#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

: All right, you two, it's showtime.

Stepp: Dude...

Vaccaro: C'mon man, why you gotta do us like this?

: Do you want me to explain? Because in the time it would take me to explain, I could do something else......like write up your release forms.

Stepp: Bro, that is not funny.

: No, it's not. Weird, since I'm looking at two jokes now. The rest of the team will be out there with you. Think of this as your chance to shine, to stand out.

Vaccaro: Man, stand out like what? The fool in front of a firing squad?

: Exactly. Look, I'll make it easy for you two cretins. Go out there, mutter some nonsense about how last season was so devastating that a complete rebuild was decided on. Say something about how nail-biting our draft was, and how proud we were to get Chad, Rob, Ivica, Marshall, and Don on draft day.

Vaccaro: Yo, I was a part of that deal too...

: Shut up. Looking back, I think I would've rather had a second rounder. Now, mention how this season will be purely for evaluation purposes, hence out nonexistent offseason. I'm sure the reporters know this, but you morons need to hear that as many times as possible to get it through your thick skulls. Now, I'd rather have you out there than in my face, so get going.

*Vaccaro & Stepp leave, grumbling with their heads down. As they shuffled their way through the curtain and on their way to the podium, their teammates stared at them with a mix of pity and fear. When the two big men finally reached the podium, all they could do is stare in shock at the numerous faces in the crowd. Nick Melon, Will Maukie, Kane West, Johnny Junior...all the big-name reporters were there. They were like two deer in headlights...two very big, very dense deer.

Vaccaro: *gulps* Well...

Stepp: Um...

Vaccaro: ...Sh!t, you n****s got any questions?

Meanwhile, backstage...
: *clenches fists* I'ma kill these mofos.

What kind of impact are you expecting from Scott Ramos this season?

With your surplus of bigs, can we expect a trade or two this season?

*Ramos, obviously eager to talk about himself, runs up to the podium and snatches the mic from a dumbfounded Vaccaro*

: So I really just signed here for the bank...10 milli baby! I figured why not live it up for a year and sit on the bench. But I guess true talent can't be hidden, Xist said I'd be starting right before this whole press conference thing started.

*Off to the side, DeAndre Jordan just managed to catch a fainting Paul Webb before he cracked his head on the floor. Xist angrily rushed out from behind the curtain and made his way towards the podium, pushing Ramos, Vaccaro, and Stepp out of the way*

: Dammit, one question and I've already had enough of this crap. Hey, Orlando reporter guy. We'e hoping that Scott's passing ability makes it easier to get the ball in the hands of our scorers at the right time. And as for trades, given how dry our post-draft offseason turned out to be, I think it's pretty clear that nobody wants these guys, which is probably why they ended up here. So while trades are always possible, it's looking rather unlikely as of now.

I was hoping to ask this question to Paul Webb before he fainted, but I'll ask you. Webb looks to have taken the 6th man role in stride and had a heck of a first 8 games. Do you expect this to continue through the season?

: Yeah, I'm not sure why he fainted given how well he's played. Maybe he thought I was joking and it wasn't permanent. Some players just aren't meant to be starters or tied to just one position. The jury's still out of course, but maybe the switch to backup combo guard has given Paul more of a chance to show off his skills as a scorer now that he doesn't have to worry about being the only guy on the team who can facilitate. I could see this working out.