It's the beginning of yet another season in PBSL, but for the Utah Jazz, it is also the dawn of a new era. After trading away Paul George to the Magic during the off-season, Digiskunk seemed pretty excited to discuss his first-ever rebuilding project — and it definitely showed in his pimp-like demeanor as he walked up to the podium, beer in one hand and a fat, stinky blunt in the other.
Digiskunk: Greetings everybody, thank you for being able to attend this press conference this evening. As you're already well aware, things are going to be quite different this upcoming season. Last season, which was full of its ups and downs, left a bitter taste in the mouths of management, so we decided to go ahead and begin rebuilding the squad from the ground up with hopes of a better tomorrow. Of course, it goes without saying that it was an immensely difficult decision to let Paul George go the way we did, but after hours of deliberation and humoring offers from around the league, we settled on the best course of action and then went into auto-pilot mode — whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.
Digiskunk: We entered last season incredibly optimistic after acquiring some valuable bench talent in the form of Michael Beasley, Patty Mills, Jon Brockman, Steven Hill, and a bunch of other no-name losers who never did jack sh*t for us (see: J.J. Barea). We honestly felt that this was the best squad that we had assembled in years. But after finishing the season with a disappointing 40‑42 record, reality set in: Paul George was entering the final year of his contract, and we were going to face some harsh taxes for being in the luxury tax for the 4th year in a row. Unlike the real Cleveland Cavaliers, we knew that now was likely the time to rebuild the squad.
Digiskunk: And that's when Andy, general manager of the Magic, reached out to us with an offer too good to be true: overall picks #2, #5, #11, and another future 1st (our own) in exchange for Paul George. We pulled that trigger quicker than Lee Harvey Oswald in the book depository building. Boom! Back and to the left. "I've been hit!"
Digiskunk: Enter the PBSL Draft. This was the first time that I had the privilege of selecting in the first round — not to mention with the 2nd, 5th, and 11th overall picks. I had a lot of scouting to do and I knew that I had to make a big decision. Who would I select with the #2 pick? There were so many options... Ronald Ball, DeSean Hawkins, David Roddy... But after carefully scouting the top 10 prospecs, I formulated a plan: I would skip over the projected selection of Ronald Ball and instead select DeSean Hawkins with the #2 overall pick; I would then select my future point guard, Robert Neeley, with the #5 overall pick; and finally, I opted for some kid named Joseph Kight with the #11 overall pick. The seeds of the future had been planted. Oh shit I almost forgot, we had to let Darren Collison walk. Sorry not sorry!
Digiskunk: This season, fans should expect to see some exciting young prospects play an exciting new brand of Utah basketball. Although there may not be many victories in our immediate future, we're intrigued by what these prospects have to offer and are going to give them as many opportunities as possible to show us what they're capable of. We're also going to continue shopping players around the league, with hopes that we can add more prospects or future assets to our growing collection. And who knows, maybe we'll somehow add another piece or two come next free agency. Crazier things have happened, right?
Overall, we're happy with the direction we went in. Had we not made such a drastic decision to rebuild, we probably would've continued to live in the luxury tax and be mediocre for years to come. Sure, it came at the cost of trading Paul George and letting Darren Collison walk, but who gives a rat's ass? At the end of the day, we're the Utah Jazz, and the sound of a sexy rebuild is simply music to our ears. Now play us off, Keyboard Cat.
Oh crap, I almost forgot — I'll now be taking questions from the press!
