Oops, I Did It Again! The Chicago Bulls S57 Presser

[garbageman]

phpBB [video]

Garbage Man dances to the podium, shucking and jiving at the United Center press event after another trip to the finals and another PBSL championship. He's a little buzzed still, because after so long, this shit just gets tedious, and you need something to help make it through the day.

GM: Who's got 8 rings and 2 thumbs? THIS GUY!

He points to himself with his thumbs, beaming as the gold gleams off his knuckles. Ok, so he's more than a little buzzed.

GM: Now before I come up here and talk about the offseason, and before I talk about how proud I am of last year's team and yada yada yada, I'd like to introduce to you a man who needs no introduction around here...a man who won 4 championships with us and was Finals MVP in one of those, a three time steals leader, the current all time steals leader, and newly minted Hall of Famer, Silky Johnson!

The crowd goes wild as Silky Johnson, wearing a fur coat over a purple and black striped suit with matching pimp hat and a gold-tipped cane. He also looks drunk as he takes the podium. He gets a standing ovation.

Silky: Good evening, everybody. First off, I would like to thank the Bulls organization for being too cheap to keep me on the roster past the trade deadline so I could win a fifth championship and be tied with Richard Hunt. I hope they cut you, but in actuality, they're probably going to keep you on the team for bird rights, overpay you a lot of money down the road and trade you and Aron Lizard Gizzard or whatever his name is for someone who can still play basketball. Speaking of overpaid, I want to congratulate the Bulls on getting rid of Daniel Yandell. He's five steals away from breaking my career record, so Dan, if you're watching this, I hope you break both of your hands before you can sully the PBSL archive by replacing me as steals leaders. Somebody get me the number for Tonya Harding's bodyguard. That's all I have to say, so GarbageMan can bore you to death by talking about how the team is retooling and won't win the championship next season.

The crowd starts chanting "Hate" and booing, but Garbageman is passed out drunk, so Silky stays up there.

Silky: Fine, I guess I'll have to do this as a new brand ambassador for the Bulls. Now, like I said, the Bulls aren't going to win a championship this year. They brought back Michael Sneed and Talen Horton-Tucker, but as good as they are, that's not enough to bring home another ring. But then again that's not the goal. You see, to get these last two titles, the Bulls had to sacrifice a lot to get that steals record stealing bastard Dan Yan. They gave up Lyle Galloway and their 2047 pick. But since the tax bill was so high that they had to cut me midseason, they knew this would be a reset year and traded away that gimpy PF Les Kim to the Thunder for Aron with one A and pick 14. The brass offered pick 14 to the Spurs for the Bulls 2047 pick back, and any GM in there right mind probably would've taken that. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, right? Not for Eazy P, apparently. So yes, the goal of this season is simply to make sure the Bulls draft pick is no better than pick 14.

HATE! HATE! HATE!

Silky: At the same time, the Bulls want to reset their tax, so they gave the nobody they drafted at pick 14 to the Heat in exchange for the Heat swapping Yandell's outlandish contract for John Blakemore and 55 million dollars off the books. After getting Sneed and THT back on maxes, that didn't leave a whole lot of room to fill out a winning roster, and the fish weren't really biting in UFA, so the Bulls filled out their projected starting lineup by giving Luigi Leathers back to the Lakers for Mason Dixon and Ferguson Olney...a true spite move since they're both very likely one year rentals on a team that isn't even trying to win a championship. Other than that, the offseason wasn't too exciting. Richie Plott came back, so they've got an athletic, tall guy to come off the bench and be allergic to defense, and then they raided a funeral home for the rest of their depth. Look at these ghouls. Jame Hector's vertical is the same whether he's jumping or standing. Miguel Thomas is so weak now that he pays someone to drink the first half of his gatorade so he can lift the bottle. If you ask me, the Spurs have a late lotto pick on their hands. And speaking of asking me, ask me some questions. I don't give a rat's ass.

[K-100]

congrats on #8

What do you think is the biggest thing holding GMs back from making the jump to go from middling to contending?

And what did you see in Mason Dixon that made it okay to move on from Luigi Leathers?

[MexicanMamba]

Which current team do you think the Bulls are going to HATE (HATE-HATE-HATE) to play the most this season? What about individual player?

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

[garbageman]

congrats on #8

What do you think is the biggest thing holding GMs back from making the jump to go from middling to contending?

And what did you see in Mason Dixon that made it okay to move on from Luigi Leathers?

Silky: The biggest thing holding GMs back from going to middling to contending is that they don't break their own rules sometimes. I see a lot of teams that are afraid to trade for a guy or pay a guy who is on the wrong side of 30 even if he's still got the skills to pay those bills. Some teams are too risk averse, and not every risk is going to pay off with a ring because other teams are taking risks, too. And some of those teams are spending more time poring over the league index and figuring out who's available for what price and doing more trade outreach.

As for Mason Dixon, we saw him as the exact type of big we needed. He can rebound better, is about as good a defensive post presence, fouls less, and has a decent jump shot. They're also the same age, and Luigi Leathers was unhappy...a true hater! We'd have RFA rights on Luigi that we won't have on Mason Dixon, but we're probably going to completely rebuild next season anyway. Sure, we're under the tax now, but if we go into next season keeping Sneed, THT, and paying Leathers, it'd be too hard to build on that. If we can get some nice rebuild packages for Sneed and THT that clear our books, we can grab some nice developing talent, bring back a few guys to get full bird rights, try to land some UFAs who will be ready for the future, and then re-flip the developing talent for win-now to compete again in another couple years.

[garbageman]

Which current team do you think the Bulls are going to HATE (HATE-HATE-HATE) to play the most this season? What about individual player?

Sent from my SM-G970U using Tapatalk

Silky: This season is all about hating the Spurs for not trading us back our draft pick, but we also hate every other team in the league. Individually, I'm going to hate them playing against Daniel Yandell because he's so close to my career steals record. I might have to come back out of retirement like Tom Brady did back in 2022. I also hate that our division still isn't renamed the Dennis division, and now that I'm retired, it should be renamed the Silky division.

[garbageman]

congrats on #8

What do you think is the biggest thing holding GMs back from making the jump to go from middling to contending?

And what did you see in Mason Dixon that made it okay to move on from Luigi Leathers?

Silky: The biggest thing holding GMs back from going to middling to contending is that they don't break their own rules sometimes. I see a lot of teams that are afraid to trade for a guy or pay a guy who is on the wrong side of 30 even if he's still got the skills to pay those bills. Some teams are too risk averse, and not every risk is going to pay off with a ring because other teams are taking risks, too. And some of those teams are spending more time poring over the league index and figuring out who's available for what price and doing more trade outreach.

As for Mason Dixon, we saw him as the exact type of big we needed. He can rebound better, is about as good a defensive post presence, fouls less, and has a decent jump shot. They're also the same age, and Luigi Leathers was unhappy...a true hater! We'd have RFA rights on Luigi that we won't have on Mason Dixon, but we're probably going to completely rebuild next season anyway. Sure, we're under the tax now, but if we go into next season keeping Sneed, THT, and paying Leathers, it'd be too hard to build on that. If we can get some nice rebuild packages for Sneed and THT that clear our books, we can grab some nice developing talent, bring back a few guys to get full bird rights, try to land some UFAs who will be ready for the future, and then re-flip the developing talent for win-now to compete again in another couple years.

Also, after giving it some thought in an earnest answer sense, it's not easy to win a championship casually. You've got to familiarize yourself with the entire league and be willing to participate in every facet and deal with every GM. It's understandable if that's something some middling GMs aren't into, but it's really hard to win a championship while only engaging in the bare minimum of aspects of the game.

[Xist2Inspire]

Random Reporter: Do you ever have an idea of where you want to go when rebuilding? Or do you just take things as they go and let the overall state of the league decide for you?

If the latter, do you think that your time as Commissioner influenced your willingness to go with that mindset?

[greepleairport]

Congrats on a winning another ring so that your only ringless fingers are (presumably) nubby thumbs. You acknowledged that the Finals would have been a different story if the Bucks were able to play Hintz. Do you still think you would have won? Also can you get quailman mardi gras levels of drunk on your next pod?

[garbageman]

Random Reporter: Do you ever have an idea of where you want to go when rebuilding? Or do you just take things as they go and let the overall state of the league decide for you?

If the latter, do you think that your time as Commissioner influenced your willingness to go with that mindset?

Excellent question, my dude. When I'm rebuilding, I try to stay flexible. So much of this game is out of your control that if you pick a direction too early, things won't go according to plan. For this current rebuild, I'm a little restricted by my circumstances. As Silky said, I want to spite the Spurs for not trading me my pick back, but I also needed to get under the tax. So I sent Les Kim and Daniel Yandell to the other conference as to not make anyone in Alpha any better and took back what I could get for them. That left me with some cap space and re-signs of two P/P players, which isn't bad.

But looking forward, I'll try to spin THT and Michael Sneed into young guys who are the best players available and I won't be stingy when it's time to trade them in. Whether I get my next superstar from UFA or from a trade, I'll basically see who's available and go after them in order of who I think would make for the strongest centerpiece. Then I see what kind of team would work best around that person and repeat the process in fractal ways.

For example, in the previous build, I had a young Les Kim, THT, and Luigi Leathers alongside Carmelo Williams, Simi Shittu, Lyle Galloway, Jere Bailey, points, and picks. Leathers was also dangled in trade talks, but I had more assets to give away than players I got back. I identified that Wiseman would be the cheapest get being that the 76ers had just won a championship and were in tax hell. with THT and Wiseman, I saw that I had plenty of size for the positions they played, so I built around that. At first, I was aiming for Luguentz Dort at PG with the same package I got Sneed for, and I'm happy that I was outbid on Dort. With the Spurs afraid they'd lose Yandell if they didn't sign him to a ridiculous contract, I knew there wouldn't be a lot of suitors for him, and even though I was weary about finding someone to take Yan in his third year, I thought it was a worthwhile risk with Sneed, THT, and Wiseman all making my team very tall and athletic.

Another thing I look for is versatility. That's incredibly important come playoff time as I wouldn't have won some of these series if I didn't have starters that could swap across multiple positions. Over the last 2 championships, I had THT playing 3, 4, and 5. I had Yandell playing point guard or SF. I had Wiseman playing SG, SF, or C. I had Sneed playing 1, 2, and 3 spots. Ideally, I don't need everyone to be good at everything, but I need a balance of offensive players and defensive players with a guy or two that's a 2-way superstar, and that way, I can really play up matchups in the playoffs against other strong teams.

Honestly, I find the approach of going out and getting as many players through trade to work best for me. To me, it's much easier to work within the confines of something like the MLE than to have things too wide open. I guess I could go on about this for days and days, so I'll stop now instead.

[garbageman]

Congrats on a winning another ring so that your only ringless fingers are (presumably) nubby thumbs. You acknowledged that the Finals would have been a different story if the Bucks were able to play Hintz. Do you still think you would have won? Also can you get quailman mardi gras levels of drunk on your next pod?

Thanks. Yes, but not in 5. No, but he can do it to himself if he wants.

[garbageman]

Random Reporter: Do you ever have an idea of where you want to go when rebuilding? Or do you just take things as they go and let the overall state of the league decide for you?

If the latter, do you think that your time as Commissioner influenced your willingness to go with that mindset?

Excellent question, my dude. When I'm rebuilding, I try to stay flexible. So much of this game is out of your control that if you pick a direction too early, things won't go according to plan. For this current rebuild, I'm a little restricted by my circumstances. As Silky said, I want to spite the Spurs for not trading me my pick back, but I also needed to get under the tax. So I sent Les Kim and Daniel Yandell to the other conference as to not make anyone in Alpha any better and took back what I could get for them. That left me with some cap space and re-signs of two P/P players, which isn't bad.

But looking forward, I'll try to spin THT and Michael Sneed into young guys who are the best players available and I won't be stingy when it's time to trade them in. Whether I get my next superstar from UFA or from a trade, I'll basically see who's available and go after them in order of who I think would make for the strongest centerpiece. Then I see what kind of team would work best around that person and repeat the process in fractal ways.

For example, in the previous build, I had a young Les Kim, THT, and Luigi Leathers alongside Carmelo Williams, Simi Shittu, Lyle Galloway, Jere Bailey, points, and picks. Leathers was also dangled in trade talks, but I had more assets to give away than players I got back. I identified that Wiseman would be the cheapest get being that the 76ers had just won a championship and were in tax hell. with THT and Wiseman, I saw that I had plenty of size for the positions they played, so I built around that. At first, I was aiming for Luguentz Dort at PG with the same package I got Sneed for, and I'm happy that I was outbid on Dort. With the Spurs afraid they'd lose Yandell if they didn't sign him to a ridiculous contract, I knew there wouldn't be a lot of suitors for him, and even though I was weary about finding someone to take Yan in his third year, I thought it was a worthwhile risk with Sneed, THT, and Wiseman all making my team very tall and athletic.

Another thing I look for is versatility. That's incredibly important come playoff time as I wouldn't have won some of these series if I didn't have starters that could swap across multiple positions. Over the last 2 championships, I had THT playing 3, 4, and 5. I had Yandell playing point guard or SF. I had Wiseman playing SG, SF, or C. I had Sneed playing 1, 2, and 3 spots. Ideally, I don't need everyone to be good at everything, but I need a balance of offensive players and defensive players with a guy or two that's a 2-way superstar, and that way, I can really play up matchups in the playoffs against other strong teams.

Honestly, I find the approach of going out and getting as many players through trade to work best for me. To me, it's much easier to work within the confines of something like the MLE than to have things too wide open. I guess I could go on about this for days and days, so I'll stop now instead.

Ah, and to answer part two of your question, I feel like it's easier to do the work of being commissioner when you're competing, but I'm pretty competitive in general, so it probably wouldn't be too different as just a standard GM. However, being commissioner is the most helpful in forcing you to know who's on what teams, what teams are doing, and what moves are being made since you're the one that has to make all that actually happen. There's no opting out of knowing what's happening on every team when you're the commish, and I think that's the greatest advantage to being commissioner.

[jlmarines]

Justin Bieber, teremana.com: Asking for a friend. C Eloy Tilton, from the Cavs. Would you keep him for another year? Congrats Champ!

Sent from my moto g(7) supra using Tapatalk

[garbageman]

Justin Bieber, teremana.com: Asking for a friend. C Eloy Tilton, from the Cavs. Would you keep him for another year? Congrats Champ!

Sent from my moto g(7) supra using Tapatalk

Thanks, and thanks for the question. If I was the Cavs, I would not pay Eloy Tilton $56 million dollars next season. Unless I got off to a hot start, I would probably try to trade Tilton and see what I could get for him that may help me in the future. If Tilton's still on my team after the trade deadline, I decline that option. You always have bird rights on him and can bring him back for cheaper next year if need be, but there are several better things you can do in the offseason with 56 million dollars more in cap space to play with. And by no means to I trade him...or anyone...to the 76ers or the Thunder.

[PaulyP]

Roster construction has been a big theme of this press conference so with that in mind is there any position or type of player that you think is overvalued by other GMs?

[garbageman]

Roster construction has been a big theme of this press conference so with that in mind is there any position or type of player that you think is overvalued by other GMs?

I think the point guard position...especially having a pass first point guard...has become a little overvalued. It's not that it's not important to have a PG that can run an offense, I just think there are more of them out there than other positions--like dominant bigs. And that in a pinch, and with the shift of the league, super athletic 2 way players who are quick for their height can dominate in the 1 guard spot, especially with potential training.