SUPERFRIENDS
This is the category of teams that are great in either category and good in the other. They are very talented teams that also get along well. They know each other like the back of their hand, and this allows them to get results.
Minnesota Timberwolves
TALENT: GREAT
COHESION: GOOD
The Wolves have had three heartbreaking first round exits in three years, but it hasn’t hurt the chemistry of this talented group from Minnesota. The secret is the example set forth by best players – and best friends – Chris Bosh and Rip Hamilton, who were inseparable this offseason.
Sacramento Kings
TALENT: GREAT
COHESION: GOOD
The Kings were plagued with injuries in the playoffs, allowing the Nuggets to beat them and win the title, but spirits are high in Sacramento. After another great training camp, TMac and the rest are ready to bring the title back to Sac-town. The secret to success in Sacramento is having a defined leader, and with Sacramento it’s easy to see that Tyson Chandler calls the shots and everyone else listens.
Boston Celtics
TALENT: GREAT
COHESION: GOOD
The East has been unpredictable for the past few years, but if talent wins out this year, it’ll be Boston who wins the conference. Every year this team seems to get better and better, and the locker room environment is one of the best in the league. Expect post-game victory interviews to be short this year: rumor has it the last person in the locker room after a win has to dance in front of the whole team!
STRONG AND SOLID
These are the teams that have good cohesion and good talent. They have a chance to be among the top teams in the league because of their talent and willingness to work together to win. Let's meet em!
New Orleans Hornets
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: GOOD
The reigning EC Champions are ready to make another march to the finals, and it’s behind a team that really loves being around each other, even off the court. Newly signed Antawn Jamison bought a big house outside Metairie, where he regularly invites his teammates to visit to watch movies, play pickup, or just hang out and play video games.
Denver Nuggets
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: GOOD
The Denver Nuggets took a step back in training camp, but they’re still talented – and a happy team overall. “That’s all KG,” Wade said in an interview. “He doesn’t let anyone mope or complain. When I was worried about how bad my TC was, he just slapped me in the face and told me to man up, and I intend to do just that.”
Toronto Raptors
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: GOOD
Don’t sleep on the Raptors. They’ve been dormant for a few sesaons, but the “Big Generic Three” of Thomas, Johnson, and Davis are gelled to the point where they finish each other’s sentences. They only do interviews as a trio now, and that sort of unity spells trouble for the rest of the league.
GOOD, BUT...
This category is filled with teams who are good or great in one category but average or worse in the other. There are some things to like about these teams, but there are questions in either talent or chemistry that could threaten their championship hopes.
Washington Wizards
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: AVERAGE
Rashard Lewis is one of the most talented players in the league, and the rest of his teammates pale in comparison. It seems that he’s aware of that too, and is unhappy that the team hasn’t put more talent around him. An unnamed source in the locker room says there’s significant beef between Gerald Green and Lewis, and that every player has taken a side.
Cleveland Cavaliers
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: AVERAGE
The good news is after years and years of mediocrity, the Cavs finally have something resembling a PBSL roster! The bad news is the upheaval of the boisterous GM has left the team in chaos. No one really knows what to expect this year, and the league-owned team is desperately trying to find a GM to turn this thing around.
Los Angeles Clippers
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: AVERAGE
The Clippers had perhaps the most active offseason, drafting Kevin Durant with the top pick and making some big moves to bring in Dirk Nowitzki and Jalen Rose. Of course, so much roster turnover can have consequences, and in this case the team is still getting to know one another. This will likely improve as the new players get used to their new environment.
New York Knicks
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: GOOD
The Knicks have a new GM, and he’s inheriting a locker room that may not have the talent to compete in the division. However, they are a pretty happy bunch, and that has to do with hometown hero Carmelo Anthony. “He throws the best parties,” Nate Robinson said. “Doesn’t matter who you are, you walk into that party alone and you leave with two, maybe three girls on your arm. It’s awesome!”
Phoenix Suns
TALENT: BAD
COHESION: GOOD
They lost James Posey and signed Andre Miller, who reportedly showed up to training camp 50 pounds overweight and 10 years overaged. So now they look to Jamario Moon and Andris Biedrins for help, which isn’t a good place to look if you want to win. But there’s no division amongst the team. “Of course I’m happy,” Shawn Kemp said. “It’s warm and beautiful here. I can’t think of a better place to retire.”
New Jersey Nets
TALENT: GOOD
COHESION: AVERAGE
The Nets are a very good team, and have been for a few years. But there’s an issue in the locker room that no one wants to address: who is the leader of this team? A reporter asked the GM at a press conference and he danced around the answer. Does he not know? Does the locker room not know? This could cause problems down the road.
Utah Jazz
TALENT: GREAT
COHESION: AVERAGE
Another year, another Jazz locker room without unity. “Tim Duncan will always get this team to the playoffs because he’s so talented,” an unnamed source said, “but that’s as far as it goes. He doesn’t talk to his teammates during the offseason, and in the locker room he prefers to be left alone while he listens to classical music.”
Philadelphia 76ers
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: GOOD
The Sixers aren’t the powerhouse they have been in the past, but with Baron Davis, Luis Scola, and a locker room that respects each other more than anything, don’t count these guys out. To a man, every player says that Josh Childress is the funniest player on the team, and they all say there’s no one on the team they wouldn’t want to get cheesesteaks with.
Golden State Warriors
TALENT: BAD
COHESION: GOOD
Let’s not mince words here: when your best player is a rookie, you’re probably not going to be contending for the Pacific Division. But the GM has always fostered a carefree, party-like environment that every player loves to be a part of. “He runs it like a frat house,” says Ben Wallace, “and I think it really helps us remember what it was like to be college kids again.”
Los Angeles Lakers
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: GOOD
Last year the Lakers upset the Timberwolves and made it to the second round. Although their talent isn’t anything to brag about, it’s their chemistry that seems to lead them to new heights. The two elder statesmen, prep-to-pros Kobe Bryant and Jermaine O’Neal, set a great example for this young squad.
Milwaukee Bucks
TALENT: GREAT
COHESION: AVERAGE
Talent is no question here. With OP Ron Artest running the show, and Amare Stoudemire entering his peak, this team can compete with anyone. However, some dark things are brewing in the locker room, and it has to do with the players’ mistrust of management. “Sometimes I’m afraid I’m going to wake up and find out I’m traded,” Loren Woods said. “This GM seems to have bipolar disorder, he’ll just trade people for no reason.”
MEH
This category is for the teams that are average in both talent and cohesion. These teams could be good, or they could be bad. At this point, it depends on coaching, because the team builders haven't done them many favors.
VanMemphis Grizzlies
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: AVERAGE
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Detroit Pistons
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: AVERAGE
The Pistons had a great first round upset last year, but the hope that you would expect to find isn’t present in the Motor City. The team has young talent, but not enough to contend in the Central division, and what’s worse: “Dwight and Lamarcus hate each other,” a source says. “Like, can’t stand to be in the same room together.” Hopefully they shore up the issue between their two young stars.
NEEDS ATTENTION
The final category is for teams that have at least one category poor or bad, and have no good categories to make up for it. I'm not going to automatically disqualify these teams from making the playoffs, but I will say that if they want to make it, they'll need some vast improvement or teambuilding exercises. Because it ain't pretty.
Chicago Bulls
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: POOR
Chicago is a mess. “Delonte West is definitely a bad influence on the locker room,” an unnamed source said. “What do you expect when your best player has so many neck tattoos?”
Houston Rockets
TALENT: BAD
COHESION: POOR
This team has only one place to look at for hope, and he isn’t on the team yet. Whoever they draft with a top pick (which they’ll earn because they’re so bad) will have to save this team, which suffers from constant infighting. Big Z, long the anchor of stability for the team, is finally growing tired with the direction of the team and wants out.
Portland Trailblazers
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: POOR
We thought it was Dirk, but he’s gone and the chemistry issues remain. At this point the team is scrambling to find out what is the root of the issues in Portland. “Maybe if you pray you’ll find the answer,” a scout said, putting his hands together and frantically gesturing towards the second floor, where the GM and owner offices reside.
Orlando Magic
TALENT: BAD
COHESION: POOR
What a bad way for Penny Hardaway to close out his career. The 3x champion is on a team with no hope of winning and no draft pick next year. “He wants to get out, but at this point he’s afraid no teams will want him due to his contract. It’s a bad situation for everyone involved,” says a team executive.
Atlanta Hawks
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: AVERAGE
The rebuild keeps rolling, and it’s hard to tell if there’s an end in sight. “At this point the GM will have to get lucky and hope a dumb GM gives the best player in the game for nothing again,” a rival GM said. Patience is running thin in Atlanta, particularly with Antonio McDyess, who recently said he was “too old for this shit.”
San Antonio Spurs
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: AVERAGE
Two years removed from the Superfriends category, the Spurs are in a lot of trouble. It’s Magliore, Smith, and then not much else. But hope is on the horizon in the form of two picks that may land in the top 10. The Spurs could come back from this quicker than you think.
Indiana Pacers
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: AVERAGE
No one took the Pacers’ hot start and big crash harder than Deron Williams. “It’s hard to get excited about this team,” he said during training camp this year. “I feel like even if we start out well again, we’re not good enough to keep it going.” Add to that the fact they don’t own their own pick this year, and it may be another long season in Indianapolis.
Seattle Supersonics
TALENT: AVERAGE
COHESION: POOR
The GM finally got some good players on the team, but it may have cost him in chemistry. Reports are that Vince Carter and Shawn Marion both came in trying to create “VanMemphis 2.0”, giving directions to the young players that they objected to. “They just came in trying to run the show with no respect to what we’ve had before them,” an unnamed second-year player said. “What they had before us? They had shit before us,” Carter replied.
Miami Heat
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: BAD
If you poll sources around the league, Miami is voted “worst team to play for” and it isn’t close. Players say they wouldn’t want to join a team “which practically needs a locker room for each player.” They have young talent that should grow together, but the problem is if they will, considering the animosity they have for one another.
Dallas Mavericks
TALENT: POOR
COHESION: AVERAGE
It’s clear that the Mavs are looking for a change of direction. They sent off Jamsion and traded their draft pick so they could pick up Jeff Green, who had heart issues that pretty much neutralized anything he’d be able to offer. The GM is frustrated and it has trickled down to the locker room, particularly veteran Marcus Camby: “I was used to success here, and I’m not sure I really want to stick around while the team rebuilds.”
