JNR's dress shirt has the top button unbuttoned, and his tie is firmly tied around his forehead. He swings a Labatt Blue wildly around in one hand while he uses the other to steady himself on the podium.
The JNR: I've pretty much been drinking since the end of last season.
He hiccups, then steadies himself.
The JNR: Look. Whatever. My team is built for the regular season. That's just the way it is. We're poop...poopfaces. We're a team full of poopfaces.
Members of the press look at each other awkwardly, then begin rapidly scribbling.
The JNR: I was gonna just give up. Walk away. Retire and make passionate love to my three GMOY trophies. The design of the trophy is actually pretty well made for it, the space between the General Manager's arm is just big enough...
He burps and thankfully loses his train of thought.
The JNR: But yeah. The season sucked but I decided not to quit for some reason. So I tried to decide what to do. I could've just scrapped it all. After all, I only had two players under contract. I coulda sent Bosh away for any of the offers I received, and started over with another rebuild.
He has stopped swaying. He reaches up and casually removes the tie from his head.
The JNR: But early indications show that this may be the worst draft ever. And even if the draft wasn't bad -- what's the fun in just pressing reset every time the road gets a little difficult?
This is weird...it's almost like he's sobering up right in front of our eyes.
The JNR: This league is full of people who kept experiencing disappointment year after year. Who failed every step of the way. Who felt the same death and despair and I felt in our humbling, embarrassing loss. And this league is full of people -- the same people -- who continued to chip away. Who wouldn't pack it up and go home. Who said "screw it...I'll take my lumps, and I'll get stronger." At first I threw a pity party, acting like I was the only GM to have these setbacks. But everyone has had them. And most of those GMs have refused to pack it in. What more proof do you need? Look at this year's champion. Getting a title wasn't easy for the Spurs. But ask him how much sweeter the victory is after all those struggles. I guarantee he'll tell you the failure made this feel so much better.
He throws the Labatt Blue into the crowd, where it hits Will Maukie in the neck.
The JNR: So I resigned Bosh to an enormous deal. I kept Tim Duncan for one more run. I convinced Luol Deng not to sign a max contract anywhere else. And I made a few signings here and there to shore up depth. We probably won't be the division champs again, but it did us no good last time anyway. So this team, this season, is going to be symbolically picking those tools and continuing to chip away. Maybe it will end like every other season has. Or maybe we'll make a masterpiece. The most important thing for us is that we try to get there.
He buttons his top button, rests his elbows on the podium, and smiles.
The JNR: Any questions?
