Chicago Bulls 2015 Preseason Presser

[garbageman]

The lights are completely off in the press room, save for a blue rectangle projected on the wall. The impressively mustachioed silhouette of Bulls GM Garbage Man can be seen pacing back and forth with arms triumphantly raised. Then a video begins to play.

phpBB [video]

The lights come on in time, and Garbage Man hops around Steve Ballmer-style, air guitaring harmonized solos along with Phil Lenatt and the boys from Thin Lizzy. After a few minutes of this bullshit, Garbage Man steps to the mic and whispers...

GM: The Bulls are back! The Bulls are back!

Then, there's some more air guitar, and Garbage Man exits stage left...

...or he tries to, but he's cut off by someone entering from that very side of the stage. It's...another GM Garbage Man?

GM: What the...

GM2: That's what I'd like to know. What is the meaning of this?

GM: Are you here from the future to warn me about something? We just came off of our best season. We're looking forward to playing more with Dwight Howard, James Harden, Ramon Sessions, Danilo Gallinari, Paul Millsap, Patrick Beverley, Taj Gibson, Zach LaVine, Jae Crowder, and Brandan Wright, and we think that's a great roster...a roster capable of winning more than 48 games.

GM2: I'm here from the present. I think you're from the past. Yes, our roster is the same, and that's a little confusing, and there are two of me here, which is really confusing, but that's just how the chips fell over the offseason.

GM: That's nonsense. Time travel doesn't exist in 2014.

GM2: It's 2015, though. But don't take my word for it...

Charles Blow comes out from the side of the stage holding a newspaper that displays the current date.

GM: Well, shit.

GM2: This is Charles Blow. He's the only player with the foresight to join the Bulls roster in free agency.

GM: If it's 2015, how'd I do last year.

GM2: You did great. The Bulls went 58-24 and made it to round 2 of the playoffs.

GM: Well, I'll be. Who eliminated us?

GM2: (Sigh) The Heat.

GM: Again?

GM2: Yeah.

GM: And you're sure it's not 2014? Well, if you say so. I guess there's not really much new to talk about, so we might as well just ride this out.

GM2: Guess so. Hit it, AV guy!

phpBB [video]

Thin Lizzy's monstrous riffage floods the building again as both Garbage Men begin jamming on the sweet licks...fully able to air harmonize that one killer guitar lead...until...

...a THIRD Garbage Man runs onto the stage. His clothes are torn, his hair is frazzled, his beard has grown considerably. He stops to catch his breath.

GM & GM2: Who the heck are you?

GM3: I'm you from next year.

GM: You look terrible.

GM2: Is this season going to be that bad?

GM3: Worse...Donald Trump wins the election.

Fin

[WigNosy]

With the Raptors and Hawks being unceremoniously booted out of the division due to realignment, do you feel the Central is yours for the taking?

[garbageman]

With the Raptors and Hawks being unceremoniously booted out of the division due to realignment, do you feel the Central is yours for the taking?

I honestly don't. The Bucks had an incredible offseason. They made some great trades and were able to make some valuable signings in Free Agency where we struck out. The Pacers are also looking even more competitive, and they'll be a tough team to beat after some smart signings and good work in training camp. The Central remains a tough division, even without the Hawks and Raptors, and we're not taking our competition lightly.

[false9]

Hams Garania, The Horizontal

Sources are telling me James Harden is on the trade block. Given your upcoming tax bill and the impending free agency of other players, how likely are you to trade your core players this year?

[NOLa.]

What about Charles Blow did you see that made your team jump on the opportunity to sign the former 2nd rounder that was cut by the Sacramento Kings? Is he ready to play meaningful minutes on a contending team like yours?


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[garbageman]

Hams Garania, The Horizontal

Sources are telling me James Harden is on the trade block. Given your upcoming tax bill and the impending free agency of other players, how likely are you to trade your core players this year?

It really depends what offers are out there. We know this roster has what it takes to make an impact, but with so many expiring players, we have to think about our future as well. Right now, that future still centers around James Harden, and someone would have to knock our socks off for that to change.

[garbageman]

What about Charles Blow did you see that made your team jump on the opportunity to sign the former 2nd rounder that was cut by the Sacramento Kings? Is he ready to play meaningful minutes on a contending team like yours?

We liked what we saw from Charles in Kansas and needed more depth for our team when we were well over the cap. He's got a promising inside game and with a little work, could become a decent rebounder in the PBSL as well. With Millsap and Taj, he probably won't see too much playing time, but if he can play above his potential, or if, god forbid, someone goes down, you could see him inserted into the rotation to see if he can click.

[Xist2Inspire]

What kind of production do you hope Zach LaVine can give you in his sophmore year? Will we see him at SF to patch up the one hole in your rotation?

[garbageman]

What kind of production do you hope Zach LaVine can give you in his sophmore year? Will we see him at SF to patch up the one hole in your rotation?

We know Zach is a versatile athlete who can score a lot of points for us, and he played some SF in the playoffs last year. With Danilo and James Harden, minutes are still somewhat limited at the backup wing spot, and at least for the short term, we're going to still be utilizing Jae Crowder for most of the backup SF minutes. We want to give him a chance to prove himself before RFA.

[78#]

You made a trade last season to acquire Patrick Beverly from the Rockets. Do you feel guilty about that trade? Also, where do you view Beverly this season and long-term?

[garbageman]

You made a trade last season to acquire Patrick Beverly from the Rockets. Do you feel guilty about that trade? Also, where do you view Beverly this season and long-term?

I don't feel that guilty. Nowhere in the terms of the trade did I dictate that the Rockets couldn't insure Niko. Plus, they're poised to have a better season than us anyway.

As for Beverly, we're running with Patrick as the starter to begin the season. We really like his skillset and plan on trying to keep him around.

[TheSyndicate]

Danilo had an incredible year last year. Was it an aberration or a sign of things to come?

[garbageman]

Danilo had an incredible year last year. Was it an aberration or a sign of things to come?

We think it's a sign of things to come. Danilo has great size and athleticism for his position, and he's an adept scorer from anywhere on the court. we'd like to see some stronger defense, but we know we can rely on Danilo for at least 20 a night.

[Inner_GI]

garbageman, you may claim 5 points for your Presser.