Prediction Predicament 2.0: Discrepancies and Grievances from Across the Staples Center
Posted: Fri Feb 14, 2020 3:31 pm
Getting hyped for his media debut, Kurt Angle’s music hits loudspeakers and Mr. Airport enters the stadium, grabbing the mic out of Mamba’s hand.
GM of the Year? Ha! I am flattered, but I don’t buy your appreciation. I can only imagine you flatter me to weasel me out of my first title contention! That your brand new bestie Boban got in your ear, sharing all of Wanderlei’s secrets and vulnerabilities in game (or shall I say combat?). That I won’t see you coming, oh! But I do, Mamba. I do. I see you coming every time you log on to your computer.
But the real deal of a prediction predicament is...who knows this league better than anyone? The vets of course! How DARE we bow down to their games, their gambling of our hopes, our DREAMS, our championship glory! There are NONE more qualified than the likes of recent title contenders false, garbageman, and the inventor of lopsided odds Mr. Banana, setting us young GMs up for failure so that they can earn even MORE points off of us for participating! If we knew what was good for us we would NOT engage in these antics, stacking the deck for the top 1% to enter the upper echelons of the top one-tenth of 1%!
You see, this is something for which I, Greeple Airport, cannot stand, so I fully intend to stack that deck back on THIS side of the Staples Center while watching your Clippers crumble, Mamba!
This is how the season shall progress my not-friends. I will post the MOST LIKELY outcomes followed by the NEXT most likely outcomes, and you will sit bewildered, not gentlemen nor gentle vets, thinking to yourself one and one half month from now, “How did Greeple do it? Boy I sure wish I knew the PBSL as good as Greeple Airport! I’d have AT LEAST 15 more points right now!” Without further ado, I announce:
Division Winners
Johnson: Lakers
Mourning: Lakers
Kemp: Lakers
Hardaway: Lakers
By the all star break every other team will be eliminated from PBSL in perpetuity with Leiker Lopez and Lakers et al standing upon their filthy ashes.
All First League Team
First Team: Joe Sherrill
First Team: Wanderlei Silva
First Team: Delmar Lopez
First Team: David Leiker
First Team: Ernie Acuna
All Star Game
Alpha or Omega: Lakers
Score Difference Over/Under 5 points: ∞+
Best and Worst Record
Best Record: Lakers
Worst Record: n/a
League Awards:
MVP: 3 way tie for Wanderlei Silva, David Leiker and Ernie Acuna
Rookie of the Year: Jer?nimo Vidal
Defender of the Year: Wanderlei Silva
GM of the Year: Greeple Airport
Most Player of the Week Awarded (In the event of a tie, all players will count as a right answer): Wanderlei Silva, David Leiker, Ernie Acuna
Most Player of the Months Awarded (In the event of a tie, all players will count as a right answer): Wanderlei Silva, David Leiker, Ernie Acuna
While the aforementioned has proven itself to be self-evident, in the event that someone sets off a bomb of falsehood in this league, I decree the following to be true, for the following reasons:
Division Winners
Johnson: Wizards
Xist and his Wizards have circled the cusp of champion hood since I first set my eyes on the PBSL. The poor, poor Wizard souls continued to run into unexpecting quandaries in the playoffs, fizzling out in nearly unfair fashion. I do not salute these poor Wizards, however, not to sound too soft! The truth is that upon facing the DOMINANCE that is the 2032-2033 LOS ANGELES LAKERS, with a frighteningly good Training Camp under their wings, I shall be sure to send my new henchman Wanderlei to squash. Them. OUT. I mean, who do they think they are? KANE JACOBS, who do YOU think you are? A traitor I say! You shall endure the unspeakable wrath of Joe Sherrill, who will DUNK on your non-blocking self, or slip out to the three-point line before you even have a chance to turn your slow mo head!
I mean, but yeah, Wizards are looking good right now.
And yet… Jerry West lingers, not to be denied… Pacers’ John Stoll continues to rise even if he can’t dribble the ball from point and Cameron Payne is a JOKE defending the outside, until he’s not...Bryce Dejean Jones and the Spurs aren’t exactly weak anywhere and those godforsaken Kings seem like they want to be great again, too, acquiring Azubuike and Kirkendall in the cut! Don’t think I don’t see you either NO La, because. I. Do.
Mourning: Knicks
The Magic don’t even seem to care this year, sending talent like Acuna my way...for pennies I say! Jackson: DEAD. JR: DEAD. Battle: Love you bro, especially since your potential dropped after landing with the enemy. Everyone knows that the LOS ANGELES LAKERS will be the first team to three-peat, peaking with our third ‘ship in 2035, rendering that pick I sent you USELESS! Boom! Roasted.
The Bucks could still contend if they wanted to, but…
But the Knicks look poised to make something out of their tax hell this year. They’re still a bit light on the roster, but they have some serious players on the big side ready to do big things. If they sacrificed one of their bigger players for a cheaper yet talented smaller guy, I think they can lay claim to this season like they wanted to last season. I see you, though, Doctor, and my Lakers are ready to eat you alive.
The Nets and Cavs definitely have talent, but it remains to be seen how it will be harvested. I’m not sure either GM is SMART ENOUGH to figure it out. DM me some time and I’ll teach you everything, boys. It will cost each of you though: the Nets Simon Phoenix and the Cavs Derrick Hunter (what a contract btw).
76ers lost Azubuike. How? Why? Felix Ireland is not an appropriate replacement, and the imbalance of y/y smalls on the roster to a solid PF in Sabo and wing player in Paugh leaves them out of the conversation this year, unless they’re ready to pull a rabbit out of a hat...
Kemp: Thunder
Now that I’m warmed up, what kind of a division is this?! There are three teams that could have contended, but as soon as the Clips had one of the worst TC’s in the league, that left the Thunder and the Bulls. I believe this comes down to who’s ready to eat. The Bulls are full on their 2032 ‘ship, but the Thunder? The Thunder are getting hungry and loud. Though they did not have the best training camp, Josh Jackson and Pete Maravich are in peak form with a solid (if cramped) supporting cast in William Jackson and Nathaniel Anderson keeping the heat on the rest of his division.
Mr. Airport wakes up Friday, foggy, with a headache, loses some great American vigor in this 2.0 Predicament...
The Jazz appear in the midst of a rebuild while the Suns engage in a perennial rebuild (continuing on this path, though, could smoke the league before the decade ends), and the Rockets do not seem to have the pieces to both attempt to stay under the cap and also make a run.
Hardaway: Raptors
This is - as I see it - a two-way battle between the Raptors and the TWolves, and I have the edge for Toronto. The Pelicans are hanging out in the wings, don’t get me wrong, but while they do not appear to have much weakness anywhere, their explicit strength is hiding somewhere. They’re close to a breakthrough year but not yet.
RJ Barrett and Bjorn Ironside is a lethal combo. Provided I don’t jinx them suggesting one of the two could get hurt, I feel these guys alone carry them to the top, and not at all to diminish the support coming from the contraction pickup from long and continued prowess from Trae Young. Coming into this season I figured the TWolves would fire on all cylinders to the top of the league, and they could still have an impressive playoff run, but I think the regular season will keep them in the lower half of the conference for the league’s first 12 team playoffs.
When is this coffee going to kick in??
Ya know, Mamba, I guess we can just agree to disagree on our Omega conference picks. I mean, you should change yours now that I’ve selected mine so that I’m right and you are wrong.
All First League Team
We all know the Lakers starting lineup is unstoppable and the GREATEST EVER in league history, but even in a false reality, I still got my man Wandy sitting at the top of this one (you can be right about this tho Mamba - I’ll spare you the embarrassment of being even more wrong than you already are):
First Team: Wanderlei Silva
First Team: RJ Barrett
First Team: Bjorn Ironside
First Team: De’Aaron Fox
First Team: Jerry West (come on Mamba make the switch and give Maravich a lil love, eh?)
I will not enjoy watching any of these other fine young men parrish into dust, but nothing is fair in the game of basketball.
All Star Game
Alpha or Omega: Alpha
Score Difference Over/Under 5 points: Over 5
Alpha is the stronger conference overall post contraction. While the top 4 teams from Omega could make a serious run at the Lakers or their subordinates in Untrue Land (because only the Lakers will make the playoffs obvs), I think whoever emerges from the Conference finals in Alpha has a more clear path toward the title, because the level of star players we have is truly a step above. This will for sure be reflected in the All Star Game.
Best and Worst Record
Best Record: Wizards
Worst Record: Heat
Whats going on in Miami? No more "snow" out there, no more party? Why has no one joined the Heat? The real story here is that The Lakers will go 82-0, but in a close 2nd unreal reality I think the Wizards are going to shock and awe this year.
League Awards:
MVP: Pete Maravich
Fine then, I’ll give the man some love instead, Mamba. Look, this guy is a world destroyer. He should be playing for the Lakers, the team where everyone else’s dreams die. Everywhere Jerry West is strongest, my man Pete ain’t exactly weak, and he’s well poised to beat Jerry in the game of assists and steals, too. He might even steal my lunch (if Wandy doesn’t sniff his plan out first and Wandy-stomp him out).
Rookie of the Year: Phoenix Suns
Okay okay...I’ll pivot to Ronald Jordan of the Sacramento Kings. This may be a long shot - I actually think Pearman of the Suns could do it - but the Kings have a bit of a hole in the SG position, and if they elect not to swing a trade and let Jordan play, I think he’s the best poised to make an immediate impact for their team, sliding underneath and dunking on fools all day. The Suns have too many bodies in the wing to justify enough minutes for Pearman to make an impact this year. Maybe yall should talk...
Defender of the Year: David Leiker
Probably the most tricky call of all, but my boy Leiker is ready for his breakout season, and he displayed the best improvements in defense during TC. I can’t wait to see this translate into the regular season. Probably the longest shot in an alternate reality, but I think anyone’s name could be thrown up here and not be unrealistic.
GM of the Year: MexicanMamba
The only other coach out there risking it all Greeple style is MexicanMamba, but even though I hate his guts and hide whoopie cushions in his chair and stink bomb his preferred bathroom stall in Staples Center and anonymously message and call him saying things like ‘watch your back’ and ‘i aint got nothing to smoke - then i saw YOU’ and ‘you are a disgrace to humanity,’ talent sees talent. I see you Mamba. You’re standing right there. We’re in the same stadium. I see you. I’m about to give you a wet willy cuz I just dont give a
Who am I kidding? Even in 99.9/100 alternate realities I am clearly the GM of the Year. Final Answer.
(Sorry about your TC tho bro, you went hard in the paint nabbing Boban and then OUCH.)
Most Player of the Week Awarded (In the event of a tie, all players will count as a right answer):
Ernie Acuna ‘bout to get some triple doubles this season yall, and I think he will be in the conversation here.
Most Player of the Months Awarded (In the event of a tie, all players will count as a right answer):
I mean I don’t even know how these are calculated honestly. Player of the Month is Javale McGee, I dunno. I BET VET COACHES KNOW THOUGH
Let’s just say Wanderlei Silva and move on.
Now, I’ve got a preseason presser to get to Mamba, not to mention some open Pornhub tabs requiring a bit more of my attention. How dare you distract me so! I will never forget. May the crosstown rivalry rage on!
(Hats off to Mamba for his contribution to this topic, being a good sport and inspiring my heel turn. To all other GMs I insulted - I did it for the pts, sorry /shrug)
GM of the Year? Ha! I am flattered, but I don’t buy your appreciation. I can only imagine you flatter me to weasel me out of my first title contention! That your brand new bestie Boban got in your ear, sharing all of Wanderlei’s secrets and vulnerabilities in game (or shall I say combat?). That I won’t see you coming, oh! But I do, Mamba. I do. I see you coming every time you log on to your computer.
But the real deal of a prediction predicament is...who knows this league better than anyone? The vets of course! How DARE we bow down to their games, their gambling of our hopes, our DREAMS, our championship glory! There are NONE more qualified than the likes of recent title contenders false, garbageman, and the inventor of lopsided odds Mr. Banana, setting us young GMs up for failure so that they can earn even MORE points off of us for participating! If we knew what was good for us we would NOT engage in these antics, stacking the deck for the top 1% to enter the upper echelons of the top one-tenth of 1%!
You see, this is something for which I, Greeple Airport, cannot stand, so I fully intend to stack that deck back on THIS side of the Staples Center while watching your Clippers crumble, Mamba!
This is how the season shall progress my not-friends. I will post the MOST LIKELY outcomes followed by the NEXT most likely outcomes, and you will sit bewildered, not gentlemen nor gentle vets, thinking to yourself one and one half month from now, “How did Greeple do it? Boy I sure wish I knew the PBSL as good as Greeple Airport! I’d have AT LEAST 15 more points right now!” Without further ado, I announce:
Division Winners
Johnson: Lakers
Mourning: Lakers
Kemp: Lakers
Hardaway: Lakers
By the all star break every other team will be eliminated from PBSL in perpetuity with Leiker Lopez and Lakers et al standing upon their filthy ashes.
All First League Team
First Team: Joe Sherrill
First Team: Wanderlei Silva
First Team: Delmar Lopez
First Team: David Leiker
First Team: Ernie Acuna
All Star Game
Alpha or Omega: Lakers
Score Difference Over/Under 5 points: ∞+
Best and Worst Record
Best Record: Lakers
Worst Record: n/a
League Awards:
MVP: 3 way tie for Wanderlei Silva, David Leiker and Ernie Acuna
Rookie of the Year: Jer?nimo Vidal
Defender of the Year: Wanderlei Silva
GM of the Year: Greeple Airport
Most Player of the Week Awarded (In the event of a tie, all players will count as a right answer): Wanderlei Silva, David Leiker, Ernie Acuna
Most Player of the Months Awarded (In the event of a tie, all players will count as a right answer): Wanderlei Silva, David Leiker, Ernie Acuna
While the aforementioned has proven itself to be self-evident, in the event that someone sets off a bomb of falsehood in this league, I decree the following to be true, for the following reasons:
Division Winners
Johnson: Wizards
Xist and his Wizards have circled the cusp of champion hood since I first set my eyes on the PBSL. The poor, poor Wizard souls continued to run into unexpecting quandaries in the playoffs, fizzling out in nearly unfair fashion. I do not salute these poor Wizards, however, not to sound too soft! The truth is that upon facing the DOMINANCE that is the 2032-2033 LOS ANGELES LAKERS, with a frighteningly good Training Camp under their wings, I shall be sure to send my new henchman Wanderlei to squash. Them. OUT. I mean, who do they think they are? KANE JACOBS, who do YOU think you are? A traitor I say! You shall endure the unspeakable wrath of Joe Sherrill, who will DUNK on your non-blocking self, or slip out to the three-point line before you even have a chance to turn your slow mo head!
I mean, but yeah, Wizards are looking good right now.
And yet… Jerry West lingers, not to be denied… Pacers’ John Stoll continues to rise even if he can’t dribble the ball from point and Cameron Payne is a JOKE defending the outside, until he’s not...Bryce Dejean Jones and the Spurs aren’t exactly weak anywhere and those godforsaken Kings seem like they want to be great again, too, acquiring Azubuike and Kirkendall in the cut! Don’t think I don’t see you either NO La, because. I. Do.
Mourning: Knicks
The Magic don’t even seem to care this year, sending talent like Acuna my way...for pennies I say! Jackson: DEAD. JR: DEAD. Battle: Love you bro, especially since your potential dropped after landing with the enemy. Everyone knows that the LOS ANGELES LAKERS will be the first team to three-peat, peaking with our third ‘ship in 2035, rendering that pick I sent you USELESS! Boom! Roasted.
The Bucks could still contend if they wanted to, but…
But the Knicks look poised to make something out of their tax hell this year. They’re still a bit light on the roster, but they have some serious players on the big side ready to do big things. If they sacrificed one of their bigger players for a cheaper yet talented smaller guy, I think they can lay claim to this season like they wanted to last season. I see you, though, Doctor, and my Lakers are ready to eat you alive.
The Nets and Cavs definitely have talent, but it remains to be seen how it will be harvested. I’m not sure either GM is SMART ENOUGH to figure it out. DM me some time and I’ll teach you everything, boys. It will cost each of you though: the Nets Simon Phoenix and the Cavs Derrick Hunter (what a contract btw).
76ers lost Azubuike. How? Why? Felix Ireland is not an appropriate replacement, and the imbalance of y/y smalls on the roster to a solid PF in Sabo and wing player in Paugh leaves them out of the conversation this year, unless they’re ready to pull a rabbit out of a hat...
Kemp: Thunder
Now that I’m warmed up, what kind of a division is this?! There are three teams that could have contended, but as soon as the Clips had one of the worst TC’s in the league, that left the Thunder and the Bulls. I believe this comes down to who’s ready to eat. The Bulls are full on their 2032 ‘ship, but the Thunder? The Thunder are getting hungry and loud. Though they did not have the best training camp, Josh Jackson and Pete Maravich are in peak form with a solid (if cramped) supporting cast in William Jackson and Nathaniel Anderson keeping the heat on the rest of his division.
Mr. Airport wakes up Friday, foggy, with a headache, loses some great American vigor in this 2.0 Predicament...
The Jazz appear in the midst of a rebuild while the Suns engage in a perennial rebuild (continuing on this path, though, could smoke the league before the decade ends), and the Rockets do not seem to have the pieces to both attempt to stay under the cap and also make a run.
Hardaway: Raptors
This is - as I see it - a two-way battle between the Raptors and the TWolves, and I have the edge for Toronto. The Pelicans are hanging out in the wings, don’t get me wrong, but while they do not appear to have much weakness anywhere, their explicit strength is hiding somewhere. They’re close to a breakthrough year but not yet.
RJ Barrett and Bjorn Ironside is a lethal combo. Provided I don’t jinx them suggesting one of the two could get hurt, I feel these guys alone carry them to the top, and not at all to diminish the support coming from the contraction pickup from long and continued prowess from Trae Young. Coming into this season I figured the TWolves would fire on all cylinders to the top of the league, and they could still have an impressive playoff run, but I think the regular season will keep them in the lower half of the conference for the league’s first 12 team playoffs.
When is this coffee going to kick in??
Ya know, Mamba, I guess we can just agree to disagree on our Omega conference picks. I mean, you should change yours now that I’ve selected mine so that I’m right and you are wrong.
All First League Team
We all know the Lakers starting lineup is unstoppable and the GREATEST EVER in league history, but even in a false reality, I still got my man Wandy sitting at the top of this one (you can be right about this tho Mamba - I’ll spare you the embarrassment of being even more wrong than you already are):
First Team: Wanderlei Silva
First Team: RJ Barrett
First Team: Bjorn Ironside
First Team: De’Aaron Fox
First Team: Jerry West (come on Mamba make the switch and give Maravich a lil love, eh?)
I will not enjoy watching any of these other fine young men parrish into dust, but nothing is fair in the game of basketball.
All Star Game
Alpha or Omega: Alpha
Score Difference Over/Under 5 points: Over 5
Alpha is the stronger conference overall post contraction. While the top 4 teams from Omega could make a serious run at the Lakers or their subordinates in Untrue Land (because only the Lakers will make the playoffs obvs), I think whoever emerges from the Conference finals in Alpha has a more clear path toward the title, because the level of star players we have is truly a step above. This will for sure be reflected in the All Star Game.
Best and Worst Record
Best Record: Wizards
Worst Record: Heat
Whats going on in Miami? No more "snow" out there, no more party? Why has no one joined the Heat? The real story here is that The Lakers will go 82-0, but in a close 2nd unreal reality I think the Wizards are going to shock and awe this year.
League Awards:
MVP: Pete Maravich
Fine then, I’ll give the man some love instead, Mamba. Look, this guy is a world destroyer. He should be playing for the Lakers, the team where everyone else’s dreams die. Everywhere Jerry West is strongest, my man Pete ain’t exactly weak, and he’s well poised to beat Jerry in the game of assists and steals, too. He might even steal my lunch (if Wandy doesn’t sniff his plan out first and Wandy-stomp him out).
Rookie of the Year: Phoenix Suns
Okay okay...I’ll pivot to Ronald Jordan of the Sacramento Kings. This may be a long shot - I actually think Pearman of the Suns could do it - but the Kings have a bit of a hole in the SG position, and if they elect not to swing a trade and let Jordan play, I think he’s the best poised to make an immediate impact for their team, sliding underneath and dunking on fools all day. The Suns have too many bodies in the wing to justify enough minutes for Pearman to make an impact this year. Maybe yall should talk...
Defender of the Year: David Leiker
Probably the most tricky call of all, but my boy Leiker is ready for his breakout season, and he displayed the best improvements in defense during TC. I can’t wait to see this translate into the regular season. Probably the longest shot in an alternate reality, but I think anyone’s name could be thrown up here and not be unrealistic.
GM of the Year: MexicanMamba
The only other coach out there risking it all Greeple style is MexicanMamba, but even though I hate his guts and hide whoopie cushions in his chair and stink bomb his preferred bathroom stall in Staples Center and anonymously message and call him saying things like ‘watch your back’ and ‘i aint got nothing to smoke - then i saw YOU’ and ‘you are a disgrace to humanity,’ talent sees talent. I see you Mamba. You’re standing right there. We’re in the same stadium. I see you. I’m about to give you a wet willy cuz I just dont give a
Who am I kidding? Even in 99.9/100 alternate realities I am clearly the GM of the Year. Final Answer.
(Sorry about your TC tho bro, you went hard in the paint nabbing Boban and then OUCH.)
Most Player of the Week Awarded (In the event of a tie, all players will count as a right answer):
Ernie Acuna ‘bout to get some triple doubles this season yall, and I think he will be in the conversation here.
Most Player of the Months Awarded (In the event of a tie, all players will count as a right answer):
I mean I don’t even know how these are calculated honestly. Player of the Month is Javale McGee, I dunno. I BET VET COACHES KNOW THOUGH
Let’s just say Wanderlei Silva and move on.
Now, I’ve got a preseason presser to get to Mamba, not to mention some open Pornhub tabs requiring a bit more of my attention. How dare you distract me so! I will never forget. May the crosstown rivalry rage on!
(Hats off to Mamba for his contribution to this topic, being a good sport and inspiring my heel turn. To all other GMs I insulted - I did it for the pts, sorry /shrug)
