"What the Frye does buffering mean?" bellowed the authoritative voice from somewhere in the control room. "When I agreed to have you geeks do this thing via the internet, I thought I was getting a good deal. No having to smell Will Maukie's bratwurst-fueled sweatfarts, not paying for craft services for that heap of garbagemen that apparently pass as reporters these days-"
"Sir, one of them actually IS a garbageman," whimpers one of the IT guys under his glasses.
"Well what in the Ffff, why??"
"Well, he's actually pretty cool, he wants to do this maga-"Before he can finish his thought, the lights turn on, cameras are rolling. In the headset, the owner of the authoritative voice lets the GM know that it's time.
Nuggets GM: "Thank you all for joining me this morning, I'll answer some questions from those of you that emailed ahead. For those that don't have it, you can always email me at PleaseHelpIveBeenKidnappedByTheMob@SeriouslyGuyz.net"
Our first question comes from the Generic Wolves Reporter: You have 4 guys locked into your starting lineup. Who's going to be the 5th? Rudy Fernandez? Shawn Marion?
Nuggets GM: "My, what a generic question. The better question is, if we're saying one of these guys is going to be in our starting lineup, do we even have a chance? What kind of colossal Frye-up of an organization are we runn-"
The line of obscenities pouring into the Nuggets' Gm's headset is not appropriate for even this group, but the GM gets the picture.
Nuggets GM: *Clears his throat* "Our analytics team is torn on who our fifth starting member should be, and it may change depending on the matchup for a particular sim. We feel that the work Klay has put in over the offseason on adding some weight to his frame, and working on his inside game will allow him to play either wing position."
"Our next question is from...really? We let Nick Melon ask a question? Alright, here it is: Why didn't you try and sign better players in UFA like, say, the Hornets did?
Nuggets GM: "Are you <expletive deleted> kidding me? I'm not answering this question. Alright, fine. We really wanted an elite SF in free agency. I had offered our remaining cap space for a year of Tracy McGrady's services, which he took a day or two to think about - no problem. Little did I know, my assistant GM had offered and executed minimum deals that day with Lamar Odom and Luke Walton. In a classic case of left arm not talking to the right arm, we then didn't have the cap to sign T-Mac. He was so upset that he signed a minimum deal with Washington. In TOTALLY unrelated news, my assistant GM hasn't been to work in several weeks, but I'm sure he definitely hasn't been murdered and stashed in the Rockies somewhere."
Nuggets GM: "Next question is from someone from the name 78. 78? That's a name? Alright. 78 asks: You made a big splash to send a pick, Evan Turner and Thomas Robinson to the 76ers for Amare, do you think that was short-sighted especially given the good training camps those young players had?
Nuggets GM: "Time will tell. We didn't feel like we had a championship team with our current makeup, so we were either going to take our chances in UFA, or get a second offensive weapon via trade. We went with the latter given the depth of the market. We were looking for an efficient, offensive-minded forward, and in Amare, we got exactly that. Sure, we could have landed a guy like Carlos Boozer or Ron Artest, but there were only a few stars available, and the ones that were we'd have to pay well after their primes if we got them at all. The Nuggets will be better this season with the core of Rondo/Klay/Amare/Perk than we were last season, and we absolutely can compete for a ring."
Nuggets GM: "Alright, we have like 20 more of these questions, but they're all starting to piss me off, so I'll just go to the viewers out in the webchat. Feel free to post your questions below."