Thought it might be interesting to look at each franchise's history and pick out its "arch rivals" - for the purposes of this article, the newly-minted Bobcats will not be considered (sorry Darth!) since they haven't had enough history to pick out rivalries.
For each franchise, I'm going to look at four categories:
1. WHO OWNS YOU - What team has the best overall winning percentage against you?
2. WHO YOU OWN - What team do you have the best overall winning percentage against?
3. ARCH RIVAL - Which team are you closest to .500 against?
4. ACHILLES HEEL - Which team has beaten you most often in playoff series?
Note that this tally includes playoff matchups (individual games). So with that, let's go take a look at the records (as of Sim 5 this season)...
Who Owns You - The Sacramento Kings. Over their lifespan, the Sixers have gone just 13-38 versus the Kings. Probably a good thing for Philly the Kings are in the West.
Who You Own - The Detroit Pistons. The Sixers are 60-36 lifetime against the Pistons.
Arch Rival - The LA Lakers. Philly is 25-25 all time against them (Minnesota is close, the Sixers are 26-25 against them but if the Wolves win again this year they will even the score).
Achilles Heel - Raptors and Pelicans. Both are 1-0 vs Philly in playoff series. Philly has split 1-1 with the Magic, Clippers, and Celtics and is 2-1 versus the Hawks and Heat.
Who Owns You - The Warriors, who the Bucks have a 18-33 lifetime record against.
Who You Own - The Grizzlies. The Bucks are 33-18 all time against the Grizz.
Arch Rival - The New Jersey Nets. The Nets have won 59 times, the Bucks 58.
Achilles Heel - The New York Knicks. The Bucks have seen the Knicks knock them out in 3 of their 5 playoff matchups.
Who Owns You - The Clippers. The Bulls are just 14-37 against the LA squad.
Who You Own - The Cavaliers. The Bulls are 49-45 against the Cavs. The only other teams against whom the Bulls have a winning record historically? The Rockets (26-25) and... um... the Bobcats (1-0).
Arch Rival - The Rockets (26-25), Knicks (48-49) and Blazers (25-26) are all teams that the Bulls are within one game of .500 against.
Achilles Heel - The Heat and the 76ers. They've both knocked the Bulls out of the playoffs twice. The only Bulls series win ever was once against the Wizards.
Who Owns You - The Kings. Sacramento has saddled the Cavs with a 14-36 career record against them.
Who You Own - The Trailblazers. With a career mark of 28-22 against the Blazers, it's not total domination, but it's the best the Cavs have.
Arch Rival - The Spurs (26-25). The Spurs have already beaten Cleveland once this season and with a win in their final matchup, this series could be tied at 26 apiece.
Achilles Heel - The Atlanta Hawks. Cleveland has had 5 playoff series matchups against the Hawks and lost all 5.
Who Owns You - The Warriors. With a record of 23-33 against the Warriors (that includes one finals loss where the Warriors won it in 5), the Warriors are the team the Celtics must dream of beating. Only three other teams (Spurs, Lakers, Hawks) can boast winning records against the Celtics so here "own" is a relative term.
Who You Own - The Bulls. The Celtics have posted 74 wins against just 33 losses versus the Bulls.
Arch Rival - The Wizards (53-51). When the Wizards left the Atlantic division with realignment this season, the historical series was tied. The Celtics have won both matchups so far this season to pull ahead but this has been a long-time back-and-forth.
Achilles Heel - The Heat. The Celtics have faced the Heat five times in the playoffs and lost 3 of the 5 matchups.
Who Owns You - The Celtics. The Clippers are a career 19-31 against the men in green.
Who You Own - The Bulls and Knicks. With matching 37-14 career marks, the Clippers have crushed both teams repeatedly over the years.
Arch Rival - The Timberwolves. This series is currently tied 52-52. Can't get more even than that.
Achilles Heel - The Spurs. The Clippers have lost three times in playoff series to the Spurs and have yet to beat them.
Who Owns You - The Raptors, who the Grizzlies have a career 17-34 mark against.
Who You Own - Da Bulls. The Grizz are 30-21 all time against Chicago.
Arch Rival - The Wizards and Thunder. The Grizz are 25-25 against Washington and 51-51 versus the Thunder.
Achilles Heel - The Warriors. The Grizz are 0-2 vs the Warriors. At least with the Kings (1-2) and especially the Lakers (3-2) the Grizz have some playoff victory notches. Not so with Golden State.
Who Owns You - Nobody. The closest candidate is the Warriors, where the Hawks have 31 wins to the Warriors' 25.
Who You Own - The Magic. The Hawks have beaten the Magic 82 times and lost only 30 over the years.
Arch Rival - The Warriors, who the Hawks are 31-25 against.
Achilles Heel - The Bucks and Raptors. Both teams have beaten the Hawks thrice in the playoffs (the Hawks have only beaten the Bucks twice but have beaten the Raptors four times - few teams have matched up as often in the playoffs as the Hawks and Raptors).
Who Owns You - The Kings. The Heat have posted a 15-36 career mark against Sacramento. Close behind is the Mavericks, against whom they are just 16-35.
Who You Own - The Pistons. The Heat are 62-36 all time against Detroit.
Arch Rival - The Suns. It had to be the Suns. In the Messi intra-family games, the Heat and Suns are a combined 25-25 all time.
Achilles Heel - The Bucks. The Heat have fallen to the Bucks in 3 of the 4 series they've met in.
Who Owns You - The Warriors. All-time, this series sits at 45 wins for the Jazz and 69 for the Warriors.
Who You Own - The Cavaliers. With a 35-16 career mark against the Cavs, it's easily Cleveland. The Suns have also experienced plenty of Jazz pain (Jazz are 73-46 versus Phoenix) too.
Arch Rival - The Wizards, Pacers, Raptors, and Nets. The first two series are over for the year and tied 26-26; the latter two are at 25-25 and there's a possibility of one team gaining the upper hand by the end of this season
Achilles Heel - Boy, take your pick because there's a ton of pain here. The Lakers, Grizzlies, Timberwolves, and Spurs have all beaten the Jazz twice and the Jazz have never gotten by them. They are 1-2 against the Kings.
Who Owns You - The Hawks. The Kings only have losing marks against three teams, the Wizards (24-26), Celtics (24-26), and Hawks (24-39). This tells you the Kings are the Wicked Witches of the West.
Who You Own - The 76ers. The Kings have ruled Philly with a 38-13 career record in the City of Brotherly Love.
Arch Rival - The Wizards and Celtics (24-26). The Mavericks are the closest team in the West where the Kings hold a 62-57 edge.
Achilles Heel - Mavs and Lakers. The aforementioned Mavericks have beaten the Kings in all three playoff series they've met in. The Lakers have beaten the Kings 3 out of 4 times.
Who Owns You - The Clippers. The Clips have amassed 37 wins and just 14 losses against the Knicks over the years.
Who You Own - The Trailblazers and Lakers, but it's dubious ownage. The Knicks have a 27-23 mark against both teams. Against the Pistons they are 54-48, so more games over .500 but not a better winning percentage. That said, the Knicks look poised to start putting a few more teams on their "we own you list" over the next few years with their young core.
Arch Rival - The Bulls (49-48), Pacers (51-52), and Nets (51-52). All three Eastern Conference foes are within 1 game of a career .500 mark in their battles with the Knicks.
Achilles Heel - Pelicans (nee Hornets). The Knicks have been knocked out by Nick three times in the playoffs (they won twice), more than any other team. With the Pelicans now in the Western Conference, the odds of a lot of playoff series between the two are much slimmer now.
Who Owns You - The Hawks. The LA squad is 20-30 over the years against the Hawks.
Who You Own - The Pistons. By contrast, the Lakers are 35-15 against the Pistons. With numbers like that, you wonder if they wish they had been in the Central instead of the Pacific.
Arch Rival - The Sixers - the split here is 25-25 with two games coming this season. Also the Bobcats (1-1), Timberwolves (59-60), Wizards (25-26) and Magic (25-26) could well be on the list at season's end.
Achilles Heel - The Warriors and Grizzlies. The Lakers are 2-3 in playoff series against both foes.
Who Owns You - The Hawks. The Magic are just 30-82 against the Hawks over the years. Also the Bobcats, against whom they are 0-2.
Who You Own - The Timberwolves. With a 30-22 mark over the years, the Magic have had more success, percentage-wise, against the Wolves than anyone.
Arch Rival - The Nets (55-55) and Rockets (25-25) though the Lakers (26-25) are close too.
Achilles Heel - The Hawks (0-2) and the Wizards (1-2) are the only teams to have beaten the Magic more than once in a playoff series.
Who Owns You - The Hawks. Kind of. The Mavs are 26-34 against the Hawks, and the Hawks are one of just 4 teams with winning all-time records against Dallas (Warriors, Kings, Celtics).
Who You Own - The Heat. The Mavs have a 35-16 all time mark versus the Heat. Close behind are the Rockets, against whom the Mavs are a career 79-39 in the intra-Texas matchup.
Arch Rival - The Spurs (58-56) and Celtics (31-33) are the teams that the Mavs are most even with.
Achilles Heel - The Warriors. The Mavs are 5-4 all time in series against the Warriors. The nine playoff matchups between these teams are the most between any teams in the league history. Almost 1/3 of the time these two teams meet in the playoffs - crazy!
Who Owns You - The Kings, who the Nets have a 16-34 career record when facing.
Who You Own - The Thunder. The Nets have come away victors 32 times and lost just 19.
Arch Rival - The Magic (55-55) and Jazz (25-25) but the Nuggets (25-26) and Bucks (59-58) and Knicks (52-51) and Raptors (49-48) are all really close. Lots of good teams on this list, which tells you the Nets play everyone tough.
Achilles Heel - Lots of teams to pick from - the Sixers, Celtics, and Hawks are all two-for-two in playoff series against the Nets and the Bucks and Magic have beaten them two out of three.
Who Owns You - The Warriors. All time, the Nuggets are 41-83 against Golden State.
Who You Own - The Thunder. With a 67-39 career mark in this matchup, the Nuggets love their division rivals. The Grizzlies (66-41), also in their division, are another favorite.
Arch Rival - The Suns (50-51). Interestingly, these two teams have never met in the playoffs.
Achilles Heel - The Kings. The Nuggets have met the Kings in the playoffs seven times. Only once have they come away winners, meaning the Kings have knocked them out 6 times - more playoff knockouts at the hands of a single team than any other squad in the league.
Who Owns You - The Kings, against whom the Pacers are 18-34.
Who You Own - The Pistons. The Pacers have feasted on their Central division mates, posting 68 wins against 34 losses.
Arch Rival - The Jazz. This is right on .500 at 26-26. The Knicks (52-51), Raptors (51-52) and Nuggets (25-26) are also teams that have historically had tight matchups with Indiana.
Achilles Heel - The Hawks and Bucks. The Pacers have faced each of these squads three times in the playoffs and have yet to beat either one.
Who Owns You - The Hawks, against whom the Pelicans are a career 42-81. Nobody was probably happier for re-alignment because they didn't just get out of the division, they got out of the conference of their tormentors.
Who You Own - The Cavaliers. The Pels were 58-39 against the Cavs, so maybe they weren't quite so happy to leave the Central after all.
Arch Rival - The Rockets. The historical record here is 26-26. Now that they are in the same division look for the rivalry to intensify. Also in the rival discussion are the Thunder (27-26), Raptors (55-54), and Pistons (52-53).
Achilles Heel - The Hawks and Bucks again. The Pelicans went 0-3 in series against the Bucks and 1-3 against the Hawks (and the victory a huge upset the Hawks would rather forget).
Who Owns You - The Kings. A career 14-38 mark against them is not good at all.
Who You Own - The Suns. The Pistons have a record of 29-22 against the Suns.
Arch Rival - The Pelicans (53-52) and Spurs (26-25). The Pelicans rivalry is likely to cool now that they're in the West.
Achilles Heel - The Celtics. The Pistons have been eliminated three times by the C's and only returned the favor once.
Who Owns You - The Hawks. The Raptors have gone 55-82 against them over the years.
Who You Own - The Grizzlies. The Raptors have posted 34 wins against 17 losses to Loco's Grzz.
Arch Rival - The Jazz (25-25). The Spurs (28-27), Pacers (52-51), Pelicans (54-55) and Nets (48-49) have dueled them close to even as well.
Achilles Heel - The Celtics and Hawks. The Raptors are 2-4 versus Boston and 3-4 against the Hawks. Raptors-Hawks and Raptors-Celtics are among the most frequent series we see, historically, in the league history and always great drama.
Who Owns You - The Mavericks, against whom the Rocket are just 39-79. This includes 3 playoff series drubbings.
Who You Own - The Knicks. All-time the Rockets are 33-18 versus the squad from the Big Apple.
Arch Rival - The Pelicans (26-26), Suns, (53-53) and Magic (25-25). Honorable mention to the Blazers (50-51) and Bulls (25-26).
Achilles Heel - The Mavericks and Clippers. The Mavs have eliminated the Rockets all three times they've met, and while they're 2-3 in series with the Clippers, that's still a lot of painful losses.
Who Owns You - The Hawks. These teams have met 50 times and the Spurs have won 19 and lost 31.
Who You Own - The Bulls. The Spurs are 35-16 against the Bulls. A close second is the Suns, against whom the Spurs own a 74-38 mark.
Arch Rival - The Mavericks (56-58), Raptors (27-28), Cavaliers (25-26), and Pistons (25-26)
Achilles Heel - The Lakers. The Spurs have had quite a bit of playoff success, but they've only beaten the Lakers once in the playoffs while coming out losers 3 times.
Who Owns You - The Warriors. The Warriors have inflicted 77 losses and taken just 31 in return.
Who You Own - The Bulls. With a 35-17 mark against the Bulls, the Suns have beaten up on the Bulls like no other team they face.
Arch Rival - The Rockets (53-53) and Heat (25-25) with the Nuggets (51-50) in consideration too.
Achilles Heel - The Kings or Jazz. Both teams have beaten the Suns in 2 of 3 playoff series.
Who Owns You - The Warriors. OKC is just 30-79 all-time against them. The owners of the league record for most losses in a season (at least for now), though, you know a lot of teams have done well against them.
Who You Own - The Bulls. OKC possesses a 28-23 historical mark against them.
Arch Rival - The Grizzlies (51-51) and maybe the Pelicans (26-27).
Achilles Heel - The Timberwolves. They've beaten the Thunder twice in three postseason matchups; no other squad has beaten them more than once.
Who Owns You - The Hawks. Minny is just 19-32 all-time versus Atlanta.
Who You Own - The Suns. The Wolves are 71-40 in their franchise's career against Phoenix.
Arch Rival - The Clippers (52-52), Lakers (60-59) and Raptors (26-25).
Achilles Heel - The Warriors. The Wolves have been ousted from the playoffs five times in five attempts by the Warriors. Out of respect we'll leave it at that.
Who Owns You - The Wizards. In head-to-head battles Portland is just 16-36 versus Washington.
Who You Own - The Nets. The Blazers have compiled a 31-20 mark against New Jersey/Brooklyn over the years.
Arch Rival - The Bulls (26-25) and Rockets (51-50).
Achilles Heel - The Nuggets (0-3) and Warriors (1-3). The Blazers haven't had a lot of playoff appearances, but when they do it's always one of four teams (these two plus the Clippers and Spurs) that knock them out.
Who Owns You - The Hawks, who have given the Warriors 25 wins but also 31 losses. But "own" is definitely not really the right term here as only the Hawks and Kings can say they own a career winning percentage of 50% or better against the Warriors (the Warriors are 59-67 versus the Kings).
Who You Own - The Thunder. The Warriors are 79-30 against OKC. They're also 77-31 against the Suns. Clearly the Warriors have generally loved beating up on conference rivals.
Arch Rival - The Raptors (30-27) are the closest thing the Warriors have to a rival, though they'd have to lost their remaining matchup this year and lose again both times next season for the series to be even again.
Achilles Heel - The Mavericks. In nine playoff appearances, the Mavs have been victorious 5 times. Nobody else has knocked out the Warriors more than twice.
Who Owns You - The Raptors, where the Wizards find themselves on the short end of a 48-67 career record. Against the Bucks they are 43-60 (an identical .417 mark).
Who You Own - The Trailblazers. The Wiz have a sterling 36-16 record in this matchup.
Arch Rival - The Jazz (26-26) and Grizzlies (25-25) with potential for the Lakers (26-25) to be at the .500 mark as well if the Wiz can beat them in their final matchup this year. If the Wiz lose both matchups with the Kings (26-24) they'd be at .500 there as well.
Achilles Heel - The Toronto Raptors (in Washington the last "o" in Toronto is pronounced "o-freaking"). The Raptors and the Wizards have met four times in the playoffs and the Raptors have won all four series, losing a total of four games. Between this and the "Who Owns You" most Washingtonians would be happy to never see the Raptors in a playoff series again.
