Garbageman's CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE to see who to root for in the playoffs!
Posted: Mon Feb 18, 2019 7:13 pm
The 2025 playoffs are upon us, and there are 16 teams vying to take home the proverbial hardware and prove themselves the best squad on the planet. But say you're a fan from a place without a championship hopeful team. You could ignore PBSL completely and pine for the offseason or pore over keep refreshing the draft preview page to no avail...or, you could read my handy dandy guide and pick a team based on this choose your own adventure style quiz. Let's get this started. First of all, are you male or female?
For male, go to page 1.
For female, go to page 2.
PAGE 1
Alright, cool. You've got a dingus, I got a dingus. We pee standing up, and neither of us is a sitzpinkler. That's for sure. We're both on the same page here. Let's start with the real questions. Are you sick of your lousy team getting shat on by the half-Jew run liberal sports media just because it's not in LA, Chicago, or New York, the three most important cities in America?
If so, go to PAGE 3 (but not until after you award points for half of the Pick 'Ems this season).
If it's not a big deal to you, cheers. You've made it to PAGE 4!
PAGE 2
Why are you lying? There are no women in sim league. Don't make me give you the Knicks. Get your nuts-having ass back to PAGE 1.
PAGE 3
Congratulations. You are on the path to choosing a team from a sim-town without a booming population. I'm sure the handful of basketball fans from whichever team you end up with will be thrilled to have your support. However, now that you have the fans on your side, it's time to see is your in sync with the teams needs for developing players into dynasties. Depending on which side of the fence you're on, it's either a measure of parity or a hideous injustice that we have to wait so long for purple potential players to be as good as advertised because we're not allowed to give them extra training. Which one of these statements do you agree with?
If it's this one: "Even one Anthony Davis is #harmful for the league" -- go to PAGE 5
If it's this one: "Yep, still Doug here, and I just got RJ Barrett" -- go to PAGE 6
PAGE 4
So you've been drawn in by the flash and sizzle of big city living. The lights, the music, the abundance of delivery places open til 4 am. I can't blame you there. I'm gonna take a gamble here and say you like winners. Now, some of these teams have won under different management, but in this league, the managers are the real heroes, the ones you cheer for (or boo against if it's say, the Nuggets). Anyway...
If you want to see the savvy of a proven GM getting another ring, go to PAGE 7
If you're one of those "EVERYBODY GETS A TROPHY" types who wants a new GM to take home the prize, check out PAGE 8
PAGE 5
Alright, so you've filtered out some teams that have any purple potential players who aren't there yet, so you still could be rooting for an Anthony Davis championship, and unless you're Mike, I've got you questioning your decisions. So I'll dial it back a little bit here. This one SHOULD be easy. Does a championship team really need a point guard? You know, someone who can run an offense and orchestrate for his teammates? A halfway decent ball handler who ain't coughing up that rock like his parents were anti-vaxxers?
Of course...that's a really important part of basketball - go to PAGE 9
What the heck's a point guard? - go to PAGE 10
PAGE 6
Alright, so either you're Doug, or you're someone who thinks like him. If I can have your attention for a minute, it won't take too long, and you'll still be on hold with the league offices so you can complain about Drew Brees not getting his own statue in heaven or something when you're done answering this question. Biggie or 2Pac?
If you love it when they call you Big Poppa, go to PAQE 11
If only God can judge you now, go to PAGE 12
PAGE 7
So you have a ring and some empty fingers. Congratulations on your previous championship if you're still in the playoffs. Otherwise, congratulations on wanting to keep the circle of GM champions small and tight, and I sincerely hope you're enjoying your Subway sandwich. Anyway, they say that SVU crimes are more about power than about sexual desire, but let's take this to the bedroom (or back to an old Skype chat that I remember both vaguely and distinctly).
I like my championship teams like I like my partners - in control and telling me what to do - go to PAGE 13
If the last time someone told you what to do, you flipped off Vince McMahon and gave him a stunner -- go to PAGE 14
PAGE 8
So you're cheering for a new GM to get a ring on one of his naked fingers, but you know if you propose, that'll just lead to a string of 10pm sims because apparently, it's SIM LIFE OVER EVERYTHING EXCEPT PLANNING WEDDINGS. So logically, instead of proposing to the GM of the team this quiz chooses for you, you should just be cheering really hard for them. You're almost about to find out, but an important decision like this should come down to something important...sports cliches:
If offense wins games, GO TO PAGE 15
If defense wins championships, GO TO PAGE 16
PAGE 9
Alright, you've made it this far, and this final question will reveal the team to which you should lend your allegiance. What do you think about the movie Moneyball?
The only thing that makes baseball more boring is advanced metrics - GO TO PAGE 17
JONAH HILL'S COUP DE GRACE WAS A TOUR DE FORCE - GO TO PAGE 18
PAGE 10
You're so close to the end now that I can taste your excitement, but I have one last question. Say your team is good, but it's a longshot to win the championship this year. Do you trade your 2028 1st to the 76ers for underutilized PG Christopher Lemke? Remember, your team historically never signs a decent PG.
"No, Christopher Lemke is a foul liability, and I don't want to give Scott a free lotto pick for perhaps 4 more points" - GO TO PAGE 19
"Frye yeah. He's the Christopher Lem-KEY to winning a championship" - GO TO PAGE 20
PAGE 11
Biggie, huh? That's tight. No way you can cheer for one of those garbagehole West Coast teams. Plenty of good teams on the East...some that didn't even make the playoffs. But which one to cheer for? The answer to this question will tell you! We already know that you're a male who thinks we should be able to train purple potentials. What about player renames? Do we need to revisit that?
"Hell yeah, we do. Some of these names are dumb as hell. Let's restrict it to actual players, please." - GO TO PAGE 21
"Hell yeah, we do. I won't rest until I can name my next lotto pick Dr. Penus McButtstuffins IV. I thought this was America." - GO TO PAGE 22
PAGE 12
Riverside, motherfryer! You're at the last question. And it's simple. Is Jeffrey Duren the best PG in the game?
"Yes, and after this season, the Nuggets should trade him for a healthy rebuild package." - GO TO PAGE 23
"Jeffrey Duren is a traitor and should be executed by firing squad." - GO TO PAGE 24
PAGE 13
So you want to be dominated. No judgment here...except the FINAL JUDGMENT THAT DETERMINES WHICH TEAM YOU WILL ROOT FOR IN THE 2025 PBSL PLAYOFFS. Winning the championship this year would be nice, but if you like truly powerful GMs, you want to make sure it's not a fluke. How many rings do you need to prove yourself as a GM in PBSL?
"Three or four is probably good." - GO TO PAGE 25
"Anything less than 5 is for betas" - GO TO PAGE 26
PAGE 14
Hell yes, my dude. Stick it to the man. I guarantee you that you won't be cheering for some high and mighty commissioner's team now. For your final question, you have to decide an age old question. What would you prefer to have on your team:
One horse sized chicken and 4 chicken sized horses -- GO TO PAGE 27
Five horse-chicken hybrid animals that are the size of tiny horses, but they can fly, but only a little bit -- GO TO PAGE 28
PAGE 15
You're hear because you want to see some offense, meaning that chances are, you were disappointed in the Super Bowl for so many reasons, Doug, and I'm sorry, but Roger Goodell probably isn't even reading your emails. At least the guy from Maroon 5 had some cool tattoos, though, right? Anyway, what do you do if you win your first championship?
If you can go to sleep feeling like half the GM your brother is -- GO TO PAGE 29
If you remain blissfully unaware that you have won the championship and then trade it to the 76ers to take on their bad salary -- GO TO PAGE 30
PAGE 16
Finally, we've made it to the last question of this entire article, and not a moment too soon, because I've used up all my good questions. What's your favorite part of the PBSL year?
"I like the period of time right before TC when we're forced to cut our roster down to a maximum of 9 players...it's 9 players, right? That's the max?" - GO TO PAGE 31
"I like RFA so I can overbid on greens and watch as incumbent GMs begrudgingly accept! Ahahahaha!" -- GO TO PAGE 32
PAGE 17
You should cheer for the...
San Antonio Spurs
The Spurs had a dominant 66 win season out West, and that was with some injuries that have healed just in time for a deep playoff run. Carlos has won a couple titles with his last build around Josh Smith and Russell Westbrook, and he also doesn't do anything to irritate the rest of the league, so overall, you made some solid choices. There are no winners and losers in this article (except for the article itself, which by all means should be a frontrunner for Media Entry of the Year), but you can give yourself a nice pat on the back for ending up with the Spurs!
PAGE 18
You should cheer for the...
Portland Trailblazers
The Trailblazers have been looking for a way into the playoffs for a couple seasons now, and this season, they finally found the formula to get everyone playing with chemistry. They looked to be in specifically good form towards the end of the year, boasting good cohesion. They still might be a year away from too deep a run...Ronald Small looks excellent, but their front court needs another year or so in the oven before this team is as stacked as it's gonna get.
PAGE 19
You should cheer for the...
Phoenix Suns
Kevin Love is back for his 80th season in a Suns uniform after a brief vacation to Philadelphia and Boston, where he undoubtedly was able to learn a lot about US History. Back in Phoenix, though, he's supported by as strong a team as any that won a championship with him. This time around, though, he's probably not the player he once was, and while Lavar Ball and D'Angelo Russell (and even Thomas Knecht) are really strong players, it's going to be an uphill battle now that Love is closer to G/G than P/P.
PAGE 20
You should cheer for the...
New Orleans Pelicans
Not a bad choice here, if only because they helped proxy war their pick out of the lotto, prompting Doug to try to get rid of it. The Knicks proved that Jokic is a force to be reckoned with. There isn't anyone with his versatility at the center position, and he finally was a difference maker in the way the Pelicans wanted out of a trade. If someone can gameplan around Jokic, though, the Pelicans can be thwarted, and they've got a tough challenge with the Spurs in the first round. Vernon Desantis could easily play foil to Jokic.
PAGE 21
You should cheer for the...
Orlando Magic
Andy's got Andrew Wiggins (potential alternate personality for Andy's hair? https://www.facebook.com/Andys-Hair-142901562566137/) and Wiggins has some really great young talent around him that could rival the Timberwolves team that won a ring with Wiggins. If the Magic DO win a championship with Wiggins, do we prepare for a massive unloading of talent in exchange for every pick in the league for more tanktastic rebuilding? Not this time...with Boban and Jackson, the Magic have what it takes to compete for a few years before the taxman cometh.
PAGE 22
You should cheer for the...
Toronto Raptors
After infecting the league with TV character renames, the Raptors rebuild has paid off, albeit if it doesn't result in a title soon, they're going to have some important fiscal decisions to make. Bjorn Ironside is locked in now to a supermax contract that should be able to keep them afloat as a competitor, although a finish behind the Celtics and the Nets doesn't bode well for competing in a really stacked Eastern Conference. I can see them taking a series or two, but maybe only because the East is so stacked that all 8 teams look comparatively fierce.
PAGE 23
You should cheer for the...
Denver Nuggets
If the Nuggets win another ring, that'll be Ryan's second back-to-back and the first time it's happened in this league in a while. The Nuggets had the best overall record, finishing half a game ahead of the San Antonio Spurs. They managed to stay relatively healthy, which, in real life, would speak volumes to their training staff, but in this game, could just mean that the random injury spinner is just waiting to hit one of their real impact players at just the right time. But really, that's the only way this team isn't the league's toughest to beat. If you like saddling your high horse to a winner, Denver's a good place for it, but please don't feed your horse any edibles.
PAGE 24
You should cheer for the...
Sacramento Kings
Tani's the saddest GM to always win his division. His team is so good that even repeated blows (Duren's dur-parture, injuries to his top dawgs) aren't enough to dethrone him atop the Pacific. The Mitchell injury is going to sting, especially against Ronald Small and the Blazers, and some of their depth is down, too. If the Kings can make it out of the first two rounds, somehow, they'll be scary AF in the conference finals, but that's a big if. At least whatever the stadium is called in their cute little town has enough Division Banners at this point to make a cool cape for Godzilla.
PAGE 25
You should cheer for the...
Philadelphia 76ers
The East is so stacked that the 76ers finished in the 8th seed. Looking at their team page, that's almost hard to believe. Still, they're not a team that should be taken lightly. Scott's so good at building a team and strategizing that he doesn't even need to use his commissioning powers to give him an edge. Some of the other teams look a little stronger, but the playoffs are a different animal, and even if he doesn't win, the Magic/76ers series will be fun to watch just for the game planning.
PAGE 26
You should cheer for the...
Atlanta Hawks
Congratulations on picking answers that led you to the New England Patriots of sim league. The Hawks are always a team you can count on to win 50 or more games, and Wig's the kind of GM who calls it "rebuilding" when they don't win 60. Without the monkey of commissioning on his back, Wig can focus all his time on game planning, which is scary given that some of the previous seasons' Hawks exits were predicated on Wig being busy and just generally going "same" during the frantically paced playoffs. Of course, that strategy won the Knicks a ring, so is Dr. Kavarga a better GM than WigNosy? Who's to say?
PAGE 27
You should cheer for the...
Detroit Pistons
Congratulations on picking answers that led you to the Tom Brady of sim league. Even blue current Anthony Davis was too strong to get ousted as MVP/DPOY. There's never been a player like him, and if there were actual sim fans, I'm sure he'd be as divisive as real life LeBron. Unfortunately, there are only competing GMs paying attention, and they're all waiting for the day when AD is no longer a guaranteed playoff appearance plus 20 points. But as kucoach analyzed, 37 year old Anthony Davis is going to be like 33 year old Al Horford, and 39 year old Al Horford is still one of the best in the biz. If 37 year old AD is making 50 mil, though, I can't wait to see the contract of 43 year old, still blue AD.
PAGE 28
You should cheer for the...
Boston Celtics
The Celtics squad is definitely a scrappy one. I liked Conroy's original build a lot. I respected his moves to get out of a bad tax situation and keep DeAndre Ayton, and I think he did a great job selling off the parts of his team to pare down to the core of high-scoring Tyler Ulis, finally p/p Julio De La Rosa, and the final pieces in Milburn and Ayton. The latter two guys are going to have problematic contracts that put the Celts in tax trouble again if they keep both big men. It'd be cool to see them capture a ring before they have to do more retooling, but this will be a tough climate for them to do it in.
PAGE 29
You should cheer for the...
Miami Heat
After a long playoff drought, Devin Booker and World B. Free have led the Heat back into prominence, and at a glance, their team looked like an unlikely candidate to make it to the playoffs, but with Long Anderson having an all-star starting season, they've managed to stretch their young team to its limit. I don't think it'll lead to a championship, but Booker and Free aren't done growing. They remind me of the Computer GMOY winning #78 teams of half a decade ago. They'll have an uphill battle, but it's cool to see them finally getting over the hump and give Miami something to celebrate beyond Will Smith's anthem.
PAGE 30
You should cheer for the...
Los Angeles Lakers
What's the sound of one hand clapping?
PAGE 31
You should cheer for the...
Brooklyn Nets
This is the team that I want to win. From Ed's polite "Sim up yet?" questions (when he knows the sim's not up) that show how eager he is to see the results to a team that's kicking names and taking ass in a stacked division, I'd love to see a deep Nets run. Joseph Kight is such an impactful player that I'd be surprised if he retired without a ring. The Nets could well be the team he makes it with. Medina is a top-tier point guard, and the Nets have depth everywhere else. They could have the best 8 man rotation in the playoffs, even if they don't have the best starting lineup, or the best big three. It puts them in the conversation, at the very least.
PAGE 32
You should cheer for the...
Houston Rockets
If you think like a computer, you'll love the Houston Rockets. If you love old-but-virile silver foxes, you'll love the Houston Rockets. If you do what Skype suggests, you'll love the Houston Rockets. 78# has a formula for the fountain of youth, and it speaks directly with Fast Break Basketball 3.0's deepest algorithms. He hasn't yet cracked the code to become a champion, and a tougher Southwest Division either leaves him in a worse position to do so, or more battle ready to make it further. The Rockets visited the Conference Finals last season, but they have the Nuggets standing in the way of a repeat visit. Their team, however, looks more balanced than last year, and if they figure out the best lineup to work Keith Pfeffer into their new offense, wins over the Suns and Nuggets wouldn't be far-fetched beyond the realm of possibility. Despite a 5th seed ending, they have a very strong differential, so they win big and lose close. Playoffs are a time when they really have to buckle down and win those close ones, though.
THE END
For male, go to page 1.
For female, go to page 2.
PAGE 1
Alright, cool. You've got a dingus, I got a dingus. We pee standing up, and neither of us is a sitzpinkler. That's for sure. We're both on the same page here. Let's start with the real questions. Are you sick of your lousy team getting shat on by the half-Jew run liberal sports media just because it's not in LA, Chicago, or New York, the three most important cities in America?
If so, go to PAGE 3 (but not until after you award points for half of the Pick 'Ems this season).
If it's not a big deal to you, cheers. You've made it to PAGE 4!
PAGE 2
Why are you lying? There are no women in sim league. Don't make me give you the Knicks. Get your nuts-having ass back to PAGE 1.
PAGE 3
Congratulations. You are on the path to choosing a team from a sim-town without a booming population. I'm sure the handful of basketball fans from whichever team you end up with will be thrilled to have your support. However, now that you have the fans on your side, it's time to see is your in sync with the teams needs for developing players into dynasties. Depending on which side of the fence you're on, it's either a measure of parity or a hideous injustice that we have to wait so long for purple potential players to be as good as advertised because we're not allowed to give them extra training. Which one of these statements do you agree with?
If it's this one: "Even one Anthony Davis is #harmful for the league" -- go to PAGE 5
If it's this one: "Yep, still Doug here, and I just got RJ Barrett" -- go to PAGE 6
PAGE 4
So you've been drawn in by the flash and sizzle of big city living. The lights, the music, the abundance of delivery places open til 4 am. I can't blame you there. I'm gonna take a gamble here and say you like winners. Now, some of these teams have won under different management, but in this league, the managers are the real heroes, the ones you cheer for (or boo against if it's say, the Nuggets). Anyway...
If you want to see the savvy of a proven GM getting another ring, go to PAGE 7
If you're one of those "EVERYBODY GETS A TROPHY" types who wants a new GM to take home the prize, check out PAGE 8
PAGE 5
Alright, so you've filtered out some teams that have any purple potential players who aren't there yet, so you still could be rooting for an Anthony Davis championship, and unless you're Mike, I've got you questioning your decisions. So I'll dial it back a little bit here. This one SHOULD be easy. Does a championship team really need a point guard? You know, someone who can run an offense and orchestrate for his teammates? A halfway decent ball handler who ain't coughing up that rock like his parents were anti-vaxxers?
Of course...that's a really important part of basketball - go to PAGE 9
What the heck's a point guard? - go to PAGE 10
PAGE 6
Alright, so either you're Doug, or you're someone who thinks like him. If I can have your attention for a minute, it won't take too long, and you'll still be on hold with the league offices so you can complain about Drew Brees not getting his own statue in heaven or something when you're done answering this question. Biggie or 2Pac?
If you love it when they call you Big Poppa, go to PAQE 11
If only God can judge you now, go to PAGE 12
PAGE 7
So you have a ring and some empty fingers. Congratulations on your previous championship if you're still in the playoffs. Otherwise, congratulations on wanting to keep the circle of GM champions small and tight, and I sincerely hope you're enjoying your Subway sandwich. Anyway, they say that SVU crimes are more about power than about sexual desire, but let's take this to the bedroom (or back to an old Skype chat that I remember both vaguely and distinctly).
I like my championship teams like I like my partners - in control and telling me what to do - go to PAGE 13
If the last time someone told you what to do, you flipped off Vince McMahon and gave him a stunner -- go to PAGE 14
PAGE 8
So you're cheering for a new GM to get a ring on one of his naked fingers, but you know if you propose, that'll just lead to a string of 10pm sims because apparently, it's SIM LIFE OVER EVERYTHING EXCEPT PLANNING WEDDINGS. So logically, instead of proposing to the GM of the team this quiz chooses for you, you should just be cheering really hard for them. You're almost about to find out, but an important decision like this should come down to something important...sports cliches:
If offense wins games, GO TO PAGE 15
If defense wins championships, GO TO PAGE 16
PAGE 9
Alright, you've made it this far, and this final question will reveal the team to which you should lend your allegiance. What do you think about the movie Moneyball?
The only thing that makes baseball more boring is advanced metrics - GO TO PAGE 17
JONAH HILL'S COUP DE GRACE WAS A TOUR DE FORCE - GO TO PAGE 18
PAGE 10
You're so close to the end now that I can taste your excitement, but I have one last question. Say your team is good, but it's a longshot to win the championship this year. Do you trade your 2028 1st to the 76ers for underutilized PG Christopher Lemke? Remember, your team historically never signs a decent PG.
"No, Christopher Lemke is a foul liability, and I don't want to give Scott a free lotto pick for perhaps 4 more points" - GO TO PAGE 19
"Frye yeah. He's the Christopher Lem-KEY to winning a championship" - GO TO PAGE 20
PAGE 11
Biggie, huh? That's tight. No way you can cheer for one of those garbagehole West Coast teams. Plenty of good teams on the East...some that didn't even make the playoffs. But which one to cheer for? The answer to this question will tell you! We already know that you're a male who thinks we should be able to train purple potentials. What about player renames? Do we need to revisit that?
"Hell yeah, we do. Some of these names are dumb as hell. Let's restrict it to actual players, please." - GO TO PAGE 21
"Hell yeah, we do. I won't rest until I can name my next lotto pick Dr. Penus McButtstuffins IV. I thought this was America." - GO TO PAGE 22
PAGE 12
Riverside, motherfryer! You're at the last question. And it's simple. Is Jeffrey Duren the best PG in the game?
"Yes, and after this season, the Nuggets should trade him for a healthy rebuild package." - GO TO PAGE 23
"Jeffrey Duren is a traitor and should be executed by firing squad." - GO TO PAGE 24
PAGE 13
So you want to be dominated. No judgment here...except the FINAL JUDGMENT THAT DETERMINES WHICH TEAM YOU WILL ROOT FOR IN THE 2025 PBSL PLAYOFFS. Winning the championship this year would be nice, but if you like truly powerful GMs, you want to make sure it's not a fluke. How many rings do you need to prove yourself as a GM in PBSL?
"Three or four is probably good." - GO TO PAGE 25
"Anything less than 5 is for betas" - GO TO PAGE 26
PAGE 14
Hell yes, my dude. Stick it to the man. I guarantee you that you won't be cheering for some high and mighty commissioner's team now. For your final question, you have to decide an age old question. What would you prefer to have on your team:
One horse sized chicken and 4 chicken sized horses -- GO TO PAGE 27
Five horse-chicken hybrid animals that are the size of tiny horses, but they can fly, but only a little bit -- GO TO PAGE 28
PAGE 15
You're hear because you want to see some offense, meaning that chances are, you were disappointed in the Super Bowl for so many reasons, Doug, and I'm sorry, but Roger Goodell probably isn't even reading your emails. At least the guy from Maroon 5 had some cool tattoos, though, right? Anyway, what do you do if you win your first championship?
If you can go to sleep feeling like half the GM your brother is -- GO TO PAGE 29
If you remain blissfully unaware that you have won the championship and then trade it to the 76ers to take on their bad salary -- GO TO PAGE 30
PAGE 16
Finally, we've made it to the last question of this entire article, and not a moment too soon, because I've used up all my good questions. What's your favorite part of the PBSL year?
"I like the period of time right before TC when we're forced to cut our roster down to a maximum of 9 players...it's 9 players, right? That's the max?" - GO TO PAGE 31
"I like RFA so I can overbid on greens and watch as incumbent GMs begrudgingly accept! Ahahahaha!" -- GO TO PAGE 32
PAGE 17
You should cheer for the...
San Antonio Spurs
The Spurs had a dominant 66 win season out West, and that was with some injuries that have healed just in time for a deep playoff run. Carlos has won a couple titles with his last build around Josh Smith and Russell Westbrook, and he also doesn't do anything to irritate the rest of the league, so overall, you made some solid choices. There are no winners and losers in this article (except for the article itself, which by all means should be a frontrunner for Media Entry of the Year), but you can give yourself a nice pat on the back for ending up with the Spurs!
PAGE 18
You should cheer for the...
Portland Trailblazers
The Trailblazers have been looking for a way into the playoffs for a couple seasons now, and this season, they finally found the formula to get everyone playing with chemistry. They looked to be in specifically good form towards the end of the year, boasting good cohesion. They still might be a year away from too deep a run...Ronald Small looks excellent, but their front court needs another year or so in the oven before this team is as stacked as it's gonna get.
PAGE 19
You should cheer for the...
Phoenix Suns
Kevin Love is back for his 80th season in a Suns uniform after a brief vacation to Philadelphia and Boston, where he undoubtedly was able to learn a lot about US History. Back in Phoenix, though, he's supported by as strong a team as any that won a championship with him. This time around, though, he's probably not the player he once was, and while Lavar Ball and D'Angelo Russell (and even Thomas Knecht) are really strong players, it's going to be an uphill battle now that Love is closer to G/G than P/P.
PAGE 20
You should cheer for the...
New Orleans Pelicans
Not a bad choice here, if only because they helped proxy war their pick out of the lotto, prompting Doug to try to get rid of it. The Knicks proved that Jokic is a force to be reckoned with. There isn't anyone with his versatility at the center position, and he finally was a difference maker in the way the Pelicans wanted out of a trade. If someone can gameplan around Jokic, though, the Pelicans can be thwarted, and they've got a tough challenge with the Spurs in the first round. Vernon Desantis could easily play foil to Jokic.
PAGE 21
You should cheer for the...
Orlando Magic
Andy's got Andrew Wiggins (potential alternate personality for Andy's hair? https://www.facebook.com/Andys-Hair-142901562566137/) and Wiggins has some really great young talent around him that could rival the Timberwolves team that won a ring with Wiggins. If the Magic DO win a championship with Wiggins, do we prepare for a massive unloading of talent in exchange for every pick in the league for more tanktastic rebuilding? Not this time...with Boban and Jackson, the Magic have what it takes to compete for a few years before the taxman cometh.
PAGE 22
You should cheer for the...
Toronto Raptors
After infecting the league with TV character renames, the Raptors rebuild has paid off, albeit if it doesn't result in a title soon, they're going to have some important fiscal decisions to make. Bjorn Ironside is locked in now to a supermax contract that should be able to keep them afloat as a competitor, although a finish behind the Celtics and the Nets doesn't bode well for competing in a really stacked Eastern Conference. I can see them taking a series or two, but maybe only because the East is so stacked that all 8 teams look comparatively fierce.
PAGE 23
You should cheer for the...
Denver Nuggets
If the Nuggets win another ring, that'll be Ryan's second back-to-back and the first time it's happened in this league in a while. The Nuggets had the best overall record, finishing half a game ahead of the San Antonio Spurs. They managed to stay relatively healthy, which, in real life, would speak volumes to their training staff, but in this game, could just mean that the random injury spinner is just waiting to hit one of their real impact players at just the right time. But really, that's the only way this team isn't the league's toughest to beat. If you like saddling your high horse to a winner, Denver's a good place for it, but please don't feed your horse any edibles.
PAGE 24
You should cheer for the...
Sacramento Kings
Tani's the saddest GM to always win his division. His team is so good that even repeated blows (Duren's dur-parture, injuries to his top dawgs) aren't enough to dethrone him atop the Pacific. The Mitchell injury is going to sting, especially against Ronald Small and the Blazers, and some of their depth is down, too. If the Kings can make it out of the first two rounds, somehow, they'll be scary AF in the conference finals, but that's a big if. At least whatever the stadium is called in their cute little town has enough Division Banners at this point to make a cool cape for Godzilla.
PAGE 25
You should cheer for the...
Philadelphia 76ers
The East is so stacked that the 76ers finished in the 8th seed. Looking at their team page, that's almost hard to believe. Still, they're not a team that should be taken lightly. Scott's so good at building a team and strategizing that he doesn't even need to use his commissioning powers to give him an edge. Some of the other teams look a little stronger, but the playoffs are a different animal, and even if he doesn't win, the Magic/76ers series will be fun to watch just for the game planning.
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Atlanta Hawks
Congratulations on picking answers that led you to the New England Patriots of sim league. The Hawks are always a team you can count on to win 50 or more games, and Wig's the kind of GM who calls it "rebuilding" when they don't win 60. Without the monkey of commissioning on his back, Wig can focus all his time on game planning, which is scary given that some of the previous seasons' Hawks exits were predicated on Wig being busy and just generally going "same" during the frantically paced playoffs. Of course, that strategy won the Knicks a ring, so is Dr. Kavarga a better GM than WigNosy? Who's to say?
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You should cheer for the...
Detroit Pistons
Congratulations on picking answers that led you to the Tom Brady of sim league. Even blue current Anthony Davis was too strong to get ousted as MVP/DPOY. There's never been a player like him, and if there were actual sim fans, I'm sure he'd be as divisive as real life LeBron. Unfortunately, there are only competing GMs paying attention, and they're all waiting for the day when AD is no longer a guaranteed playoff appearance plus 20 points. But as kucoach analyzed, 37 year old Anthony Davis is going to be like 33 year old Al Horford, and 39 year old Al Horford is still one of the best in the biz. If 37 year old AD is making 50 mil, though, I can't wait to see the contract of 43 year old, still blue AD.
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You should cheer for the...
Boston Celtics
The Celtics squad is definitely a scrappy one. I liked Conroy's original build a lot. I respected his moves to get out of a bad tax situation and keep DeAndre Ayton, and I think he did a great job selling off the parts of his team to pare down to the core of high-scoring Tyler Ulis, finally p/p Julio De La Rosa, and the final pieces in Milburn and Ayton. The latter two guys are going to have problematic contracts that put the Celts in tax trouble again if they keep both big men. It'd be cool to see them capture a ring before they have to do more retooling, but this will be a tough climate for them to do it in.
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You should cheer for the...
Miami Heat
After a long playoff drought, Devin Booker and World B. Free have led the Heat back into prominence, and at a glance, their team looked like an unlikely candidate to make it to the playoffs, but with Long Anderson having an all-star starting season, they've managed to stretch their young team to its limit. I don't think it'll lead to a championship, but Booker and Free aren't done growing. They remind me of the Computer GMOY winning #78 teams of half a decade ago. They'll have an uphill battle, but it's cool to see them finally getting over the hump and give Miami something to celebrate beyond Will Smith's anthem.
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You should cheer for the...
Los Angeles Lakers
What's the sound of one hand clapping?
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You should cheer for the...
Brooklyn Nets
This is the team that I want to win. From Ed's polite "Sim up yet?" questions (when he knows the sim's not up) that show how eager he is to see the results to a team that's kicking names and taking ass in a stacked division, I'd love to see a deep Nets run. Joseph Kight is such an impactful player that I'd be surprised if he retired without a ring. The Nets could well be the team he makes it with. Medina is a top-tier point guard, and the Nets have depth everywhere else. They could have the best 8 man rotation in the playoffs, even if they don't have the best starting lineup, or the best big three. It puts them in the conversation, at the very least.
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You should cheer for the...
Houston Rockets
If you think like a computer, you'll love the Houston Rockets. If you love old-but-virile silver foxes, you'll love the Houston Rockets. If you do what Skype suggests, you'll love the Houston Rockets. 78# has a formula for the fountain of youth, and it speaks directly with Fast Break Basketball 3.0's deepest algorithms. He hasn't yet cracked the code to become a champion, and a tougher Southwest Division either leaves him in a worse position to do so, or more battle ready to make it further. The Rockets visited the Conference Finals last season, but they have the Nuggets standing in the way of a repeat visit. Their team, however, looks more balanced than last year, and if they figure out the best lineup to work Keith Pfeffer into their new offense, wins over the Suns and Nuggets wouldn't be far-fetched beyond the realm of possibility. Despite a 5th seed ending, they have a very strong differential, so they win big and lose close. Playoffs are a time when they really have to buckle down and win those close ones, though.
THE END