The Garbageman's Post-Trade Deadline Playoff Prediction Point Grab
Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2020 2:07 am
With the trade deadline passed, the rosters are now more or less set—save for a Posner waiver claim sweepstakes or two—for the final stretch of the season. It’s the beginning of March, and aside from those rosters, not very much is set in stone. Nobody’s clinched a spot, and nobody’s statistically eliminated. Sure, the Jazz aren’t going to go undefeated the rest of the season, or the Bucks aren’t suddenly going to nosedive (it IS getting to about that time of the season where De’Aaron Fox’s body falls apart), but if you look at the creamy middle of each conference, it’s not so clear yet who’s going to get a round one road series and who’s going to get a long shot lotto ticket.
Without further ado, here are the playoff spots up for grabs and who I think is going to get them,
ALPHA #1 SEED
“So that’s the way he’s gonna play it, huh? Team names not even in bold?”
Well, if you’re going to just look out for your team name and not finish the rest of the article, I’m going to at least make you ctrl+F yourself. And maybe I’ll spell your team name strangely or give them a cool nickname, so you can’t even do that…at least until I get really tired of coming up with alternate names.
In any case, I believe that the defending champs—the one and only Mashington Mizards—are going to come away with the conference when the dust settles. They’ve got really tough competition in the Mourning Division, and their home-road splits are the least favorable of the top three teams, but the ‘Zards also have a clearer path to the all-important division title and can remain comfortable with their lineup and gameplan around familiar and proven players.
ALPHA #4 SEED
“Hey, what about 2 and 3?”
That’s right, motherfryer. I’m not even going in any particular order. Want to keep you on your toes and make sure you’re still paying attention. Plus, it probably spreads out the most controversial calls. The fourth and fifth seeds are cool, I guess, but why not save the big hits for last? If you go see GNR, of course they’re going to “welcome you to the jungle” with that song, which is why we started off with a bang, calling the Wizards over the Bucks and ‘6ers. So we’ll get back to that triangle (or since the Wiz have already been revealed, that bi-angle), but for now, let’s settle down with a nice, safe #4.
I think the team that’s currently there is going to stay there. The stegguN revneD are 4.5 games out of first in Johnson, and that’s going to be a tight gap to close on a team as good as the reigning champs. Don’t get me wrong, Sabo is playing out of his mind, and Sabo has a lot of talent around him, but the D.C. club is going to have to stumble a bit (and the Bucks and Sixers are showing no signs of slowing).
ALPHA #5 SEED
Coming in right behind the Nuggets, I’ve got LAL set to face off with them in a GM battle with some recent playoff history. Nobody lower on the standings right now made a big enough move to take a leap, so I think the LA spot is safe here. Delmar Lopez is having a monster year, and the one-two punch of him and Bias may only be rivaled by the Pelicans’ purloined purple pair, plucked phrom Phoenix.
ALPHA #3 SEED
Here we go…finally some drama and a resolution from earlier in the article. Who will win Mourning? Will it be the 76ers or will it be the Bucks? The 76ers made some moves at the trade deadline. One upgraded Colin Smallwood to Udoka Azubike in a win-this-year move. The other involved paying some points to swap Sabonis and points for Thomas Edison. I loved the Udoka move, but personally I would’ve rather had the points than a guy to sit on the end of my bench who may not even be better than the guy I already had sitting at the end of the bench. Another important note for Gary’s Hometown Heroes, Obi Toppin returns from injury, and that should make a big difference to the second unit.
Meanwhile, the Slimelords stood remarkably still, only cutting some vet min salary. They have De’Aaron Fox and Ja Morant, who—combined—aren’t quite as good as the Bias/Lopez pair I mentioned before, but they’re darn close (Fox and Ja from a couple seasons ago would be). It’s possible that standing pat could be the savviest move Doug could’ve made in this situation.
Stay tuned to the rest of this article to see who I’ve got taking the #2 seed!
OMEGA #5 SEED
Hope you liked that cliffhanger. Now we’ll QUANTUM LEAP over to the Omega Conference and slow things down with a look at the 5th seed. Since there are only 5 teams in Omega with a winning record, this should be a real treat. Any case, I’ve got the other LA team here. The one sim-Frankie Muniz probably still likes and shows up to the games in 2038 as a creepily boyish middle-aged man.
Mamba’s Clip Show had higher hopes at the beginning of the season, but even a disappointing season for a team with a good roster is a playoff guarantee in this sad excuse for a conference. They’ve had stretches where they looked up to snuff, but not the consistency that would give me confidence that they can make up ground on one of the four teams in Omega currently above them in the standings.
OMEGA #3 SEED
We know this one’s going to be between the Pelicans and the Timberwolves. Right now, the Timberwolves have a solid cushion over the Pellies, and while Nick has the two headed purple monster (no, I’m not talking about a double sided dildo) of Franklin and Johnson (still not talking about the nicknames of each end of the aforementioned dual-dong-wielding action of…well, you get the idea), JNR has a more balanced roster with a better second unit (no, not the second of two units on a single device…).
The other factor to consider is the Jordan Johnson injury. He’s still out for most of March with a broken arm, caused by a fan throwing an errant double sided dildo. Don’t believe me? Read the play by play. It’s from the 1/25 game against the Rockets.
Go ahead. Just ctrl+F again. I’ll wait…
OMEGA #4 SEED
The Toronto Raptors are finally turning into a playoff team as Gary Loredo, Norris Turney, and Chadwick Dangerfield are all starting to peak. With the addition of Jaren Jackson Jr. as an MLE level rim protecting presence, the Raptors have a respectable team that would probably still make it in the Alpha Conference. They still have some young talent that they haven’t cashed in yet, but I expect this season to be just a toe in the water to find out whether they need to upgrade Lewis and Kellerman immediately or still have time to let them grow.
ALPHA #2 SEED
And the winner of Mourning? I’m calling it for the Sixers. The Bucks have the better players, but the Sixers have the more complete team, especially with the Udoka addition. It’ll be close, and I hope we see them square off in round 2 of the playoffs where the Bucks might have the last laugh, but that’s another story for someone else’s article. Playoff series predictions aren’t my business.
ALPHA #6 SEED
Now, the 6th and 7th seeds is where I think things get really interesting in both conferences. The teams above this mark might slide down, but they probably won’t slide out of the playoffs. But the teams in 6th right now, well, that’s where it’s almost anyone’s game (except for the handful of teams that don’t have 20 wins yet). Of the last two spots in either conference, however, this one’s the least exciting.
Right now the Cavs have it, and since they haven’t made any changes since getting set as recommended in the pre-season, we can pretty much extrapolate how the rest of the season will go for them. I know LHamilton has announced anyone who wants the Cavs can have them, and I understand it’s been a frustrating run that ended with a Shareef O’Neal trade that ended up souring after Shareef got dinged in training camp, but perhaps the combination of lack of outside interest and a fairly successful season will bring Lincoln back into the fold.
MAMBO #5 SEED
Trumpet!
The trumpet!
OMEGA #1 SEED
See? I told you it was there. Right smack dab in the middle of the play by play.
In any case…I’m going Timberwolves to hang on. Between the T-Wolves already having the lead and a month for the Pelicans without Jordan Johnson, the Fangs have a head start on top of a head start, and April won’t be enough time for the Gullets to catch back up. Besides, once Jordan Johnson does come back, and the playoffs are a sure thing for the Pels, it doesn’t really matter what spot they land in. They’ll have a chance with two P/P players on their team, just like the Ironside/Barrett Raptors.
OMEGA #7 SEED
There are a lot of teams in Omega that can be competing for the last spot, and none of them are great, but I figure that there are four teams competing for the last two spots in Alpha: Bulls, Heat, Rockets, Thunder.
The Thunder have the worst record of all four teams, but they made the biggest moves to actively try to win now. They brought in Clifton Cage, Pete Maravich, and Ronald Haile to try to get on the winning side of things. If this is the team they’d had all year, I’d say there’d be no question that this team would be playoff bound, but their first sim together didn’t find instant jelling, so they’ve got to get it right…and fast.
The Rockets haven’t made a move since bringing in Elisha Davis, and while that did make the Rox look a little more successful, their team, on paper, doesn’t look like the kind of team that still has room to find their ceiling. By color, either Elisha Davis or Cam Reddish is their best player (though old Boban, the jolly green giant, is probably actually their best player). 78 is able to get the most out of teams that look like they ain’t got juice left, but with this squad, I’m not sure the juice is worth the squeeze.
The Heat came into this season as desperate sellers…needing to get under the tax and amass points to pay off a delinquent tax bill. However, despite selling off some pieces, they still have enough talent to win some games with Morley, Barton, Guyer, Abney and a few other role players. They also have a very favorable home-road split to end the rest of the year.
Finally, we got the Bulls. It’s been a weird season. I wasn’t planning on competing until we got off to a hot start. Then I traded for Miguel Thomas. Then Chris Ridley got hammered with a near-season ending concussion. I’m going to put myself here in the 7th spot. Right now, I’m in the 6th, and I think my team is still on a downward trend…especially since I shuffled away my depth pieces, but if other teams start catching up, I will have Ridley back for the last sim (and half of the penultimate sim if I risk it). Plus, 7th is where I want to be…facing the gaunt but talented Suns rather than the T-Wolves or the P-Cans…and I believe that if I set my mind to it, anything is possible.
OMEGA #2 SEED
It’s pretty obvious by now that this is the Phoenix Suns. After a purple player rejected a supermax for the second year in a row, there hasn’t been much maneuvering on the GM front, but the Suns still assembled enough talent in the offseason to take the division without much guidance. David Leiker is playing all-league ball again, and with him and Silky in the backcourt, they’re able to really maximize William Pearman’s production. It’s still disappointing because Jordan Johnson would have taken this team to a much higher level, but they should get that 2 seed and hopefully that’ll be some silver lining on the cloud that was Jordan Johnson’s refutal.
Don’t worry, though, reader. Just a couple left, and they’re all the hits.
ALPHA #7 SEED
So, there are a handful of teams left in Alpha that will be competing for the 7th seed. Right now, the Pacers are holding onto it by a game. They’ve made their big move early on, getting Leonard Washington. Then they made somewhat of a lateral move, trading Bronny James for Bjorn Ironside. The thing about both of those moves is that—while Washington was injured for a few sims—neither his return nor the Ironside swap saw a change of pace in the win column for the Pacers. That they’re still behind the consistent Cavs and the Lakers shows that the playoffs are not a guarantee for them, but they have the spot now, and it’ll be tough to knock them out.
Elsewhere in Alpha, the Nets are almost at .500, which I think exceeds their expectations, even if they’re not really going for a playoff spot. Instead, it shows that they’re probably ready to try and take the next step, but that’ll consist of trying to replace Hector, Wesson, and NAW with better players—and players that will be at their best when Fang Shuo and Tres Trinkle are a couple years further along. Since both of them are still young, they’ll need to land a true alpha, because it’s still probably a few years until Shuo’s ready to be the main man on a seriously competing team.
The Spurs are always dangerous with the backcourt duo of Daniel Yandell and Jonathan Lewis. But while J-Lew and Dan-Yan are on par with a Fox/Morant pairing, sending out Udoka was a clear signal that the Spurs aren’t fighting for that last spot. Sure, sometimes clearing everyone out of the way so your two best guys can get more touches pays instant dividends, but they lost to the Knicks in sim 8, so I think they’re not the best equipped team for that 7th spot, even if they have such a formidable tandem.
So why am I picking the Magic for the 7th spot over the Pacers? I think it comes down to schedule. Ever so slightly better home road split, they’re only seeing the 76ers one more time, and they’re done with the Bucks. There are a lot of bad teams on their upcoming stretches, just from an eye test, and I like Hunt and Schumann. It won’t be an easy road for sure, and putting them over the Pacers might be considered an upset, but it’s one I’d feel comfortable betting on if the odds were favorable.
OMEGA #6 SEED
And finally, we revisit the last spot in the Omega conference. For our viewers at home just tuning in, we have, in contention for this spot, the Rockets, the Thunder, and the Heat.
I’m going to write the Rockets out off the bat for reasons I went into earlier, so what it comes down to now is the Heat’s ability to win at home against the Thunder’s ability to pull it together with their new acquisitions.
And I’m going with the Heat. Multiplying their home record by their remaining home games and road on road, the Heat are on pace to win 12.95 more games. Let’s be ultra conservative and say that they only win 10 of those and Donald Trump won the election due to voter fraud. While 35 wins is a sad total for the 6th best team in the conference, the Thunder will have to win all their remaining winnable games to top that. It gets harder as we loosen up on the Heat’s projections. It’s doable for the Thunder to have a late surge, and it’d make things really interesting, so I’d love to see it, but I’m sticking with the Heat for now and their home stretch down the home stretch.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the article, and if you didn’t, I hope it made you miserable to have to skip around and then read a bunch of bad dildo jokes.
Without further ado, here are the playoff spots up for grabs and who I think is going to get them,
ALPHA #1 SEED
“So that’s the way he’s gonna play it, huh? Team names not even in bold?”
Well, if you’re going to just look out for your team name and not finish the rest of the article, I’m going to at least make you ctrl+F yourself. And maybe I’ll spell your team name strangely or give them a cool nickname, so you can’t even do that…at least until I get really tired of coming up with alternate names.
In any case, I believe that the defending champs—the one and only Mashington Mizards—are going to come away with the conference when the dust settles. They’ve got really tough competition in the Mourning Division, and their home-road splits are the least favorable of the top three teams, but the ‘Zards also have a clearer path to the all-important division title and can remain comfortable with their lineup and gameplan around familiar and proven players.
ALPHA #4 SEED
“Hey, what about 2 and 3?”
That’s right, motherfryer. I’m not even going in any particular order. Want to keep you on your toes and make sure you’re still paying attention. Plus, it probably spreads out the most controversial calls. The fourth and fifth seeds are cool, I guess, but why not save the big hits for last? If you go see GNR, of course they’re going to “welcome you to the jungle” with that song, which is why we started off with a bang, calling the Wizards over the Bucks and ‘6ers. So we’ll get back to that triangle (or since the Wiz have already been revealed, that bi-angle), but for now, let’s settle down with a nice, safe #4.
I think the team that’s currently there is going to stay there. The stegguN revneD are 4.5 games out of first in Johnson, and that’s going to be a tight gap to close on a team as good as the reigning champs. Don’t get me wrong, Sabo is playing out of his mind, and Sabo has a lot of talent around him, but the D.C. club is going to have to stumble a bit (and the Bucks and Sixers are showing no signs of slowing).
ALPHA #5 SEED
Coming in right behind the Nuggets, I’ve got LAL set to face off with them in a GM battle with some recent playoff history. Nobody lower on the standings right now made a big enough move to take a leap, so I think the LA spot is safe here. Delmar Lopez is having a monster year, and the one-two punch of him and Bias may only be rivaled by the Pelicans’ purloined purple pair, plucked phrom Phoenix.
ALPHA #3 SEED
Here we go…finally some drama and a resolution from earlier in the article. Who will win Mourning? Will it be the 76ers or will it be the Bucks? The 76ers made some moves at the trade deadline. One upgraded Colin Smallwood to Udoka Azubike in a win-this-year move. The other involved paying some points to swap Sabonis and points for Thomas Edison. I loved the Udoka move, but personally I would’ve rather had the points than a guy to sit on the end of my bench who may not even be better than the guy I already had sitting at the end of the bench. Another important note for Gary’s Hometown Heroes, Obi Toppin returns from injury, and that should make a big difference to the second unit.
Meanwhile, the Slimelords stood remarkably still, only cutting some vet min salary. They have De’Aaron Fox and Ja Morant, who—combined—aren’t quite as good as the Bias/Lopez pair I mentioned before, but they’re darn close (Fox and Ja from a couple seasons ago would be). It’s possible that standing pat could be the savviest move Doug could’ve made in this situation.
Stay tuned to the rest of this article to see who I’ve got taking the #2 seed!
OMEGA #5 SEED
Hope you liked that cliffhanger. Now we’ll QUANTUM LEAP over to the Omega Conference and slow things down with a look at the 5th seed. Since there are only 5 teams in Omega with a winning record, this should be a real treat. Any case, I’ve got the other LA team here. The one sim-Frankie Muniz probably still likes and shows up to the games in 2038 as a creepily boyish middle-aged man.
Mamba’s Clip Show had higher hopes at the beginning of the season, but even a disappointing season for a team with a good roster is a playoff guarantee in this sad excuse for a conference. They’ve had stretches where they looked up to snuff, but not the consistency that would give me confidence that they can make up ground on one of the four teams in Omega currently above them in the standings.
OMEGA #3 SEED
We know this one’s going to be between the Pelicans and the Timberwolves. Right now, the Timberwolves have a solid cushion over the Pellies, and while Nick has the two headed purple monster (no, I’m not talking about a double sided dildo) of Franklin and Johnson (still not talking about the nicknames of each end of the aforementioned dual-dong-wielding action of…well, you get the idea), JNR has a more balanced roster with a better second unit (no, not the second of two units on a single device…).
The other factor to consider is the Jordan Johnson injury. He’s still out for most of March with a broken arm, caused by a fan throwing an errant double sided dildo. Don’t believe me? Read the play by play. It’s from the 1/25 game against the Rockets.
Go ahead. Just ctrl+F again. I’ll wait…
OMEGA #4 SEED
The Toronto Raptors are finally turning into a playoff team as Gary Loredo, Norris Turney, and Chadwick Dangerfield are all starting to peak. With the addition of Jaren Jackson Jr. as an MLE level rim protecting presence, the Raptors have a respectable team that would probably still make it in the Alpha Conference. They still have some young talent that they haven’t cashed in yet, but I expect this season to be just a toe in the water to find out whether they need to upgrade Lewis and Kellerman immediately or still have time to let them grow.
ALPHA #2 SEED
And the winner of Mourning? I’m calling it for the Sixers. The Bucks have the better players, but the Sixers have the more complete team, especially with the Udoka addition. It’ll be close, and I hope we see them square off in round 2 of the playoffs where the Bucks might have the last laugh, but that’s another story for someone else’s article. Playoff series predictions aren’t my business.
ALPHA #6 SEED
Now, the 6th and 7th seeds is where I think things get really interesting in both conferences. The teams above this mark might slide down, but they probably won’t slide out of the playoffs. But the teams in 6th right now, well, that’s where it’s almost anyone’s game (except for the handful of teams that don’t have 20 wins yet). Of the last two spots in either conference, however, this one’s the least exciting.
Right now the Cavs have it, and since they haven’t made any changes since getting set as recommended in the pre-season, we can pretty much extrapolate how the rest of the season will go for them. I know LHamilton has announced anyone who wants the Cavs can have them, and I understand it’s been a frustrating run that ended with a Shareef O’Neal trade that ended up souring after Shareef got dinged in training camp, but perhaps the combination of lack of outside interest and a fairly successful season will bring Lincoln back into the fold.
MAMBO #5 SEED
Trumpet!
The trumpet!
OMEGA #1 SEED
See? I told you it was there. Right smack dab in the middle of the play by play.
In any case…I’m going Timberwolves to hang on. Between the T-Wolves already having the lead and a month for the Pelicans without Jordan Johnson, the Fangs have a head start on top of a head start, and April won’t be enough time for the Gullets to catch back up. Besides, once Jordan Johnson does come back, and the playoffs are a sure thing for the Pels, it doesn’t really matter what spot they land in. They’ll have a chance with two P/P players on their team, just like the Ironside/Barrett Raptors.
OMEGA #7 SEED
There are a lot of teams in Omega that can be competing for the last spot, and none of them are great, but I figure that there are four teams competing for the last two spots in Alpha: Bulls, Heat, Rockets, Thunder.
The Thunder have the worst record of all four teams, but they made the biggest moves to actively try to win now. They brought in Clifton Cage, Pete Maravich, and Ronald Haile to try to get on the winning side of things. If this is the team they’d had all year, I’d say there’d be no question that this team would be playoff bound, but their first sim together didn’t find instant jelling, so they’ve got to get it right…and fast.
The Rockets haven’t made a move since bringing in Elisha Davis, and while that did make the Rox look a little more successful, their team, on paper, doesn’t look like the kind of team that still has room to find their ceiling. By color, either Elisha Davis or Cam Reddish is their best player (though old Boban, the jolly green giant, is probably actually their best player). 78 is able to get the most out of teams that look like they ain’t got juice left, but with this squad, I’m not sure the juice is worth the squeeze.
The Heat came into this season as desperate sellers…needing to get under the tax and amass points to pay off a delinquent tax bill. However, despite selling off some pieces, they still have enough talent to win some games with Morley, Barton, Guyer, Abney and a few other role players. They also have a very favorable home-road split to end the rest of the year.
Finally, we got the Bulls. It’s been a weird season. I wasn’t planning on competing until we got off to a hot start. Then I traded for Miguel Thomas. Then Chris Ridley got hammered with a near-season ending concussion. I’m going to put myself here in the 7th spot. Right now, I’m in the 6th, and I think my team is still on a downward trend…especially since I shuffled away my depth pieces, but if other teams start catching up, I will have Ridley back for the last sim (and half of the penultimate sim if I risk it). Plus, 7th is where I want to be…facing the gaunt but talented Suns rather than the T-Wolves or the P-Cans…and I believe that if I set my mind to it, anything is possible.
OMEGA #2 SEED
It’s pretty obvious by now that this is the Phoenix Suns. After a purple player rejected a supermax for the second year in a row, there hasn’t been much maneuvering on the GM front, but the Suns still assembled enough talent in the offseason to take the division without much guidance. David Leiker is playing all-league ball again, and with him and Silky in the backcourt, they’re able to really maximize William Pearman’s production. It’s still disappointing because Jordan Johnson would have taken this team to a much higher level, but they should get that 2 seed and hopefully that’ll be some silver lining on the cloud that was Jordan Johnson’s refutal.
Don’t worry, though, reader. Just a couple left, and they’re all the hits.
ALPHA #7 SEED
So, there are a handful of teams left in Alpha that will be competing for the 7th seed. Right now, the Pacers are holding onto it by a game. They’ve made their big move early on, getting Leonard Washington. Then they made somewhat of a lateral move, trading Bronny James for Bjorn Ironside. The thing about both of those moves is that—while Washington was injured for a few sims—neither his return nor the Ironside swap saw a change of pace in the win column for the Pacers. That they’re still behind the consistent Cavs and the Lakers shows that the playoffs are not a guarantee for them, but they have the spot now, and it’ll be tough to knock them out.
Elsewhere in Alpha, the Nets are almost at .500, which I think exceeds their expectations, even if they’re not really going for a playoff spot. Instead, it shows that they’re probably ready to try and take the next step, but that’ll consist of trying to replace Hector, Wesson, and NAW with better players—and players that will be at their best when Fang Shuo and Tres Trinkle are a couple years further along. Since both of them are still young, they’ll need to land a true alpha, because it’s still probably a few years until Shuo’s ready to be the main man on a seriously competing team.
The Spurs are always dangerous with the backcourt duo of Daniel Yandell and Jonathan Lewis. But while J-Lew and Dan-Yan are on par with a Fox/Morant pairing, sending out Udoka was a clear signal that the Spurs aren’t fighting for that last spot. Sure, sometimes clearing everyone out of the way so your two best guys can get more touches pays instant dividends, but they lost to the Knicks in sim 8, so I think they’re not the best equipped team for that 7th spot, even if they have such a formidable tandem.
So why am I picking the Magic for the 7th spot over the Pacers? I think it comes down to schedule. Ever so slightly better home road split, they’re only seeing the 76ers one more time, and they’re done with the Bucks. There are a lot of bad teams on their upcoming stretches, just from an eye test, and I like Hunt and Schumann. It won’t be an easy road for sure, and putting them over the Pacers might be considered an upset, but it’s one I’d feel comfortable betting on if the odds were favorable.
OMEGA #6 SEED
And finally, we revisit the last spot in the Omega conference. For our viewers at home just tuning in, we have, in contention for this spot, the Rockets, the Thunder, and the Heat.
I’m going to write the Rockets out off the bat for reasons I went into earlier, so what it comes down to now is the Heat’s ability to win at home against the Thunder’s ability to pull it together with their new acquisitions.
And I’m going with the Heat. Multiplying their home record by their remaining home games and road on road, the Heat are on pace to win 12.95 more games. Let’s be ultra conservative and say that they only win 10 of those and Donald Trump won the election due to voter fraud. While 35 wins is a sad total for the 6th best team in the conference, the Thunder will have to win all their remaining winnable games to top that. It gets harder as we loosen up on the Heat’s projections. It’s doable for the Thunder to have a late surge, and it’d make things really interesting, so I’d love to see it, but I’m sticking with the Heat for now and their home stretch down the home stretch.
Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the article, and if you didn’t, I hope it made you miserable to have to skip around and then read a bunch of bad dildo jokes.