As GM The JNR takes the stage, a banner unrolls behind the podium. It reads MINNESOTA TIMBERPUPS. Instead of the fierce logo as usual, there is this picture:
The JNR: Who put that up there? What person thinks that sort of thing is funny?
An incredibly fat Jason Richardson giggles, then stuffs his face with potato chips.
The JNR: Anyway. Welcome to this year's press conference. Our year was tough last year; we had the second worst record of the league, and then the lottery balls were not kind to us. We slipped to fourth, so many people probably feel the season was a failure. I disagree. I think we learned a lot about our team.
We learned that Tayshaun is going to be a star defender who can knock down the three ball.
Prince smiles and mimes shooting a three. He mouths "swish." Joel Przybilla rolls his eyes.
The JNR: We learned that Luis Scola has tons of potential, even though he may take time to get there.
Scola nods, slowly trying to steal a chip from Richardson. He fails.
The JNR: And we learned that one of our young players is a big fat disappointment who isn't going to help this team win in the future.
Richardson stops inhaling chips and looks up.
Richardson: Who you mean, boss?
The JNR: This offseason, we drafted Chris Bosh, who I feel will become the second best, if not best player in this draft. He had a really good training camp, as did most of our young players. We added Anthony Carter and Earl Watson, who had great camps. We feel comfortable with either leading our starting unit, although we do acknowledge that Earl has a brighter future due to being younger.
Watson: Thanks, boss!
Carter: Yeah, boss...thanks.
The JNR: This year, we won't sugarcoat it. We're making great progress, but we're probably not there yet. We have assets to get better in the future, and we don't really think it's worth it to make some moves just to get better now. We do feel the landscape of the league is changing, and parity will be even bigger over the next few years, but we will be patient and strike when the time is right.
Any questions?