Inside the PBSL: The Unhappy Players
Posted: Wed Dec 27, 2017 10:22 am
Shaq: AKA The Big Rocket AKA Big Bucks AKA Big Wolf AKA Wacka Blocka Flame...
Barkley: AKA The Big Idiot.
Shaq: AKA Watch it Chuck.
Ernie: To my immediate left is 15 year PBSL Veteran Kenny "The Jet" Smith.
Kenny: One time Player of the Week Kenny "The Jet" Smith.
Ernie: How could we possibly forget. And to my far left is PBSL Hall of Famer, Rebound Fiend Charles Barkley.
Barkley: I don't have 4,000 nicknames like the Big Windbag over there, just call me Chuck.
Shaq: You're the Round Mound of the Buffet, Chuck. You're fat.
Barkley: You ain't skinny.
Ernie: We're going to be popping up intermittently throughout the season depending on how this reception goes. Our first episode is going to be focused on players' moods. Chuck, you were in the league a long time. You experienced plenty of joy in the league. Lots of reasons to be happy. Making the All Star team, being inducted to the Hall of Fame.
Shaq: Ain't got no rings, Erneh.
Barkley: You don't either, Big Goose Egg.
Ernie: But what we want to focus on for this episode is the opposite emotion. Unhappiness. The players in this league have reached the pinnacle of achievement in their field, and most people would kill to have their lives. But there are a handful of players who are not satisfied with their place in the league and want something more. Our sources that scour the league for information have found certain players who are unhappy, and what I wanted to do is talk about each player, try and figure out why they're unhappy, and leave it up to this panel of experts with me to determine how they can be happy again. Are you guys ready?
Kenny: Yeah, let's turn some frowns upside down.
Ernie: Reports out of Oakland have determined that Patrick Beverly has been unhappy for quite some time. The reports say that he's unsatisfied with playing time. Kenny, do you think he has a fair gripe?
Kenny: I do, I really do. The guy is 30 years old, and he has the talent to be a starter in this league. He's as good as he's ever been and somehow he's averaging a career low in minutes per game. The dude has a reason to be unhappy.
Ernie: But the guy he's behind is a better talent, isn't he? Kyle Lowry is a multi-time All Star.
Barkley: He's good, Ernie, but that team ain't good. When you're struggling like that, you mix it up. See what Beverly can do or get him out of there so he can be happy.
Shaq: I don't think he has a reason to complain. He goes against Lowry in practice every day, and if he was better the coach would do something about it.
Barkley: What coach? That team ain't got no coach.
Kenny: They got no GM!
Shaq: Coming off the bench isn't a big deal. Beverly should just work harder.
Ernie: This coming from someone who never had to come off the bench. So do you think that's it? A change of scenery will help?
Kenny: It has to be the right change of scenery. He can't just go to another place where there's a better PG. He needs to show he can lead a team before his contract is up and he declines.
Ernie: All right, moving onto Boston, where Sherwood Winger supposedly wants out of Boston. He just got there last year but he's been complaining about his touches and his minutes. What's your take, Chuck?
Barkley: This tall-ass dude needs to sit down. Jeff Withey is better and last year he started and didn't do jack with it. Look at this guy. Seven foot four and can't even block Kenny's shot.
Kenny: Hey not many people can block my shot. I'm crafty.
Shaq: I like this guy. Chuck's right that he shouldn't start, but he should get a few more touches. He's shooting 60% from the floor, but only getting three shots a game. Up that to 5 shots and see what happens.
Barkley: I tell you what happens, they're gonna lose. They're gonna lose anyway. Tall-ass needs to sit down.
Ernie: And then we have Don Gray in Chicago. Gray has played nine games this year, averaging 15 minutes a game. He was injured, but he's healthy now and hasn't played since November 14. What do you think, Shaq?
Shaq: I think this is all just a misunderstanding. The kid got hurt so the team did the smart thing to rest him. He'll be back getting the lion's share of the backup PG minutes, and this lion will feast.
Kenny: Four points a game isn't feasting. Yeah this guy's unhappiness makes sense. You got hurt. You're on a bad team and the younger guy is better than you. I get it. But at the end of the day all you can do is control your play. And if your play isn't good enough to crack the rotation on a bad team, you have to look inside you and see what you can do to get better.
Barkley: He can't do nothin', that boy is trash.
Ernie: That's harsh. Trash?
Barkley: This dude is shooting 10 percent from three? That's trash. Like Kenny said, work on your game or go be a farmer or something.
Ernie: This one is a little stranger, guys. We've got two players in Toronto who are feeling unhappy. But it can't be about minutes. Both Refugio Lozano and Jarvis Chambers start and play over 30 minutes a game. What do you think is the reason for the unhappiness, Chuck?
Barkley: For Lozano it's because he's playing out of position. He's a little guy at 6'3 and he played PG last year, but now they have that weird king kid Joffrey playing point guard so they moved Lozano to SF.
Ernie: And why do you think Chambers is unhappy?
Barkley: Cuz he got that silly ass name.
Kenny: Honestly I don't know why either are happy. Sure, playing out of position is tough, but he's averaging almost nineteen points a game. I don't really see why either should be unhappy.
Shaq: I think it's a locker room thing, Erneh. The players might not like each other. I've heard that their locker room chemistry is good for the most part, but maybe these two are not happy with other guys in the locker room. I've seen it before.
Ernie: Did anyone ever have a problem with you, Shaq?
Shaq: No everyone loved me.
Barkley: That's a lie.
Shaq: They did, I'm everyone's favorite teammate. Ask Pete Chilcutt, he loved me.
Barkley: I don't even know who that is.
Ernie: The defending champs are having another good season, but one of their players isn't feeling the love. Jerrell Wood has been complaining to friends and family that he's not happy in Detroit. Kenny, what have you seen.
Kenny: Nothing. (laughs) I've seen nothing from this kid, he's only played ten games! What do you expect? He's behind the best player in the world, so of course he won't see time. And it's not like he's a worldbeater or anything, the kid has scored less than two a game!
Shaq: He's made every shot he's taken.
Kenny: He's taken six shots!
Shaq: I'm just kidding, Kenny, I agree with you. This kid is lucky to be on a good team. Not everyone can be a star. Some guys need to hold the towels, to clap hard on the bench, to give encouragement to the guys making plays. He needs to be more like Pete Chilcutt.
Barkley: Man that dude don't exist. I agree with both of y'all though, this kid needs to buck up.
Ernie: Finally, we have a player who has shown potential for a few years, but has never truly realized the potential. And now he's in Washington for a fourth season and he's starting to feel a little unhappy. Kenny, do you see parallels between this situation with Brandon Knight and Patrick Beverly?
Kenny: A little. He's been a backup for years and there's a better player getting more minutes than him. But the only main difference is I don't think Knight has ever proven he's a starter.
Shaq: He has. He averaged 17 points a game for them two years ago as a starter.
Barkley: On a garbage team though.
Kenny: They only won 29 games! I get what you're saying, Shaq, but MCW is the star on this team, and they're actually playing well. Knight should demand a trade if he wants more playing time, but he should be putting some time in the gym to get better. Like Ernie said, the potential is there. He just has to take advantage of it.
Shaq: I think he can do it.
Barkley: Ship him to the Heat, see what happens to guys who complain.
Ernie: Well that about wraps it up for us here at Inside the PBSL. For The Jet, Shaq, and Chuck, this is Ernie Johnson. Thank you all for watching, and have a great holiday.