As he takes a long look in the mirror, Paul George can't help but reminisce on how he got here. Selected by the Utah Jazz with the first overall pick of the 2010 draft, George spent seven long seasons playing for the team which first gave him a shot at glory — that is, until he was traded to the Orlando Magic as part of an attempted rebuild. After that, Paul George got the ultimate revenge by proving his worth, earning accolade after accolade, eventually becoming a Finals champion in 2018 and 2021. But then, after all that was said and done, he shocked the world by deciding to return to the Utah Jazz in 2023.
But let's rewind things to the very beginning, when Paul George was a teenager growing up on the hard streets of Palmdale, California.
Raised in a broken home in which he was constantly taunted by his mother and beaten to a bloody pulp by his father, George found himself stuck between a rock and a hard place; he had lost his way in life and desperately sought an outlet to get his frustrations out.
And that's when he first discovered the magickal arts of witchcraft.
At the age of 16, Paul George had enough of his father's drunken bouts; he had grown weary of his mother popping pills and pinning him against the wall as his father repeatedly kicked him in the nuts. He decided enough was enough and, on one fateful night, he planned his getaway: he would run away from home.
Although he had no clue where he would end up, he knew one thing: any place would be better than the hellhole that was his home.
Climbing out his bedroom window, he ran as fast as he could through the woods — but then he stopped in his tracks. In the near distance loomed a fire with individuals dancing around it, speaking in tongues and drinking from chalices. Dressed in dark robes, they were invoking the spirit of Brigid, the Irish goddess of spring, fertility, and healing — and healing was exactly what Paul George needed right now.
Eager and curious, he slowly tiptoed toward the ritual, trying to conceal his presence. But it didn't take long before his presence was noticed by the members of the coven. As soon as they noticed him, they stopped in their tracks and gazed in awe at the size of this man.
"Halt! Who goes there?", asked one of the coven leaders.
"I—I—my name is Paul George, and I'm a budding basketball superstar with high-hopes to make it in the PBSL, the internet's premier simulation basketball league," the nervous George responded.
"Hm, interesting. You know, I like you," the coven leader continued. "With a little bit of luck — and magick — perhaps we could help you out. But only on one condition: you join our ranks."
"Well goddamn, that's all you had to say man. Sure, sign me up. I don't know what y'all do exactly but I'm all for it. Just as long as it gets me into the league, I'll be a happy man," the excited George responded.
And so, he raced toward the circle with a fiery passion in his eyes. Upon being handed a robe of his own, he quickly put it on; and despite his rather large size, it fit the big man perfectly. It wasn't long before George was joining them in dance and drink, quickly learning their intriguing chants: "Eko eko azarak, eko eko zomelak" — the opening lines of a chant made famous by Gerald Gardner, the founder of the Wiccan religion. Although he had absolutely no f*cking clue what he was doing, Paul George was elated, for he had exchanged his abusive family for one that truly embraced him; they had taken him under their wing and for once in his life, Paul George truly felt apart of something special, apart of something meaningful and beautiful.
As time went on, George quickly rose through the ranks, eventually becoming a high priest. And then, he became the leader of the pack.
"Listen, my brothers and sisters, and listen closely: tonight is the PBSL draft, and I have high hopes of being drafted with the first overall pick by the Utah Jazz, a team eager to make a playoff push in the league. I desire your blessings and prayers; so please, I'm begging of you, let's make this sh*t happen."
The members of the coven, who sat attentively in a circle surrounding the high priest, all nodded in approval. They stood — as if on que — and quickly began mustering together a ritual: "Isis, Astarte, Diana, Hecate, Demeter, Kali — Inana" they chanted as they invoked numerous goddesses, urging them to help raise Paul George to glory. Once the ritual reached its conclusion, they all took turns drinking from a chalice which contained Paul George's dehydrated urine, a symbolic gesture to the high priest.
On June 30th, 10 days after the summer solstice, the fateful night had arrived. As the members of his coven sat in attendance, all dressed up in their black robes, Paul George sat confidently amongst the other prospects, wearing a suit and tie. His moment had finally come.
"And with the first pick of the 2010 PBSL Draft, the Utah Jazz select... Paul George of Fresno State."
Paul George leaped in the air with excitement, hastily racing toward the commissioner, ripping the microphone out of his hands.
"I'd like to take a moment to thank the members of my family — y'all know who you are — for making all this happen. If it wasn't for them and their magickal ways, I wouldn't be here tonight. But now I'm ready to kick some ass in this league," George proclaimed with glee.
The crowd rose to their feet, applauding as tears rolled down the cheeks of the members of the coven. Their little Paul George had finally made it.
After that, the rest was history: Paul George went on to dominate the league, winning countless All-Star selections as well as the Finals in both 2018 and 2021.
And it was all thanks to his brothers and sisters.