#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

Every summer, a young man's thoughts turn to the draft. And every summer the liveblog is forced to shake itself out of its salt-induced coma to respond. The liveblog of course does it all for tbe lulz.

Liveblog is back!!


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ACTION: The 76ers draft Kenneth Thompson #1 overall.

REACTION: The liveblog supposes it was defensible to draft a big man with great athleticism, offensive skills, and even greater ability to foul out in a quarter before the college sim rolled around but there is no excuse now. The liveblog would have assumed the Boogie Cousins experiment would have hammered this lesson into the Sixers GM's head and a little research into Thompson's ability to foul would have been conducted on his college player page. Apparently not.

ACTION: The Bobcats select Matt Peck with pick #2.

REACTION: See, kids, this is why it is important to go to class, study hard... because if you skip class and get academic suspensions you will have to play in Charlotte for a decade instead of for a GOOD team.

ACTION: The Magic select Vernon Desantis with pick #3.

REACTION: Desantis will probably feel out of place unless he changes his name to Andrew. In the meantime I am sure the Magic brass will hope he takes advantage of the opportunity to be tutored by Bogut and Bynum in the subtle arts of getting multiple max contracts based on "potential" while never actually doing much until hitting a contract year then showing up to camp 80 pounds overweight and out of shape. He couldn't ask for better teachers.

ACTION: The Nets trade picks #6, 36, and 37 plus cash (points) to the Warriors for pick #4.

REACTION: Warriors were looking to trade up from #4 but when none of the teams above them budged, the liveblog supposes the fact that they bailed on the pick tells the liveblog that the Warriors feel this draft was only 3 players deep. The liveblog wonders if they did this more for the points or for the two early 2nd round picks. The liveblog doesn't think either one of those things will make much of a difference in the long haul, though, so the liveblog is already done wondering about it.

ACTION: The Nets select Herman Medina with pick #4.

REACTION:

ACTION: The Celtics select Melvin McCall with pick #5.

REACTION: The liveblog tried to do research on the internet about Celtics and McCall and is now feeling extremely confused.

ACTION: The Kings trade pick #7 and cash (points) to the Warriors for pick #6.

REACTION: The liveblog is beginning to suspect the Warriors are nonplussed with the draft and are looking to get as many points as they can. The liveblog found this security cam footage from the Golden State front offices...

ACTION: The Kings select James Pearsall with pick #6.

REACTION: If Jeffrey Duren is any indication, Pearsall's selection was based on his ability to fetch Gatorade for the likes of Nerlens Noel. The liveblog knows it won't see Pearsall on the court for several years and has little incentive to research him now.

WigNosy wrote:ACTION: The Nets select Herman Medina with pick #4.

REACTION:

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That's it? I'm sad

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ACTION: The Nets claim to be sad about "Funky Cold Medina"

REACTION: The liveblog deals in real facts, not alternative facts. That means that the liveblog cannot disagree that Nets management is sad. 42. 39. 41. 29. 25. 30. Those are not the liveblog's super lotto numbers...

ACTION: The Bucks trade Rudy Gay to the Warriors for the #7 pick, JaMychal Green, Hollis Thompson, the Warriors' 2017 first round pick, and a bag of chips.

REACTION: The Warriors finally stop dropping back and go shopping for something they wanted. The liveblog thinks Rudy Gay is much better than the #7 pick. The liveblog wonders if the Warriors were afraid of striking out in Free Agency. The liveblog is also surprised that the Bucks are moving their centerpiece after just one season but knows Kyrie Irving was demanding a trade because he didn't like playing with Rudy Gay. The liveblog thinks the real-life Cleveland Cavaliers should take a page out of the Bucks' playbook and move LeBron.

ACTION: The Bucks select Ronald Rinker with pick #7.

REACTION: Ronald Rinker is a rinky-dink pick. The liveblog notes he has some defensive potential on the perimeter and should learn eventually to shoot the ball, but he's no Rudy Gay.

ACTION: The Bobcats select Ty Davis with pick #8.

REACTION: Davis is a bit undersized for a shooting guard. But the liveblog has an impeccable memory and remembers that Darth picked Isaiah Thomas, who was a little undersized, back when he was with Seattle. The liveblog knows Darth his hoping for similar results. The liveblog is not as hopeful.

ACTION: The Detroit Pistons select James Heise with pick #9.

REACTION: Is this the big splash that the Pistons hope will keep Anthony Davis from bolting? The liveblog is pretty sure he won't put up Brian Stark numbers because Brian Stark didn't have to share the ball.

(Suddenly the liveblog's voice goes Frank Caliendo impersonating John Madden).

Brian Stark is just an incredible player the does Brian Stark things. Brian Stark is the liveblog's second favorite player. Now you see, the liveblog's favorite player is a basketball player who just makes basketball plays, and his name is Brett Favre. Now, when you look at Brett Favre doing Brett Favre things, it reminds the liveblog of Brian Stark doing Brian Stark things except Brett Favre does Brian Stark things in a Brian Stark-ier way than Brian Stark. So, you got this guy, you got James Heise and he's just an awful lot like Brian Stark, and I'm sure Anthony Davis would love playing with James almost as much as Brian Stark... {`+#$%{`&+#{@$`%+NO CARRIER

(Wig crawls out of a smoking crater where the machine that powered the sentient liveblog lies in a twisted, melted heap).

So, um, yeah, that was weird. Glad to be back, everyone. Where are we at? Oh... trades...

ACTION: The Magic trade picks 10 and 12, Andrew Bynum, and Jordan Clarkson for Tyreke Evans and assorted flotsam and jetsam.

REACTION: This is quite the interesting trade. I can see why the Wizards did it - it restocks their cupboard for years to come, even if the talent drop from Evans to Clarkson is turns out to be more than I suspect (Evans put up numbers comparable to Clarkson's last year in an off year for him). Less clear to me is why this trade appealed to the Magic. The Evans contract is so large that it can't have been a salary dump move to get rid of Bynum... and it cost the Magic two picks. The Magic should still be in "collect young talent" mode with Desantis and Ellinger their cornerstones of the future and 2 picks and Clarkson fit that much more than Evans does. The only thing I can think of is that the Magic are sick of losing and are moving into "win now" mode.

Due to travel I wasn't able to keep up on the liveblog, but we go now to the delayed-reaction blog to hit highlights of the rest of the draft...

ACTION: The Wizards select Jason Biggs and Norman Sullivan with picks #10 and #12.

REACTION: On the heels of the Andrew Bynum trade, the Wizards are packing on big men like they're going out of style. Unfortunately, big men don't work like Voltron - you can't meld five mediocre big men together to make one super-awesome big man.

ACTION: The Cavaliers select Damien Jeske with pick #11.

REACTION: Jeske looks like this year's Buddy Pedraza. The combo of Jeske and Jefferson could make guarding the Cavs' bigs nearly impossible. Unfortunately, his defense is lacking so the Cavs will have to hope he can outscore whoever he is matched up with - he certainly won't stop them.

ACTION: The Bucks select Thomas Bedard #13.

REACTION: Irving is reportedly on the block, so I guess with the luxury tax hammering him, Quail has pivoted and is going to reload around Kanter and Rubio (it isn't a reset until you trade TMac)! Does this mean the "Kyrie is a SG" days are numbered and we'll see some team grab him as a scoring point?

ACTION: The Rockets select Russell Gomez #14.

REACTION: After a disappointment in just missing the playoffs, the Rockets were disappointed with not getting a lot of help in the draft. It feels like this version of the Rockets has hit its ceiling as a marginal playoff team that isn't good enough to get high lotto picks. But with Al Horford still owed max money for 4 more years, how quickly will 78# be able to start his rebuild?

ACTION: The Spurs pick Jonathan Linden at #15.

REACTION: By the time Linden reaches his potential in 2032, Eazy might be ready to trade him. Nah, who am I kidding? The Westbrook/Smith combo is still enough for a solid playoff spot but Linden doesn't really move them up in the pecking order and with Westbrook due another huge extension after this season and the Spurs already capped out this season, it feels like there isn't a lot of room for them to make moves to improve without dealing one or the other of them.

ACTION: The Bulls select John Guy at #16.

REACTION: Meh. Guy isn't going to change the Bulls' fortunes much. Their RFA and UFA decisions will. Most important is whether they are able to maneuver to get their cap space spent before they have to re-up Galinari, who you can be sure won't be able to be sneaked through on a team-friendly deal this time.

ACTION: Most of the rest of the draft.

REACTION: Meh. These are rotation players maybe at best going to teams that don't really need them. One or two of them will have a great TC and become a decent bench contributor. Did find if funny that a lot of guys that xist scouted as "interesting 2nd round prospects" wound up going in the first round. One wonders if it's because they got talked up. If I was a 2nd-round pick, I'd hire xist to feature me in an article. Would be well worth the investment.

ACTION: The draft is over and Wig has control of the liveblog again.

REACTION: It's probably getting to the point where I need to retire the liveblog and find another person with the time to do it. If anyone wants to run with the liveblog of the draft next season, go for it.