-Pacers Owner Joshua Fields is in attendance
P: I'm gonna make this brief because we all know I dont like these damn pressers which is why we dont do them every year. Last year was a damn abomination. We were inconsistent, erratic, and irresponsible. All of the blame should be firmly on my shoulders and I am eternally grateful that our Owner Joshua Fields has decided to keep me on for a 17th season despite our lack of progress in the last decade.
The camera pans around to reveal a player walking up towards the podium and a few muffled whispers can be heard
P: Who the Frye are you?
The player mutters something in French and Pauly's face changes from one of concern to pure confusion and disdain
P: Where the hell is security, there's a damn international fan in my press room
Random Member of the Local Paper: I did a quick google search and that is not a fan Mr.Pauly, thats your second round pick Mickael Gelabale
P: WHO???
P: What in the hell do you want? You're interrupting our presser! And believe me I dont need your French bread ass in my room, no one wants to ask you a damn thing except for how come we didnt release you!
Gelabale starts sobbing uncontrollably and flees the room
P: Cant believe im paying that guy...
P: Geez, like I was saying, we sucked again last year and I made some...very risky maneuvers that never panned out. Alongside some health problems for our key guys. Im gonna go rapid fire on some quick questions here, Chris Webber will not be offered a new contract, if he isnt helping us win games Im going to sell him to the highest bidder. Derek and Eric will also be on the block if they dont perform their tutorial roles for young Deron and Luther. This is Deron's team and we believe he is a Top 3 point guard in this league already.
Random Media Person: Can you give us a quote on the Paul Pierce situation?
P: This franchise doesnt pay top dollars for a guy who cant stay healthy. Stacey Augmon is 10 times the player Pierce ever was. And thats true. ITS DAMN TRUE
P: Our goals for the season arent determined. If we can get the right gameplan together we can probably squeak into the playoffs but if we cant then we're looking to the future. I actually held onto this years pick so if were gonna be awful this is the year to do it.
I will now briefly open the floor to the members of the media. Make it fast cause my mistress is cookin up some lasagna tonight and I need to make it back to my wife before she finds out.
