This press conference is brought to you by Colt 45.
There's a small stage and a podium. The reporters are gathered around, anxiously waiting for Darth to arrive. He finally walks out.
Instead of stepping up to the podium, he instead walks around to the front of it.
You can see some of the newer reporters confused faces. But the vets are all to used to Darth's odd and sometimes strange pressers so they expect anything.
Darth kneels down and plops his legs over the front of the stage. He seems rather relaxed. He leans back against the podium that is directly behind him.
Darth: Well it has been one hell of an off-season hasn't it. I won't keep all of you too long in here today. I'll hit the main points and give it to y'all to ask questions. As you all know, we were excited about this off-season and upcoming season. We had a master plan going into the off-season and knew that if we pulled it off that the rest of the league was in trouble. It started with RFA. We knew that the best chance at adding talent before we had to pay our players in UFA was to overpay a few guys in RFA. So we scoured the list and picked out 3 players that we thought we had the best shot at. We landed on 2 of them and forced their respective teams to decline the contracts we offered. Enter Phil Milburn and Gary Perez who we are very excited about. Phil has some stamina issues but he's been working thru those and we are expecting him to be a big contributor this season.
After RFA, we had a monster trade waiting in the wind for DPOY DeAndre Jordan. The rest was the easiest and most slam dunk part of our master plan. Resign our 2 free agents to 2 5 year super max contracts. It was clear that this team was going to be a heavy favorite for the title this season. Our thoughts was only a complete moron would turn down a 5-year super max offer from the team that had a 102.342% chance at winning several championships. Well to keep it simple, we underestimated the intelligence of one of those free agents. That free agent took another offer from some other team and that was that. Did it set us back? Sure. But we have moved on and we will go to war with the squad we have.
As far as predictions for the season go...I'm not that sure to be honest. I predict we will have one of the most potent defenses in the league. I do believe our offense will struggle a bit. I think if we can match the league's best defense with say the 13th best offense, I think that could look pretty good. I expect our rebounding to be solid as well. We learned nothing from pre-season since as usual the settings were absurd and not even close to how we will run our team. One thing we do know, Klay Thompson is excited and MORE than ready to carry the offensive load for this team. His leadership impact on the team was almost immediate when they came into training camp. John Wall is back and in shape and ready to roll as always. He is a top 3 point guard in this league and is always overlooked by the more flashy points. But he is fine with that, he keeps his head down and dishes more dimes than that other player's IQ. So I think we are ready to get this season started.
I will now open the floor to questions. Warning though, I will NOT be answering any questions about players that are NOT currently on this roster. Thanks for coming!
jaykay
Knew you'd love it baby!