Utah Jazz S56 Presser
With the new season right around the corner, Utah Jazz GM digiskunk sat at his desk contemplating what he planned on telling the press. After a rather uneventful offseason, he was at a loss for words; in fact, for the very first time in his life, digi didn't know what to do.
Suddenly, his thoughts were interrupted by a phone call: It's a nearby charity who's been hounding him for the donations he promised 34 weeks ago.
Getting back to business, digi begins to sift through his paperwork when he suddenly comes to a realization: He's late for his own press conference! Grabbing his coat in one hand and his brass knuckles in the other, he runs out the door and onto the local bus. "Big city, here I come," he thought to himself as the stench permeating from within soaked its way into his nostrils, burning him from alive.
Upon his arrival to McDonald's, he was instantly surrounded by the press. If it wasn't for his bodyguards, surely digi would've been eaten alive. They pushed their way to the filthy doors of the restaurant, which were wet with vomit. Heading inside, digi climbed atop a table, prepared to address the media.
digiskunk: Ahem. Thank you, my friends, for coming to this press conference. I have a rather long list of things to talk about, so let's jump into it.
First, let's discuss last season. Our team was really happy with our results; not only did we manage to win 13 games, but we did so without having to pay off any of the referees. We made some very important trades which boosted our odds of improving in the near future. Advanced playmakers such as Kofi Cockburn have the potential to EXPLODE in the near future. Y'all will see.
We drafted a player by the name of Terrance Lewis-Weeks. We really have high hopes for him but ehhhhhh. He isn't as versatile as ANGELO ROMERO, perhaps the league's next big superstar.
Also, I wanted to announce some changes for the upcoming season. After a fan attempted to smuggle a knife into the stadium, we decided to boost security by implementing swift shakedowns upon stadium entry. Here is a quick walkthrough of what to expect:
I will now be taking questions!
