SLIM JENKINS: "A Younique Talent"
Posted: Tue Mar 19, 2019 1:41 pm
SLIM JENKINS: "A Younique Talent"
Ever since he was a young child, the only thing Slim Jenkins could think of was becoming a PBSL basketball player. After being introduced to the game of basketball by his father, he quickly fell in love with the sport and made it his personal mission to be drafted by a top team. He wanted to leave a mark on the league—but perhaps more importantly, the entire world. One thing stood in the way of him pursuing his dreams, however: His mother, who would prove to be the biggest obstacle of his life.
Before the glitz and glamor of basketball entered his life, Slim Jenkins was just another youngster in Wapato, Washington. Much like his peers, he was raised by a family who were constantly struggling to make ends meet. Slim came from a long line of losers and addicts, none of whom were present in much of his early life. His mother and father, however, constantly stood by his side and vowed to shield him from the world of crime which had consumed much of their family. Unfortunately for young Slim, their constant sheltering of him lead to him being rebellious: By 10 years old, Slim was already smoking Pall Mall 100s and bullying the other kids at school; by age 12, he upped the ante by drinking 40s of Colt .45 malt liquor behind the local 711. It seemed as if Slim was destined to head into the same direction as many of his brothers and sisters, but something came along which would change his life (and his family's wellbeing) forever: High school basketball.
Upon turning 14, his father gifted him with a basketball net of his own, and it wasn't long before Slim Jenkins was perfecting his jump shot in the backyard. Before long, he was dominating players in high school, obliterating the opposition with his athleticism and sheer intensity. Although he struggled academically, he excelled athletically; and as a result, garnished much attention within the community—something that Slim would later look back on with uncertainty, as it had caused him a great deal of anxiety at first.
"Initially, I felt as if I could never live up to their [high] expections," Slim would later recollect. "I felt like I was always seen as just another member of the Jenkins family—a hard-nosed dirtbag who was destined for failure. So I decided to change that perception."
As Slim's love for the game grew, so did his abilities, which lead to him being discretely scouted by several teams as he developed throughout his teenage years. His mother began to grow weary of his love for the game, fearing that he would eventually attempt to take his talents to a professional level—a feat that few are able to accomplish. Aware of his mother's concerns, Slim remained undeterred; not only was it his personal mission to prove all the doubters wrong, but he wanted to provide his family with a reasonable source of income as well. Nevertheless, his mother constantly urged him to focus on academics rather than basketball. She wanted him to attend college and get a law degree—an idea that Slim would later suggest was nothing more than an "ill-conceived fantasy" on her part.
But then, life happened.
Shortly after turning 16 years old, his mother concocted a plan: She would deviate his attention from basketball and turn him into a self-made businessman by introducing him to the world of multi-level marketing. After several months of devious planning, she decided that he would be best suited to work as a presenter for Younique, a popular cosmetics company whose business platform and respective products have been the subject of much scrutiny over the years. As far as she was concerned, the positives outweighed the negatives, and one day Slim returned home from basketball practice to find his first ever "Presenter Kit" waiting for him on his bed.
"What—what the hell is this?" Slim uttered as he picked up the package to inspect it. Behind him, the dark shadow of his mother loomed, slowly approaching him.
"I know your birthday was just a few months ago, but I thought it wasn't too late for another birthday gift—from mommy, of course," she said as she wrapped her arms around him.
"But this is makeup, ma. I ain't into makeup. The only people who wear makeup are girls and Marilyn Manson, and I'm neither of those people—I'm me," he told her.
"You can still be you and make money in the process though, Slim. All you have to do is put this makeup on your drug-addicted sister after she passes out from snorting too much ketamine and take photos of her for the entire world to see, and the next thing you know your inbox will be swarming with people who want to purchase these ridiculous, over-the-top cosmetic products. It's a perfect plan!" she boasted enthusiastically.
"Ma, you're not getting it. Do you have any idea how much I'm going to be teased at school? I'm an athlete, not a salesman."
"Slim, this family was built on the blood and bones of men who worked their asses off to screw other people out of their money, and you're trying to tell me that you're not going to honor their legacy? Shame on you, shame on you! If you want to live here, you'll do as I say!" his mother stammered as she gazed into his eyes menacingly.
The very next week, Slim Jenkins reluctantly finalized his account and officially became a Younique presenter. He instantly began posting about how wonderful these cosmetic products were, luring old classmates and girlfriends alike with photos of his product in action. His mother aided him in this regard: Once his sister finally consumed enough ketamine to knock her out for the evening, his mother would apply the makeup, position her nearly-lifeless corpse accordingly, and take the photos. "Getting the perfect angle is everything," she told him. "You have to make sure she looks beautiful, and not unconscious."
It wasn't long before Slim grew restless of this lifestyle, however. Struggling to make money and having the added pressure of juggling academics, basketball, and Younique all at once, he slowly withdrew from social life and focused solely on making his family happy—which meant becoming the man that his mother wanted him to be—even if it was eating him up inside, consuming him from within.
Months later, Slim was still struggling: Not only was his "business platform" a complete failure, but his family began to look upon him with disappointment. In their eyes, he was becoming yet another loser much like his siblings. Deep down inside, Slim was slowly but surely suffocating from all the pressure that had been placed upon him. In an effort to boost his morale, he began taking his frustrations out on the basketball court again—and that's when he truly began to shine.
As time went on, Slim focused more and more on basketball and less on selling Younique products—a fact that worried his parents immensely. In his mind and in his heart, Slim felt as if he was being used as a pawn for yet another billionaire company; he felt as if he was just another puppet caught up in a corporate world controlled by money and fueled by greed—a world he wanted no part of. He promised himself that he would become a "self-made businessman" like his mother wanted; this time, however, he was going to do it on his own terms.
And just like that, he broke out.
Almost as soon as his business "aspirations" all but evaporated, his performance on the basketball court amplified, averaging nearly a triple-double for the remainder of his junior season. Now that he could focus solely on basketball, Younique quickly became a distant memory, allowing him to dedicate himself to the grind like never before. He returned to his backyard basketball court to polish his offensive game and began working out regularly. As his senior season loomed, Slim wasn't looking so "slim" anymore—he looked hardened and chiseled, almost as if a Greek god.
During his senior season, Slim Jenkins gave it his all—and he had the numbers to show for it. As a result of his success, Jenkins became a small-town folk hero of sorts. For this small town, Jenkins was more than just a gifted athlete: He was a revelation in and of itself. He was a role model for children who had nobody to look up to; he became the poster child for what one could achieve if they put the work in; he became the face of a thousand nobodies who always wanted to be somebodies. He had the entire town behind him, rooting him on every game—and he reveled in the spotlight.
After high school, Jenkins enrolled in Gonzaga, a university renowned for its basketball program. In his freshman season, he tore up the opposition on both ends of the court. Slim Jenkins knew he was on top of his game and he couldn't be any happier to show it. What Slim Jenkins didn't know, however, was that during the season, numerous teams had been scouting him for the upcoming PBSL draft. When he first heard the news, he was simply overwhelmed with emotion; his parents, on the other hand, were less than excited—in fact, they were still infuriated by his disobedience and reluctance to pursue their own goals. Such deterrents had little to no affect on Jenkins; in fact, he used their anguish as fuel for his fire. Because of the numbers he averaged during his freshman year, Jenkins was immediately labeled a top prospect—inching him closer to realizing his boyhood dreams. As soon as the season concluded, he was more than ready for the upcoming draft. His time had finally come.
The entire city of Wapato, Washington turned out for the 2025 PBSL Draft—everybody, that is, but Slim Jenkins' parents, who chose to remain at home, eating popcorn whilst shooting heroin.
"It was cold, it was calculated, it was conceited—that's what it was," Jenkins would later reminisce. "But I got over it real quick once the draft started," he said with a chuckle.
Despite being touted as a top prospect, his stock began to plummet as the first picks came in. Many teams were concerned by the lack of effort he displayed defensively, and as word got around, other teams grew increasingly reluctant to take a chance on a "score first, ask questions later" type of player. Although he was perturbed by the fact that he wasn't selected in the top 5, he knew his name would be called eventually—it was only a matter of when.
Another pick came in—this time Golden State Warriors—and they selected Mike Piazza, who once played catcher for the New York Mets.
"And with the 7th pick of the 2025 PBSL Draft, the Oklahoma City Thunder select... Paul Maclean, forward, out of North Carolina State. Please rename him to Nick Papagiorgio."
Slim Jenkins' courageous little heart trembled with fear as each pick was announced. He couldn't help but wonder, "why don't they want me, man?"
"And with the 8th pick of the 2025 PBSL Draft, the Cleveland Cavaliers select... Ed Monix out of Georgia."
Suddenly, panic mode set in. Once a heralded "top prospect", Slim Jenkins was now contemplating the possibility of him never fulfilling his dreams; the nightmare of him failing his hometown was quickly turning into a surreal, unfortunate reality.
But then it happened.
"And with the 9th pick of the 2025 PBSL Draft, the Utah Jazz select... Slim Jenkins from Gonzaga University."
The dozens of fans who ventured all the way from Wapato, Washington rose to their feet in jubilation. Tears rolled down their cheeks as they applauded the young star who was now a member of the Utah Jazz. Finally, this little town had something to call their own.
As he approached the podium, Slim's legs buckled with anticipation; he could feel his stomach tossing and turning, eager to churn out the nastiest diarrhea this side of the Mississippi had ever seen. He had waited his entire life for this moment and yet here he was, on national television, on the verge of sh*tting his pants in front of millions of people. The very thought had him trembling with fear—but he had to remain cool, he had to remain collected. He had to be Slim.
"T-thank you, Mr. Commissioner," Jenkins managed to utter as he shook the Commissioner's frail, fish-like hand. His buttcheeks clenched in an attempt to dam the flood of diarrhea that was waiting to be violently released from his stinky bowels. But somehow, he persevered.
And just like that, he was a member of the Utah Jazz.
As he looks back on that fateful draft, Wesley Knox can't help but feel frustrated. His heart still aches with regret from the pain of knowing that his team passed up on a potential future generational talent.
"I kept telling them—the Cleveland Cavaliers, that is—that this was a 'can't miss' prospect," the seasoned scout recalls. "I kept telling them he averaged nearly 12 points and 2 assists last season. I told them that he had a rocket for an arm. I told them, 'you don't know what the hell you're doing.' But the general manager kept assuring me that his 'basketball people' loved Ed Monix's court vision; they kept echoing, 'Ed Monix, Ed Monix!' It was a no-win situation for me."
To this day, Wesley Knox is still haunted by that draft. He still can't believe that Slim Jenkins, the "can't miss prospect" out of Gonzaga, fell all the way down to the Utah Jazz, a team with virtually no direction heading forward—until now.
"I've been scouting players for nearly 5 years now—I know what I'm doing," Knox boasted. "I've seen things in this player that you seldom see in other prospects. I saw heart, determination, courage; I saw a man with a nasty mid-range jumpshot who would battle his way to the basket. I saw the future of a franchise."
Wesley still struggles to wrap his head around the reasons why the Cavaliers opted for Ed Monix instead of Slim Jenkins. Both players were acclaimed prospects, but something set Slim Jenkins apart from the rest of the pack: His overall potential.
"The one thing I know—the one thing that you simply cannot dispute—is the statistical disparity between the two. In his lone season at Gonzaga, Jenkins averaged 11.7 points, 3.4 rebounds, and 1.8 assists per game. Monix, on the other hand, averaged only 7.6 points, 3.8 rebounds, and 1.6 assists per game," Knox recalled. "It was a no-brainer for me ... In fact, it was probably a no-brainer for everybody but the Cavs' GM. They really sh*t the bed on this one."
After the draft, Wesley Knox threw in the towel and retired from the PBSL to pursue his dreams of becoming a therapist, where he would later console Jenkins' parents. According to Knox, they are "still getting over the trauma" but are "finally beginning to accept the fact that their son is, in fact, better than them in every way, shape, or form."
Wesley Knox passed away on January 2nd, 2026 due to complications stemming from a prolapsed anus.
i hope it hasn't been forgotten!