Utah Jazz Press Conference

[digiskunk]

DIGISKUNK: Welcome, and thank you to the dozens of people who've decided to join us for this press conference. Unlike seasons past, we don't have any confetti or anything; all we have is silence. And now! Let's review what's been going on recently!

As you know, the other year, Daddy got drunk and made numerous moves which, well, sorta dismembered the team. However! Let me promise you that Daddy has everything under control and if my humble staff will fetch me another beer, Daddy will explain to you what happened.

So we traded a bunch of players away two seasons ago in an attempt to rebuild. Daddy, being in the stupor that he was, approved of these deals despite reading the fine details. Nevertheless, Daddy had drunkenly made his bed and was forced to sleep in it.

Daddy was stupid. Don't be like daddy.

Either way, during that time we acquired some good prospects: Glenn Irvine and Simon Pheonix. I absolutely, sincerely loved these two prospects until I looked at the grand scheme of things and realized that neither of these players really lined up with the timeline we've initially proposed. I wanted to build from the ground up but they seemed more league-ready than I thought so I let Glenn Irvine go. Simon, however, is still searching for his own destination. Wink wink.

Now FLASH FORWARD TO NOW, MOTHAFUDGAZ.

Even with my top prospects sorted out, we were unable to reach anything more than a bleak record of 31‒51. Of course, this is because DADDY decided to HIT THE SAUCE prematurely and accidentally sign some good players, thus landing him in a cruddy spot in the later draft. Nevertheless, Daddy got his sh*t together, sorta.

During the off-season, I realized now was the time to equip my team with the tools necessary heading forward if I wish this rebuild to be successful. Therefore, I traded Glenn Irvine—the shooting guard prospect I actually once traded for—in exchange for another future first round pick and Rodney Hood, who I'm sure will help us in the long-term. Additionally, I acquired great talent such as Sean Meissner, Patrick Sutter, as well as numerous other unworthy names. We feel that they'll help us in the long-term. As for now, we are rebooting the rebuild.

There's probably a bunch of other crap to talk about but whatever.

Now, ask away.

[IamQuailman]

So... Slim Jerkins... is he like a foundation piece or what?

[garbageman]

Sham Smith, Bulls.com: Will you insure your players next season?

[digiskunk]

So... Slim Jerkins... is he like a foundation piece or what?

YES! As for now at least, lol

[digiskunk]

Sham Smith, Bulls.com: Will you insure your players next season?

hell yeah mudda fukka. We'll insure whoever is most valuable to us (see: Slim Jenkins)

[kucoach7]

Talk to me about the Pelicans. Obviously you must think that pick is going to be a good one based on the trade. Do you see their team falling apart over the next couple of years?

[digiskunk]

Talk to me about the Pelicans. Obviously you must think that pick is going to be a good one based on the trade. Do you see their team falling apart over the next couple of years?

Oh most definitely. We're going to crash and burn harder than United Flight 93 in Pennsylvania. We're going all in!

[ballsohard]

I think the previous question was about the Pelicans not the Jazz- Can you answer that one?

[NickMalone77]

Talk to me about the Pelicans. Obviously you must think that pick is going to be a good one based on the trade. Do you see their team falling apart over the next couple of years?

We have no plans of falling apart now or forever.... Despite what TC may tell you.

[TheSyndicate]

Some call you the league's wildcard. How do you feel about that? Do you think you've earned that moniker?

[drkavarga]

What’s the real American pastime, baseball or jazz?

[digiskunk]

Some call you the league's wildcard. How do you feel about that? Do you think you've earned that moniker?

Oh I am embrace it. This game is fun and it's always entertaining to have some randomness thrown in!