Garbageman Live Blogs The 2028-2029 PBSL Draft

[garbageman]

Another year, another draft, and I don't have a pick until late in the second round, so I might as well sate my boredom with the draft by trash talking everyone else's picks, right? I'll get points for it, maybe an article of the year nomination...but that's wishful thinking. Early posted articles don't get anything but self-nominations. I wrote some really great articles at the beginning of the season last year, and what do I see on the season awards? Nothing. Nada. Bupkis. Just Doug nominating his and Chad's discount Horns and Fangs, aka Skype Chat: The Musical.

In either related or unrelated news, depending on how far you think the conspiracy stretches, this PBSL draft class is one of the weaker ones I've seen, so keep in mind, I'm going to probably get bored. I also only looked at the top 7 and a few random guys here and there with funny names. Without a pick, I saw no reason to bring recruits in for my normal, thorough scouting procedures, but I wish Gary all the luck in selling #28 for a couple points. Side note: there's no better indicator of whether you're doing a good job as a GM than watching teams hot potato your 1st round pick around in trades.

Anyway, onto this draft, already in progress:

[garbageman]

PICK 1 - PHOENIX SUNS - BEN FRANKLIN (formerly Oliver Toomer http://pbsl.ijbl.net/players/player90.htm)

I really thought that the Suns would go for the lone PG here, but apparently Ben Franklin was too good to pass up, and selecting a PG would be against everything the Phoenix Suns stood for. For me, the first and second picks were a coin flip. The Suns landed on Franklin and weren't wrong. In addition to being one of the founding fathers, Franklin is an extremely athletic 6'10 guy who can play multiple positions as a two way player at any of them. He's going to be an incredible scorer. He'll need some stamina training, but he's got a lot of impressive potential, and he's readier to go than Levi James (or Chunky Wilkins or whatever Gary decides to name him) or some of the other top prospects.

I think Franklin's gonna be like Giannis Antetokounmpo could have been if Tray was around to not let Giannis get destroyed time and time again by training camps. I'm also getting a little bit of a Grayson Allen vibe, too.

[garbageman]

PICK 2 - UTAH JAZZ - LEVI JAMES

Is Gary really just going to let this mofo keep his given name? If so LeBron's Jewish nephew looks like he could turn into Dennis Smith Jr. He's a 6'0" PG who can handle that ball, steal, and shoot the three ball. His height and his low perimeter defense ratings look to be his only limitations. Other than that, he's going to score and facilitate, and players like James are a rarity in today's modern draft classes -- true point guards who aren't just shooting guards with a few potential trainings to shoehorn them into the point guard role.

In any case, the Jazz have a lot of young players right now. It'll still take them some time to develop, and training camp is going to be a minefield to navigate, but Gary can either be patient and let this team come together over the next few years like he did with his last build, or possibly even cash in for some very good win now pieces if he wants to speed it up...RFA's going to hit at least a few of these guys before the Jazz are competing.

Stay tuned for whoever the computer picks for the Lakers.

[garbageman]

PICK 2 UPDATE - The Utah Jazz have forced Levi James to change his name to Len Bias. Reportedly, the original Len Bias was not using it anymore.

[garbageman]

PICK 3 - LOS ANGELES LAKERS - DAVID LEIKER

The Lakers get the third best prospect sim-picked to them, and his name is befitting of the team. Leiker projects to be a really great player, a staunch defender who can create his own scoring opportunities as well as create opportunities for others. His defense will be elite, and he can really play either guard position with only a slight amount of athletic training. If their primes were aligned, he'd make a great combo with Alvin Briseno. Unfortunately, they're not, and Tray manages to keep the Lakers at his disposal whenever he feels like coming back. The Antetokounmpo max was undoubtedly a masterstroke to make the Lakers the least desirable team for any new GM to walk into. The Lakers are MexicanMamba's favorite team, and after seeing how hopelessly the PBSL Lakers had been run, they were his last choice of all the open teams, even though they're not entirely an open team and not entirely a team with a GM. Still, gotta love seeing them jump in the lottery every year and leave their auto-picked players uninsured.

[garbageman]

PICK 4 - VANCOUVER GRIZZLIES - ELISHA DAVIS

The first move from new GM 79 is a good move...and a quick draft selection. He lands 18 year old PF Elisha Davis who has huge defensive upside. Expect Davis to be on all defensive teams for a while in the near future. He's an athletic PF with good rebounding and blocking skills and elite defense and stealing. His offense is lacking, but not really problematic as the Grizzlies have a lot of cap space and another lotto pick coming up. Now that Louie has been arrested and sent to debtors prison forever, the Vancouver sim-fans finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

[garbageman]

MASSIVE TRADE

The Spurs have sent Jayson Tatum and Juicy James to the Pacers for Pick 8, the Pacers' 2030 1st, Truman Wrenn, and a handful of points. Wrenn's contract will expire at the end of the season, so the Spurs will probably look to move Wrenn by the trade deadline with no chance of bringing him back unless they can pay back their outstanding tax bill. Wrenn is a prospect who looks better on paper than he does in game, but maybe a change of scenery will be good for him, and he'll start putting up numbers that increase his value.

This sends the Spurs on a rebuild that will net them some good (albeit not great) talent to start over with as they get their finances in order. Meanwhile, this is the best move that Pauly P has made in a while. They'll still have a bit of cap space to work with, though not enough to really fill ALL the gaps in their lineup (that's what happens when you refuse to ever go over the cap), so this puts them in playoff contention...perhaps even division winning contention, though if they want to be in the championship conversation, they're going to have to move shrewdly.

[garbageman]

PICK 5 - LOS ANGELES CLIPPERS - NORRIN RADD (Formerly Aron Howard...not THE Ron Howard, but A Ron Howard (no relation to L Ron Hubbard))

MexicanMamba makes his first official move as the new Clippers GM, and it's nice to see two new GMs in a row coming out of the gate with participation. Aron Howard is likely best available at this spot, and while the Clippers are set on the wing spot, Howard could be made into a PG (or a backup combo guard behind Garvin and RFA Virgilio Carrasco). He's got decent speed and athleticism at 6'5 with a beautiful three point shot. He'll also excel at passing and creating his own shot. Just needs to work on ball handling. Luckily, the Clippers have been pretty inactive, so they've not used up a lot of points in the last several seasons and inched their way into decent point savings to improve what looks to be a promising young core and a very rich, very old Zach LaVine.

Now let's head up to Golden State to see which fake blue SF the simputer likes to be redundant next to Timo Cruz.

[garbageman]

PICK 6 - GOLDEN STATE WARRIORS - WILLIAM JACKSON

The President would be crying FAKE BLUES at this guy. He's a 6'6 wing who's kind of in between being a shooting guard and a small forward. His defense will be serviceable at best. His athleticism is good, but not great, and the kid can score...but none of it will matter if the Warriors don't have a GM! While in a vacuum, I like Joshua Schumann a hair more, I think at least Jackson can play a different position than Timo Cruz, who had to play a different position because the Warriors didn't have a true PF, and Van Grimaldi was in Timo's natural spot. Now it's Timo time!

Anyway, we're inching ever closer to the more boring and less researched part of the draft, so I'm going to buckle up and get a sandwich before I go on.

[garbageman]

PICK 7 - VANCOUVER GRIZZLIES - JOSHUA SCHUMANN

Ok..ok...one more. The last blue is off the board, and he's now a Grizzly. Joshua Schumann projects to be a kind of do-it-all-well (albeit slowly) kind of SF. He can score from any distance, and he even has a few nice perks like his perimeter defending and his offensive rebounding. He won't be a great player, but at this point, there are really no game changers left. The new Grizz GM played this draft as well as he could play it if you don't consider the theoretical notion that his picks could virtually be involved in any trade given his open cap situation.

[garbageman]

PICK 8 - SAN ANTONIO SPURS - SHAREEF O'NEAL (formerly Henry Shannon)

Fresh off making a blockbuster trade and getting 10 points for photoshopping Doug's face onto things in the draft lotto preview, Carlos drafts 7'4 Shareef O'Neal. What's not to love about this guy? He's a comically oversized man who can hit the three and grab rebounds. He's even fast enough to play the 4 spot. Very little downside to this pick for the newly rebuilding Spurs. I had some of the greens rated a little higher overall, but no arguments here for Henry Shannon at 8. In fact, I like him more than some of the blue guys that went a pick or two ago.

Anyway, adding another photoshop of Doug in case this gets me extra points. Please make this every player's profile photo.

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[garbageman]

PICK 8.5 - YAWNING

As the Magic try to find a deal for the 9th pick, we're reminded how weak this draft class is. There are a few guys that look like they could be decent, but if I were to trade for them, they'd die in TC at some point before RFA, and it's not even worth the 4 million dollar starting contract for a team that's trying to be somewhat cap conscious. The question remains...will this article even make it out of the lotto?

[garbageman]

PICK 8.55 - MORE BOREDOM

Here's another photoshop of Doug. It's a live shot of him giving me extra points for this.

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[garbageman]

PICK 9 - Brooklyn Nets - Nickeil Alexander-Walker (formerly Roland Sanchez)

After a trade with the Magic that sent 3 points to Orlando to move up 4 spots (and also, for some reason a 2030 2nd round pick swap?), the Nets got their guy in Nickeil Alexander-Walker. Probably best available here, he's a SG/SF with great athleticism and a motor for driving to the basket and making scoring chances (and converting free throws). If you don't foul him, his shot won't kill you though. His defensive game is a bit non-existent, and he's a black hole with the ball, though he does have handles.

Here's a picture of Doug in a killer suit and a Nets hat to commemorate that I'm so bored with this draft that I'm not going to even bother capitalizing the top line for consistency.

dougnets.jpg (172.36 KiB) Viewed 4343 times

Stay tuned as the Heat eat up some draft clock trying to get rid of pick 10 to someone who's really keen on getting Brian Spano as a win-now piece even though he's already hit his ceiling as a middle of the road green current guy at best.

[garbageman]

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Doug giving one thumbs up for each set of 5 points he's going to give me

[garbageman]

BREAKING TRADE UPDATE

Magic buy my 1st round pick 28 from the Jazz for 1 measly point. Speaking of the Jazz, I just realized that Len Bias is an anagram for lesbian. Good thing I have two hands, so I can pat myself on the back for both of these things at once.

[MexicanMamba]

RUMOR: Clippers looking to trade the naming rights for their next lottery pick (but not the pick itself). Wanted compensation unknown.

[garbageman]

PICK 10 - MIAMI HEAT - PAUL MCWHITE (formerly Mark McHenry)

Coming off a great college career and a slight name change, Paul McWhite adds to a young Heat core that's a bit top heavy right now. While he isn't the most skilled at creating his own shot, he can hit them when he gets them. At 6'8 with 71 quickness, he projects to be an excellent athletic player if only adequately skilled in a handful of areas, but that's what these draft classes are starting to look like more and more once we hit the double digits.

[garbageman]

PICK 11 - TORONTO RAPTORS - BRIAN GRINDER (formerly Brian Ginder, though aka Brian Griner, and would've been more comically renamed as Brian Grindr)

Christ, this is a long lotto. Anyway, Brian Grinder is a 7'1 big who can play either frontcourt spot. He's strong. He's able to rebound. He's decent with inside scoring. He looks like the kind of player that's in high supply over these last few drafts. Fortunately, his name stands out so he gets to join RJ Barrett and Bjorn Ironside on the [strike]injured list[/strike] Toronto Raptors. Someone PM me when UFA gets here.

[garbageman]

PICK 12 - CLEVELAND CAVALIERS - ELLIOT RADKE

Radke seems fine in every way, but phenomenal in no way. He's the prototypical good enough PF we've seen in a lot of these drafts. He'll never be an all-star, but he should have a decent career in PBSL, even if he's at best a fringe starter. No wacky rename to conclude the night, and with day 1 closing, we almost made it through the Lotto.

Stay tuned for day 2, when every pick will be for sale for anywhere between 5 and 1 point as the draft drags on.

[garbageman]

PICK 13 - MILWAUKEE BUCKS (FROM ORL) - RUI HACHIMURA (Formerly Paul Godoy)

The Milwaukee Bucks trade up 5 points and pick 29 to the Orlando Magic for the rights to rename next gen Melvin McCall as Rui Hachimura. He's one of the most athletic players out there for his size, and he can sink the occasional three or free throw, but he only plays offense and probably would be better suited playing an Olympic Sport.

PICK 14 - OKLAHOMA CITY THUNDER - BASIL GARDEN (Formerly Basil Creasy)

Like a 90 day fiance, Basil Garden married his way into PBSL, taking the surname of now-husband Frank Garden of the Houston Rockets. It's a touching story for the shooting focused Basil. He's decent everywhere else that a SG should be at least decent, and I'm sure he'll get some fine bench minutes behind Clifton Cage once the Thunder bring him back.

The rest of the prospects in this draft can now all breathe a sigh of relief now that their biggest fear is not getting drafted instead of getting drafted and being forced to change their name to something goofy.

[garbageman]

As the draft clock is a half hour over-expired, we wait with anticipation to see if the Boston Celtics are given a yellow potential guy instead of a fake green as punishment.

[garbageman]

PICK 15 - BOSTON CELTICS - JOHN SYLVIA

And it happened...the simputer picked the best remaining guy listed as a PF instead of the best remaining guy who could feasibly play PF. It seems like last year at pick 15, we still had about 20 y/g PFs left to go. Dying breed?

PICK 16 - UTAH JAZZ - BRIAN SPANO

Son of Saved By The Bell's Jesse Spano, Brian is a ready to go SF who should help the rebuilding Jazz win a championship right away. He's like if Rui Hachimura or Paul McWhite was ready to go now, but did more things averagely than poorly and also still did some things poorly.

[garbageman]

PICK 17 - WASHINGTON WIZARDS - RUSSELL CARABALLO

The Wiz give the Magic some points to trade up and grab Russell Caraballo, who I think is a good pick for 17. He doesn't look AMAZING for a C, but he looks better than functional, and I found that training a green player with low STA often results in a blue player (see Phil Milburn, Jarrett Allen). I think this is a smart move by a prospective General Manager of the Year candidate.

PICK 18 - DETROIT PISTONS - RANDY ABNEY

He was the last green potential player, so that formally concludes anything interesting about this draft...which is great because I've been dying on the inside for about 10 picks. Unless something crazy happens trade-wise, like someone gratuitously overpaying for a late first rounder, I will formally conclude this article as well because nobody cares about any of the rest of the players according to me. Sim to the end of the draft. Let's get RFA going. NaCl baby!

[kucoach7]

2850 words rounds up to 11 points for the Doug pictures