Pistons Pre-Season Press Conference

[Wombataholic]

Good afternoon and thank you for joining us.

Last season was a success, despite a rash of injuries to Lance Stephenson, Bojan Bogdanovic, and Taj Gibson. Our rookies Stephen Keitt and Douglas "Kimbrough Slice" Kimbrough got a lot of valuable experience as a result.

Our strategy evolved as the season progressed, from trying to get the #1 overall seed to trying win our division without grabbing the top seed and hoping that the Southeast winner got #1. We saw that the Magic and Hawks were both loaded with talent and that whoever didn't win the division would undoubtably get the 4 seed and a second round matchup with the 1 seed.

The strategy almost worked, as we lost in 7 to the eventual champion Orlando Magic in the conference finals.

As was mentioned in last year's pre-season press conference, Anthony Davis AKA, The Messiah, took your sins upon His own big toe, going from purple/purple, to merely blue/purple. Even in His wounded state, He still earned His second MVP trophy in as many years.

Despite a second season where he missed more than 20 games due to injury, Lance Stephenson continued to be one of the underrated players in this league, averaging almost 14 points, 7 rebounds, and 6 assists per game.

Our draft went quite well. We were able to package Jerrod Stepp and our 2020 first round pick for pick #11 and grabbed James O'Connor, who we had ranked as the second best non-blue potential player. O'Connor is already a skilled player, and after a few years of working with our trainers on his athleticism, we believe he will be a great asset to the Pistons organization.

With pick #26, we picked Dion Baily from North Texas. Baily is very similar to Steppe, just slightly slower and a worse jumper, but at least he won't get winded trying to tie his sneakers. Like O'Connor, we don't expect Baily to contribute this year in any meaningful way. The long-term plan for Baily is to be Anthony Davis' backup.

We kept one of our second round picks, Lon Beamon. He's a big warm body who has already peaked as a player. He'll probably ride the pine for two years, then go sell insurance in his hometown of Riverbank, CA.

Our other second round pick, Scott Ramos, has already been sent packing. Pistons management went home after the first round ended and we left our intern Dave in the War Room to call in whoever he felt like picking.

On the first day of free agency, we accidentally signed Rudy Gay to a 4 year deal at age 32. During the second wave of signings, we brought back Odis Jackson on what we felt was a generous deal for two years. Both Jackson and Gay will be starting for us this year. During the third round of free agency, we signed a handful of nobodies that will play minimal minutes for the league minimum.

We're sad to see that Bojan Bogdanovic and Ramon Sessions move on to what they believe are greener pastures. We wish them well on the Heat and Suns.

Training camp was a mixed bag. Our Lord and Savior Anthony Davis has been resurrected to purple/purple status, Rudy Gay retained his blue/blue status, and Kimbrough Slice and Stephen Keitt made improvements. Unfortunately, Lance Stephenson got hit during camp and is down to green/green. He'll still be our starting SG, but the timetable for Kimbrough Slice to take over as starter may be moved up. As predicted, Vasquez and Bynum got old and fell apart.

Looking to the season ahead, I expect us to finish second in the central division, win around 52 games and grab the 6 seed. I think the Bulls win the division and the Bobcats and Wizards finish ahead of us in the playoff standings, with the Hawks getting the 1 seed and the 76ers winning their division.

I'll open the floor to questions.

[ballsohard]

How does one accidentally sign someone to a contract?


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[Wombataholic]

How does one accidentally sign someone to a contract?


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By not fully paying attention to the number of years one is offering a player. We meant to offer Rudy a 2-year deal, but accidentally signed him for 4. So in a year or two, we'll be offering points to someone to take his contract off our hands.

[ballsohard]

How does one accidentally sign someone to a contract?


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By not fully paying attention to the number of years one is offering a player. We meant to offer Rudy a 2-year deal, but accidentally signed him for 4. So in a year or two, we'll be offering points to someone to take his contract off our hands.

Can we be sure the Bucks GM didn’t enter your bids , or “hack” them?


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[garbageman]

Do you feel added pressure to win this year since it's AD's contract year and every team with cap space will go after him?

[NOLa.]

We all know about the Rubio attempted hostage situation last offseason. Explain to the league why Rubio and other offers haven't persuaded you to pull the trigger and go all in with Davis.

[Wombataholic]

Do you feel added pressure to win this year since it's AD's contract year and every team with cap space will go after him?

We do not. We have faith that our Lord and Savior Anthony Davis will not forsake us. From the book of Isaiah Thomas:

Anthony Davis gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in Anthony Davis will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

[Wombataholic]

We all know about the Rubio attempted hostage situation last offseason. Explain to the league why Rubio and other offers haven't persuaded you to pull the trigger and go all in with Davis.

Right. The "hostage situation." This is what the "hostage situation" was like, with the Bucks GM as Archer and Rubio as Lana: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbtzrdp43WA

In the last two seasons, the Pistons have won a title and been a game away from the finals. There's no need to go all in. We're following the Hawks' model of sustained success.

[Wombataholic]

How does one accidentally sign someone to a contract?


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By not fully paying attention to the number of years one is offering a player. We meant to offer Rudy a 2-year deal, but accidentally signed him for 4. So in a year or two, we'll be offering points to someone to take his contract off our hands.

Can we be sure the Bucks GM didn’t enter your bids , or “hack” them?


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Pictured: Bucks GM "Hacking" the Pistons' bids.

[IamQuailman]

We all know about the Rubio attempted hostage situation last offseason. Explain to the league why Rubio and other offers haven't persuaded you to pull the trigger and go all in with Davis.

Right. The "hostage situation." This is what the "hostage situation" was like, with the Bucks GM as Archer and Rubio as Lana: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cbtzrdp43WA

In the last two seasons, the Pistons have won a title and been a game away from the finals. There's no need to go all in. We're following the Hawks' model of sustained success.

M8, I know you are jealous that Phil O'Neil outperformed James O'Connor in training camp, but no need to act out publicly.

[Darth Vegito]

What do you say to the GM comparisons to long time PBSL GM C_Prej?

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[JNR]

GWR: Stephenson took a step back this year. Are you still confident in his ability to contribute?

[Wombataholic]

GWR: Stephenson took a step back this year. Are you still confident in his ability to contribute?

We believe that Stephenson will continue to contribute at a similar level as last year, albeit as the #4 scoring option. Rudy Gay will be the #3 scoring option, as #1 and #2 are both Anthony Davis.

[Wombataholic]

What do you say to the GM comparisons to long time PBSL GM C_Prej?

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Not a great comparison.

The Pistons under my guidance have won a title.
C_Prej did not during his tenure.

Pistons winning %: 68.7%
C_Prej: 49.7%

[Conroy]

In the last 3 years, you've made it to at least the second round of the playoffs each year. Do you feel like you've gotten more comfortable gameplanning in the playofs or have gotten into a groove the last 2 years specifically making such deep runs?

[IamQuailman]

Putting aside your erection for my erection, what made you select Douglas Kimbrough as one of your foundational pieces (based on the paid trainings and additional investment in him)? Was it the fact that he shares the same name as me?

[logpmess]

How do you feel about the current development of Stephen Keitt? How long until he becomes your starting point guard?

[WigNosy]

Any worries that Anthony Davis pulls a Kyrie Irving at the end of this offseason if you can't accumulate more talent around him?

[Wombataholic]

How do you feel about the current development of Stephen Keitt? How long until he becomes your starting point guard?

The current plan is that Keitt will take the reins next year. If we see a lot of injuries again this year, he may start a bunch of games this year.

[Wombataholic]

Any worries that Anthony Davis pulls a Kyrie Irving at the end of this offseason if you can't accumulate more talent around him?

It's a possibility that it could happen. All we can do is offer Davis a giant pile of money, keep developing players in our system and hope that it's enough for him. If our Lord and Savior abandons us, we will move on and reload around Keitt.

[Wombataholic]

In the last 3 years, you've made it to at least the second round of the playoffs each year. Do you feel like you've gotten more comfortable gameplanning in the playofs or have gotten into a groove the last 2 years specifically making such deep runs?

We feel like we've gotten quite comfortable with gameplanning in the playoffs. Using the Magic series as an example, we adjusted our play style after games 1 and 2 to suit the opponent. We took a risk in game 7 and it didn't quite work out as hoped.

[Wombataholic]

Putting aside your erection for my erection, what made you select Douglas Kimbrough as one of your foundational pieces (based on the paid trainings and additional investment in him)? Was it the fact that he shares the same name as me?

Kimbrough Slice is a well-rounded athlete whose skillset checks most of the boxes of what I look for in a player. The end goal is for him to take over the starting 2 guard spot in a few years from Lance Stephenson, who we expect to bounce back from a hit in training camp and earn himself a max contract this offseason.