The Red Scare and the D5 Arms Race
Posted: Mon Sep 02, 2019 1:46 pm
On a warm summer night in 2027, the Blazers leadership gathered together at team headquarters to watch the release of the results of the division realignment. Everyone nervously shuffled through the buffet line, grabbing their vegan horderves and craft beer before grabbing a seat.
“I remember the GM was sitting at the table next to me. He kept saying, this could be our chance. We could finally win a division title. I remember thinking he should probably have been able to manage that at some point in the last 35 years regardless of the division.”
Commissioner Balls O’Hard came on to the screen and announced the results. When he announced that the Bulls were in the Blazers’ division there was a rumble of groans. When he announced that the Hawks would be in the Blazers’ division, there were sobs.
……
On the other side of the country, Hawks GM was at a swanky downtown Atlanta restaurant sipping a fine dessert wine. It was a different story here. Wig wasn’t glued to the TV. He wasn’t checking his phone. We has rambling on to his companions that night about how to choose a good sherry. As he walked out of the restaurant, he checked his phone.
“I had forgotten the realignment thing was on that night. I had a bunch of texts from people congratulating me on getting the Blazers, Grizzlies, and Suns. Personally, though, I wasn’t so excited about the division. The Bulls and an organization to be reckoned with. I knew I had better get to work.”
……
In Chicago, the Bulls leadership was hunkered down in a war room, prepping for all possible scenarios. This is a team that takes winning seriously. As of this writing, Bulls GM Garbageman has a 59% winning percentage. That isn’t Wig level but it is better than other notable GMs, such as the Syndicate and Ballssohard.
As the Commissioner reeled off the teams in the division, Garbageman didn’t even flinch. The Grizzlies? Irrelevant. The Suns? Loveless. The Blazers? Might as well be the Grizzlies. The Hawks? Now we’re talking. Bring it on.
……
Looking at these three teams coming out of the 2026 season, you had to know they were on a collision course. The Bulls were a 54 win team and the reigning Central Division champs. They had exited the playoffs in the first round but they had an interesting combination of youth and stars. They had an All-league in Andrew Wiggins teamed up with Leroy Haugh, Patrick Edmunds, Wanderlei Silva, and Alton Hill, none of whom were older than 26. The Blazers were also a 54 win team with their own stellar combination of All-league, all-defense star Ronald Small surrounded by Frank Jackson, Marvin Bagley, and Joseph Reading, all of whom were also younger than 27. The Hawks were rebuilding, as much as they ever do. Only Atlanta wins 40 games in the first year of a rebuild. It was the first time they had missed the playoffs in 20 seasons, but they had their own core of Tua plus a young group of Kyle Kuzma, Aubrey Bynum, Stephen Rodney, Mo Bamba, and Dragan Bender, all of whom were younger than 24.
Since then there has only been minor shuffling of the cores. But one thing has been true of each of these teams each year. They keep getting better. It started that offseason, when the Blazers let Jaylen Brown walk in free agency, only to see him head to their new division rival, Chicago.
“We didn’t even make an offer,” recalls GM Kevin U. Coach. “I think that really hacked him off. That’s probably why he chose the Bulls. Just to get back at us. Looking back it was such a pivotal year for us. We wanted to take a step back and get under the cap but we still wanted to win. I had never managed to do that in 35 years as a GM. I just hadn’t pulled it off. But that year we did it. We got just enough from Daniel Randle to win 52 games.”
Bulls GM Garbageman also remembers the Blazers that year. “They really put us on notice. They had a shell of Daniel Randle, a shell of Joseph Reading, and Bagley was still coming into his own and they won 52 games. They had our attention at that point.”
The Bulls that year saw Andrew Wiggins take a step back, only to see Wanderlei Silva take THE LEAP. He made first team all-league and second team all defense and led the team in scoring and rebounding.
“That year was huge for us. Every GM wants to make a smooth transition from one generational star to the next. That year it happened for us,” says Garbageman.
“That was an oh crap moment for us,” says K.U. Coach. “Between Small and Wiggins, we had the younger superstar. Next thing we knew, they had the younger superstar.”
Of course, Ronal Small also made all-league first team for the first time that year. Meanwhile in Atlanta they had a familiar face bring the star power back to town. The Hawks had brought back All-leaguer Harland Ellinger and added Ramsay Bolton on a deal only Wig could swing. At the same time Bender and Bamba kept progressing and the Hawks leapt back into the post season with 49 wins.
Both the Hawks and Blazers would exit the playoffs in the first round but the Bulls would go on to lose in game 7 of the Alpha Conference Finals.
“We had a great season. We were this close to winning it all but we knew we had a target on our backs. We knew Blazers and Hawks were gunning for us. We knew we had to get better,” Garbageman recalls.
“We had to get better, plain and simple,” says Blazers boss, K.U. Coach. A team that couldn’t make it out of the first round wasn’t going to cut it against the Bulls and the Hawks were right there behind us. But, hey, that is why we got under the cap that year, so we could come back strong the next year.”
“Everything was going according to plan,” claims Wig, twiddling his fingers together like an evil villain.. “Sure we were third place but we knew it was only a matter of time before we would claim the throne.” (Maniacal laughter).
…..
While the Hawks pretty much just stayed the course. The Blazers did what they could with the little wiggle room they had created by declining Karl-Anthony Towns’ team option. They brought in a legit small forward (KAT had been moonlighting for the Blazers as a three), Peter Hartley and a stud sixth man in Victor Newman. They also resigned KAT and the early returns to their squad were promising.
2028 was the Bulls year to get back under the apron. They did their maneuvering around the cap well, though, and were able to bring in Van Grimaldi.They had let Andrew Wiggins walk in free agency and they needed a boost on the wing. It wasn’t long, however, before he was traded to the Blazers.
“Last year was fun. I mean, it wasn’t fun to see Andrew on the Blazers but it was a fun year. We went out and got Van. They countered immediately with getting Wiggins. The race was close but not too close. Really just a fun year,” says Garbageman. The Bulls won 60 games and were division champs again.
“2028 was a great season,” claims Wignosy. “We saw Kuzma, Bamba, and Bender make huge strides.Tua had his best year yet too. Then we made a run no one was expecting. We upset the Blazers, upset the Bulls, and took the eventual champs to 6. Never count out the Hawks.”
“Of course those guys think it was a great season! Look what they did! They overachieved. We underachieved,” retorts K.U. Coach. The Blazers had their second best regular season ever, winning 56 games before falling to the Hawks in 5 games in the first round. “I’m not happy about that. Not happy at all. This year, I’m out for blood.”
…..
As entertaining and competitive as this three-way rivalry was in the first two years since realignment, this past offseason things went to an entirely new level. The Bulls kicked things off by aggressively trying to fill their cap space before free agency. They traded with the T-wolves for Nassir Little. They they reached across the aisle, so to speak, to trade Brian Spano and picks for Harland Ellinger. They also acquired an ex-Blazer in Karl-Anthony Towns.
“There has been a lot of crossover among the rosters, even just since realignment. In some ways, that makes things more congenial. Everyone has good friends on the other teams. In other ways, there is a lot of bad blood between these teams,” explains K.U. Coach.
“I understand why the Bulls let me walk. This is a business. But I still want to make them regret that decision,” says Andrew Wiggins.
“I was happy in Portland. I thought they were happy with me. Turns out I was expendible. They think Wiggins is better than me. I want to prove them wrong,” says Karl-Anthony Towns.
The Bulls were able to resign their best three players in Patrick Edmunds, Leroy Haugh, and Wanderlei Silva but Alton Hill chose to leave town. To make up for the loss of Hill, they added Victor Eldred, Daniel Bowens and Logan Alpert in free agency.
“We love Alton but we are going to have a hefty tax bill and we really didn’t think he was worth $20 million a year. We wish him all the best but I really don’t think losing him hurts us too much. We’re going to be just fine.” explains Garbageman.
Meanwhile, Atlanta was making its own moves. They drafted Len Gaskins ad Otto Perron, two promising athletic wings. Then they added savvy vet and three time All-star, Phil Milburn and Truman Wrenn on a Hawks special. They’ll hope Milburn can fill the hole left by Dragan’s departure.
“Dragan is a great player, a prolific scorer, a guy that can generate turnovers, but $25 million a year was too steep a price. You have to keep an eye on the point bank,” laughs Wig.
Wig is probably laughing at the Blazers, who employed a similar strategy as he Bulls by trading to fill space before free agency. The Blazers had a nice draft as well, also picking up an athletic wing, drafting Roman Loeffler all the way down at 25. That pick was made with trades in mind, however, and he was sent along with a pick and Victor Newman for seven time All-star and former Blazer draft pick Jayson Tatum.
“I loved Tatum when I drafted him. I love him now. It is a dream come true to have him back in Blazers red and black,” gushes K.U. Coach.
They weren’t done there, though. They played it safe and offered Ronald Small a max 4 year contact to make sure he came back. While the Bulls and Hawks were cautious in their approaches with Hill and Bender, the Blazers offered Wiggins close to the max amount they could offer and actually gave the 34 year old 1o time All-star a raise. They they landed a slew of talented big men as well, bringing in Hyman Low, Predrag Saric, and Marquise Chriss. When all was said and done the Blazers were $82 million and change over the cap on the second year repeater, staring down the barrel of a 163+ point tax bill. That will come down a bit, but it will still be over 100 points.
“I have no clue how I’m going to pay this bill but we’re all in this year,” says K.U. Coach as he mops the sweat from his brow.
They certainly are all in. If they can’t pay the bill, longtime franchise icons Bagley and Jackson will walk in free agency, sending the franchise into a tailspin.
The Bulls also soared to over $80 million over the cap and are looking at 100+ point tax bill. The more conservative Hawks are a mere $21 million over the cap. This is what an arms race looks like, teams constantly paranoid about each other, trying to make a preemptive trade or signing only to see their opponents try to one up them. It should be another “fun” year in Division 5.
“I remember the GM was sitting at the table next to me. He kept saying, this could be our chance. We could finally win a division title. I remember thinking he should probably have been able to manage that at some point in the last 35 years regardless of the division.”
Commissioner Balls O’Hard came on to the screen and announced the results. When he announced that the Bulls were in the Blazers’ division there was a rumble of groans. When he announced that the Hawks would be in the Blazers’ division, there were sobs.
……
On the other side of the country, Hawks GM was at a swanky downtown Atlanta restaurant sipping a fine dessert wine. It was a different story here. Wig wasn’t glued to the TV. He wasn’t checking his phone. We has rambling on to his companions that night about how to choose a good sherry. As he walked out of the restaurant, he checked his phone.
“I had forgotten the realignment thing was on that night. I had a bunch of texts from people congratulating me on getting the Blazers, Grizzlies, and Suns. Personally, though, I wasn’t so excited about the division. The Bulls and an organization to be reckoned with. I knew I had better get to work.”
……
In Chicago, the Bulls leadership was hunkered down in a war room, prepping for all possible scenarios. This is a team that takes winning seriously. As of this writing, Bulls GM Garbageman has a 59% winning percentage. That isn’t Wig level but it is better than other notable GMs, such as the Syndicate and Ballssohard.
As the Commissioner reeled off the teams in the division, Garbageman didn’t even flinch. The Grizzlies? Irrelevant. The Suns? Loveless. The Blazers? Might as well be the Grizzlies. The Hawks? Now we’re talking. Bring it on.
……
Looking at these three teams coming out of the 2026 season, you had to know they were on a collision course. The Bulls were a 54 win team and the reigning Central Division champs. They had exited the playoffs in the first round but they had an interesting combination of youth and stars. They had an All-league in Andrew Wiggins teamed up with Leroy Haugh, Patrick Edmunds, Wanderlei Silva, and Alton Hill, none of whom were older than 26. The Blazers were also a 54 win team with their own stellar combination of All-league, all-defense star Ronald Small surrounded by Frank Jackson, Marvin Bagley, and Joseph Reading, all of whom were also younger than 27. The Hawks were rebuilding, as much as they ever do. Only Atlanta wins 40 games in the first year of a rebuild. It was the first time they had missed the playoffs in 20 seasons, but they had their own core of Tua plus a young group of Kyle Kuzma, Aubrey Bynum, Stephen Rodney, Mo Bamba, and Dragan Bender, all of whom were younger than 24.
Since then there has only been minor shuffling of the cores. But one thing has been true of each of these teams each year. They keep getting better. It started that offseason, when the Blazers let Jaylen Brown walk in free agency, only to see him head to their new division rival, Chicago.
“We didn’t even make an offer,” recalls GM Kevin U. Coach. “I think that really hacked him off. That’s probably why he chose the Bulls. Just to get back at us. Looking back it was such a pivotal year for us. We wanted to take a step back and get under the cap but we still wanted to win. I had never managed to do that in 35 years as a GM. I just hadn’t pulled it off. But that year we did it. We got just enough from Daniel Randle to win 52 games.”
Bulls GM Garbageman also remembers the Blazers that year. “They really put us on notice. They had a shell of Daniel Randle, a shell of Joseph Reading, and Bagley was still coming into his own and they won 52 games. They had our attention at that point.”
The Bulls that year saw Andrew Wiggins take a step back, only to see Wanderlei Silva take THE LEAP. He made first team all-league and second team all defense and led the team in scoring and rebounding.
“That year was huge for us. Every GM wants to make a smooth transition from one generational star to the next. That year it happened for us,” says Garbageman.
“That was an oh crap moment for us,” says K.U. Coach. “Between Small and Wiggins, we had the younger superstar. Next thing we knew, they had the younger superstar.”
Of course, Ronal Small also made all-league first team for the first time that year. Meanwhile in Atlanta they had a familiar face bring the star power back to town. The Hawks had brought back All-leaguer Harland Ellinger and added Ramsay Bolton on a deal only Wig could swing. At the same time Bender and Bamba kept progressing and the Hawks leapt back into the post season with 49 wins.
Both the Hawks and Blazers would exit the playoffs in the first round but the Bulls would go on to lose in game 7 of the Alpha Conference Finals.
“We had a great season. We were this close to winning it all but we knew we had a target on our backs. We knew Blazers and Hawks were gunning for us. We knew we had to get better,” Garbageman recalls.
“We had to get better, plain and simple,” says Blazers boss, K.U. Coach. A team that couldn’t make it out of the first round wasn’t going to cut it against the Bulls and the Hawks were right there behind us. But, hey, that is why we got under the cap that year, so we could come back strong the next year.”
“Everything was going according to plan,” claims Wig, twiddling his fingers together like an evil villain.. “Sure we were third place but we knew it was only a matter of time before we would claim the throne.” (Maniacal laughter).
…..
While the Hawks pretty much just stayed the course. The Blazers did what they could with the little wiggle room they had created by declining Karl-Anthony Towns’ team option. They brought in a legit small forward (KAT had been moonlighting for the Blazers as a three), Peter Hartley and a stud sixth man in Victor Newman. They also resigned KAT and the early returns to their squad were promising.
2028 was the Bulls year to get back under the apron. They did their maneuvering around the cap well, though, and were able to bring in Van Grimaldi.They had let Andrew Wiggins walk in free agency and they needed a boost on the wing. It wasn’t long, however, before he was traded to the Blazers.
“Last year was fun. I mean, it wasn’t fun to see Andrew on the Blazers but it was a fun year. We went out and got Van. They countered immediately with getting Wiggins. The race was close but not too close. Really just a fun year,” says Garbageman. The Bulls won 60 games and were division champs again.
“2028 was a great season,” claims Wignosy. “We saw Kuzma, Bamba, and Bender make huge strides.Tua had his best year yet too. Then we made a run no one was expecting. We upset the Blazers, upset the Bulls, and took the eventual champs to 6. Never count out the Hawks.”
“Of course those guys think it was a great season! Look what they did! They overachieved. We underachieved,” retorts K.U. Coach. The Blazers had their second best regular season ever, winning 56 games before falling to the Hawks in 5 games in the first round. “I’m not happy about that. Not happy at all. This year, I’m out for blood.”
…..
As entertaining and competitive as this three-way rivalry was in the first two years since realignment, this past offseason things went to an entirely new level. The Bulls kicked things off by aggressively trying to fill their cap space before free agency. They traded with the T-wolves for Nassir Little. They they reached across the aisle, so to speak, to trade Brian Spano and picks for Harland Ellinger. They also acquired an ex-Blazer in Karl-Anthony Towns.
“There has been a lot of crossover among the rosters, even just since realignment. In some ways, that makes things more congenial. Everyone has good friends on the other teams. In other ways, there is a lot of bad blood between these teams,” explains K.U. Coach.
“I understand why the Bulls let me walk. This is a business. But I still want to make them regret that decision,” says Andrew Wiggins.
“I was happy in Portland. I thought they were happy with me. Turns out I was expendible. They think Wiggins is better than me. I want to prove them wrong,” says Karl-Anthony Towns.
The Bulls were able to resign their best three players in Patrick Edmunds, Leroy Haugh, and Wanderlei Silva but Alton Hill chose to leave town. To make up for the loss of Hill, they added Victor Eldred, Daniel Bowens and Logan Alpert in free agency.
“We love Alton but we are going to have a hefty tax bill and we really didn’t think he was worth $20 million a year. We wish him all the best but I really don’t think losing him hurts us too much. We’re going to be just fine.” explains Garbageman.
Meanwhile, Atlanta was making its own moves. They drafted Len Gaskins ad Otto Perron, two promising athletic wings. Then they added savvy vet and three time All-star, Phil Milburn and Truman Wrenn on a Hawks special. They’ll hope Milburn can fill the hole left by Dragan’s departure.
“Dragan is a great player, a prolific scorer, a guy that can generate turnovers, but $25 million a year was too steep a price. You have to keep an eye on the point bank,” laughs Wig.
Wig is probably laughing at the Blazers, who employed a similar strategy as he Bulls by trading to fill space before free agency. The Blazers had a nice draft as well, also picking up an athletic wing, drafting Roman Loeffler all the way down at 25. That pick was made with trades in mind, however, and he was sent along with a pick and Victor Newman for seven time All-star and former Blazer draft pick Jayson Tatum.
“I loved Tatum when I drafted him. I love him now. It is a dream come true to have him back in Blazers red and black,” gushes K.U. Coach.
They weren’t done there, though. They played it safe and offered Ronald Small a max 4 year contact to make sure he came back. While the Bulls and Hawks were cautious in their approaches with Hill and Bender, the Blazers offered Wiggins close to the max amount they could offer and actually gave the 34 year old 1o time All-star a raise. They they landed a slew of talented big men as well, bringing in Hyman Low, Predrag Saric, and Marquise Chriss. When all was said and done the Blazers were $82 million and change over the cap on the second year repeater, staring down the barrel of a 163+ point tax bill. That will come down a bit, but it will still be over 100 points.
“I have no clue how I’m going to pay this bill but we’re all in this year,” says K.U. Coach as he mops the sweat from his brow.
They certainly are all in. If they can’t pay the bill, longtime franchise icons Bagley and Jackson will walk in free agency, sending the franchise into a tailspin.
The Bulls also soared to over $80 million over the cap and are looking at 100+ point tax bill. The more conservative Hawks are a mere $21 million over the cap. This is what an arms race looks like, teams constantly paranoid about each other, trying to make a preemptive trade or signing only to see their opponents try to one up them. It should be another “fun” year in Division 5.