Grayson Allen Takes No Shit From Nobody.
Posted: Fri Jul 12, 2019 11:18 am
"Grayson Allen Takes No Shit From Nobody."
As the beads of sweat continues to trickle down his pockmarked face, Grayson Allen struggles to push out yet another fat, juicy turd into the confines of his already-compacted toilet. Completely drenched in sweat, it seems as if he's been sitting there for hours now, even though it's only been a short while since he last ate a slice of cold pizza that was left over from the previous evening. Exhausted from pushing, Grayson's bowels erupt once again as his stomach rejects the food, causing him to feel light-headed and woozy. "What ever did I do to deserve this?" he can't help but wonder. IBS—otherwise known as Irritable Bowel Syndrome—is a battle he's been combating his entire life. Despite living with the condition since his early teenage years, he's refused to lose this fight. Rather than altering his diet, he's long decided to live life to the fullest—and that meant enjoying one of life's greatest pleasures: food. But little did he know, this wouldn't be the only battle he'll fight.
Ever since he was a young teenager, Grayson Allen dreamt of becoming a professional basketball player. The only thing that stood in his way, however, was IBS. Despite being plagued by the numerous symptoms of the illness—namely stomach discomfort and constipation—he always gave it his all on the basketball court, fighting through the pain to win games for his local high-school team. His talents were undeniable; and despite his condition, Allen's abilities always seemed to overpower those of the opposition. One could only wonder, however, how much more successful he could have been had it not been for the illness which had held him back for so many years. Nevertheless, he persevered.
As a youngster, Grayson tried his hardest to hide his debilitating illness; he would eat food he otherwise shouldn't, such as pizza, stromboli, and tacos—all of which irritated his stomach, often causing his bowels to erupt at any given moment. Oftentimes, the pain stemming from his stomach would overwhelm him to the point where he had to rush to the toilet at the drop of a hat. Sitting in silence with the only comfort being his Lucky Strike cigarette, he would often sit for hours, pushing as hard as he could to shit—a laberous feat requiring near superhuman strength. Engulfed in sweat, he would smoke the hell out of his cigarettes as he painstakingly forced out turd after turd until his bowel movement was finally completed—a task which often required a haf hour, if not more. Upon completing his movement, Grayson would simply return to living life as usual, as difficult as that may be.
Despite all of this, Grayson refused to lie down. He fought with all of his might, and quickly found that basketball was the perfect outlet for him to take out his frustrations. Much like the battle he fought on the shitter, Grayson would fight equally as hard on the basketball court, using his strength and height to dominate his opponents. He could score inside and from the perimeter; he could rebound the ball with utmost authority and defend the paint as if his life was on the line. Although he tried his hardest to hide his illness, his teammates and opponents quickly realized that he had some sort of medical problem, as he would often excuse himself during games to use the bathroom—sometimes several times per game. As the rumors began to circulate, Grayson quickly found himself being the butt of many jokes. But unfortunately for the opposition, these jokes only inspired Grayson to fight harder on the court; he would use these jokes as an inspiration to dominate. It didn't take long before scouts took notice of his incredible abilities and, before you knew it, he became the talk of the town—a folk hero of sorts.
Entering DePaul University, Grayson Allen took no shit from nobody. He would continue to overpower his opponents despite having to take multiple bathroom breaks during games, which unfortunately limited him to playing only 28 minutes per contest. Although he attempted to alter his diet to combat IBS, he quickly found that greasy food was simply something that he could not give up. He would continue to eat pizza and stromboli, which devastated his now-obliterated asshole.
In one game, he actually shit his shorts after eating some hot wings before the game. Despite the diarrhea dripping down his legs, he actually completed the game, using the overwhelming stench to his advantage. Realizing that he could utilize this power to continue dominating, he would continuously allow himself to crap himself during games. His battle with IBS quickly became the talk of the town, inspiring many others with debilitating illnesses to continue their fight. During his tenure at DePaul, he would average 7 points, 5.5 rebounds, and 1.4 assists per game.
Upon completing his first season at DePaul, he decided to take a leap of faith—he announced that he would enter the PBSL Draft, something that he had dreamt about ever since he was a youngster. Many teams were interested in drafting him but were concerned about his medical condition—something that they would later regret. The Golden State Warriors, a team who desperately sought a future superstar, simply couldn't pass up on the opportunity to draft a possible generational talent. And so, they selected him with the 3rd overall pick in the 2024 PBSL Draft.
After being selected, he couldn't walk to the podium to shake hands with the commissioner—he had to use the bathroom, and as quickly as possible. He ran to the closest restroom that he could find and unleashed a monster of a shit, nearly breaking the lavatory in half. Although he was stricken with pain, he couldn't help but smile as the diarrhea exploded from his rear-end, for he had finally fulfilled his dream: He was finally a professional basketball player.
Entering his rookie season with the Warriors, he would average 10.1 points, 3 rebounds, and 1.9 assists per 24.9 minutes. Concerned about his shitty medical condition, he would be traded to the Charlotte Bobcats, where he would finally begin to develop as a player. In Charlotte, he was given more playing time, but regardless of that fact, Grayson proved to be more of a "project" player. Due to his rawness, it would take some time before his talents began to develop. It wasn't until he was traded to the Miami Heat that he finally began to flourish as a basketball player, averaging 18.7 points, 5.8 rebounds, and 2.9 assists per game.
And that's the story of how Grayson Allen overcame his shitty situation and became a professional basketball player.