Something has to change.
Un-deniable dilemma.
Boredom's not a burden
Anyone should bear.
Owner:
You dicks should be standing at attention, if not for me then for Maynard, but you probably lack the testosterone to do so. King Nerd is going to come out here and talk some nuts and bolts. In the meantime, I have some things to say.
- Let's just get it out of the way. Last season sucked, and in some ways it sucked even more than we thought. It was necessary to expose just how deep the depths of rot we had. Nerd boy made some good points, and I am fine exposing failure on the way to victory. We'll see if that part of the story will come to pass or if heads and asses will roll.
- We are re-accepting the moniker Cleveland Cavaliers. I enjoyed the Flaming Cuyahoga's, and I retain all intellectual property rights, so not bright ideas.
- Our ban on players on this team we took over is still in effect, along with denying a title to anyone returned to us in trade for those players.
- I'm liking the team, and I'm expecting the playoffs, but we aren't done. We're coming your asses.
- I just drilled an intern.
GM:
Uhhh . . . I'd like to thank you all for joining us here today in much better spirits than you found us just a short year ago. I'd also like the thank the League, the Players' Union, and, of course our ownership. Unconventional as our organization may be, we run an effective and nimble organization.
Owner:
Maynard, give me strength . . .
GM:
We will all be here to take questions, but first I want to go over some things about the past season, our recent moves, and our plans.
- Ownership has already addressed the branding reversion and the player bans that have been instituted. They Union has yes to file an official grievance, and we think they likely will not in part due to the strong player market.
- We continue to churn the roster in the hopes of building a sustainably good franchise while collecting the right assets to give us the most options possible going into 2004 in comparison to what was here going into 2001.
- Our goals and plans have not changed from last season. We believe Michael Redd will be a great player in this league. We've added one of the all-time greats in Mr. Sprewell, and Mr. Iverson is an underappreciated player. We added a starting-quality sixth man to support our impressive frountcourt. Meanwhile, we added to our front court and shored up our bench with some nice veteran signings.
- We are very happy to have a team we feel can make the playoffs for at least the next two seasons should we be spared major injury, but winning a title is not a realistic goal in this league at this time for more teams. As such, our goals do not including winning a title this season.
- I can not overstate this: The Cavaliers are still building for the future. As such, all players are available (subject to league rules) for the right price and the Cavaliers are willing to take on so-called bad contracts for the right deal. We are always looking to improve withing the constraints of our goals as a franchise. Ownership has given me "enough rope to hang my sorry ass," so we can make some big deals.
- Continuing: We're happy to do deals for points, and we have some pretty good players available to swap around. This is a market we want to enter.
We're now ready for questions.
I choose to live and to
Grow, take and give and to
Move, learn and love and to
Cry, kill and die and to
Be paranoid and to
Lie, hate and fear and to
Do what it takes to move through.