How the Russians Infiltrated SLOE
By: Doug T, Associated Press
Across the nation, Sim League is viewed as a safe haven where sports fans can gather and watch the world's greatest athletes compete on the biggest stage, day in and day out. It is an escape from politics, from disaster, from work stress, from household crisis, from life. It was a safe zone that felt it was impenetrable by outside forces, left to exist in it's own realm. However, theses days nothing is safe, be it physical aggression or cyber attacks. Especially from an aggressive nation state like Russia.
The Andrei Kiri-long Con
The plan had been in place all along. The League had gone through some tumultuous times and was under new leadership with Commissioner IamQuailman. And if there was ever a time to strike, this was Russia's chance. This was the opportunity to sneak in under the radar and plant its seeds. It all began with a little man known as Andrei Kirilenko. Russia spent years genetically enhancing this player to look like a complete NBA package. Long, strong, and able to play at both ends of the court, he was very attractive prospect entering the 1999 Draft.
The goal was for Kirilenko to land on a team that was not rudderless, and this couldn't have been more perfectly timed. The Lakers were coming off a rebuild season, and looking for a player to be the 3rd banana to their 2 budding superstars in Larry Hughes and Kevin Garnett. Entering the league via the Lakers allowed Russia access to one of the league's most prestigious franchises in league history, and association, GM Ballsohard's connection to the mysterious Shadow Council. Another reason why the Lakers picking Kirilenko was a perfect fit was that Phase 2 could go without a hitch and of being suspected. Phase 2 was the deconstruction of Andrei once within the franchise... deconstruction to the point that Andrei would no longer be seen as a potential league star, but just another Joe Blow rotational player. What better vehicle is there for this? None other than Training Camp. And as it is well documented, the Lakers, to that point, had quite the bad luck with players during team-hosted camps.
After being in the league for a few seasons, Kirilenko's presence continued to enable Mother Russia to act as the unseen puppeteer, pulling strings unbeknownst to the league's top executives. GM Ballsohard unexpectedly stepped away from the game. However, after further investigation, Russia could have had more power than expected at that point in league history, to the extent that Ballsohard's departure may have been a product of Russian coersion. So much is undocumented from that time, that it is difficult to say.
After completing his alleged goal of breaking down the Lakers from within, his goal as a sleeper cell was to next take down another franchise, one that was home to the league's best player: Tim Duncan.
42 Viktor-ies for Mother Russia
Sometimes chaos is good for the league; sometimes it is bad. Chaos was introduced to the league in 2001 in the form of 42PhD. As a friend to league executives, basketball savant with expert-level understanding of salary cap and part-time astrophysicist, 42 came in as someone who could potentially help bring this league to a new level. In his early seasons, his plethora of new ideas and a fresh pair of eyes helped shine light on new topics of conversation and could be attributed to the reason the league has adopted a node-based inputting system. However, for all the positives he brought, negativity also came with. Intentional incorrect DCs, failed free agency submissions, and malpractice across the board were all accusations from the Cleveland GM. However, in 2006, one move he made rose a flag.
Viktor Khryapa is not a name that most in the league are familiar with. He was a nobody that was drafted and released by the Portland Trailblazers in 2004. He sat dormant for 2 seasons, waiting by his phone for a call from a front office... or so we thought. Viktor was brought in by the Cavaliers on one of the league's last 4yr vet min contracts. According to league archives, Viktor hails from Ukraine. However, after digging deeper, he was actually born IN Russia and actively respresented the Russian national team during international play. He was picked at random by GM 42 as one of his "cannon-fodder" vet min players. But in the off-season, it was documented that he took a trip to Russia and came back bigger and better than ever before.
Viktor remains in the league to this day (albeit as a free agent this season), despite 42's last ditch attempt to create anarchy and wide-spread league controversy (and subsequent removal in 2007). However, some reports are now emerging that prior to Viktor's signing, 42 was less angry with the league, more positive and constructive with his criticisms, and a great asset to the league. But did his connection with Viktor corrupt his outlook on the league? Unfortunately, his reply was cryptic as always, but take what you may from it:
Where There's a Will, There's a Timofey
If you have to give Russia credit to one thing, it's attacking from all sides, staggering those attacks, and using sleeper cells for different purposes. Timofey Mosgov came into the league in 2008 as your run of the mill big. Great at blocking, great at rebounding, great at defending, above average defensively. He played his game, and kept to himself, according to former teammates. One unnamed teammate was quoted, "The guy could barely speak English. It was hard enough getting into the right sets, much less communicating off the court." As a result, he was a bit ostracized by his lockerroom, regardless where he went. However, with recent reports implying, that wasn't a big issue. According to his phone bill records, he used his cellphone for 600 minutes every month to an undisclosed number for the exact same amount of time on the exact same day and hour, every week. Odd, but nothing to raise flags with alone.
Fast forward to RFA in 2012 when the Pacers accepted the RFA rights for Timofey. Once accepted, Timofey fired his agent and replaced him with Nikolai Radmanovic, who was then a 1st time NBA agent. Despite being green behind his ears, Radmanovic managed to make Timofey green inside his wallet, netting his client a max contract from the Phoenix Suns. An anonymous Suns former front office executive said that the negotiation tactics were "some of the most fierce" he had ever encountered and that the team felt "backed into a corner, almost threatened if they didn't meet demands". The contract was 100% guaranteed, paid-in-full upfront despite the staggered cap hit. No wonder the Pacers didn't match.
What is interesting is that the money was wired directly to an off-shore bank account immediately following the transaction being made official. Furthermore, Timofey continues to live in a 1-bed, 1-bath apartment and drive his 1998 used Corolla, despite signing one of the more lucrative deals in NBA at that time. Our investigation team was unable to trace where the money went after it was sent to the offshore bank, but upon completion of his contract negotiations and signings, Nikolai Radmanovic fired his client (yes, I said that right) and retired to his home in Russia. He was unavailable for comment. That said, some inside sources claim that this money is being utilized to fund any and all infiltration efforts for the cyber age.
Timofey remains mum on his contract situation and does not speak about his financials. However, we were able to snap a photo of him on the streets of his newest hometown, Salt Lake City (see below). It is rumored that the Jazz GM digiskunk has allowed him to live out of his Salt Lake City condo in exchange for wins against the Sacramento Kings and Philadelphia 76ers.
Make Love, Not Porn Bots
Small blips have been popping up on league message boards. Seemingly random posts from spambots featuring pornographic GIFs and links to some pretty kinky 70s sex tapes. At first we thought this was just some weird glitch with php forums, but perhaps... this was only a test run for future cyber attacks by the Russian government.
Trade DEADline
And here we are today, a league recovering from a complete teardown from within. Knowing that trade deadline is one of the most active and most anticipated days in the sim league season, the Russians launched a full-scale cyber attack on the network and servers, taking down the only official means of communication with regard to league transactions and announcements. However, if there's anything we as a fan base have learned about this league is that with great adversity comes even greater willpower and determination to overcome all obstacles. The league front offices pledges to up its defenses against these cyber attacks and ensure that any attempt is thwarted without disruption. It was documented that these updates may not be in initially, but the Russians will not win. The league is P/P; and before they know it, the Russians will be R/R.
