#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

digiskunk: Gather round, ladies and gentlemen, for I have a tale to tell. It's the story of a young, supple 30-year old man who took a once promising franchise, flipped it on its head, and breathed it back to life. It's a heart wrenching tale full of regret, uncertainty—but perhaps most importantly—hope for a better tomorrow.


Now let's cut to the chase and discuss last season. As most of you know, we were unable to compete for the Finals this year, despite all the odds being clearly in our favor. Coincidentally enough, our team wasn't good enough to keep up with the rest of the pack and because of that, we were only able to compile a mere 9 victories. However, we did not walk away empty handed: We were able to pull some strings and make some trades that would better us further down the road and, furthermore, we got to see what our new draft pick, Slim Jenkins, was capable of. Apparently, he's about as gifted as a can of corn. He was dead last in the plus/minus category and was tied for 2nd in turnovers per game. If it wasn't for his valuable contributions, perhaps we wouldn't be in the position that we're in today.


Since we weren't in the post-season, we had ample time to scout prospects in preparation for the upcoming draft. Initially, we were high on John Moore, but upon discovering his love for Hawaiian pizza, we opted for Silky Johnson instead. What impressed us most about him was his character; as soon as he walked into a room, all eyes were instantly on him. His only downside, however, was being from Alabama. With our later pick, we selected Joe Futrell, who will be our starting PF heading forward.


During free agency, we picked up some proven veterans such as Blake Griffin, Draymond Green, Ricky Rubio, and Ish Smith—all of whom have been reduced to dog shit since their golden years. Nevertheless, they'll be providing some valuable minutes off the bench come next season.

In addition to those signings, we also made some trades: We shipped off Simon Pheonix in a deal that landed us A.C. "Air Conditioner" Williams, a rookie who will be starting at center next season. We also managed to move Timothy Pulley's contract in exchange for a future 1st round pick.

We'll now be taking questions from the media!

How long will it be before the jazz make a return to the playoffs?

Sham Smith, Bulls.com: After only 9 wins this year and a team that's still in the early stages of rebuild, how do you sell this season to fans to encourage them to still come to the games, especially when so many fans have been banned from Jazz games for yelling racist stuff at opposing players?

Wombataholic wrote: Sat Mar 16, 2019 12:57 pm How long will it be before the jazz make a return to the playoffs?

If all goes according to plan, we should be ready in 2-3 seasons, barring any unforeseen incidents.

garbageman wrote: Sat Mar 16, 2019 1:11 pm Sham Smith, Bulls.com: After only 9 wins this year and a team that's still in the early stages of rebuild, how do you sell this season to fans to encourage them to still come to the games, especially when so many fans have been banned from Jazz games for yelling racist stuff at opposing players?

First I wish to address the issue of racism. We do not, and will not, tolerate any form of racism whatsoever; any fan who decides to yell any racist vulgarities at players will be promptly banned and, in some extreme cases, FORCIBLY EUTHANIZED BY OUR MEDICAL STAFF.

Now in regards to encouraging fans to attend games this upcoming season, it's important to remember that the Utah Jazz have some of the most dedicated, diehard fans this league has ever seen. We have utmost faith that fans will be excited for this upcoming season, for we have multiple young rookies who are anxious to put their abilities on display for all to see.

Silky Johnson has already made numerous statements to the press alluding to his future role with this team—namely, the team leader and future face of the franchise. A.C. Williams, otherwise known as "Air Conditioner" Williams, is as cool as a breeze and is noted for his ability to "cool off" opposing players before they get hot, so fans have every right to be excited to see what he brings to the table. Joe Futrell, our starting PF and renowned ventriloquist, is an offensive scoring and rebounding machine. Israel Perez? That kid can shoot the lights out.

Fans have every reason to attend games this upcoming season—I can tell you that much.

GWR: What do you say about rumors that Jazz players are only willing to rent and not buy due to fears they could be traded at any moment?

JNR wrote: Sat Mar 16, 2019 3:01 pm GWR: What do you say about rumors that Jazz players are only willing to rent and not buy due to fears they could be traded at any moment?

I want to make it clear that here in Utah, we find that it is imperative to commit ourselves to nothing short of excellence. In our first attempt at a rebuild, we made many mistakes—all of which I am willing to account for—and we felt that it would be best to give our prospects a better chance at succeeding in this league by trading them to more suitable teams. If you check our recent track record, I think you'll find that we have given all of our prospects every opportunity to prove themselves worthy; unfortunately for them, however, they simply did not fit in the grand scheme of things, so we merely provided them with a second shot at redemption.

As of this moment, we are dedicated to building this team from the ground up. We have a plan, and we plan on executing it. If we didn't, then we wouldn't have traded for prospects such as A.C. Williams. Next!

Despite having a very young core, you also have veterans with Blake Griffin, Draymond Green, and Ricky Rubio. What were behind those signings? Will they get minutes or mainly in mentor roles?

78# wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2019 9:43 am Despite having a very young core, you also have veterans with Blake Griffin, Draymond Green, and Ricky Rubio. What were behind those signings? Will they get minutes or mainly in mentor roles?

These veterans are expected to receive minutes off the bench, and rightfully so considering their track record. We are hopeful, that one day, our beloved Ricky Rubio will become a Hall of Famer on account of his assist numbers. Griffin and Green are also natural born leaders who can help guide this young core in the right direction. Happy St. Paddy's DAy!

Do you feel you have a true star in the among with one of your young blue potential players? The Jazz have had their fair share of great players being developed in Utah like Juicy James, Kight, and JR Johnson. Do you have another one on the team?


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Who are you hoping to see lead the team in scoring, and how many points per game do you think he'll get?

Xist2Inspire wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2019 2:16 pm Who are you hoping to see lead the team in scoring, and how many points per game do you think he'll get?

That'll be Silky Johnson. We're gonna give him the rock every opportunity he gets!

Any more questions?!

Do the Jazz plan to stockpile points against a future tax bill, or will you be looking to use them on player development?

WigNosy wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2019 12:27 pm Do the Jazz plan to stockpile points against a future tax bill, or will you be looking to use them on player development?

I'm thankful somebody asked this question! We're actually stockpiling points for player development. We really want to see our young core grow, and we feel as if player training is going to be very instrumental in that regard.

NOLa. wrote: Sun Mar 17, 2019 12:14 pm Do you feel you have a true star in the among with one of your young blue potential players? The Jazz have had their fair share of great players being developed in Utah like Juicy James, Kight, and JR Johnson. Do you have another one on the team?

We are really hoping that one of our recent draft picks breaks out and ends up being a star for us. Of course, that may be a long shot, but we're willing to invest a lot of points into developing these players. We're keeping our fingers crossed!!!

is this going to be a slow rebuild or do you envision cashing in on draft capital to make win now moves in a couple seasons?

IamQuailman wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2019 2:57 pm is this going to be a slow rebuild or do you envision cashing in on draft capital to make win now moves in a couple seasons?

When we first drafted/acquired players such as Slim Jenkins, Silky Johnson, and A.C. Williams, we took a long look at their current age and what their projected ceiling was, in hopes of being a competitive team in a few years. We weren't interested in a slow rebuild by drafting raw players such as John Moore (who fell to the Grizzlies); we wanted to arm our team with more ready-now players. So hopefully we can become a more competitive force in a few seasons as our players continue to develop!

Jalepenos or chili on Nachos?

Soundwave wrote: Mon Mar 18, 2019 3:34 pm Jalepenos or chili on Nachos?

chili!