One night in DC, at the Tattoo Bar on K Street...
...in a not-so-lonely, dark, corner of the room, one man rambled semi-drunkenly to anyone who would listen. I say "not-so-lonely" because if this was just some random bum off the street, not a soul would pay any attention to him. But this was definitely no bum, this was the GM of the Washington Wizards, Jay Felders II, otherwise known as "J2." As such, the man was not only listened to, but spoken to as well...

*hic* ...so coming off the heels of last season and heading into the draft, I felt pretty good. I'd kept our 2000 pick from becoming a top one for another team, sent Juwan packing, and gotten a peek at what the Odom/Lewis combo was capable of. I'd scoped out the draft and formulated a plan. I had no idea I'd end up with the best-case scenario for the offseason, picking up literally
everything I wanted. Yes, DerMarr Johnson & Darius Miles were high-priority targets. Don't laugh. I felt pretty damn good heading into Training Camp...but then I got news that Tony Battie and Brevin Knight did the same thing this offseason that their buddies Joe Smith and Ron Mercer did the last few years, which was party all the time, get drunk, and be stupid. And they can't hold their liquor as well as I can, let me tell ya... *hic*
Random Guy: Yo, J2?

...Sup brah?
Random Guy: What's the goal for this season, man? I'm tryin' to decide if I wanna sell my season tix or not. I mean, I don't wanna blow my time on some sad-ass team, y'know? I mean, I made that mistake in '98-'99 with that 14-win piece of s*** with frickin' Darnell Mee starting...no offense though.

*hic* None taken. A'ight, I'm gonna give it to ya straight, hear? We ain't tanking. But we also don't give a damn if we suck either, right? We have all our picks, and since league offices have placed a ban on all protected picks, we're not trading any of them unless some team wants to give us a damn good player for 'em. You're gonna get some exciting as hell ball, and you're gonna get games that look like complete ass. You're definitely gonna get a glimpse of the future though, because we're gonna ride these young bucks into the ground...
Random Lady: That's kinda racist, don't you think?

*blinks* Umm, do I look like Donald Sterling to you? I'm as black as most of my players, you know what I *hic* meant. Anyway, Lew and Odom nagged me all season long about getting their coach Xist to get them off the bench and let them play, and they're gonna get their wish in spades this season. They're the stars, this season lives and dies on their performances. So if they carry us to wins, cool. Expect to see some moves soon to get them help and keep the wins coming, because losing kinda sucks. If not? Hell, tonight's Caliente Thursdays, a Latin party, a fiesta! What y'all *hic* think of Pau Gasol down here in DC?!?
*a few cheers break out*

*hic* So yeah. I want to find out exactly what I have on my roster, and we're going to try out a lot of new things. Keep those tickets bro, it's gonna be a hell of a buzz...er, I mean ride...yo, bartender! Hit me another, I can't play Jeopardy with these folks without a little liquid courage, eh? Now what else y'all folks wanna know?
*A million questions are fired at the laughing Wizards' GM as the the bartender turns and shakes his head. "Damn shame how some people just can't handle a drink," he mutters as he prepares yet another peach margarita.*