Milwaukee Bucks Dildo Give-away 2003-04

[IamQuailman]

GM Quailmen: Before we get started, I want to take one Milwaukee's Best and pour it out for all those who suffered through a Red Wedding-esque training camp this off-season. We all know someone. Let's mourn their losses (and our own as well). In addition to that sentiment, we have a promotional gift for everyone in attendance: An antler shaped dildo. Because if you are gunna get Bucked, you might as well buck yourself.

*rumbles from ownership and crowd*

GM: Anyway, let's get down to business and brass tax. Last season was phase 2. We acquired assets on assets to give ourself some flexibility for this off-season aka Phase 3. Phase 3 was bringing in ancillary talent to surround our core of Amare, Ron, and Manu. And yes, Ron and Manu were both RFAs, but we had without a doubt 100% confidence they'd be back in a Milwaukee uniform this season. Anyway I digress. We went into the draft hoping and praying we'd hop into the top 3, but had no luck. Not a problem though. Through the draft we were able to draft Luke Ridnour with pick #7, but our draft acquisitions weren't stopping there. We used the future Mavericks 1st and Jamaal Magloire's expiring contract to move into the 10th spot to take Kendrick Perkins. However, the Mavericks approached us prior to picking about #10 and offered us Mike Dunleavy and #15. We took that risk of Perkins not falling to us at #15 to get some addition wing scoring and depth... and the risk paid off (although we paid a few points to move up to #13 to secure Perkins as our pick). So in recap, this draft cost us a future 1st (probably from a playoff team) and Jamaal Magloire (who decided to finally take training camp seriously after he was moved) to acquire 3 integral needs for our team.

GM: After the draft, we acquired Samaki Walker from the Kings while we had the cap space to absorb his contract. Samaki intrigued us with his defensive and rebounding prowess and will serve as a greate mentor for our young front court. Through Free Agency, we brought in Allan Houston, Dan Santiago, Todd Macculloch, Jeff Mcinnis and Paul McPherson to round out the roster.

GM: I've left out some information in order to open it up to the floor for questions (and to avoid repetition). Questions?

[NOLa.]

Whats Amare's long term outlook on this team

Sent via Morse code

[Xist2Inspire]

Random Reporter: You said what "Phase 3" meant for the offseason, but what about the regular season? Are you trying to legitimately contend for a playoff spot, or were the vets brought in solely for mentoring purposes?

[WigNosy]

Knowing what you know now, would you pull the trigger on your draft day deals (especially what amounted to Magloire for Perkins) again?

[NickMalone77]

Nick Melon; Charlotte Observer: Even with the general disappointment over Amar'e during training camp, the Bucks still have a bright core of wings that will continue to grow and develop with the likes of Manu and team star, Ron Artest. Do you feel like this team can make the playoffs this season or do you feel like another year away?

[IamQuailman]

Whats Amare's long term outlook on this team

Sent via Morse code

He will retire a Buck.

[IamQuailman]

Random Reporter: You said what "Phase 3" meant for the offseason, but what about the regular season? Are you trying to legitimately contend for a playoff spot, or were the vets brought in solely for mentoring purposes?

We are pushing for the playoffs this year. That is our goal, and if we fail, then some changes will be made.

[IamQuailman]

Knowing what you know now, would you pull the trigger on your draft day deals (especially what amounted to Magloire for Perkins) again?

Magloire ended up becoming a man in Training Camp. But he will also be turning 26 and hitting RFA as a player that will most liking be looking for a pay day. We had to look for the long term viability of our roster. We see Perkins as a better version of Magloire, in that he is much stronger, projected to be a better defensive weapon, and can hopefully develop into a decent rebounding center. Moving magloire did create a void that will most definitely need to be filled in the immediate short term future, but we feel strongly that Perkins will be a better long term prospect (still only 18 years old on opening tip-off night). We also see Dunleavy as a great contributor off the bench.

[IamQuailman]

Nick Melon; Charlotte Observer: Even with the general disappointment over Amar'e during training camp, the Bucks still have a bright core of wings that will continue to grow and develop with the likes of Manu and team star, Ron Artest. Do you feel like this team can make the playoffs this season or do you feel like another year away?

I think we can squeak into the playoffs in the 8th seed this season and grow on that success. We are hoping that this is that integral year where our young guys get the experience they need to really push us in the right direction for years to come.

[Darth Vegito]

So let's talk about the dildos. I see that they are all beige in color. Was that on purpose or not intended?

Also the antler shape...interesting to say the least. Did someone try out a prototype before deciding on this shape? Is it sheer luck that one of the antlers acts as a simultaneous back scratcher while the rest are doing the important stuff?

Signed with a Scarlet Letter

[IamQuailman]

So let's talk about the dildos. I see that they are all beige in color. Was that on purpose or not intended?

Also the antler shape...interesting to say the least. Did someone try out a prototype before deciding on this shape? Is it sheer luck that one of the antlers acts as a simultaneous back scratcher while the rest are doing the important stuff?

Signed with a Scarlet Letter

I'll have to pull in the architect and inventor of our dildos. Let me welcome Michael McNamara to the stage.

*McNamara waves dildos in both hands*

Quailmen: Mr. McNamara, would you like to talk about your invention?

McNamara: Yes, I would. This is an invention that will be revolutionary for all fans. I made this for the fans and the fans alone. Everything I do is for them so they can have all the knowledge and pleasure. I tested this on a focus group consisting of myself and my anus, and I will have to say it passed with a success and approval rate of 10000%. I really don't think anyone could've come up with anything more brilliant than this. I'm quite proud of myself. I would like to thank my mom, my wife, and my dogs for their support.

Quailmen: Thank yo--

McNamara: Also, I would like to announce that I am retiring from inventing. My goal in this grand scheme of things was to give the best inventions I could to the fans. There are plenty of other inventors out there that really suck at what they do, and the fans deserve better inventions. So my sole purpose was for them. To invent for them to improve KNOWLEDGE and EXPERIENCE. But I look around now, and I see fans around here even in this room that probably know just as much as me about inventing dildos. I'm not needed anymore. So I will go on to pursue a dream. Screenwriting. I plan on writing a beautiful script about the struggles of an inventor and how he overcomes all to invent the best dildos of all time. It will be a timeless classic.

Quailmen: Mr. McNamara, tha--

McNamara: WE DID IT! Celebrate with me the end of bad inventors! They deserved everything they got coming to them! If only you saw the things he said, not one of you would disagree. Not one.

Quailmen: Mr. McNamara, you're fired.

*GM Quailmen takes an antler dildo, turns it sideways, and shoves it right up McNamara's ass. Chief Security Guard PELICANFAN escorts McNamara out and bans him from the press conference forever and ever*

[LoCo89]

(Popcorn)

[Soundwave]

Clark Kent, Daily Champ
Who's your daddy?

[IamQuailman]

Awarded 5 PTS!