he hasn’t spent next year’s team option money yet.


5. Thomas Walker - Boston Celtics

We finally come to the first blue player on the list. Thomas Walker is a 7’0 Center who is extremely effective right underneath the basket and somewhat worthless outside of the paint. Luckily, he knows his role and shuts his mouth, shooting very carefully to notch about 16 preseason points per game on .667 shooting. He also puts up respectable block totals. He can get in foul trouble here and there, and his current contract is probably a little heavy for what he does, but he fits the Celtics timeline, and at 26, he’s probably giving us the production we can expect from him going forward.


6. Bryon Nelson - Washington Wizards

I hadn’t heard of Bryon Nelson before putting his bid in (8.2mm over 2 years with a team option on the second year). We’ll see if that gets picked up as this Wizards gambit didn’t pop, just staying y/g. He’s kind of somewhere between SF and PF with high marks in inside scoring and post defense. Other than a handful of average to solid skills in helpful places, he wasn’t used at all in pre-season, and if he cracks the Wizards rotation, it’ll be his rookie season.


7. John Gordon - Detroit Pistons

The Pistons drafted John Gordon last season with the last pick of the first round, and despite being a competing team, the Pistons were so banged up that the 6’5 SF saw a little bit of court time. Appearing in 40 games, he was mostly a garbage time player who didn’t make a strong case for himself in those appearances. While Gordon can shoot, he absolutely refuses to play defense, and even on a squad that’s trying to sell, he didn’t get any minutes in preseason.

8. Primo Spears - Los Angeles Lakers

Primo Spears came over in the Karoo Pearson trade with the Cleveland Cavaliers, and since he was redshirted his rookie season, I don’t see the Lakers utilizing him this season. In fact, he may never play a minute in a Lakers jersey. Primo is still young and projects to be a really effective player down the road in PBSL. The 7’1 big man looks similar to Thomas Walker in terms of his potential, but Spears trades rim protection for rebounding skills. He also adds a decent, but not deadly, three point shot to his potential reportoire.


9. John Maskell - Miami Heat

Originally a late 2nd round pick, John Maskell has managed to make something of his career, though the only team he has been with for more than a season was the Charlotte Bobcats. His best season was with the Cavs in 2052 where he started all 82 games and put up 12 points per game. He looks to get even more run in Miami, who are in serious tax trouble with very few non-min players left on the roster. He started in preseason and is like a poor man’s Thomas Walker.


10. Akok Akok - Utah Jazz

One of the more entertaining names in the league, Akok Akok is probably on the Jazz for that reason alone. Once the archetypical 6’10 guy with QKN over 60, Akok Akok lost his green potential somewhere along the way and is just kind of rotting in purgatory. He had a tremendous season with the Pelicans last year, relatively speaking, notching almost 17 pig in 82 starts. He wouldn’t have been worth the insurance slot to save his potential, but Gary didn’t insure anyone, so what does it matter.


11. Chief Kickingstallionsims - Cleveland Cavaliers

Another K-100 rename, Chief has been with the Grizzlies (well, 76ers), Celtics, and now the Cavs, passed around like insults on a meme thread. The Celtics let him walk after a disappointing (but insured TC), and he’s bounced back with the Cavs. Though he lacks some size, he’s got a tough style of play with a solid jumpsuit. I typed jump shot there, but for some reason it autocorrected and I didn’t have time to go back. Chief K is a solid 20/10 player who can also block shots extremely well. Don’t be surprised if AB convinces jlmarines to swap him back Chief K in exchange for someone like Thomas Walker, who is getting a serious amount of mentions in this article.


12. Gary Clark - Toronto Raptors

A boring name befitting of a dime a dozen g/g big man. Clark doesn’t do anything incredibly well, and you can liken him to a pirate because a lot of his skills are in the High C’s. YARRRR. He was traded to the Raptors from the Kings this offseason, but hits RFA next season where the Raptors would be well served to make him walk the plank.


13. Richard Devine - San Antonio Spurs

With all of the interesting youth on the Spurs, it’d be fun to write about a Newland or a Pee Wee, but Richard Devine is a very under the radar guy that’s carved out a role in the Alamodome or whatever it’s called. He’s an athletic y/g wing who is on his third min contract in a row with the Spurs, so his bird rights make him intriguing even if his production really hasn’t been. Watch for the Spurs to go all in next year and use Richard Devine as a sign and trade salary piece. Once that one year contract comes in, Richard Devine will be divinely rich.


14. Jerrold Ricketts - Golden State Warriors

Meet Jerrold Ricketts, the Warriors 2nd round draft pick. He joins the defending champion on a contract that will almost surely be released before you can say Ricketty Splits. The Dubs emptied their point piggy bank on training players towards a threepeat, heading into a third year repeater tax where they will be cutting it pretty close. Needless to say, Ricketts was not a beneficiary of any extra attention from the training staff.


15. Jerry Bryant - Memphis Grizzlies

Jerry is one of the more interesting prospects on the Memphis Grizzlies. At 23 years old, this y/g player has pretty decent offensive potential and his defense isn’t horrendous. He’s entering his 3rd rookie contract year, and while he’s not there yet, his scoring ratings project to be all B’s and an A in JPS. Chances are, he’ll be valuable to another team in a couple seasons.


16. Okay Djamgouz - Orlando Magic

On paper, the attributes Okay Djamgouz possesses make him one of those hard hat lunchpail guys everyone wants on their team. He’s tough and he scraps for rebounds, and he’s at least workable at just about everything. He likes to play in the paint and put up 20 points in 30 minutes in preseason for the Orlando Magic on .620 shooting. While his 1.58 points per shot might not be sustainable, it’ll be up there due to his shot selection. About 3/4 of the shots he takes are from inside. Unfortunately, his game IS prone to fouls, but given some playing time, he could show a lot of promise playing for a contract as he enters RFA.


17. Jose Alvarado - Brooklyn Nets

While not quite the unicorn that the league thinks, Jose Alvarado is a pure point guard, and at 25 years old, he might be unusually gettable due to the Nets tax situation. The asking price will be high, but he’s a score first point guard who still has solid playmaking abilities and plays lockdown defense. With two seasons left on his contract, the Nets don’t necessarily need to trade him if they can claw their way out of tax jail. If he stays with Brooklyn, this should be an interesting season as players like James Andrews, Saddiq Bey, and Dong Bone all left for greener pastures, leaving a lot of pressure on Jose Alvarado and Ron Harper Jr. to handle most of the offensive production.


18. Ronald Shaw - Milwaukee Bucks

It’s great to see the Bucks getting involved more in UFA and team building to put some players on their team beyond the twin towers of Ware and Wembanyama. The 34 million dollar price tag is high, but with cap space heading into round 2 of UFA, you can’t really fault the Bucks for throwing some coin around when they’re looking to compete. Shaw’s production has always been hovering around the 10 points in 30 minutes mark, and while he may not be the flashiest blue player, he’s still a blue player that should be able to passably fill a role on the Bucks roster.


19. Allie Quigley - Sacramento Kings

Like Killian Hayes and Gary Rockwell, Allie Quigley will probably be a longtime King as the organization values her immensely. Primarily an athletic 3 and D player, Quigley was a fixture in Sacramento’s starting lineup last season. Whether that stays the case this year remains to be seen as the Kings talent has shifted more to the backcourt with the addition of Quincy Johnson and the resigning of Matisse Thybulle.


20. Thurman James - Minnesota Timberwolves

With the Xue Hue era in full effect in Minnesota, the T-Wolves went out and got Thurman James from Denver Nuggets. Thurman is an interesting big man. He rebounds, he plays good defense in the paint and on the perimeter, and he can knock down some threes. He had an off season in Denver last year as they were a team in transition, but figuring into this new lineup could be helpful for James as more attention will undoubtedly be given to Huo and Lenz Durrenberger. Thurman had over 20 points per game in preseason, and he looks to be a great complement to Robert Sandoval in the Wolves’ front court. While James is a stronger offensive rebounder Sandoval is better on the defensive glass. They can both guard in the post, though neither is too adept at racking up blocks


21. David Lomas - Chicago Bulls

I was able to split my MLE money three ways, and of those players I got, David Lomas was the only one who wasn’t a gamble on the future. As a backup combo guard, Lomas likes to shoot, but he has solid ability to hit three pointers. His playmaking skills are sufficient. He provides a different shoot first look than Teddy Dixon, and the two might be competing for backup minutes at the guard spot behind Mac McClung and Ayo Dosunmu.


22. Steeve Ho You Fat - Houston Rockets

More importantly than his great name is Ho You Fat’s announcement that the Rockets are back. They got SHYF in RFA after giving the big man a generous contract. This was the first domino in a pleasant-to-see chain reaction of moves that has the Rockets looking like they could be the favorites in the Buddy Pedraza division. Like Thomas Walker, Ho You Fat specializes in a few things, but unlike Walker, those things are primarily rebounds. He grabbed boards at such a high clip that he averaged a double double in preseason..and he wasn’t the only Rocket to do so with Gerry Folse grabbing tons of boards.


23. Tony Hinshaw - New Orleans Pelicans

No player may be more representative of his team’s offseason than Tony Hinshaw. Tony came to New Orleans in a trade that sent him from slime to swamp, and it turned his blue potential green. He provides a little extra rebounding, but it’s probably more the other two parts of that Pistons deal—Ned Lomax and Nicholas Zike-that are responsible for the perfect preseason the Pelicans had.


24. Long Jones - Denver Nuggets

If I was a lotto pick, I’d rename myself Long Jones.


25. Edward Bonilla - Charlotte Bobcats

This makes the Celestin Decottinges trade look even more lopsided. He scored 21.7 points a game in preseason (although he did play 40 minutes per game...Thibs lives!) The green/blue prospect is only on the 2nd of a 2 year deal, but luckily, the Cats will be able to max him if for some reason they feel the need to do that.


26. Charley Quick - Portland Trailblazers

Alright, it’s 12:12 AM now, so I’m going to make this quick...CHARLIE QUICK, LOL. He’s a b/b big man in the last year of his rookie contract, and it looks like in a few seasons, he’s going to be a serious player. I could see this guy getting maxes, even maybe one or two from GM’s who aren’t batshit insane. He’ll have plenty of prowess scoring from anywhere on the field, he’ll be able to rebound and play defense, and he doesn’t foul. Sure, there are some aspects missing in his game, but he makes up for it with skills that shouldn’t be there. Since he’s not there yet, he’ll be fine but perhaps unremarkable this season.



And there you have it folks. One player from every team!

[greepleairport]

~2675words, +8pts