Then and Now: A History of Title Runs for Some of Our Most Promising S53 Contenders

[greepleairport]

Season 53 of PBSL has brought some heavy-hitting GMs back to the tops of their game. When were they here last time? First time? Does anything really compare to what they’re accomplishing right now? Or might accomplish?

I love a good playoff preview article, but I’ll leave that analysis to Mamba to be dead wrong. Also, history is cool, especially if I wasn’t around to witness it. So I will wax ecstatic on times I knew nothing about until now, and in other cases I might actually know what I’m talking about.

If you aren’t one of these 6 GMs, though, this article is going to be absolute [expletive deleted] to read. It was horrible to write.

Not really.

Is this thing on? Oh well, let’s talk about some solid S53 GMs, shall we?



EAZY P, San Antonio Spurs
52 years experience, starting in 1990
4 rings (2011, 2016, 2026, 2040)

Then:

Back in the day, Eazy P was young but not a kid anymore. Although things were finally starting to click a bit in 2001, making his first conference finals appearance, their sweetheart saga of 7th seed status was ended by none other than the 8th seed (of course) Mavericks, who later got swept in the finals by the Hawks. Not discouraged, he took his core players, Glenn Robinson and Ray Allen, into deep playoff runs the next 3 seasons, too, even making the finals once in 2002 where the Raptors dashed their hopes of tasting gold. A rebuild was in order and the Spurs returned to mediocrity until 2009.

2009 was not their year, but they made a respectable 7 game run against the eventual champs, the Phoenix Suns, led by the original G Messi who still cared. Eazy P smacked the paint off of Messi’s Suns in Game 6 by 53 points (!) holding Kyle Korver to a cool zero points, keeping all-time great Kevin Love to only 13 points. It was a brilliant head-to-head matchup between Love and Josh Smith, and Smith dominated with 37 points, leading the way for this blowout. Heading back to San Antonio for game 7, everything was in its right place for another trip to the finals - the first in five years - but one bucket cost them the season. Josh Smith was a young phenom, but even though he smothered out a young Kevin Love here, he still had much room left to grow.

When 2011 rolled around, Eazy had been here before. The only other person still around who had been part of the early 00’s era was none other than Josh Smith. He wasn’t playing peak basketball this year by his standards, but he was a Spurs vet that could lead the less experienced Arron Afflalo to his best season and a young Russell Westbrook out of his PBSL infancy before hitting RFA. It was the right formula. Taking some light heat only from the Clippers in the semis to go 4-2, they faced the real Heat in the Finals for a dramatic seesaw series that was finally decided by one single point. San Antonio went ape[expletive deleted] on June 4th 2012. Their most true key to victory over the last 8 seasons, Josh Smith was an anomaly on this night posting 42 points and 18 rebounds over the full 48 minutes, cementing his place in PBSL history as the 2011 Finals MVP. Russ

I guess it was awesome and crazy, I honestly have no idea though. I didn’t know what PBSL was in 2011.

Now:

Eazy is no less scary 30 years later after generations of good teams, now led by Dan Yandell, OG Anunoby, Genaro Montoya and Dorian Whitley. The scariest thing about modern day Spurs is Dan Yandell is the oldest fart on the team at only 30 years old, still putting up MVP numbers like he did in their last championship season only 2 years ago. Now flocked by prime OG Anunoby, only 28 years old with 3 more years on his contract, 26-yr old Dorian Whitley with 2 years left guaranteed, and fresh-faced Genaro Montoya freshly inking his 4 year max deal this past offseason. Eazy doesn’t need to do anything here to threaten any PBSL stalwart for seasons to come. This team is great, guaranteed, unless Eazy decides to blow it all up for some reason. All he needs, at minimum, is a y/y big who can defend for at least 25 minutes, and that role has been filled for many years now by still g/g vet min Ernest Long (even though Danny Bryant is his new go-to at the 5).

Do you want to play these guys? No, you don’t. You’re probably going to lose, and losing sucks. You’re up against a generational great here in peak form...until next year when he’s even better.

Ya know what? Eff these guys and eazy too, they’re too good. Go away


false9, Orlando Magic
31 years experience, starting in 2011
3 rings (2018, 2029, 2030)

Then:

Before the Boban era, false9’s Magic knew heartbreak. With an abnormally strong debut season (50-32, playoff berth), they ultimately fell to the Pacers in the 1st round and disappeared into rebuilding obscurity over the next several seasons. Five of them, actually, where his best record was 36-46. Gone were the days of an ancient Nick Van Exel somehow not dribbling the ball off his foot in garbage minutes. So long Dwight Howard, Carmelo Anthony and anything else that felt warm and fuzzy in Orlando. false9 decided to make his success his own journey.

2018 was a preview of the Magic’s greatness to come. After running face first onto Quailman’s antlers to finish out 2017, false9 stayed true to Paul George and James Harden, added Deandre Jordan and voila! Ring. His first. Orlando was happy for the first time ever, coltsguy’s career be damned.

It wasn’t until the Boban era came into full swing that the rest of PBSL collectively poo’ed themselves. Peaking in 2029, 2030 and a sad, sad injury away from the first ever PBSL three-peat, Boban started wrecking the league in 2026 before he even finished his rookie contract, cracking the top 10 leading scorers in the league. Once he got paid as much as possible, the door really cracked wide open for false9, Boban and Orlando. The JR Johnson- and Damion Williams-led Wizards proved too much in 2027, and BallSoHard’s 76ers wiped the Magic out one more time in 2028, but that’s where Orlando’s decade-long struggle for gold ended.

Was it fair how good the 2029 Magic were? Not really. The first ever 73-9 team, they soft-shoed their way to a ring. Boban, the monster that he was, had his help catching up, proving they too were stars of their own caliber. Two-time all-star Josh Jackson also landed on All-league 2nd team and Defensive 1st team. Not All-Stars yet, Bronny James and Ernie Acuna emerged as top talent too: Bronny entering RFA with B/P potential and Ernie solidifying himself as a two-way threat, shooting better than ever from the 3 point line. No one really stood a chance - not even the Nuggets, the only team to steal a game from the Magic during the entire playoff run, staving off title elimination from a sweep to a gentleman's sweep. Not only dominant were these Magic, but they were classy, too.

So why expect anything less in 2030? The Chicago Bulls wanted that smoke, though. Led by their own all-time greats Wanderlei Silva and Silky Johnson, they challenged the Magic’s 2029 regular season record of 73-9 and BEAT it, winning 74-8 in 2030. Not to be outdone, though, Boban naturally led the Magic to an even MORE spectacular regular season, locking in an astounding and shocking 75-7. What in the actual eff, false9?! That is so stupid. Who outplays a 74-8 team??? These records were a sign, though. Proving to be as classy as ever, false9 and Boban rattled off their third gentleman's sweep of their 2030 playoff run eliminating this incredible Bulls team in only 5 games. I’m sure every member of the Magic remembers the taste of steak dinner from that night…

Gman is a vengeful beast, though. In the most incredible showing of disrespect in the history of the PBSL, garbageman himself played the Tonya Harding to Boban’s Nancy Kerrigan, taking her out at the knees via the suspect Raptors (we know what really happened here though). With Boban neutralized, the 2031 Bulls scratched and clawed their way to the title over a tough but Boban-less Magic, securing gold in game 7 via one, single, bucket. Some notes of history are lost in the annals, but if I’m not mistaken, Patrick Edmunds was the real MVP here, sinking that final bucket and immediately taunting the opposing bench like a boss. Suck on that, three-peat-less Orlando.


Now:

And thus we’ve made it to 2042. Everything has changed. False9 doesn’t even read the media anymore. All priorities have changed and...his star big man is injured again. This time it’s Cristiano Felicio, an unreasonably large, quick, 3-pt shooting defensive mother[expletive deleted]. Ronnie Reynolds alone should advance them out of the first and maybe 2nd round of these playoffs but… man. Tough luck again in Orlando. Get’em next year, false9 and the ghost of Boban...

We miss you, Boban...

MexicanMamba, Los Angeles Clippers
14 years experience, starting in 2028
1 ring (2034)

Then:

These crosstown rivals of mine squared off with me like total bullies in 2034. No seriously! Look at this roided out roster! They knocked out their division rivals in the conference finals - a way better Chicago Bulls than my underdog Lakers from down the hall of the Staples Center - and they were still hungry. Luckily history erased most of my brazen defeat via sweep, but I’m sure Mr. Mamba remembers every last pummeling he delivered this season quite well. I know I eked past the Pacers because weak-boned De’Aaron Fox pulled his injury disappearing trick in the nick of time for me to slide by, and I feel like whether I faced the Nuggies or Bucks afterward, whoever it was, I benefitted from an injury on their side as well. I want to say it was Quailman’s Bucks. I’d like to think I kicked them while they were down, anyway…

But enough about my LA. This is Rodrigo’s LA we’re talking about here and at the time Delmar and I were just living in it. Rolling into the finals with stunning scoring efficiency - the highest point getters all season long with the highest point differential to boot - and a total lack of respect for anyone in his way, Mamba became one of the youngest GMs in PBSL history to take home gold so early in his career with a team built all by himself. I made it to the finals before he did, but he got the damn thing done and I didn’t. Twice I didn’t. Rodrigo just helped me recognize I had no chance when I thought I had one this second time.

But he too had faced an unutterable defeat the year prior to NOLa., BDJ and the magnificent Kings of 2033 - yet another year I thought was mine! But BDJ wasn’t having any of it. Not with me, and not with Rodrigo, either. These were the days of the famously competitive Johnson Division, where everyone except the Hawks competed. NOLa crawled out of the darkness, slapped together a championship in no time flat, and disappeared slowly again after this instant victory he put together. (I mean, I guess he technically never left up until this point, but he wasn’t doing anything at all for a while if I recall correctly. I certainly didn’t know who he was until he knocked me out cold in the conference finals that were supposed to be MINE dagnabbit!!!).

While I prided myself on taking these Kings to task through Game 7, Mamba’s fate was much more dour. A gentleman’s sweep it was, gaining false confidence after stealing game 1. In retrospect it was like NOLa forgot to submit a Game 1 DC or something crazy like that, because he had no problems at all in games 2 - 5 (although gm 3 did get nail-bitingly close).

So when 2034 rolled around, Mamba said “eff all that. Gimme BDJ. We’re not playing games anymore. Boban: channel your inner 2029-2031 self. Sabo, may you absorb Boban’s brilliance in the form of irrefutable post play. I’m getting us that effing ring even if it breaks my bank. Points are for p*ssies anyway.”

Delmar who? Leiker what? It’s the Mamba Lakers show, starring Boban, BDJ, Sabo and literally 4 more b/b players (plus Lino Brookins who was b/b before this season’s death knoll TC). Get out the way or get run over!

And I got run the [expletive deleted] over.


Now:

Teams with multiple purple players aren’t new anymore. Last year’s Clippers were just that, but they fell short to AB’s deep Thunder squad (deep like the 2034 Clippers). Shame. Now their p/p JJ is b/b JJ (which sounds better verbally but is actually worse) and Gary Loredo is their one true star. Once a wing and now a point guard, Gary Loredo has led these Clippers to the top of the Omega Conference with only the 76ers kinda sorta nipping at their heels. While a number of teams pose a challenge to the Clippers in these playoffs (including the Sixers), it’s highly likely that the Clippers will earn their first finals berth since winning it all after this spot was stolen from them last year by the Thunder. If they make it, you can rest assured MexicanMamba will NOT squander this opportunity.


Angry Banana, Oklahoma City Thunder
19 years experience, starting in 2023
0 rings

Then:

This isn’t to say that, before 2040, AB didn’t have any good teams. He absolutely did! But it was these Thunder that came prepared to snuff out stiff competition, and they did just that. Each and every league favorite for the title - my Lakers included - AB and his Zaire Wade and Makur Maker led Thunder waylaid my momentum and the aforementioned Clippers momentum, too, both in 6 games.

Absolutely devastating dominant play out of OKC. After two sims and two splits with these guys, I knew game 7 was around the corner. But AB had other plans and stole both games from me in that third (and my final) sim of the series. Angry Banana had his first finals berth and battled an ultra tough Spurs team to his own 6 game defeat. (Karma’s a “bad word,” huh AB? THAT WAS MY CHAMPIONSHIP CHANCE YOU BAD WORD)

AB practically threw in the towel this year after my LA Lakers signed p/p William Pearman in UFA. The Lakers had led the league as favorites for several seasons in a row, led by Delmar and the UFA acquired Len Bias feeding him buckets. But with the addition of Pearman, the Lakers seemed to have an unfair advantage to take home a ‘ship and the whole league felt it. Bold as ever, Charlie did not blink as the season got started and beefed his squad up to go for it anyway, Lopez / Pearman / Bias trifecta be damned! AB made his own trifecta of Makur Maker, Zaire Wade and Daniel Oturu and THEN he sprinkled a little Ben Franklin and De’Aaron Fox on top of THAT!

We thought he had gone mad, we GMs. Rather, I had hoped he had gone mad. The rest of the PBSL had to have cheered seeing an underdog take a swing at LA’s big market juggernauts. It paid off until it didn’t. No, De’Aaron Fox didn’t trip over Nancy Kerrigan while the baton was en route to smashing hopes and dreams leading to a fractured skull (out 109 days). De’Aaron Fox was miraculously just fine. Playing the best at their best takes its toll. It’s not like the soon-to-be-champion Spurs faced nobodies on their way to their 4th ring. No matter who’s on Syndicate’s Nuggets or Garbageman’s Bulls, these GMs come to win, always. But neither team had the strengths of either LA team, both of whom fought extremely hard and ultimately just lost. It took a lot to win those games and sadly, there wasn’t enough left to power through. AB gave up the first three games, getting the commish ready to pull the curtains on the season, but rattled off two quick wins before gasping his final championship breath. The Spurs ended them as soon as they got back to San Antonio, and AB had no choice but to lick his wounds and get back the hell under the tax apron.


Now:

Unlike some of our other entries in this article, AB did this just a couple of seasons ago. And he’s stayed comfortably under the tax, and he’s likely to get past the 1st rd of playoffs again this year, too. It would be a mistake to sleep on these guys, because they’ve had underdog victories in the playoffs two years in a row now. The same greatest players of returned, Makur Maker and Zaire Wade - better than ever - and he pulled slime out of his hat to ship out Oturu for a couple young studs not yet at their prime. The Thunder’s near future trajectory is not unlike San Antonio’s, burgeoning with young talent and performing at a high level before that talent reaches its prime. Scary thought, considering Maker, Wade and Hintz were all-stars this year.

Why didn’t you just send me Maker, Charlie? I had some tasty scraps of players to send back in return! Too bad...


Well…? I did say 6, didn’t I? Alas, we’re sticking with division winners now, because 3000+ words. Writing about the Nuggets and 76ers would have been like writing about the Spurs and Thunder all over again, and no one wants to read that aside from those GMs, right? Sorry guys. Your ranking just didn’t make the cut. Maybe next year (but good luck anyway).

[greepleairport]

Edit: I tried to be thorough but I messed up of course. The Thunder beat the Clippers 2 seasons ago, and the Clips lost to the Bulls last year. Ever since AB knocked me out of the playoffs my PBSL life has been a haze I guess...

[MexicanMamba]

+10, 3006 words... lucky I didn't take points for inaccuracy!!!

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