#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

Newton Boatright: Hello everybody, thank you for having me. I know it isn't everyday that a player is drafted in the 2nd round and lives to tell the tale, but here I am. Somehow I managed to avoid the wrath of my team's general manager, and he has allowed me to remain with the team. My name is Newton Boatright, and I am one of the Utah Jazz's new shooting guards.


Newton Boatright: I'm 22 years old, and was drafted out of Houston in last year's draft as a shooting guard. As a player, I bring a lot to the table, which includes the ability to knock down a shot and defend the perimeter. I'm also really good at keeping seats warm on the bench, as well as fetching some refreshments for the other players. I'm good at a lot of things, just ask my old equestrian teacher, Mr. Hands.

I know that I am new, but I'm already beginning to come to terms with my role on this team; I understand I won't be starting, nor will I be a role player, but until the team signs some free agents, I'm literally the only shooting guard on the team. I'm serious. There's literally nobody else but me. So until the cavalry arrives, I have a lot of responsibility on my shoulders.

I know there's going to come a time when I'll eventually have to ride the bench for a bit, and I'm alright with that. I'm alright with knowing that I'll probably only get to play "garbage time" minutes, or when an injury occurs — I'm alright with that. All I've ever wanted was to play in the PBSL, and I'm proud to be a member of the Utah Jazz.

Now, any questions?

Can you tell us a little bit about you name? What is the history behind it?

kucoach7 wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:12 pm Can you tell us a little bit about you name? What is the history behind it?

"If you look up 'Newton' on the internet, you'll find that it's a derived unit of force. I think that's all that really needs to be said about my name — it's sorta self-explanatory."

digiskunk wrote:

kucoach7 wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:12 pm Can you tell us a little bit about you name? What is the history behind it?

"If you look up 'Newton' on the internet, you'll find that it's a derived unit of force. I think that's all that really needs to be said about my name — it's sorta self-explanatory."

Glol

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digiskunk wrote:

kucoach7 wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:12 pm Can you tell us a little bit about you name? What is the history behind it?

"If you look up 'Newton' on the internet, you'll find that it's a derived unit of force. I think that's all that really needs to be said about my name — it's sorta self-explanatory."

*collects myself*

Are you saying you are going to FORCE your unit on unwilling opponents?

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Does he know any Jazz songs?

IamQuailman wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:21 pm

digiskunk wrote:

kucoach7 wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:12 pm Can you tell us a little bit about you name? What is the history behind it?

"If you look up 'Newton' on the internet, you'll find that it's a derived unit of force. I think that's all that really needs to be said about my name — it's sorta self-explanatory."

*collects myself*

Are you saying you are going to FORCE your unit on unwilling opponents?

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"Maybe. I mean, I'm not that kind of guy, but if it came down to it, well yeah, maybe."

NickMalone77 wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:25 pm Does he know any Jazz songs?

"Personally I'm a huge John Coltrane fan. No, really."

digiskunk wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:16 pm

kucoach7 wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:12 pm Can you tell us a little bit about you name? What is the history behind it?

"If you look up 'Newton' on the internet, you'll find that it's a derived unit of force. I think that's all that really needs to be said about my name — it's sorta self-explanatory."

I looked up 'Newton' on the internet and found Fig Newtons. Are you trying to say that in addition to being a derived unit, you're also a soft, chewy, fruity cookie?



Speaking of food, you mentioned earlier that you're ready to sit on the bench in the future. PBSL players have been known to snack on the bench. Do you plan in partaking in the occasional mid-game snack, like Spencer Dinwiddie?



If so, do you worry that you'll eat yourself out of the league like Oliver Miller, who once set a world record for most ham consumed (30 lbs.) while playing basketball?



Dramatic pre-enactment of Newton Boatright on the Utah Jazz bench later this season:

Man, Spencer Dinwiddie can't catch a break. No respect around the league.

IamQuailman wrote: Thu Aug 17, 2017 2:13 pm Man, Spencer Dinwiddie can't catch a break. No respect around the league.

Dude really can't catch a break.

viewtopic.php?f=7&t=4845

You can claim 2 points toward the 2016-17 media cap.

Wombataholic wrote: Thu Aug 17, 2017 2:10 pm

digiskunk wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:16 pm

kucoach7 wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:12 pm Can you tell us a little bit about you name? What is the history behind it?

"If you look up 'Newton' on the internet, you'll find that it's a derived unit of force. I think that's all that really needs to be said about my name — it's sorta self-explanatory."

I looked up 'Newton' on the internet and found Fig Newtons. Are you trying to say that in addition to being a derived unit, you're also a soft, chewy, fruity cookie?

"I ain't soft, get that idea out of your head, kid. If anything, my game is just super creamy. Rich, smooth, juicy."

kucoach7 wrote: Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:12 pm Speaking of food, you mentioned earlier that you're ready to sit on the bench in the future. PBSL players have been known to snack on the bench. Do you plan in partaking in the occasional mid-game snack, like Spencer Dinwiddie?



If so, do you worry that you'll eat yourself out of the league like Oliver Miller, who once set a world record for most ham consumed (30 lbs.) while playing basketball?

"If you take a look at my job description as a bench player, you'll find that it entails taste-testing all of the snacks and/or beverages so my teammates aren't disappointed when they come to the bench for a much-needed break. They simply aren't themselves when they're hungry. But me, I want to win games, and winning games begins with preparing accordingly — that's why I hog out on the bench.

"I won't eat myself out of the league, you can take my word for it. Simply because I'll be out of the league anyway come next season."