2019-2020 Chicago Bulls Preseason Presser

[garbageman]

phpBB [video]

Bulls GM Garbageman looks confused AF on his way to the podium for Bulls Media Day as he listens to the unfamiliar strain of "Real Bad Girl" by Audionautix, one of the foremost royalty free songs available on YouTube. The repetitive instrumental track, with its lack of vocals, home studio level production quality, and abrupt ending leave the music better suited for a Pornhub clip than a press conference for a simulated basketball league on the internet. Or maybe just as suited. Either way, to Garbageman's chagrin, the days of dishing out royalty checks to bands like Thin Lizzy and Chicago are long gone because change is in the air in the Bulls front office (and hopefully their win-loss record), which would have been perfect if the funds for David Bowie's "Changes" had gotten approved, but they unfortunately had not.

GM: Hello, everyone, and thank you for coming to the Chicago Bulls media day event. I'm sorry about the music, I'm not sure what happened there, but...

THIS asshole walks out, interchanging clapping and thumbsing up and otherwise gesticulating positive signals with a shit eating grin on his face. Garbageman swallows some rising bile.

GM: A warm Windy City welcome for our new owner, Harris Perry!

Harris Perry, a man who's greed is rivaled only by how much he doesn't give a shit about winning, joins Garbageman at the podium.

HP: It's fantastic to be here. Like you said, I am Harris Perry, the new owner of the Chicago Bulls, and it's going to be a very exciting time to come to the United Center.

GM: That's right, Harris. We brought most of our young core back and made some key additions as well. We traded our draft pick fo-

HP: Key additions like our $50 mega cola! For just a picture of Ulysses S. Grant, you get a special straw that taps directly from your seat to a cola trough. All the cola you can drink!

GM: Yes, as I was saying, we traded our draft pick for Keith Pfeffer, who developed very nicely in training camp. We think he'll fit nicely in either guard position and will complement Dennis Smith, Jr. and Vernon Desantis as the future leaders of this team.

HP: Speaking of Keith Pfeffer, be sure to stop by one of our many apparel vendors when you catch a game at the United Center to pick up your very own set of Keith Salt and Pfeffer shakers!

GM: While the organization was sad to let go of Phil Milburn, we wish him the best in Charlotte.

HP: I'm sure he'll do fine on that max contract they offered him. Look, I didn't get the chance to know him, but I don't blame him for taking that paycheck. The way the Bobcats are throwing money at guys like Milburn, you'd think that Obama came out of retirement and bought a PBSL team!

GM: Right, yeah. Anyway, with the addition of MLE contracts, we were very excited to bring Danilo Gallinari back to Chicago! He played great ball for us during a successful stretch of seasons, and we think he'll bring leadership and that winning mentality back to Chicago! He joins Bismack Biyombo and Vernon Desantis as a different kind of frontcourt weapon, and we think he'll be a key factor in improving from last season.

HP: But if his jerseys don't sell, good luck on that team option, buddy! He wanted to wear #15 again, but I thought to myself...how many Chicago Bulls fans already have a #15 Gallinari jersey? So we made him change his number to 50, so everyone can share the joy of buying a brand new Danilo Gallinari jersey!

GM: And finally, our SF duo of TJ Warren and Doug McDermott both came to training camp ready to improve. We think TJ is going to have his best year yet, and Doug is going to be a huge offensive punch for us off the bench.

HP: Alright, and now that Garbageman's done handing out the participation awards to most of our team, let's get on with the questions because time is money.

[NOLa.]

Last season your team had it all, a young rookie PG ready to play now (pretty much unheard of these days), a rising star at C in Desantis, veterans in their prime liek TJ Warren, Biyombo and Oladipo, but you came out with 30 wins to end the season. How is this team any different than last, and do you think you've improved the team enough to make the playoffs and possibly compete for the division title?

[garbageman]

Last season your team had it all, a young rookie PG ready to play now (pretty much unheard of these days), a rising star at C in Desantis, veterans in their prime liek TJ Warren, Biyombo and Oladipo, but you came out with 30 wins to end the season. How is this team any different than last, and do you think you've improved the team enough to make the playoffs and possibly compete for the division title?

Last year, our team looked a lot better on paper if you were just doing a quick eye test. Desantis and Dennis Smith, Jr, while playable, still have plenty of room to grow, and the Bulls probably won't be title contenders until they're both further along in their development. However, they're both further along than last year.

Our core of Victor Oladipo, TJ Warren, and Bismack Biyombo were still just reaching their primes, and another year means another year of development for all three. Biyombo, especially, had difficulty staying on the court, so we paid a lot more focus to cut down on his fouls. This should expand the types of defensive schemes we can play.

We also improved our bench depth by trading our #10 pick for Keith Pfeffer, who we expect to contribute this year, and bringing back Danilo Gallinari gives us a more potent offensive weapon on the front court to interchange with Biyombo's staunch defense, and Vernon's developing 2 way game.

[NickMalone77]

Where do you see yourself amongst the rest of the Central division?

[false9]

The composition of your team is a nice mix of veterans and younger players, but given VD's looming max contract in RFA next offseason, is it likely we'll be seeing players like Oladipo and Biyombo on the move?

[garbageman]

Where do you see yourself amongst the rest of the Central division?

GM: Hopefully, higher than we were last year. It takes time to grow a team from a 30 win team to a serious contender. We're only concerned with getting better than we were last year as individual players, and as a team. Our goal is to put up a better record, as much as we can, and everyone on this roster believes we can be a playoff team.

HP: I see us as one of the most entertaining teams to come see play live, win, lose, or draw. Our merchandise is of the finest quality. Regardless of our record on the court, I hope to make the Bulls brand stronger and even more synonymous with the great city of Chicago.

[garbageman]

The composition of your team is a nice mix of veterans and younger players, but given VD's looming max contract in RFA next offseason, is it likely we'll be seeing players like Oladipo and Biyombo on the move?

GM: Not for the foreseeable future. We're prepared to retain Vernon Desantis at all costs...

HP: Well, never say never. We have to be responsible with the contracts we offer.

GM: We'll see how the season goes. If we don't see improvement, we're not going to keep going in the same direction over and over again. I think we're moving the right way, though. I'm excited to see this young group perform with another year under their belts, and I would recommend keeping a team together so long as they're still growing together.

[Conroy]

Dennis Smith Jr had an excellent rookie season and is a very well-rounded point guard. He is more of a floor general than scorer. Will that be a focus for his future, or will you try to develop his scoring ability?

[IamQuailman]

Is this the year that Desantis breaks out?

[WigNosy]

Danilo is back home... do you expect a return to his glory days now that he's back in Chicago?

[garbageman]

Dennis Smith Jr had an excellent rookie season and is a very well-rounded point guard. He is more of a floor general than scorer. Will that be a focus for his future, or will you try to develop his scoring ability?

Dennis definitely has the potential to score as well as distribute. We're hoping to develop him in both areas.

[garbageman]

Is this the year that Desantis breaks out?

I still think Vernon has some room to grow, and no decisions have been made yet about who will be starting at PF and C with Vernon, Bismack, and Danilo all in the mix. I think he'll keep improving steadily from last year, but I also think he's still a year or two away from growing into the dominant center that he's projected to be.

[garbageman]

Danilo is back home... do you expect a return to his glory days now that he's back in Chicago?

We hope so. Even at the dreaded age of 31, Danilo was able to retain his athleticism. He's probably not as suited to play SF as he was four seasons ago, but we still think he's going to be one of our main contributors on offense.