#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

*hic* ...so coming off the heels of last season and heading into the draft, I felt pretty good. I'd kept our 2000 pick from becoming a top one for another team, sent Juwan packing, and gotten a peek at what the Odom/Lewis combo was capable of. I'd scoped out the draft and formulated a plan. I had no idea I'd end up with the best-case scenario for the offseason, picking up literally everything I wanted. Yes, DerMarr Johnson & Darius Miles were high-priority targets. Don't laugh. I felt pretty damn good heading into Training Camp...but then I got news that Tony Battie and Brevin Knight did the same thing this offseason that their buddies Joe Smith and Ron Mercer did the last few years, which was party all the time, get drunk, and be stupid. And they can't hold their liquor as well as I can, let me tell ya... *hic*

Random Guy: Yo, J2?

...Sup brah?

Random Guy: What's the goal for this season, man? I'm tryin' to decide if I wanna sell my season tix or not. I mean, I don't wanna blow my time on some sad-ass team, y'know? I mean, I made that mistake in '98-'99 with that 14-win piece of s*** with frickin' Darnell Mee starting...no offense though.

*hic* None taken. A'ight, I'm gonna give it to ya straight, hear? We ain't tanking. But we also don't give a damn if we suck either, right? We have all our picks, and since league offices have placed a ban on all protected picks, we're not trading any of them unless some team wants to give us a damn good player for 'em. You're gonna get some exciting as hell ball, and you're gonna get games that look like complete ass. You're definitely gonna get a glimpse of the future though, because we're gonna ride these young bucks into the ground...

Random Lady: That's kinda racist, don't you think?

*blinks* Umm, do I look like Donald Sterling to you? I'm as black as most of my players, you know what I *hic* meant. Anyway, Lew and Odom nagged me all season long about getting their coach Xist to get them off the bench and let them play, and they're gonna get their wish in spades this season. They're the stars, this season lives and dies on their performances. So if they carry us to wins, cool. Expect to see some moves soon to get them help and keep the wins coming, because losing kinda sucks. If not? Hell, tonight's Caliente Thursdays, a Latin party, a fiesta! What y'all *hic* think of Pau Gasol down here in DC?!?

*a few cheers break out*

*hic* So yeah. I want to find out exactly what I have on my roster, and we're going to try out a lot of new things. Keep those tickets bro, it's gonna be a hell of a buzz...er, I mean ride...yo, bartender! Hit me another, I can't play Jeopardy with these folks without a little liquid courage, eh? Now what else y'all folks wanna know?

*A million questions are fired at the laughing Wizards' GM as the the bartender turns and shakes his head. "Damn shame how some people just can't handle a drink," he mutters as he prepares yet another peach margarita.*

Nick Melon; Charlotte Observer: Quite the way to entertain the masses. After battling for much of last season for a playoff spot between the Hawks and Hornets and falling out towards the end, you were adamant in wanting to keep your collection of young bigs together. You also wanted to shed as much of a veteran presence as possible which is what ya did in moving LJ (thanks) to Charlotte. Do you see your young guns having enough ammo to secure a spot in the playoffs this season ahead?

In what aspect do you think the veteran mailman will contribute to this team? Any playing time, or just a veteran leader in the locker room?

Y'know, that's a good question, Mr...Melon? Is that it? Hmm... *hic* Yo bartender, can ya change that margarita to a watermelon one if ya can? Cool. Anyways...Y'know, earlier I thought we could have enough, but the competition looked to be fierce. Now I'm not so confident...but the rest of the East isn't looking so hot now either. So I can't say for sure if we really have what it takes to get in, we're still a very young and raw team. But we have a lot of talent, and I'd say that we have just as good a shot as anyone else not named the Hawks, Celtics, Raptors, or Bucks. Hornets, too. Y'all look pretty good.

*The watermelon margarita arrives*

Sweet, thanks bro! Well, we finally got sick of Joe. His attitude's been a major thorn in our side the past few years, and he's had a cancerous effect on the development of some of our younger guys. Then we shipped out LJ to help out a bud and pick up our last draft target. That's left us without a "true" PF. Now Lamar's gonna start at the 4, but we're gonna need someone to teach him the ropes. We're also gonna need someone to back him up, since I'm not sure that Tony can handle double duty at the 5 and 4 anymore. So the answer to your question, Mr...I don't remember your name, sorry. The answer is both. Malone's probably gonna see a bit of playing time, and we could use his veteran leadership as well to help Lamar adjust to life as a Power Forward.

Jim Gray: NBC Sports




With the eastern Conference becoming better do you see your team in the playoff hunt this upcoming season?

I could've sworn I already answered this ques- no, maybe this drink's getting to me...Um, if by "Eastern Conference" you mean "Wig" and "Michael Finley" then sure, the East has gotten better. And yeah, we might end up in the hunt. 8th seed, sure. Anything higher? Hahahaha, I'd really have to be drunk to say, "Why sure, Mr. Reporter, we're definitely a team to watch out for. We expect to be 3rd in the Atlantic, 5th in the East at worst." No, this wonderful fruity drink's strong, but not that strong. We'll be in the mix for the 8th seed. Anything else remains to be seen. And didn't you say you were from NBC Sports? The hell are you doing here son?

How soon do you think the duo of Odom and Lewis will be ready to take the reins and be the leaders on the team?

I don't know if they're ready now. I'm not sure if anyone noticed, but they started the last 10 games for us last season and did really well. But then again, that was *hic* garbage time...nevertheless, to quote a famous wrestler-turned-actor, "it doesn't matter" if they're ready or not, because the ball's in their court, like, right now. It's their team out there, no doubt. For what it's worth, I have 100% faith in their abilities.

Reporter87251:Lamar Odom possesses a really unique set of skills for a guy his size. Have you thought about letting him play point forward some this year and sending out a super big lineup?

What an odd name...are you a robot? Lamar's a really talented young man, he has the ability to do just about anything on the court, much like Robert Horry. We hope that his versatility will become a central part of our team, which will indeed enable us to trot out "big" lineups. Right now Lamar's slated to only play the 3 & 4 for us, but don't be surprised if you eventually see him play backup 2 & 1 and take over team facilitator duties from Brevin. *hic* I seem to have become quite eloquent. Perhaps this drink is affecting me more deeply than I expected.

Bojangles:
I'm a ****in run a ****in train on y'all goes my tem gonna come together and **** everybody in the *** raw yea woooo.

Who'd faggot bitch tits dong go Demarrrrrr?

*hic* Damn, we got a guy in here drunker than I am.

Bulls Blog Reporter: What kind of impact, if any, are you expecting to get from rookie Joel Przybilla this year?

None. To be honest, we really weren't expecting to end up with Joel. Even though we ended up drafting him, we feel that he's pretty raw and could use some more time to grow. So unless someone goes down or if Tony really lets us down, he probably won't see much time.

*Now that he's stopped chugging margaritas non-stop, J2's answers have momentarily become clearer*

Whats the big plan for Washington this season? Is it too early to compete for a playoff spot and go for the 01 draft, or do you think the Hawks might have killed some teams in the Easts momentum and there is opportunity to take a playoff spot?

Yo, this is gonna sound like the dumbest thing ever, but it's a little bit of both. I do think it's a bit early to say "Yeah. Playoffs or bust," but the opportunity is definitely there. We're definitely in a strange spot, where no matter what happens, we can look back and think of this season as both a missed opportunity and a step in the right direction. Hey bartender! You know what to do, man.

Awarded 5 Points! Thanks for your contribution!