#SLOE: People's Basketball Sim League

As you all know, I'm the new GM of the Utah Jazz. I never expected to be put into a position like this, but by the grace of god (see: Doug), I have been given the opportunity to drive this team into the right direction.

I am somewhat new to this league—and additionally, equally as naive and immature in nature—but I'm prepared to take on all the responsibilities of running a franchise of this caliber. Although the previous GM couldn't win despite having 3 purple-caliber players, I plan to change all of that — all within the span of a mere season or 12, give or take. (You're bound to get lucky eventually, I guess).

Now, I'm prepared to step up and take this well-oiled machine and drive it directly to the finals whether you like it or not. During that process, I may make some friends, I may make some enemies; either way, I'll probably end up being happy seeing as I haven't had to invest any money into this game whatsoever — and for that, I thank you. All I ask is that you support my hopeful, yet meager efforts, as I head into the future.

Although my roster may not be as stacked as many of yours, you're forgetting one very important thing: Class and dedication. That's right! My team is stacked with players who have their sights on greatness, and together, we shall surely prevail. If we don't, you can rely on me to echo these same words next season in a hopeless attempt to motivate my team toward greatness. But regardless, I'll say this much: I'll be damned if we don't go down without a fight.

I hope to accomplish the following things during my first season as general manager:
1. Make some friends (I guess),
2. Win some games,
3. Win by a respectable margin as to ensure that I don't offend my opponent, seeing as I'll have to inevitably trade with them in the future,
4. Acquire a decent player or two via free agency, the draft, and/or a trade,
5. Plant the seeds necessary for a proper dynasty to blossom,
6. Urge the Commissioner to relocate my team to Pennsylvania and rename them the "Philadelphia Cheesesteaks",
7. Have some fun at the cost of the humiliation of my peers,
8. Break Doug's legs with my bare hands,
9. WIN THE NBA FINALS.

Hopefully, all of these things will come to fruition during my tenure. If they don't, well they likely will eventually.

I will now be accepting any questions from the press, as well as any cocktails and/or sexual favors!

-- digiskunk

Sent from my Phone
No Trade List: Hornets

OH I BET THERE WILL BE PLENTY OF SEEDS PLANTED BRO

Generic Wolves Reporter: You're starting a hellish week here. What are your plans for restricted free agency and beyond? Are there players on your team that are untouchable?

Did you just call Doug, god?

JNR wrote: Tue May 02, 2017 6:02 pm Generic Wolves Reporter: You're starting a hellish week here. What are your plans for restricted free agency and beyond? Are there players on your team that are untouchable?

Am I really starting a hellish week here? If anything, since I'm the newbie, I pretty much have it easy. But to answer your questions, I really don't have any plans when it comes to the restricted free agents — at least in terms of this off-season, that is! Hahaha.

You see, Rome wasn't built overnight. I have to keep my finances in check, and I can't be throwing too much money at any one individual player. So I may be quiet — or, I may not be. It depends if Greg Monroe wishes to continue bouncing on my knee this offseason. I guess we'll all see soon enough

Also, aside from Paul George, there are no players that are untouchable. I am open to any offers outside of him!

You can claim your 2 points for a team centric article.

DISCLAIMER: I've counted this as an article instead of a preseason presser. Let me know if that was not the intention.