MDWPP : Damn Playoffs, You Scary!

[MexicanMamba]

Word Count: 4,090


Mamba’s Dead Wrong Playoff Predictions


Damn Playoffs, You Scary! Edition


The foulest stench is in the air, the funk of forty thousand years …


Round One



ALPHA



(2) Chicago Bulls vs. (7) Phoenix Suns

Season series: 4-1, Bulls


What should you be afraid of?


Bulls: Though the Suns making the playoffs is a fun little story, I cannot imagine Josh feeling all too threatened by the match-up at hand. Commish, back-to-back champion, and one of the best Managers our game has, I’m not sure there’s any brand-new GM that I would predict to pull this kind of upset. That is without getting into the fact that the Bulls’ roster is just better and deeper. If anything might come close to being a thorn in his side, perhaps it would be a fouling issue in the front court, but specifically at the Center position. Harms averaged 3.7 fouls per game while playing under 30 minutes a night and his primary back-up, Jaren Jackson Jr., fouled 2.7 times per at less than 20 minutes. All-in-all though, I do not anticipate many restless nights for Josh due to nightmare match-ups.


Suns: Much like the characters in The Walking Dead, the Suns are about to get swarmed on all sides by flesh eating monsters. In seasons past, David Leiker would have an advantage over many opposing Point Guards but he has taken a step back this season and gets to go against a defensive ace who can also score from anywhere on the floor. Besides Center, the Bulls have the advantage in every other spot on the court.



The Boogeymen:


Bulls: The one monster on this team that the Suns will have absolutely no answer for is Burt Gibson. Regardless of who they may throw at him, the Suns will be at a massive disadvantage. Perhaps they will have to double him, but in that situation, you’re just leaving Hunt and Sabo alone on islands and they are more than capable of breaking defenses down themselves. Look for Gibson to hunt the matchups and extend the defense, creating so many opportunities for everyone else.


Suns: 2nd Team All-League and All-Star, King Kaldur’ahm is the guy that will be asked to carry the heaviest burden for the Suns. He will need to attack the hell out of Harms and Jaren Jackson for the Suns to have a chance at slaying the dragon that is Josh. Forcing the ball inside to King, means possible foul trouble and getting the Bulls out of rhythm and out of their best lineups. It also slows the game down and gives the Bulls less opportunities to attack all the Suns’ weak spots.



Death Blow:


While it would be an interesting development for the Suns to put some fear into the Bulls’ hearts, I don’t believe they have the firepower to make this one very interesting. Gibson, Sabo and Hunt are sharpening their teeth and preparing to chew right through this team. The Suns will try to fortify their position, but the zombie horde is going to bring the walls down quickly.



BULLS, 4-0



(3) Sacramento Kings vs. (6) Orlando Magic

Season series: 3-1, Magic


What should you be afraid of?


Kings: You’d think that a 3 seed wouldn’t have to feel much fear against a 6 seed, but much to my surprise when giving a closer look at the games between these two teams during the regular season, there are some consistent issues that the Magic caused which led to the lopsided season series in Orlando’s favor. The fear that should be at the forefront of the Kings crown is the inability to score efficiently against Orlando. The connecting thread of all 3 losses is the Kings, with a roster full of guys that should be able to put the ball through the hoop, having their lives made a living hell and shooting nights like 3/12 or 4/15 from the field were not uncommon.


Magic: Muscle. Though Orlando was able to keep things in check through most of the matchups between these two teams, the one loss that they took to the Kings showed exactly what should scare them the most if the Kings play at their peak. With Addington, Lynch, Hector and a few backups, the Kings have a powerful post presence offensively and defensively. In that lone loss to the Kings, the Magic were doubled up in rebounds and destroyed in the free throw department. As anyone in sports knows, a quick demoralizer is realizing that you physically cannot match-up with your opponent, so the Magic should fear giving this opponent that kind of confidence early.


The Boogeymen:


Kings: There is no scarier King than Jonathan Lewis, who is always a legit MVP candidate. That being said, in this match-up, the guy that the Kings will need to become a terrorizing force is James Addington because to fully execute a winning game plan, he is going to have to neutralize 3x defensive player of the year, Matthew O’Connor. Addington can bang down low but will have to do it consistently over the course of the series, and effectively, to spark their physical dominance.


Magic: Although the Magic have the defensive player of the year and two blossoming stars on the perimeter, I think the player that will be able to most take advantage of their role is super sub Roderick Pastor. If he plays the same role in this series as he did during the entirety of the playoffs, Pastor will be able to dominate any player off the bench on the Sacramento side. Playing starter minutes off the pine, Pastor averaged 20 points and 6 boards while shooting 43% from deep and is a solid defender to boot. I anticipate him having a massive impact on this series and ripping the hearts out of Kings fans often.


Death Blow:


I am going with the upset here. As mentioned before, the Kings had a hell of tough time scoring efficiently against the Magic all season and the Magic are a pretty strong defensive team in the post, which is exactly where the Kings want to attack offensively as they were not an elite team shooting from the perimeter. They also are not great at defending the perimeter, but guess what the Magic were #2 in the league at doing? Shooting the 3-point shot.


MAGIC, 4-2




(4) Minnesota Timberwolves vs. (5) Denver Nuggets

Season series: 4-1, Nuggets


What should you be afraid of?


Wolves: Like a possessed mirror, the Wolves will be staring at a distorted mirror image of themselves in this round. Like them, the Nuggets are not an especially dynamic scoring team but also are strong defensively. Both teams have 2 players that really carry the workload. So, the fear is that the Wolves are unable to stop that dark other self from escaping the confines of that mirror and taking control. You never want to be outdid with your own style.


Nuggets: The relentless attack. Though the Wolves were last in free throw shooting and only 17th and 9th in makes, attempts, they tended to really get the best of the Nuggets in trips to the charity stripe during the regular season. As you can see by the season series, it did not translate to wins for the Wolves, but all it takes is one hot streak from the line to tip those scales dramatically since they often shot a massively lopsided number of free throws.


The Boogeymen:


This will come down to a bloody tag team bout of monstrous proportions. Godzilla and Kong vs. Ghidorah and Rodan. Dennis Wolfgang and Mitchell Robinson vs. Norris Turney and Danny Campbell. All four of these players had PERs of 20+, maxing out with Mitch Rob’s nearly 24. Both sides have the Wing-Big combo to send directly at the other, though they are listed as SF/C for the Wolves and SG/PF for the Nuggets, so it will be interesting to see if either team decides to try to match them up directly or keep them away from each other to see which can chew up lesser players the best.


Death Blow:


These two teams are very evenly matched as I have mentioned and the fact that they finished 1 game apart in the standings. The season series told a different story however and with all things being even, I will trust in those results and go with the Nuggets. If I had to point to something particular, I’d say that while both teams are defensively sound, the Nuggets were able to get there while also being a team that relied on pace (10th) compared to the Wolves who kept scores down by also being dead last in pace. Robinson could be the reason that this projection is totally proven wrong, as he is capable of putting on his hockey mask and slashing the Nuggets with a machete.


NUGGETS, 4-3




OMEGA



(2) Los Angeles Clippers vs. (7) New Orleans Pelicans

Season series: 3-1, Clippers



What should you be afraid of?

Clippers: Getting beaten down on the offensive glass. Yes, the series was 3-1 in favor of my guys this season, however in the loss to the Pelicans, we were completely outclassed on the glass. That issue reared its ugly head in a number of games throughout the season in fact, and if the Pelicans want to pull an upset, that would one big way to get there.


Pelicans: Having fire rain down on their heads, torching them in every game possible. Meaning, the Pelicans have not been a team known for strong defense this season and were middling league-wide in defending the perimeter. My Clippers were easily the top shooters from distance and are more than capable of overwhelming New Orleans from there once they heat up.


The Boogeymen:


Clippers: We can merge the scary ones into one beast and call it Jorry Loreson, since it will be Loredo and Johnson that will make or break the success of this team. They can play with pace and drain you of your energy, shoot the lights out and plunge you into darkness, and JJ even offers some strong defense to go with it. Take pieces of both players and bring it to life with a bolt of lightning, Frankenstein style.


Pelicans: The player that is going to have to step up is Kerry Powell. He is the one that can try to cause problems for Johnson by attacking inside and attempting to get him into some foul trouble, with could obviously throw the Clippers’ game plan off.


Death Blow:


If it weren’t for Ridley’s injury, this could have been at least an interesting series to follow. Unfortunately, he is going to miss the entirety of the series and there just shouldn’t be enough firepower in New Orleans to keep up.


CLIPPERS, 4-1



(3) Oklahoma City Thunder vs. (6) Washington Wizards

Season series: 3-2, Thunder


What should you be afraid of?


Thunder: Playing a team that will attempt to steal your soul. The Wizards, as they have been for years under their current leadership, wants to suffocate teams on both ends of the floor and prides themselves on being able to ground and pound, scoring inside and taking the ball away consistently and OKC is near the bottom in turnovers. If they get sloppy, things could get ugly and that is exactly the type of game the Wizards would love.


Wizards: The Thunder being a team that can take the sloppiness and make it an advantage. Yes, the Wizards want to play bully ball, but that could lead into more fouling and the Thunder were #1 in free throw shooting on the season. If physicality does not get into their heads, all the Wizards would be doing is giving them free points and motivation.


The Boogeymen:


Thunder: The silent assassin for OKC will be Zaire Wade. A true 2-way player, Wade will get buckets over any wing the Wizards toss at him and can lock them down on the other end as well. On top of that, he is a strong distributor and can get everyone else around him going as well. There will be blood, and it isn’t likely to be his.


Wizards: If this match-up were Stephen King’s The Shining and the Thunder was little Danny Torrance riding his big wheel through the carpeted hallways of the Overlook Hotel, Paul Cassel and Tasmin Mitchell would be the creepy ghosts of the Grady Twins, staring OKC down and asking for their bigs to come play with them. While the Thunder’s bigs are quite stout defensively, the Wizard duo can make their stay in the playoffs a living hell.


Death Blow:


This could turn out to be the most entertaining first round match-up for me. There’s some strength vs strength action going on. Unfortunately for the Wizards, OKC has gotten fully healthy just in time for the playoffs and I think their wing play will ultimately win them this one.


THUNDER, 4-2



(4) Philadelphia 76ers vs. (5) Brooklyn Nets

Season series: 3-2, 76ers



What should you be afraid of?


76ers: Letting the Nets get some confidence and get their stroke from the perimeter. The Nets have 2 elite level shooters and the 76ers often go outshot from range throughout the season. With injury concerns for Brooklyn, this may be the only way they could find a way to survive the slaughter.


Nets: Letting the boogeyman in Philadelphia tear them apart, piece by piece.



The Boogeymen:


76ers: And that boogeyman is, of course, James Wiseman. He is one of the top 2-3 players in the league and with the Nets being short-handed, he is in an even greater position to wreak havoc in Brooklyn, like Eddie Murphy showing up as a vampire in the 90’s.


Nets: And speaking of vampires, their primary weapon is their long fangs … which is also Brooklyn’s greatest hope. Fang Shou has arrived and can carry a team on his back. Injuries robbed him of a full season, but now he gets the chance to showcase how scary he can be.


Death Blow:


The Wesson injury has likely doomed the Nets’ chances of making this a series. The 76ers played a bit of possum at the end of the season and sat guys early to prepare for the tournament and I expect them to come out hungry, sensing blood in the water with Wesson being out.


76ERS, 4-1




And grisly ghouls from every tomb, are closing in to seal your doom …



Round Two



ALPHA



(1) San Antonio Spurs vs. Denver Nuggets

Season series: 4-1, Spurs


What should you be afraid of?


For the Spurs, not a lot. The Nuggets are a solid team, with two great players, but the Spurs have good-great players at those same positions and then some. I’m sure I could think of some strange horror reference here and make something up, but I don’t think this one will be particularly close. It’ll be more like how most of us feel about watching Child’s Play movies. Yeah, Chucky is the villain but we all wonder how people get killed by a 2-foot-tall doll … and San Antonio won’t just think it, they’ll act on it.


The Boogeymen:


Spurs: The MVP will prove his worth. DanYan can and will dominate Don Sanchez, whose only top-level skill is shooting the 3 ball, but Yan is a master at taking the ball away which would engulf Sanchez and stop him from being any kind of factor. Yan is going to be the shadows in a haunted house, always present, giving life to all of the things that go bump in the night.


Nuggets: Norris Turney is the type of 2-way player that can make teams sweat. He’s a great defender, great shooter and doesn’t foul or get tired, so he does not need to leave the floor much. Whitley and Montoya will have their hands full.


Death Blow:


The Spurs won the conference, the season series, 60+ games and have the MVP on their side. It is one hell of an uphill battle for the Nuggets, and it is one that they will fail to climb all the way to the top.


SPURS, 4-1



(2) Chicago Bulls vs. (6) Orlando Magic

Season series: 3-2, Magic


What should you be afraid of?


Bulls: The fulfillment of a great revenge tale.


Magic: A champion’s killer instinct.


The Boogeymen:


Bulls: Richard Hunt is going to have the chance to feast on the bones of Randolph Brown. Brown has been a steady hand leading the offense of the Magic, but for an entire series where Josh can fully focus on one team, Hunt should be able to exploit that match-up in dominant fashion. I expect Hunt’s defensive prowess to slowly choke the air out of Brown and make him a non-factor, which could mean the shutdown of many vitals for the Magic as a team.


Magic: After being use, abused and discarded after bringing so much to Chicago, Cristiano Felicio can spark his revenge story in epic fashion! … Okay, its much more likely that Pastor or Harrison will be the catalyst but that isn’t as fun a story as Felicio turning into a dominant big just at this moment and besting Glen Sabo to pull the upset.


Death Blow:


Much like the first round, I was surprised to see that Orlando won the season series between these two teams. Though my head says to go with the Bulls, whose roster I trust more, something is telling me that the Magic have the ammo to pull this one out much like they did in the first round. So, I will say screw it and go with the Magic’s 3-point shooting and Pastor’s dominance off the bench to prevail again.



MAGIC, 4-3



OMEGA



(1) Los Angeles Lakers vs. (4) Philadelphia 76ers

Season Series: 3-2. 76ers


What should you be afraid of?


Lakers: History repeating itself in dramatic and traumatic fashion.


76ers: An unstoppable force finally REALLY becoming unstoppable when it matters the most.


The Boogeymen:


On both sides, we know this answer, don’t we? Delmar Lopez vs. James Wiseman is going to be worth the price of admission alone. Lopez has been as over-powered as you can get for a few seasons now, however that has not led to playoff dominance since they have kept banging heads with Wiseman’s 76ers, who might be the one player who is able to neutralize Delmar’s dominance.


Death Blow:


Jon is going to want this one bad and while I am sure that it would please him to pull it off in dominating fashion, I do not believe that is what is going to happen. Oh, I do think that he will finally pull out the win, but he’s going to have to sweat through it. Biggest plus for him is that, after a season full of injuries, he gets to come back into the playoffs with everyone worth a damn back in the line-up.


LAKERS, 4-2




(2) Los Angeles Clippers vs. (3) Oklahoma City Thunder

Season series: 3-2, Clippers


What should you be afraid of?

Clippers: Meeting up with a team that can defend the things that we do the best. My squad may have been the best 3-point team in the league, but the Thunder were #3 AND they were #2 in defending the long ball. If they can take away what we do best, panic is an appropriate response.


Thunder: Being unable to take advantage of their big men. Maker and Oturu are both very good, but they do not offer a size advantage and neither of them are dominant scorers in the post. If they cannot make the Clipper bigs work hard, it’ll be difficult to get an advantage elsewhere.


The Boogeymen:


Clippers: I will list just one this time in Jordan Johnson. As mentioned above, none of the OKC bigs are physical enough to be considered a huge advantage and while they are stout post defenders, Johnson is a stretch-4 and will be happy to haunt them by staying out at the perimeter and hitting wide open 3’s. It’s possible the Thunder could shift things around and go more small ball to combat his advantages, but then that takes them away from their preferences.


Thunder: The wild card here is De’Aron Fox. OKC has shuffled him around, bouncing him from the bench to the starting 5 a few times. He is not what he once was, but he is still capable of being wildly important to winning, evident by the way the Blazers fully dropped off once he left that team. This Clippers roster certainly doesn’t have a bench player to match-up and in the starting 5 he gives OKC an interesting ability to match-up in small ball.


Death Blow:


This should be one hell of a series if we get it. Shooting, defense, stars are all around on both sides. I genuinely feel like it could go either way and, in this instance, I will simply go with the team with home court advantage.



CLIPPERS, 4-3




Creatures crawl in the search of blood …



Round Three



ALPHA



(1) San Antonio Spurs vs. (6) Orlando Magic

Season series: 3-1, Spurs



What should you be afraid of?


Spurs: The clock not quite hitting midnight yet and the magic lasting for one more round.


Magic: The carriage turning back into a pumpkin.


The Boogeymen:


Spurs: Nothing has changed here, and it will be a similar thing to last round for Orlando. Point Guard play is going to heavily lean to the Spurs. Yandell is going to dominate and terrorize and pump fear into the opposition.


Magic: I just love the choice of having Pastor come off the bench and he is easily better than what any team, Spurs included, can throw out there off the pine to fight against it.


Death Blow:


The Cinderella story ends here. Orlando might shoot themselves into a win or 2, but the Spurs are too strong to lose at this point. They might be too strong to lose at any point.


SPURS, 4-1



OMEGA



(1) Los Angeles Lakers vs. (2) Los Angeles Clippers

Season series: 4-1, Lakers


What should you be afraid of?


Lakers: Depth of the murky waters. Meaning that I believe the roster for the Clippers is a bit more dangerous overall than the one across the hall. In a 7-game series, the Lakers won’t want to have to deal with off-nights, foul trouble or more injuries and put those replacements in.


Clippers: Every damn thing imaginable. It’s like being lost in the book IT by Stephen King. At every turn we may run into a new monster, but it all stems from one central abomination that will feed off every fear and weakness that we have.



The Boogeymen:



Lakers: Do I even need to say it?


Clippers: I’ll be unconventional here and list my favorite little engine that could, Terry Sterner. He has the biggest edge over matchup on the other side by getting to go up against Bjorn Ironside, who is far past his prime.



Death Blow:


From the moment that Pearman chose to ghost Phoenix and latch on with the Lakers, my goal was to do nothing more than make Jon’s Lakers sweat it out. To this point, I am confident that I have done that. If I am honest though, there has been nothing (pre or post-JJ trade) to make me believe that if we go head-to-head that he won’t come out on top. But I’ll definitely put myself in the best position possible to get it done.


LAKERS, 4-2



And though you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver …



CHAMPIONSHIP ROUND



(1) Los Angeles Lakers vs. (1) San Antonio Spurs

Season series: 1-1, Even Steven


I’ll skip all the breakdowns here for this one. This is Freddy vs Jason, with better story and (probably/hopefully) better acting. Two heavyweights ripping and clawing at each other to crown a champion. Delmar Lopez will be great, but he will have his hands full with one of my favorite players in the league, in OG. Yandell will look to prove that his MVP win was not a fluke and more than deserving. Both teams have strong supporting casts and great GMs to put them in the right position. In the end, I just think it is Delmar’s time to take it all and Pearman is the better, more game 2nd banana to take things over the top.


LAKERS, 4-3




For no mere mortal can resist, the evil of … THE THRILLER!

[garbageman]

10 points