Darth Vegito Preseason Press Conference“You either go for the crown… or you end up like the ***Bucks***.”
Darth Vegito:Darth Vegito walks up to the podium, sunglasses on indoors, a smug smirk across his face. Reporters settle down as the lights go up.
Well, well, well. Look who’s all gathered here again. Another season, another opportunity to do what we do best: win basketball games, break spirits, and remind the rest of the NPBSL that this is the Kansas City Empire, not some flyover franchise. Let’s talk about it.
Last Season: Close... But Nah We went 54-28 last year. Won the Midwest Division. Took a first-round bye. The roster showed heart, grit, and a ton of rebounding dominance.
But in the playoffs? Cue the entrance of the Portland BluntForce TraumaBlazers.
They didn’t beat us with skill. They beat us by sending half my rotation to the medic tent and laughing on their way to the next round. Congrats to them — I’m sure that’s a proud legacy, winning by attrition. But around here? We don’t play for moral victories or pain tolerance. We play for rings.
So after that? I got to work.
The Offseason: Controlled Chaos Let me walk you through how we turned the page — and some heads.
Step 1: Trade the King to take the crown
I loved Bernard King. Amazing talent. But you don't win by getting sentimental. I packaged King and 5 points and traded up to #5 in the draft. The goal? Land John Stockton, the floor general of the future.
Of course, someone jumped in and took him at #4. I wish the Bucks would've been there — because if they were, they probably would’ve fumbled that pick.
Step 2: Pivot. Adapt. Outthink.
With Stockton gone, I moved fast. I flipped the #5, #14, Andrew Toney, and Vinnie Johnson to the Bucks for Alton Lister and Phil Ford.
Yes, I traded with Milwaukee. I clearly won the trade. Not even a question.
Alton is a defensive monster — and in a league where rebounding dictates tempo, he gives us both the size and rim protection we need.
Phil Ford? The man runs an offense like a surgeon. Calm. Efficient. Zero panic in his game.
Step 3: Address the Frontcourt Fit
I wasn’t convinced [b>Lister + Gminski[/b] was going to work long-term. So what did I do?
I sent Gminski, our '85 and '87 1sts to the Spurs and brought in Eddie A. Johnson.
You seen this guy play? Dude’s a grown man out there. 30 and 10 walking into the gym.
Step 4: Add Star Power
Just when you thought I was done — I completely reloaded the wing.
I sent Calvin Natt, Allen Leavell, and Tom Burleson to the Bulls and got back George Gervin and Alex English.
That’s what a real trade looks like, beneficial for both sides.
To the Bulls? Appreciate the the great talks.
To the Bucks? Maybe ask your front office to take notes.
The New Empire: Rotation Breakdown Starting Five:
- C – Alton Lister : Rebound god. Block machine. +15.8 preseason +/-. Next question.
- PF – Eddie A. Johnson : 31 PPG in preseason. Grown. Man.
- SF – Alex English : Smooth operator. Glue guy with star output.
- SG – Michael Cooper : Defensive menace. Facilitates. Clamps your favorite scorer.
- PG – Phil Ford : Finally, a PG who doesn’t play like he’s lost a bet.
- 6th – George Gervin : Yes, my sixth man is a Hall of Fame-caliber scorer.
- Tom LaGarde & Billy McKinney giving us support minutes.
- Radford, Cureton, Reggie King rounding out the depth chart for situational spots.
What’s the Goal? We're not here to “improve” or “contend” or “build for the future.” We're here to win the damn thing.
We want the one seed. We want 60 wins. And we want to make sure the next team that thinks they can push us around in a playoff series ends up in a full-body cast — metaphorically, of course. (Mostly.)
Message to the League If you think we got weaker because we made big trades, I got news for you — we got meaner.
We went from a nice collection of guys to a killer machine.
To the Blazers: we remember.
To the Bucks: you're always rebuilding, we’re reloading — learn the difference.
To the rest of the NPBSL? See you on the floor. Good luck staying on your feet.
Darth Vegito out.
