"I stressed a slow rebuild."
A mute video of The JNR last year, gripping the podium, speaking to reporters.
"I said we would bide our time and wait for the right opportunity to try and compete again."
Chris Bosh goes for a dunk and misses. Rip Hamilton speaks at a Pistons press conference. JaVale McGee tries to dribble and falls over, kicking the ball as he falls.
"I was fully committed to a slow rebuild."
Suddenly, the screen goes black and one man's face pops up.
When the lights come back on, The JNR is standing at the podium with his starting lineup behind him. He looks uneasy.
The JNR: Are you guys actually surprised that my impatience got the better of me? It doesn't make me special. It just makes me a PBSL GM.
The crowd politely laughs.
The JNR: Last year I was ready to start over. I moved Rip, giving us cap space for this year and beyond. I wanted to find a team that could defend around Chris. I had targets in RFA. One of them, Ray Felton, was very interested in our offer and we were able to acquire him from New Orleans. We know we paid a little bit too much for him, but we trust him to be a steady hand and to get our big men the ball.
Speaking of...
The JNR smiles a shit-eating grin.
The JNR: Unrestricted free agency. You'll never believe me, but Carlos Boozer was not one of our targets.
But then we got a call from his agent. He said "Carlos wants to play with Chris. He thinks they can be the most devastating frontcourt in PBSL history." He was willing to leave an extra year of security, over 30 million dollars, for the chance to play in Minnesota. Some things you can't just ignore.
So we signed him, and we signed some depth in Magloire as well. We're excited about all of our acquisitions, including our draft, where we pulled in high-upside shooting guard Marcus Thornton, and also Sundiata Gaines, who we project to be a bench defender. We know that we have many flaws in our team, particularly our defense. We know that abandoning the slow plan leaves us open to several risks.
But I'll be honest, I'm excited. Signing Carlos has given this team an energy we've lacked for quite some time. Maybe we'll break our first-round-and-done streak. Maybe we won't. But no matter what, we'll have a ton of fun doing it.
Here's our projected starting lineup:
PG: Raymond Felton - We paid him like a starter and we want him to act like it. His responsibilities are to man the offense and limit mistakes.
SG: Marcus Thornton - Our #14 draft pick is going to get minutes off the bat, and he's expected to provide some backup scoring punch.
SF: Jason Kapono - He performed admirably last year as a backup, and we think he'll do great as our main shooter.
PF: Carlos Boozer - Score, defend, and work with Chris to create an impossible duo to defend.
C: Chris Bosh - See note on Boozer, then put the word "Carlos" in for "Chris."
Like I said, it should be fun! Any questions?
