Where in #SLOE is....
Posted: Sun Aug 06, 2017 4:05 pm
With zero depth chart submissions this season, this case is our highest profile one to date. This depth chart assassin has been missing for multiple years now from DC submissions. With a total of 2 DC submissions over the past three seasons, Ballsohard is in need of our help. We will start our journey in Philadelphia.
Let’s begin our investigation with talking to an anonymous GM:
“Last time I saw balls, he was a work out enthusiast. I would check those steps by the Rocky statue. I used to see him running there every morning saying something about catching a chicken.”
::BEEP BEEP::
**crackled** Detective, we just got word of a new case based in Detroit. They need your help immediately. Sources say that this case could be linked to your current one.
As we land, you can hear the iconic music Motown playing over the loud speakers. This GM has been a curious case. This talent launderer has the same number of DC submission at 10 since he has taken over this team as there have been murders since we landed five minutes ago. Let’s go to the heart of the motor city to begin our investigation with another anonymous GM:
“This GM needs a bail out more than that car factory up the street. I would go look in Little Italy in the city. Last time I talked to him he was going on and on about how his arms were heavy, and his favorite restaurant tasted just like his mom’s spaghetti.”
::BEEP BEEP::
**crackled** Detective, a new missing person just got reported in Boston. No, not Tom Brady’s super bowl jersey. An actual person. They need your help immediately.
The tunes of Neil Diamon play over the loud speakers as we meet in a conference room. This Beantown mugger was known for beating people down in the playoffs years ago, but has since gone missing with only 13 total submissions over the past three season. Let’s talk to our anonymous GM for more details:
“Last time I saw him, he was throwing tea into the harbor for no apparent reason. Talking about taxation for luxury something or another. I do know he has this one hang out bar downtown. Go there and I promise you that everybody knows his name.”
::BEEP BEEP::
**crackled** Detective, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but we have another missing person already. We need you to go to Los Angeles immediately.
We hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan. Confused as to which GM was missing, we determined immediately that it was the Lakers GM. This Hollywood hustler has only submitted 19 DCs over the past three years. Our dutiful anonymous GM has information for us as well:
“This guy thinks he should have a red carpet drawn out for him like he is an A-lister. I saw him on Rodeo drive shopping for that new kid of his. With how his team performed this year, I expected him to be hitting the strip mall out in Compton instead.”
There you have it. Four missing people. Four unsolved cases. The only link we could find between them was something about a hashtag. The meaning of #SLOE escapes us to this day. If anyone discovers any leads to this case, leave it in the comment section so we can add it to our investigation.